A/N: Yo. This chapter will probably make you hate me.
Instead of Kindness
When Kino was younger, a fresh genin graduate with hope still cradled in her hands, she didn't know what it meant to have something taken from her.
She grew up with very little to begin with. No parents, no aunts or uncles or grandparents. No home to stay in. No reliable source of food. No friends, either.
But she had simple things; she liked watching the sky and listening to her brother make marks on his paper. She liked laying on the ground, amidst the grass and dirt, and she liked catching bugs and frogs to show off to her brother. He didn't have much enthusiasm but he would look at her and draw them so that she could always have something of the creatures she let go.
He was a lot happier then. Laughing and watching the birds sing with her.
Ah, simple times. She was glad she could still remember them.
In the end, he was the only thing she really had. The most important thing—more than home cooked meals or doing well on the tests at school.
Just his existence was enough...
Then the man in robes came for them, and everything changed.
どんな経験つもうとも
Once your body changes, your mind will follow soon after.
Shin had told her that, watching her puke from the poison she had just ingested.
Sai and Kino loved him.
He was kind and he held her up when she was too weak to stand. He would brush his fingers through her hair and the three of them always spoke of forever. Hushed, quiet conversations that they let no adults hear. He warned them not to care too much. Not to show it, if they felt it at all. Perhaps it was then that she came to realize it—how awful she was at following commands.
Kill the pain inside of you. Kill the love, the happiness. Because if you don't, they'll kill you.
He'd whispered that to her, crying as he held her. For that reason alone, she could never forget it. She had never seen someone shed so many tears with a face that looked like a blank mask. So she'd pressed her lips to his eyes, hoping to make his pain fly away.
Shin had known before even she did what their master had planned for her.
Even before she could kill her emotions, too soon, she was given those fateful orders—and on that night, she died.
Just as Shin had warned her.
あの頃の傷が消えない
"They look nice," Sasuke commented, gesturing toward the garden that had recently been coming into bloom after having waited so long for the flowers to sprout. She also had a vegetable garden she was tending, but she would be looking after them later in the day when Ino came to help.
"Ino-chan taught me how," she told him, and tried for a smile.
"You've been spending a lot of time with her lately," he said, tone vacant of emotion. Pausing, Kino looked at him closer.
"She keeps mentioning making me her wife," she added, watching him, and then admitted shyly, "but it's you who I want to be a wife to."
Sasuke choked on his next words. His covered his mouth with his hand and turned to look away while muttering, "Idiot. Do you even know what that means?"
"If I'm your wife, I get to cook for you forever," she told him, placing a finger against her chin in thought. It was a new habit she was trying to form. Ino said she needed more of them, though Kino didn't understand why.
"It's more than that, you moron," he told her, tone sharp. Crouching down beside her, enough that his knee knocked into hers, Sasuke met her gaze and lifted his hand to her cheek. It was cold against her flushed skin, sending a shiver through her that made it difficult to think of anything else.
"What more is it?" she asked, hoping to hear an explanation.
Sasuke brought his face close and it was in that fraction of time that she witnessed details she had never noticed before. He had a fading scar above his left brow, a birthmark so tiny it could have just been dust at the edge of his right eye, and...another scar above his lip. She had no more time to look because after a moment, his lips were pressing against hers.
Kino stilled, heart beating in her chest.
For a moment, she thought of Shin and the ache grew worse. She wanted to pull away—but she didn't want to pull away.
Using her hands to grasp at his shirt, holding onto him tightly, Kino unexpectedly found herself cradled on his lap as the both of them shifted.
"This is what it means to be my wife," he told her, breaking the kiss off.
She couldn't see him well with her eyes blurring and as her eyes dripped, he pressed his mouth to her cheek and trailed kissed to her eyes.
Such careful tenderness.
It sent a flash of heat through her that was all at once painful and electrifying. She felt small in his hands and without wanting to, her thoughts strayed. She wasn't seeing Sasuke in front of her, she was seeing other faces. Scary, plain, beautiful—all faces she could never forget.
"I'm sorry," he told her and in the shock of his words, the memories snapped away and before her, all she could see was his expression.
Long-lashed eyes darkened to the point of being black, brows furrowed and lips tightened into a thin line.
His scent was more calming than she expected it to be.
Kino, slowly, brought herself to kiss him. It was a chaste one—innocent and quick. It felt good, like bubbles assembling in her stomach and tickling her.
"You shouldn't do that," he told her, though he didn't push her away.
"Why not?" she asked in a whisper.
"Because then I'll eat you," he informed her while licking his lips, his voice cutting into her. He pulled her off of him and pushed her to the ground. Even with just one arm, he was stronger than her. Faster. Just like the first time they'd talked, Kino knew she couldn't escape.
Nevertheless, Kino blinked at his words and wondered if she should take it literally or figuratively.
"I," she started, then hesitated as she looked off towards the flower bed, "I probably won't taste very good."
Whatever it is he thought of her words, it broke the tension. Broke the mood, even. One second, Sasuke was leaning over her and the next, he was leaning back and laughing. Wildly. Deep and throaty and oddly cheerful. Kino sat up and watched him. She couldn't exactly put her finger on what he found so funny but it felt good to see him with such a carefree expression.
"I'm sorry," he told her, catching his breath and breaking off into a softer chuckle. His lips were quirked up in a weird way that she had never seen before and his hair was a mess. He pulled his hands through it and dragged his bangs back. Kino watched him and she noticed all of it. Feeling her cheeks heat up, Kino lifted her hands to cover her face but could not bring herself to look away.
She had never seen someone look so beautiful.
"I'm sorry. I won't do that to you again," he informed her and his smile turned gentle. He held out his hand to her and together they rose.
"Why not?" she wondered, clenching a fist over the cloth closest to her heart. They still held hands.
"Because you can't really see me."
"Oh," she whispered and wondered how something as simple as words could tear so fiercely into her chest. She squinted her eyes and refused to let herself cry again. Her hands were shaking again. Didn't she? How could she not? Someone who her eyes never strayed far from...
"When you really know me," he continued, entwining his fingers with hers, "perhaps."
Looking at her squarely, he took a step back—testing the bond that kept them connected.
He let go.
もうごまかせないよ
Language Guide;
どんな経験つもうとも - donna keiken tsumoutomo - no matter the kind of experience I gain
あの頃の傷が消えない - ano koro no kizu ga kienai - the scars from that time won't go away
もうごまかせないよ - mou gomakasenai yo - I can't deceive myself anymore
