More Than a Whole Brigade
Reader x Eren Jaeger Chapter 8
You made your way down the hall, turning corners and slithering past people as they walked the opposite way. You shuffled down the hall quickly, boots never leaving the ground and you were suddenly afraid you might trip and fall, but there you went, still shuffling. You finally made it to the office door and knocked once before the door swung open quite roughly.
You gasped as you were pulled in against your will, the door closing behind you with a click. You looked up and were confronted with shining lenses and a cheeky grin.
"Ah, so nice of you to come!" Hanji purred.
"You told me to," you said back, looking around the room. What a mess. And you had organized it a few days ago. Just proves how quick the scientist was to make a mess of things.
"I did?" She stuck out her lower lip in thought but then flashed you a smile. "I did! Okay, come on. Follow me!"
You scurried behind her as she led you to a door you hadn't noticed before. No wonder; it was almost completely hidden by the notes and papers stuck onto the wall with pins. Hanji opened the door and stepped inside, motioning for you to come.
The door shut behind you and you looked over Hanji's shoulder as she beamed at you. The room was much larger than her office and with a higher ceiling. Windows lined the room, some covered by thin drapes. Bookshelves stood in rows like a still brigade awaiting orders. Books of different sizes and colors and shapes filled the shelves, the occasional paper sticking out here and there. The room was brightly lit by the afternoon sun light gleaming through the windows, giving it a warm and comforting feeling. You stepped closer to the bookshelves, the wood floor creaking as you did.
"Whoa," you breathed while Hanji walked past you and disappeared around a bookshelf. "I know right? You get used to it," she replied, voice trailing away as she lengthened the distance from you.
"I don't think I'll ever get used to this…," you breathed.
Suddenly Hanji's head popped around the shelf. "Well, what would you do if I offered you and Armin some privileges to go in here whenever you want?"
You grinned. "I would love you forever."
She motioned for you to follow. As you walked beside her and wove through the mass of paper, she spoke, "The old records of the experiments should be around here. We had a few titans in the past."
"How many?"
"Hmm. Several. We sometimes ended up killing a few during tests."
"How?" you inquired.
Hanji froze and you looked up to see her eyes glistening. She turned to you stiffly and wailed, "Oh it was horrible! We were performing a test to see if they could survive without their heads and most of their neck. They cut too high; right into the nape!"
You stared back at her as she sniffed, not sure what to make of her. Hanji abruptly turned around and started walking again. You blinked, surprised at the sudden transition. You didn't think you could ever get used to her. You quickly jogged back to her, almost running into her when she stopped suddenly by a pair of small brown boxes in the corner of the room. You squinted, the bright sunlight hitting your face despite most of the sun was already hidden in the horizon, making its way down for the day and letting the moon take the night shift.
"Here we are!" Hanji announced, bending down to pick up a box. You took the other box and scurried after her as she made her way back to the office door in long quick strides.
"So this is where the old records are stored in?" you asked.
"Most of them, yes. Some are scattered in the library and in Erwin's office. The other stuff in there are notes and documents and whatnot."
Hanji kicked open the door, making it swing open and tremble on its hinges. "Alright!" she exhaled, setting her box on her desk rather roughly. You heard its contents shift and clatter into each other. You placed your box on a smaller table across the room that was mostly covered in books. You picked up one of them and read the title: 'Astronomy'. You flipped it open, leafing through its pages. You were suddenly intrigued by the charts and diagrams in the book, eyes quickly scanning over captions and headings.
You closed the book loudly and turned to Hanji. You opened your mouth to ask about the book when she cut you off, "Why not figure out yourself? Take it with you when you leave."
"Really?" Your eyes brightened.
"Sure," she said, her back to you as she pulled out thick folders full of paperwork out of the box and placed them on her already cluttered desk.
Well okay then, you thought happily.
You turned back to your box and opened it, pulling out documents. "So…what's my job?" You glanced over your shoulder at the scientist.
"Ah! That. Well," she said turning around, lacing her fingers together. "I actually wanted to talk to you about that,_."
You turned around, now interested and a little scared to hear what she about to say. "Yes..?"
"I want you take over when I'm dead-"
"Don't say it so bluntly!" you cried, incredulous, gripping the edge of the table.
"It happens to everyone someday, so why not?" she replied with a shrug. "And we are on the frontline of death, so."
"Well, yeah, we're all going to die someday, but you make it sound like you're going to do so soon. Very soon." You stared back at her in horror.
Her words still lingered in your mind. Now thoughts and images swirled before your mind, making you feel very concerned for your mental health. Great. A teenager with Existential Crisis. That couldn't go well; especially for someone like you who loved to read and think and thought of the most horrifying things and could put them into words and cause other people to think the same things and stay up at night and-
Holy fucking shit. Shut up.
"What I'm trying to say is that I want you to carry on experiments. If we still don't get out of these walls and haven't defeated the titans yet and for some unknown reason I am dead, then yeah, take over."
You stared back her, mouth agape and eyes wide. You closed your mouth after a moment of silence and glanced around the room, not knowing how to respond. "Why me? What about Armin?" you asked, still not able to register what she was saying to you.
Hanji stuck out her lower lip in thought. "I see him as more of a Commander."
You nodded in agreement. "Yeah. He's got the morbid mind of Erwin, too."
"And the eyebrows," Hanji added, wrapping her fingers around her chin. "Don't forget the eyebrows."
"But why is it still me?" you asked. "I don't think I'm fit for this job. I mean, I guess I'm flattered that you trust me so much? But I kind of have some commitment issues and…"
"_." Her expression grew serious and you stopped blabbering. "I trust you very much. I see a lot of potential in you. Will you stop being such a worrywart and boost some confidence in you for a change?"
You paused, staring at your feet. You still were unsure of this. It was all pretty sudden. Your imagination started to get the better of you as you thought of the responsibilities you would have to take and the mistakes you would make and the consequences that followed. But you were a member of the Survey Corps, and it is your duty to protect and aid humanity. This could be a way to contribute to that besides killing titans. You gazed back up to Hanji, who was watching you patiently through her lenses. You pushed up your goggles, determination suddenly filling you. Yes, this was how you were going to contribute to that fight.
You bit your lip, still a little hesitant. "I'll…do what I can to help humanity fight back. I'll take over if the situation calls for it."
She gave you a curt nod. "Good. Now I have someone to count on. I want you to read these records and familiarize yourself with the process of experiments and the results we have collected from them." And with that, she turned back around and pulled out another stack or papers.
Okay then. You turned back to the records and took the first folder. You spent two hours reading and taking notes and writing your thoughts. Hanji had giving you a large notebook and a folder to keep your theories and notes in. For two hours you read about the experiments, soon going into the earlier ones, where some tests were not performed then at the time. The one test that was rarely seen in those earlier experiments was the communication test. And you kept reading something about a notebook; a woman named Ilse in the Survey Corps and her notebook. It had to be important or else it wouldn't have showed up so much in those records.
"Hanji," you began, breaking the silence. "Who's Ilse?"
You turned around when there was no answer from her. Her back was too you, and she lifted her head and gazed around the room, as if deciding wether or not not it was a good choice to answer.
She twirled around in her wheely chair, brown hair whipping in her face at the fast and fluid movement. You turned your body to face her, glancing over her stony face for some kind of reaction.
"I guess I should tell you then," she began. She took a deep breath and continued. "It was a long time ago, perhaps when you were just walking. Maybe you didn't exist at the time. The Survey Corps went out on an expedition. We entered the Forest of Giant Trees after much difficulty and there Levi found a notebook. It was on the ground, just laying there in the flowery meadow. It was so tattered. Some pages were beginning to fall out.
"But that wasn't the weird part. No, there are others; much more. There was one tree in the clearing. It had a little opening, like the kind animals use to nest in. Like a bird. But much bigger. Big enough to occupy a human being." She gazed around the room, her eyes finally settling on you. "And it did." The angle her head was in caused the glint of candlelight to make the lenses of her goggles entirely white. There was a moment of silence as you let the words sink into your mind.
"It was the body of a Survey Corps soldier. We found that out by the green cloak and emblem. It was a woman. The body had no head. It was obvious only one thing could have done that, and it was a titan. We later identified the body as Ilse Langar."
Your eyebrows furrowed in thought. "But…a titan wouldn't just leave a body there. It would eat it all. How did she get in the tree? What did the notebook say?"
"Hmm. We thought that as well. And be patient; I'm getting there. We identified her by using the notebook. It belonged to her. We found out that she was stranded when a group of titans had eaten her whole team. She managed to escape and ran, heading for the walls.
"While doing so, she was able to write in the notebook her thoughts and feelings. Her horse had been scared away and her gear was so badly damaged she could no longer use it. She wrote of her struggles of trying to survive. She did not give up. She had so many things she had wanted to do… She didn't last long. As she entered the forest, she encountered a six meter titan. She wrote it chased her until it was crouching right in front her.
"The titan spoke. 'Ymir,' 'Ymir-Sama.' Ilse wrote that the titan then bowed its head in respect, kneeling. She began questioning it of its origins and why the titans eat people. It responded with groans. Began groaning louder as her questioning took on a whole new intensity. It was as if it were in pain. It began attacking itself, tearing at the flesh around its eyes. Ilse wrote that this was when it grabbed her. As she was being eaten, she quickly wrote down more attributes about the titan before she was decapitated."
There was more silence as you stood there, staring at Hanji, aghast. Was this why you performed these communication tests? A titan talking? And was Ilse placed in that tree by the titan; a makeshift funeral? Questions and thoughts swirled in your head as you took up this new information.
"Do…do you have the notebook?" you asked finally.
"We have copies. It's not exactly in what you would call…good condition."
You nodded in understanding. "Will I be able to read them?"
"In time, yes."
"But why did the titan only decapitate her? Did it put her in the tree? Was there a reason for it saying that?"
Hanji shrugged. "We still have no clue as to what the titan's intention was."
You were about to ask more questions when Hanji cut you off. "I want you to not tell anyone this. Not even Armin; I'll will inform him myself. This information is very important and would be better off if we it did not release into the public. Do you understand?"
You nodded.
"Good! Now keep reading, _!" And with that she spun around back to her paperwork. You blinked, startled by her sudden transition. You turned back to the pile of documents and began reading again, having trouble concentration as the new information swirled around in your head.
When several minutes of silence passed, you looked up at the window in front of you. It was now dark outside, and you could faintly hear the crickets chirping. You just now realized how late it was. And that was when a sudden thought popped up in your head.
"Hey, Squad Leader?" you said, turning around.
"Hm?" she said, eyebrows raised.
"When will you experiment on Eren?"
"Oh yeah! That. Well, I recently got permission from Erwin, so very soon~!"
You cringed. Geez, experimenting on your best friend? That would be really weird. You could imagine yourself putting on gloves and staring at Eren with a creepy face, acting like Hanji all over him.
"Um, what kind of experiments will you perform?"
Hanji stuck out her lower lip. You noted she often did that while thinking and had done it several times before. "The regular experiments," she answered, "with some made specially for him. Why?"
"I just find it…weird that I have to help experiment on my best friend," you replied.
"Oh. Well, you'll get over it!"
"Thanks, Hanji. That's very comforting."
"You should. It's just a few experiments; I won't hurt him." There was pause before she added. "Much."
"Much!?"
"Yes."
"So you're planning on hurting him?!"
"Geez, someone is definitely worried about their boyfriend…" Hanji muttered under her breath.
"I heard that," you said, cheeks aflame.
"You're not together?" You shook your head vigorously. "Hm. Then I better not believe those rumors the cadets throw around."
You face palmed, letting out a groan. "There are actually rumors? What the heeeeeeelllll?" you groaned, letting the last word last longer than it shoulder have.
Hanji shrugged and looked out the window. "Ah! My, is it late. You should get to bed. I'm sorry for keeping you this long."
"It's no problem. I had a nice time talking with you today, Squad Leader," you said, grabbing your notebook, folder, and book.
You left her office, stretching. You carefully made your way through the empty and dark halls. Rumors, rumors, rumors. More like tumors. Great, another thing to make your already shitty life even more shitty.
Everything's shitty,you thought bitterly, letting out a sigh.
Suddenly you heard laughter and loud chatter. You realized you were in the boy's hallway. You must've wandered there while being lost in your thinking. Before you could react, a door opened behind you and someone pulled you in, making you yelp.
"Look maw! I caught a bitch!" guffawed a voice mimicking a southern accent. Laughter soon followed.
You squinted in the bright light, eyes adjusting slowly. Your eyes widened when you realized where you where and you thrashed in Reiner's grip, wiggling out of it. You stood, tense, eyes darting around, clutching your things. All around sat your male comrades, mostly the ones from your training squad. Everyone. They stared at you as Reiner made another joke, causing everyone to laugh. Your eyes landed on a pair of turquoise eyes and you stepped back.
Eren shrunk back behind Marco when you caught his gaze, his eyes widening.
You turned back to Reiner, angry. "What the fuck,Reiner!"
"What?" he simply asked, grinning.
"Don't grab me like that! Why would you just…take me into your cult? I was heading for my room."
"Aw, come on, _."
You huffed and turned to the door but realized Reiner was blocking it. "Why don't you stay?" he suggested.
You glared up at him. He knew you wouldn't be able to leave with him standing there. You considered punching him, but the guy was a beast, towering high able you, and probably three times your weight. Fuck.
You were forced to face the fact that you were trapped. You turned back to the boys and glared at them all. "If any of you touches me I'll be forced to perform mass murder."
The room was filled with laughter. You growled and stepped across the room, muttering, "You're disrespect for the female gender makes me sick," while making sure to step on a few people in the process, and plopped down beside Eren, who stared at you with wide eyes. He was the only one in the room you felt comfortable around. You gripped your books and folder to your chest, staring back at him, eyebrows furrowed. "Why are you even here?" you asked him. It really wasn't like him to gossip or anything like that. Well, you weren't so sure know, because he had been here before.
Eren averted your gaze and picked at his jeans. Another round of laughter exploded around the room, causing you to cringe as your ear popped slightly.
Eren answered, "I got dragged in here like you. I think they set us up or something." Only then did he lift his gaze to meet yours, giving you a weak smile. You only rolled your eyes.
"Of course we set you guys up!" Connie said from across the room. "Who do you think we are?"
"Douchebags with no lives and have no goals but to annoy the shit out of people," you retorted. There was a pause before chuckles erupted around the room.
"No! We're fun guys!"
"Uh-huh," you said, laying your chin in your palm. "You keep telling yourself that Connie. Have fun waiting for it to come true."
Eren snickered beside you.
You glanced at him but then returned your gaze on Connie. "What's with the set up?"
"Well," Jean said, sitting down beside you. "We wanted some answers and we got information from a certain someone and set up a plan-"
"Good job. For the first time in your life you bunch of bozos were smart."
"Haha! Very funny," Reiner muttered.
You gave him a cheeky grin and winked. "It is actually."
You turned back to Jean and asked, "So who's this certain someone you got information from?"
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a short blond lean back between Bertholdt and Connie. You whipped around, your eyes landing on Armin. He gave you a nervous smile.
"Aw! Traitor!" you cried, pointing at him dramatically.
"What was I supposed to do?! They had me cornered." Armin averted your eyes, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
You sighed, pressing a palm to your forehead. You returned your gaze on Jean and asked him, "So what is it that you guys want?"
"I want to know if Mikasa really does like me," he answered curtly.
"Well," Connie spoke up, "that's what he wants to know. I want to know if Sasha likes me!"
All around the room questions were fired at you at once. You glanced at Eren and he shrugged. Sighing, you called out, "Will you all just shut the fuck up?!"
The men quieted.
You groaned. "Jesus, people, is this what you dragged me in here for?"
You were answered with nods and 'yeah's'.
You glowered at them, distaste in your gaze. You really just wanted to to go the fuck to sleep. Or read in your room. Whatever- you just wanted to get out. You groaned again. "Why should I tell you anything? Can't you do it yourselves?"
"Nope."
"Hell no!"
"I would if I could…"
"Come on, _," Connie whined impatiently. "Just tell us already!"
"Why?" you snapped.
"Because we could offer you something," Reiner said, waggling his eyebrows at you.
"God, I could just throw up right now," you muttered under your breath to Eren. Louder, you said, "What're you offering?"
"Eren."
Eren sat up straight at the sound of his name. "What the fuck? Is that why I'm here?" he asked, hands clenched into fists. You glanced at him, leaning away from him. He leaned away from you, glancing away from you. Oh great.
"Reiner, what the hell. Is he like…kidnapped or something?" You looked at the huge blond, pointing a thumb at the dark haired boy beside you as Reiner grinned at you.
"You could say that."
More laughter.
You turned to Eren. "Are you playing along with this or…?"
"Why would I?" He scowled, crossing his arms. You raised an eyebrow.
You thought about your options. Leave Eren and don't give away any information, or save your best friend and give information. You were unhappy with both options. You held out your hands, glancing back and forth at them.
Eeny, meanie, miny, mo…catch the tiger by the toe…
Everyone watched as you continued looking back and forth at your hands.
…he hollers let him go and you are IT.
Well then.
You slumped, unhappy about your choice.
Leave Eren.
"So…what if I refuse?"
"Eren won't be able to leave."
Oh for fucking Pete's sake.
"Wow, what a great situation you've put us in," you said bitterly. "Why don't I just kill you all right now or leave? Eren, you can fight."
Eren shook his head, distraught. "Outnumbered." You raised your eyebrow quizzically. When the fuck has Eren Jaeger ever backed down? Something was seriously wrong with him.
"Well fuck." You turned back to the other boys, knowing that Eren wouldn't really be of much help in his state. "Fine! I'll comply to your cult's deal. What do you want to know?"
The next few minutes were spent making boys disappointed or either extremely glad. You spoke up after a while. "Can't you guys just…talk to the girls?"
"Like hell we'd do that," Connie said, waving a hand dismissively. The other boys agreed.
"You guys do know that…that's the best way to make them feel special?" you asked. They stared at you as you continued to speak. "Instead of making up some weird ass plan to win the girl over and look…cool, they'll find it a hell of a lot better if you just tell them how you feel. I know you men can never talk anything out unless your fists are involved in some way, I know it'll be hard, but boohoo, suck it up and just talk to them already. Saves a hell of a lot of time, ya know."
You slumped forward when they didn't say anything. Eren stared at you for a moment and you caught something in his eye, but he flickered his gaze to the floor.
Marco spoke up, "She's right…actually."
You shrugged. "I just want to get out of here, man."
"But…," Jean whimpered, "how are we supposed to do that?"
"What? Do you guys want me to, like, give you lessons?"
Most of the boys nodded. You face palmed. "What the fuck? You're supposed to have confidence. That's what you men live and breathe for."
"But its haaarrd!" whined Connie, squirming where he sat.
Sighing, you realized they needed serious help. It wouldn't be so bad coaching the guys. You could help them into relationships, which is what the girls would really like. Everyone needed love, especially in this world where you need something to distract you from the titans.
You stood, fists on your hips. "I, _ _, have come to the decision, that, out of the goodness of my heart, will teach you bunch of…menthe ways of speaking and associating with my gender!"
There was silence before someone raised their fist and shouted, "Yeah!"
Before you knew it, others were doing the same. Eren sat uncomfortably, not really knowing what to do.
You sat back down beside the dark haired boy. "So what girls are you trying to get?" you asked, lacing your fingers together.
"Sasha!"
"Mikasa~!"
More names were shouted at you and you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. This was going to be difficult. The next hour was mostly spent in lecturing them on the concept of "Being Yourself." It took a while to let then know that. Even longer answering their questions. Oh god, the questions were getting stupider and stupider until you couldn't take it anymore and became impatient and snappy. All the while, Eren sat beside you listening to you speak, eye brows furrowed as if deep in thought.
Pinching the bridge of your nose (again), you sat up straighter and gazed around the room, impatient with the men now. You took a deep breath and pulled off your goggles, rubbing your eyes. "Anyone know the time?" you asked, dropping your hands from your face.
"It's almost midnight, actually," Armin answered.
"What!? Okay, teacher is going to bed," you announced, rising and taking your things. Everyone stood and headed for the door except Reiner and Bertoldt, who lived in the room.
"Thanks for the advice, _," Armin said sheepishly.
You patted his shoulder, smiling as you walked out the door. "No problem, Armin. I hope you get somewhere with Annie."
As the others also began to thank you, you noticed you didn't really see Eren. You looked around the almost empty and dark hallway as the boys disbanded and headed for their rooms, eyes landing on turquoise orbs as you turned around. You jumped, startled, muttering, "Holy shit."
Eren weakly chuckled. You raised an eyebrow, clutching your things to your chest. "Eren, you've been quiet the whole time. I can tell something's wrong."
"I'm fine…just…," he paused, choosing his words carefully. "I'm just a little distracted."
Distracted? Where's the focused fucker you knew?
"Why not read a book? A distraction from your distraction. Heh."
"You're as bad as Armin; always trying to get me to read."
"Oh come on. It's not that bad."
"No, but it gets boring you know?"
His eyes landed on the thick book in you arms. You held it out for him to see. "Astronomy. Want to read it?"
"What's 'astronomy'?"
You almost dropped your book. You gaped at Eren, eyes wide. Who the fuck hasn't ever heard of astronomy? Well, a lot of people, you realized. They didn't care about stars or planets. "Eren, I know you're a dumbass, but you really can't be that much of one."
"Shut up," he said playfully,rolling his eyes.
"It's stars and the sun and the moon and stuff. The science behind them." You stretched your arm. "Want to read it?"
He stared at the book and blinked. Shrugging, he took the book and placed it under his arm. "Sure, why not."
You smiled at him, rubbing your eyes. Good. Now the boy could read a book for once. "Goodnight, Eren," you said tiredly, moving to head back to your room.
"Wait."
You turned back and gazed at him questionably when he didn't talk right away. He bit his lip, staring at the floor. Something flashed in his eyes. What was that?
"Never mind…"
He turned and started down the hall, not waiting for a reply. You watched him open his door before turning around. Something was definitely wrong. Since when has Eren Jaeger hesitated to speak what was on his mind? Why was he being such…such a wuss, today? It annoyed you; where was the fierce determination and passion that raged inside him that you admired? Something that drove you forward? You sighed, turning the corner and entering the girls' hall, walking quietly to your room. You opened the door and stepped inside the dark room.
Whatever was causing Eren to be so…unEren would have to be pretty serious. You didn't bother removing your clothes and changing into sleepwear; too tired to care.
You drifted off to sleep, hoping not to have any nightmares tonight.
Well. Um. I feel like these chapters are getting worse and worse. I don't know why. Ehhhh just low self esteem. I started chapter 9 and its pretty angsty in the beginning? I was actually worried for my mental health while writing it.
And I realized after eight chapters that I have been putting, 'Part' at the top of every chapter. I changed it to chapter. God, I'm so dumb. Well, I need to get my drawing done for my PMV. Its not of this, btw.
Okey doke, thanks for the lovely reviews!
