Sara felt like she was on a romantic date with Gil for the first time. After their session with Dr. Pridmore, Gil asked her to go out to dinner with him. They chose a nice Italian restaurant and they ordered their favorite bottle of wine; Pinot Blanc. Before they left for Reno, Sara had packed a lavender dress that flattered her figure and hugged her curves. It dipped low in the front, but left room for one's imagination. On her neck she wore the emerald butterfly that Gil had gotten her as a gift. She hadn't requested that he buy it, he simply brought it home in a velvet box and slipped it around her neck as she was grading papers. It was the small, simple memories that kept her going through this dark time. Gil was dressed in a suit that she had packed for him. It wasn't his best, but he was able to wear it with his cast. The tie that he wore was a deep blue that made his eyes stand out.

"So," Gil asked as he brought his glass of wine to his lips. "Did I say anything?"

Sara pursed her lips, smiled, and shook her head. "You know I am not supposed to tell," she said.

Gil chucked. "I tried," he said with a shrug.

Sara's hair was beautiful. It was layered and the tips curled in an upward angle, like they usually did. She said it was because she wore her hair up too often and Gil thought it made her look precious. Her lips weren't sultry red like most women, but a soft pink. They looked extremely kissable and Gil mentally sighed.

"You have that look again," Sara teased.

Gil looked innocent. "Sara you must be dreaming," he said. "I am looking at you normal."

Sara smiled. "Normal is the right word," she said. "You always tried to be subtle when you wanted intimacy. "

Gil took Sara's hand and admired it. It was small in his big hand and smooth."Tell me more," he said. "Tell me more about our life."

Sara fingered her napkin. "You're confusing me," she admitted. "You seem so interested now. When I brought you home you were closed off."

Gil agreed. "I was scared, Sara," he said. "I still am because I don't know how I am going to get things back on track. I am going to have to go back to work soon and it's going to be new to me, but I feel the need to support my family."

Since the day she had met him, confusing had been part of Gil's persona. Being married hadn't made a difference, but at least she knew he loved her. Hearing him asking about their life was one thing, but having him hold her hand and look at her with a mixture of lust and love was different.

"While Emily was in surgery," Sara said. "I was frantically nervous. We were with her when they gave her the anesthesia and waited while she fell asleep," she brushed a tear aside. "Waiting for that surgery to be over was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. Having you there with me was what kept me sane. You were the one who talked to the doctors and handled the paper work. I remember that I fell asleep and when I woke up, you told me the surgery was over and that our baby was fine. "

Though Gil couldn't remember Emily's surgery, he felt the anguish of waiting through Sara's words. He could easily imagine himself questioning doctors and pacing the floor. Emily had grown on him fast and he loved her fiercely already.

"I feel guilt for not being able to remember that," he said. "Tell me more about Emily; about your pregnancy."

Sara swallowed nervously. "It was a hard pregnancy and you were very protective," then she added with a laugh. "Almost borderline controlling."

Gil downed his glass and poured them both more wine. "I'm sure I was," he said. "If I could relive it, I would have made you more comfortable."

"I was comfortable," she said. "You made sure of it. The doctor told me that I was to stay in bed when I was only four months along. You made me dinner, you rubbed my back, you helped me in any way you could. They had to induce labor when her heartbeat slowed and she was born at five o'clock in the morning," she took a sip of wine. "She gained her weight fast and we brought her home a month later."

"You mentioned miscarriages," Gil said. "How many did we have?"

"We had one when we first got married, but I wasn't that far along. I thought it was stress," Sara said. "When I had my second miscarriage I was nearly three months along. It was really devastating for both of us. "

"I'm sorry," Gil said."I know those words don't do much."

Sara smiled through the painful memories. "The Gil I had married knew the pain," she said.

"I am the Gil you married," Gil said. "I'm still the same."

Sara shook her head. "No you're not," she said. "I know you are trying, but I feel like I have lost so much."

At that moment, Gil realized Sara's place. She was scared more than he was and had much more at stake than he did. He had to force himself to quit seeing Sara as what she was and to start seeing her as a mother and a wife.

"I will be," Gil told her. "I want to fix this and to live our life as it once was. How did our relationship start?"

Sara thought back. "It started when Ecklie broke up the team," she said. "You got me, Greg, and Sophia. Catherine got Nick and Warrick."

Gil held up his hand. "Greg was a CSI?" he asked in surprise.

Sara nodded. "Yes," she said. "I guess when you didn't have Catherine or the guys to talk to, you felt lonely. Our professional relationship was strained, but somehow we came to understand each other. We went out to breakfast a lot and then one day you offered to make breakfast for me."

Gil raised his eyebrows. "I hope it wasn't anything disgusting," he said.

Sara shook her head, the curled ends of her hair bounced easily and Gil wanted with all his might to reach out and touch her.

"I thought you were going to make cricket kesh or something," she said. "You made French toast with blueberry sauce. It was delicious."

"Is that when I made a move?" he asked.

Sara laughed. "I think that was your move," she said. "Ever since then we went places together. You first kissed me when we went to an amusement park in California. It was strange at first, but after a few kisses you proved to be a good kisser."

"I bet you're a good kisser too," Gil said without thinking.

Sara felt herself blushing and she laughed. "Have you been wondering lately?" she asked.

Gil felt put on the spot. "Well, a little," he admitted. "It's natural for a man to wonder these things about a woman that he is close to."

"Would you like to find out?" Sara asked, in a tone that was strange but stirred the heat that had been boiling in the pit of Gil's stomach.

He thought about this a moment. Here was his wife, a woman that had always been special to him, and she was offering him a kiss. The fact that he was afraid was an understatement; he was terrified that he would mess up.

Sara laughed at the expression he wore. "I'm just teasing," she said. "If you want a kiss you don't have to ask for it, Gil."

Gil felt a bit disappointed but didn't say it. "Tomorrow is a big day," he said. "Maybe we should get the check and go."

O~O

The hotel suite they were staying in was comfortable and spacious. It was his idea that they get a single bed, but he couldn't put his finger on why he had been so adamant about the idea. While Sara was in the shower, Gil let his mind wander. He wanted the life that Sara told him they had. It wasn't just a dream or a story, it was real. He opened the door to the balcony and stepped out. The air was cold and his mind began to clear. He saw that he had two options; to make love to Sara or to let things stay as they were. It was more than physical want; he wanted to thank her for being there by giving himself to her.

"Gil?" Sara called.

"I'm out here," he called back to her.

He heard her pad to the balcony. "Come inside," she said. "It's cold."

Gil nodded. "I'm coming," he said, turning to hobble inside.

"What were you doing out there?" she asked.

Gil took in Sara's appearance. Her hair was in a wet pony-tail and her skin was pink from the hot shower. She was wearing a small shirt that advertised Goldfish crackers and a pair of scrub pants. Her feet were bare and Gil couldn't help but stare at them.

"Are you looking at my feet?" Sara asked, giving him a confused look.

Gil looked up quickly. "Sorry," he said.

Sara laughed. "You don't have anything to be sorry about," she said. "You can look at anything you want to."

Gil hobbled over to the bed and sat down. "I've been thinking about taking you up on it," he said, turning back to look at her.

Sara was at a loss for words, but her eyes spoke volumes to Gil. They told him that she trusted him with her heart and her soul. He held out his hand to her and she took it without hesitation. It was funny how the hands of two people in love always fit together, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

"Why?" Sara wanted to know.

Gil shook his head. "I can't explain why," he said. "Ever since I woke up in the hospital I dreamed about you. I don't feel at ease unless I am around you."

Sara wiped her eyes with her free hand. "Why didn't you tell me all this before?" she asked.

"I don't know," Gil answered honestly. "I was afraid you would leave me alone."

Sara couldn't help but smile." Why would I leave you?" she asked "I love you."

Gil tugged on Sara's hand and she climbed onto the bed. Quickly their lips found each other and everything made sense to Gil. Sara was the answer to all of his problems and the only one who could make his confusion disappear. Her lips against his felt soft and welcoming; they were just a succulent as he imagined. Sara felt his beard with the side of her face and sighed.

"I have missed you so much," she said. "I was so scared, I thought I lost you."

Gil kissed her jaw softly and buried his nose in the crock of her neck. She still smelled of soap and her skin was warm. He felt so at home with his body next to hers that he didn't care to get his memories back. He was content just holding her now and knowing that things were going to get better. Sara gently pushed him back against the pillows and straddled him. Neither one of them couldn't help but laugh. Whether it was out of nervousness or whether they thought it was funny, Gil did not know. Through her shirt, Gil could see the outlines of Sara's nipples straining. His hands ached to touch them, so he did. With his thumb and his index finger, he pinched them softly. Sara sighed with pleasure when she felt his hands group her chest. They were acting like animals, but it was deliciously pleasurable.

Gil pulled Sara down to him and pressed Kisses into her wet hair. "You smell good," he commented. "You feel good too."

Sara slipped her hands underneath Gil's shirt and relished the feel of his chest. When the hospital had informed her that Gil had been in accident, she was terrified that she would never be able to touch him again. She fingered the buttons on his shirt and slipped them, one at a time, through the buttonholes.

"I love you Sara," Gil whispered to her. "I'm not just saying it, I have always loved you. I'm sorry I was so stubborn."

Sara finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. "I knew you didn't mean it," she said. "My real Gil is still locked away somewhere."

Though her words hurt him a little, Gil ignored them. If he had been in her place, he would have had the same feelings she had. His place in Sara's life was now clear; he was her supporter. Tenderly he trailed kisses down her jaw-line and across her throat. He took a moment to nibble the sensitive flesh there, but before he could move on a bolt of pain ripped through his head. He felt as if someone were dragging a broken piece of glass slowly across his left temple.

"Gil," Sara said. "Are you alright?"

Gil couldn't answer her. Instead he gripped his head and fell back against the pillows. Sara jumped off the bed and was unzipping pockets, rooting around for something.

"Here," she said, popping two pills into his mouth and giving him a sip of water. "Drink it all."

Gil gulped the water down and leaned back into the pillows. His head was throbbing and waves of pain washed over his body. "I'm sorry," he said to Sara.

Sara shook her head. "It's alright," she said. "Just rest."

O~O

Gil looked around and took in the sight around him. He was at a beautiful, pristine lake. He looked over his shoulder and saw Sara setting out plates and dishing out food. Emily was standing next to him, pointing out at the geese that were floating by.

"Duckies!" she said with joy.

Gil smiled down at her and sat on the grass. The earth underneath him didn't feel real to him and it was warm under his touch. The sky was such a brilliant shade of blue that the white clouds look cartoonish. There was no wind, but somehow a kite was still able to flutter overhead.

"Come eat," Sara called out.

For lunch there were grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. They all dipped their sandwiches into their hot soup and ate heartily. There were grasshoppers for desert, but Sara didn't want any. Suddenly, the sky turned very dark and the wind blew fiercely. Cold crept down Gil's collar and he shivered.

"We should go now," Sara said, slipping Emily's coat on and taking her hand.

"Wait a minute," Gil said. "I think there is someone else here."

Carefully he got up and hurried over to the bushes. He felt something unwanted, but he couldn't remember what it was. He pushed the bushes aside and there he saw a girl. She had long black hair and she was crying.

"What's wrong?" Gil asked.

The girl looked up and fixed her eyes on him. "I told you that I would make you sorry," she said to him.

"Gil," Sara called. "Are you awake?"

Gil couldn't answer. "What do you mean?" he asked.

The girl smiled at him, an evil smile that made Gil walk backwards and turn towards Sara. There was something unsettling in his life, now that this girl had shown up.

"Gil," Sara called again. "Are you awake?"

Gil pushed the bushes aside and looked where Sara had been standing, but she was gone. Instead he saw the girl with black hair sitting at the picnic table. The wind was still blowing and over head lightning bolts looked like angry fingers that reached for him. Gil felt a hand pat his cheek and then his eyes were open. Sara was standing over him and he was back in the hotel suite. Memories of the previous night flooded back.

"Gil," Sara said to him. "Are you awake?"


Hello all! I am so sorry. Please keep my friend Ruth in your prayers and my friend Deborah and their families. They have both suffered terrible losses. Please leave a review, you do NOT have to be signed in. I missed writing. Waves to Jenstog!