Shock. The shock was the first thing she felt.
Arthur, King of Camelot, and Merlin, Camelot's Court Sorcerer and the King's closest adviser and friend, like this; their arms wound around each other, eyes pushed gently shut, and their lips fitting together like it was the perfect match- the other side that made them whole.
Then jealousy.
The warmth of their embrace, the love on their lips, it was too much to bare. Merlin fitted against Arthur the way Gwen found she never quite could. Even from the doorway, she could feel the pure energy of love burning off of them. Arthur's arms wrapped themselves tighter around Merlin's waist and gave a light squeeze as a sign of affection and Gwen suddenly realised that Arthur had never done that to her.
Then anger.
How could Arthur do this? She remembered when he told her he loved her before they went to bed that very same night. Did he really mean it? Did his heart truly belong to two? Or was his love for her only a cover up? She felt as though she was just a mask to hide where his heart really lied. And Merlin! He knew how deeply her love for her husband ran in her blood as she recalled that he had even helped them find love in one another in the very beginning! Was that just a ploy to get closer to Arthur? He used her! How long had this been going on? But Arthur loved her! Did her love not satisfy that prat enough?! Must he seek the adoration from not only one but two? WHY WAS SHE NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM?
Then fear.
How long had this been going on? Had it always been like this? Did Arthur ever actually love his Queen? Were the vows he said to her and the promises he made only false, empty words? Has she ever meant anything to him at all?
Then finally, total heartbreak.
He didn't love her. The passion and lust and adoration that bubbled wildly between the King and the Sorcerer made that more than crystal clear. Gwen tried to think that maybe Arthur was under a spell; some wicked curse Merlin had set upon him. But it all seemed so real, so true, so perfect. Slowly, Gwen slumped back from the door and gently hit her back against the wall. She slid down it, her eyes wide with confusion, realisation and betrayal. She was surprised that she couldn't actually hear her heart snapping into a million pieces and shattering like glass onto the unforgiving stone floor. She allowed her body to begin to follow its instincts and curl up into the tightest ball possible and never come out again. But then she remembered she was still outside Merlin's door. Sooner or later, Arthur would come out of that door and walk back to their chambers and expect her to be in bed, sleeping soundly with her ignorant innocence veiling her from the truth. How long had he been doing this? How many times had she woken up in the morning with Arthur's arms around her when he probably only got back into bed a few hours before? How many times had she kissed his lips when traces of Merlin were still upon them? Gwen tried her best to ignore these thoughts as she pulled herself up off the floor with surprising difficulty and dragged her body back to the royal chambers. She didn't exactly remember getting there or taking her cloak and shoes off or getting back into bed but nonetheless, the Queen found herself tangled in the sheets and feeling her body try to close in on itself again. This time she totally gave in to the want to curl as small as possible and pulled herself into an almost painfully tight self-hug. Gwen squeezed her eyes shut and eventually fell asleep to the gentle sounds of her own sobbing, hoping to never see the light of day again.
