CHAPTER 7
Loving and Losing
"Please, Felix, you have to tell me," said Calhoun. "Why don't you want me anymore?"
"I can't tell you," Felix stolidly said. They were on his couch, alone, together for the first time in over a week. "If I told you, it might make you feel guilty. But it isn't you're fault, it's, mine."
"Okay, I understand that now, just tell me what it is!" Calhoun pleaded. She had never felt so helpless in all her life. "Do you think I could possibly feel any worse? Just because I don't show my emotions all the time doesn't mean I don't have them! It doesn't mean that all the time I've spent with you was just a meaningless way to kill time! I was with you because I wanted to be. You made me happy. I made you happy. And now look at you, crying like mad over something you wanted. I spared you the pain of having to say that you didn't want me anymore so you wouldn't be tortured by having to say it yourself! Do you know what that did to me?! Don't you think I've been damaged enough? I did this all for you! And do you know why? Do you, Felix?!"
Felix was in shock over Calhoun's sudden outburst. He didn't say a word. He couldn't. He just looked away from her, hurt and confused.
Calhoun decided to answer anyway, "Because I love you!" Calhoun began to cry. "And I thought you loved me!" Calhoun fell back onto the sofa. She was breathing rapidly as tears of sadness and stress streaked down her face.
Felix looked at her and began crying again himself. "I'll tell you why," he said through his sobs. "I loved you with all my heart, Tammy! So much so that I…I wanted it to go on forever. I wanted to make that vow official and, well, you didn't seem to like the idea."
Calhoun suddenly flashbacked to the night Felix had invited her to the penthouse. She remembered what he said about some people asking him when she and him were going to get married. Then she remembered what her response was. She got it. She finally understood this whole mess. "Did you…want to get married?" she asked, cautiously. Felix nodded as tears poured from his eyes. "Oh, honey," she said as she went to comfort him. She held him in her arms, and Felix held her back. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know!"
"It's not your fault!" Felix sobbed. "It's mine! I should've known marriage isn't what you wanted. Not after what you've been through."
Calhoun sighed, guiltily. "No…no, it is my fault," she said. "I shouldn't have laughed at the idea."
"Tammy, honey, it's okay!" Felix said.
"No, it's not!" she cried, letting go of Felix. "Because I…Felix, I have to tell you the truth." Felix looked at Calhoun with thoughtful and curious eyes, wondering what it was she was keeping from him. "You see I…wanted you to think I didn't want our relationship culminating in marriage. See, I only told you that because I thought you were laughing at the idea of it. I just wanted to seem like I was agreeing with you."
"Wait, so you don't think the idea of tying the knot is silly?" A smiled began to form in the corner of Felix's mouth.
"Not at all!" said Calhoun. "In fact, I had been talking to a lot of the boys in my platoon and they were all trying to encourage me to, well, propose!" Felix laughed in disbelief. Calhoun laughed with him. "I was actually thinking of bringing it up that night we were together in the penthouse, but it sounded like you thought the idea of marriage was ridiculous. I'm sorry, sweetums. I didn't mean to make you think that."
"No, no! It's my fault too!" Felix said, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes. "I just thought…well, I guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Calhoun smiled and shook her head. They both sighed in relief, happy they got all that cleared up. Felix put his hand on Calhoun's hand and asked, "I feel so bad about all this, but I have to ask somethin'." There was a short pause. "Will you take me back, Tammy?" Felix warmly smiled at his love, who smiled back at him.
"Can we take it one day at a time?" Calhoun asked. Felix nodded and fell into Calhoun's arms. "You're the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me, Felix. I'm sorry if you ever feel uncomfortable with my, well, lack of emotion."
"Oh, Tammy, sweetie, I understand. I just have to remember that just because you don't show them doesn't mean you don't have them. I should be apologizing for being too emotional sometimes."
"It's alright," she replied. "I love you, Felix."
Felix looked up at her and smiled, replying, "I know!"
Aaw! See! Nothing to worry about! Now, I have problem, maybe you all can help me. The next chapter will be the last chapter and...I'm not totally sure how to end this story. What do you want to see it end on?
