FRAGILE
The rain beat down the streets, it was one of those rains that came with vengeance, the kind of rain that felt like knives if one happened to be outside. A storm was brewing, the low growling on thunder could be heard from distance and it was coming closer with every second, soon it would be right on top of them. This made the woman on a windowsill smile with dark fascination.
Jackie was the one sitting on the windowsill smiling darkly. There were no lights on in her apartment, no music, nothing and she liked it that way. Only the rain was drumming against the window, making her reflection distorted. Her tea was forgotten though she was still gripping the mug in her hands. She loved storms, the lightning's that lit up the sky in their deadly dance. She admired the lethal power they held; she was fascinated by the raw power that could cause so much damage, the destruction they could leave behind. Lives ruined in a split of a second. She could identify with the victims, damaged beyond repair. True, they could pick up the pieces and glue them back together and on the outside she would look whole, but inside she was in pieces, she would never be whole again, not like she used to be. That innocence was stolen from her, and innocence once lost can never be regained.
Jackie sighed deeply. She had seen too much, been through even more. And now she didn't know what to do. Outside the dark apartment the gray skies continued to pour, it didn't care about the problems of people.
Unfortunately for Flack, he was one of those people who had to be outside in the storm. He was chasing after a perp, Messer was hot on his heels. 'Why these idiots always run?' he was cursing in his mind. His suit was ruined by the rain and mud, the raindrops struck like a slap against his cheeks, painful.
Very soon a satisfied smile spread on his face as he noticed the culprit taking a wrong turn and ending up in an alley, it was a dead end. He ran a little faster and sure enough he caught the miscreant just as he was looking for a place to hide.
"Wrong day to run punk, I am pissed of at you, I hate running." Flack grumbled. Messer grinned.
"You should take a note on that. No more stupid stunts like this. You have the right to remain silent…"
The wannabe gangsta was badmouthing them the whole time they had to walk to the waiting car, until Flack growled.
"You have the right to remain silent. Use it." The last part was uttered so low that the perp knew he had the high time to shut up. He had some self preservation left in him after all.
Horatio cursed rarely, but now he was in a foul mood. He was caught in the rain, and now his hair was dripping over his eyes making it hard to see properly and the rain didn't help either with his problem. He had heard at least a dozen accidents on his outing. Sirens were howling all around the city, police cars, fire engines, ambulances, they were all out. 'Hopefully this storm will end soon as soon as it came.' It had been cloudy when he had left Jackie sleeping and written her a note that he was outside shopping for groceries and picking up the dry-cleaning.
He let out a relieved breath when he pushed the button in the elevator. Just few more seconds and he would be home and he could take a warm shower, he didn't want to catch a cold and now he was shivering. He opened the door to Jackie's penthouse apartment and lit the lights making Jackie groan when the lights hit her eyes that were used to the dark.
"Sorry honey." He smiled.
"Mmmmmmyeah." Jackie slurred back, her voice was hoarse, she had not spoken a word on that day and her vocal chords were protesting.
Horatio smiled when he took note what his daughter was doing. She was still just as fascinated with storms as she had been when she was just a little girl.
Horatio put the groceries on the kitchen table and placed their clothes beside them. He wanted that shower now, the food could wait. Jackie heard the shower turning on and sometime later off. She did not move an inch. She knew she probably should have helped to put the groceries in the fridge and cupboards, but was just a fleeting thought in her head and soon it was forgotten.
Horatio dried off and put on some clean and most of all dry clothes and stepped back to the living room area and frowned when he saw how still Jackie sat. Oh, he didn't care if Jackie helped him with the house hold chores, but he was getting worried. It was obvious to his scientific mind that her therapy was not helping her. She did not go outside until she absolutely had to, she did not eat properly and she did not sleep much, few hours here and there. That is no way to live. But he felt so helpless; he did not know what to do.
So he busied himself putting the groceries where they belonged and loaded the coffee machine and turned it on. Then he placed their dry-cleaned clothes in their respective bedrooms. He then poured the coffee in two mugs and added some cocoa. He took the mugs and walked to the windowsill. He placed one of the mugs on a table beside it and took Jackie's cold tea mug from her hands and put that one beside the other. He was happy when he noticed a book on the table too. A much worn copy of Wuthering Heights. She had at least tried to read some while he had been out.
"Honey, Here's some coffee and cocoa for you." He gave Jackie her mug and took his and sat across from her, their feet touching. "And for me too." Jackie smiled a little and sipped some. Together they watched as the storm raged on filling the silence with its own music.
Soon Horatio was roused from his thought by soft sobs. He put his mug on the table and opened his arms for Jackie and soon he had his sobbing daughter in his arms. He hugged her tight and let her cry. When her sobs quieted he asked. "Want to talk about it?"
She hiccupped. "I was just thinking about the storm, how beautiful it is, how lethal. Mother Nature is showing her true nature every once in a while. The storm has raw power in it and once again we humans shake with fear in front of her power. We thought that we had enslaved her, but she is strong and tough and in the end we lose. And then I started to think how messed up I am, how much I am like the victims whose lives are changed because a lightning strikes… beyond repair."
Horatio hugged her tighter. "Honey, you are like her, the Mother Nature, in so many ways. You also are a lot of tougher than you think. You have raw power in you, wild and untamable and that is what draws people in. You have such a zest for life. And while you have changed by what you have been through and there is new darkness in you, maybe it is not all bad. The darkness might be frightening, but if you listen to your senses, it will guide you wisely for not all darkness is bad or wrong. You just need time to come to terms with that, with what you are now. And no matter what you decide to do, I am here and I love you."
Fresh tears made their way from her eyes to her chin and from there to her shirt and his, soaking them both.
"Oh, daddy, I am not so sure about that. I don't feel tough or strong. I feel scared. I don't think I have ever been this scared before. And I am afraid that I cannot go back to work because I don't feel comfortable going out or being surrounded by strange people, loud noises make me jump and that damn shrink is no good son of a…." Jackie was breathing hard, but she continued.
"I love my job, but I am so afraid that I will never be fit enough to go back. I feel stupid and worthless, vulnerable." Her small frame shook with the force of her sobs.
"I feel so stupid for falling for him in the first place; I cannot believe how easily I fell in love with him. I hate myself for still loving that douchebag… and I do still love him, but I also despise him, I hate him with more passion than I ever loved him. And there's this small voice in my head telling me that maybe, just maybe I deserved all I got.
I just so confused with all I am feeling. Why didn't he love me? Am I really that worthless that no man could ever love me just as I am? Now I am damaged goods…"
She dropped to the floor as her legs gave out, she couldn't even remember standing up. Then she suddenly hit the floor with her fists repeatedly. "I want to smash something, bring me a piñata and a baseball pat. I want to fight, I need to fight, and all this adrenaline in my system cannot be good. And that bloody scumbag didn't even give me a change to fight back. Weaseling idiot he was. I hate him, I loathe him, despise, abhor…" She was lying on the floor, crying and hiccupping and trying to breathe.
Horatio gently lifted her in his arms and sat on the couch holding her, soothing her.
"This is not your fault, none of this. I don't know why he didn't love you, but there are many people, men and female who love you. Some romantically, some as friends, but none the less they love you. I think half of the police force loves you, here and in Las Vegas and in Miami. I have received text messages and emails asking how you are. And so on... The undersheriff from Las Vegas asked after you a lot and so did Gil Grissom and most of his team and my team and believe it or not I even got a worried message from Stetler.
And darling, you are not stupid. Heart does not think logically, heart has power over brains. You can plead temporary insanity." Horatio was trying to calm her and lift her spirits at the same time, not an easy task, but from the twinkle in her eyes, he thought he succeeded. Watching her had broken his heart, she was in pain and this one he couldn't make go away. So he sat there, smoothing her hair.
Jackie fell asleep in the strong embrace of her hero; her head in the crook of her father's neck, her daddy was her very own superman.
Horatio hoped that this Jackie would sleep few more hours without nightmares, her screams of terror had waken him up too many times. It was painful for him and for her too. He wished he could help her somehow. He sighed and gently tucked Jackie in. He walked to the bookshelves and ran his hands on the back of the books. Finally he picked one and went back to the couch and started reading.
Sometime later he felt eyes on him and he closed the book.
"How are you feeling pixie?" he asked.
"Better." Jackie told him. "You are better shrink than mine has been. Ever thought of changing a career?"
"You look better too. And no I haven't, but thank you." he smiled.
"Read to me daddy." Jackie requested.
"On one condition, I make you something to eat and you eat it while I read. Okay?" He asked.
"I am not hungry." She shook her head.
"You have barely eaten in the past few weeks. You need to eat and you are eating. I will make something light. Please." Horatio looked at her pleadingly, his eyes big and round.
"Fine, just as long as you stop looking at me like that." She groaned. "That's my weapon." she added.
Horatio laughed and went to the kitchen. There he realized that he was still carrying the book, so he placed in on the table. He cooked some rice and mixed it with tuna and added some tomatoes and cucumber into the mix. He poured orange juice into a glass and grabbed his book and slowly made his way back to the living room area.
He placed the plate in front of his daughter and then gave her the orange juice.
"Please, honey, try to eat as much as you can."
"I'll try daddy, but only if you read to me." She took her fork and waited.
"Go on, I'll read to you." he told her and sat down opening his book.
"No explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were
there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant)"
When he stopped Jackie commented.
"I didn't think you were the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas kind of guy. Or The kind of guy who reads Hunter S. Thompson."
"Well shows what you know. You old man is a mystery for you. I think that this is the third time I have read this." Horatio grinned.
"Impressive. It's one more than me." Jackie yawned.
"When are you going back to Miami?" she asked.
"Kicking me out already? I am sure Mrs. Rubens would appreciate it if I stayed a bit longer." he teased her. Mrs. Rubens was her downstairs neighbor. She was an elderly lady who had befriended Jackie when she was new to the neighborhood. She liked to gossip, but it was all good natured and she loved company. She was a nurse so she actually could help Jackie when she was still wearing her cast and was fresh out of hospital.
"I am, you have such a pain in the… and I am sure she would, but not for the reasons you might think." She grinned back.
"Mrs. Rubens has ulterior motives, so beware. I think there's a bet going on in the building about how long it will take for her to pinch your backside."
"Oh hush you," Horatio blushed. "And how much did you bet?"
"200 dollars." Jackie was smiling like a Cheshire cat. "That she wouldn't." She added.
"So you are telling me this so that you would win? That's fraud. I should have you arrested." He laughed.
"Too bad." She grinned.
"But may I have an answer to my question?"
"I don't know if I want to give you one after all that teasing." he pouted.
"Oh you big baby. That is a Kodak moment right there."She laughed and quickly flipped her mobile open and took a photo of him.
"Haha, that's definitely a keeper. I think I'll enlarge it and print it out and put it right beside the arrest photo of mum. A happy family and all that."
"Fine I'll answer. I am flying back to Miami in two weeks." He finally answered. "Wait! What? You mother got arrested?"
"Haha yes. She had been talking to her phone while she was driving and of course without a handsfree. So when Carlisle pulled her to the side of the road she was in a full rant mode. She had actually talked with her hands quite much as she ranted and she hit Carlisle in accident, but he was loosing his temper with her and arrested her for assaulting an officer." She giggled.
"Poor Carlisle." Horatio nodded.
"Indeed. And of course then mum remembers me and calls me to bail her out."
"Did you?" Horatio asked interested.
"Yeah, it was the best night I had in long while. I paid her bail and annoyed her all the way to her house. I asked if the guys could email me her arrest photo and they did. I also asked mum if her theme song would be something like Jailhouse rock. Or Folsom Prison Blues."
Horatio was roaring with laughter. "Oh that is priceless."
"It really was. And mum hasn't spoken a word for me after that. Which I consider to be bonus."
The two tried to calm down and after awhile Horatio asked.
"Why did you want to know when I was going back to Miami?"
"While you were cooking I came into a conclusion. I need change. So I was wondering if I could come with you?"
