Happy birthday to Akira tomorrow! :3
Chapter Seven
Akira was rushed to the hospital barely in time to be saved. Kou was beside him the entire time, offering his blood as temporary transfusion with no hesitation. He knew Akira's body wouldn't accept his blood for too long – though they were the same blood type, his Rei blood and Akira's current Shin blood wouldn't coexist well – but it would be long enough to keep him alive until replacement, neutral blood came.
The doctors were very gracious, accepting Kou's story that he had stumbled across Akira being picked on by a gang. It was close enough to the truth, and would very well explain the state he was in. Broken ribs and a torn stomach were not something one got from falling down the stairs or slipping on the street. Within a few hours, Akira was stitched back up, pumped full of blood, and on IV in critical care. Still Kou remained, waiting.
It was dangerous for Shirogane to act as Akira's shadow with those wounds, but it seemed the Shin King was unwilling to come out until Akira was completely stable. As Kou took Akira's hand, hoping to comfort the teenager somehow, he sensed Shirogane's thoughts.
"It's my fault he's this way. It's my fault that I didn't stay near him, even if... it's my fault. It's my fault."
"Shirogane, you did all you could." But he got no reply. He sat back with a sigh, chewing on his lip for awhile before he said, "Aki's always been insecure. You knew that. It's natural for anyone to feel insignificant, but consider what's happened to him. Consider that his self-awareness has always been a bit higher than a normal boy's, for whatever reason. Why do you think he gets into so many fights? Why do you think he's as cocky as he is?" Still no response, just the same self-berating. Kou sighed. "It's fine to feel responsible, Shirogane, but think for him. Please forgive him his little quirks. The blame is not all yours."
Master arrived with Aya and Kengo in the morning. They all pleaded and cajoled, but Shirogane's sense was barely there. He was holding onto Akira like if he let go, it would be over. A good point, but not entirely true. Master was able to reach through Akira's awareness to Shirogane's, but when he pulled back he shook his head and said, "I've healed him, but I don't know if he's accepted it."
Kengo and Aya made Kou promise he'd stay with them. He wouldn't have done otherwise. He left only to attempt to get in touch with Akira's parents. He reached them later that night, calmed the mother and assured her that Akira would be fine. It was embarrassing to be thanked a million times for saving the mother's one and only child, but something about it was reassuring. Hearing 'thank you' reminded him that Akira was still alive.
It was hard to believe it, sometimes. Kou sat there for several days, receiving occasional calls from the parents, who were scrambling to try and get back, and saw no change in Akira's expression. He seemed suspended in time. By the end of the third day, the doctor said that the boy had completely stabled, and that healing was now just a matter of waiting. Kou sensed Shirogane move at that, but the Shin still didn't come out.
It was the fifth day before anything happened. Akira's parents had arrived home and were thanking Kou for perhaps the trillionth time now, when something caught his gaze. He snapped around to see Akira's eyes shudder, then slowly slide open, just a bit.
The parents were very high-strung, for understandable reasons, but Akira didn't react to anything they said. They tried to talk to him, but his eyes only filled with tears. A few of the precious drops slid down his face before the grey depths closed again. A small sigh, almost a whimper, escaped his mouth, and that was all.
Encouraging, yet discouraging. Kou urged the Nikaidous to return home and rest after a few hours of their anxiously hovering over their son, assuring them that he had not left since arriving and he would continue to watch over them. They seemed very grateful, and Kou knew that it would be better for them to go than to remain. He felt the same way, but someone had to be here... not just for Akira, but for Shirogane's sake.
Akira opened his eyes again early the next morning, but didn't react to Kou talking to him. He stayed awake for longer this time before he drifted back away, but cried just as he had before. Kou, elated and frustrated, touched into Shirogane.
"Won't you at least come look at him?!"
He felt the flinch, but still Shirogane remained sulking. Kou couldn't yell at him more, since the Nikaidous came again. He spent the day talking to them about Akira, telling them that he had known Akira for seven years now, and felt like the boy was a younger brother. Akira didn't wake up again while they were there – Kou sent them away late that evening and waited, tense, praying for Akira to regain consciousness again.
He didn't wake up, despite the many visits, the gifts sent from worried (girl) classmates and the hours of pleading and cajoling from his family and closest friends. He seemed to have lost any strength he might have regained in those two eye-openings. Nearing the tenth day, after a long afternoon of beseeching to deaf ears, Kou drifted away into the relief of sleep. It was then that Shirogane floated out – not enough to cause Akira to switch into a Shin, but enough to look at him. He wanted to touch that still face, brush through that soft hair, but he restrained himself. It was his fault that Akira was lying near death... all his fault.
He should have guessed Akira would react the way he did. He knew he probably would have felt the same way, if he had been put in that position. Yet, something in him had hoped Akira would be stronger, would be able to understand that Shirogane loved Akira, that Shirogane wanted to be part of Akira... that Shirogane was not trying to get to someone that Akira was not.
And then, the lightest of breath: "Sh... o... ga... e...."
His ice gaze snapped to Akira, whose eyes were barely open. His head was turned to Shirogane, and his gaze was fastened on the Shin King. Akira looked thoroughly exhausted, as if the sight of Shirogane was all that was keeping him holding on. Shirogane felt his heart beating in his throat. He had to speak. He had to.
"Akira... Akira-kun... I don't know if you can hear me, or understand me, but I need to say everything now. I'll say it again as many times as you want, but I have to say it now, otherwise... otherwise I may never be able to."
The boy's gaze didn't waver, didn't so much as flicker to acknowledge he understood Shirogane. He had to continue, though... he had to get it out.
"I'm so sorry, Akira-kun. I did... I did love Ryuuko. I loved Ryuuko more than anyone... truly loved him. So when Homurabi killed him, I was..." A lump in his throat strangled him – he tried to swallow it. "I was so lost. The pain was more than I could handle. I wandered around... I don't even know what I was doing. I just remember a haze of darkness... it was like I was barely alive. Homurabi had banished me, so I was in this world, but I don't remember the pain of the light. It was nothing compared to what my heart felt, how broken my spirit was. But then, maybe four or five years ago, I glimpsed you through a window." His throat completely closed off at the memory of Akira's intense stare... so much like Ryuuko's. It took him a few minutes for him to steady himself enough to continue. "You were so young, but you looked just like him. I felt alive again. I knew, I knew that he was in you. So I trailed you around, checking in on you. You grew up and you became more like him. I was dazzled. You entranced me, and I couldn't do anything to escape.
"When I finally approached you, I thought, more than anything, you would be him. It was what I expected. I expected you to become Ryuuko, so I could regain the happiness I'd had. But, so quickly, the more time I spent with you... he was lost to me. Akira-kun... you possessed me. Within a few weeks, I completely gave up on Ryuuko."
He felt the tears rising inside of him, felt his breath choking him. Akira remained fastened on him, no change in expression. Shirogane wondered if the boy was still conscious, but he continued on.
"He's dead, and I can never get him back. No matter how much you become like him, you will never be Ryuuko. But, Akira-kun... I don't care." It hurt to say that, but when he said it again, it made him feel so liberated. "I don't care. Because the more time I spend with you, the more I love you, and the more I forget about Ryuuko. He's so distant to me now, and I don't care. All I want is you, Akira-kun. I love you."
It was the honest truth, and it felt amazing to look Akira in the eye and say it.
"I love you more than anything, Akira-kun."
Still Akira looked at him and Shirogane was sure Akira hadn't heard a thing. Even so, slowly, painstakingly, the boy held up his hand. It merely hovered over the edge of the bed, but when Akira's broken voice whispered, "Shi...o... gan..." and tears ran down his face, Shirogane couldn't hold back anymore. Stifling the emotions that were trying to overflow, he took Akira's hand and clasped it tightly in his own, vowing to not let go. Feeling Akira's hand, feeling the slight pulse that wavered in his fingertips was enough to blow away the burden of years of anguish and pain, of loneliness and that strange, death-like emotion that had hovered in him.
Forgiveness was truly the most amazing thing Shirogane had ever experienced.
