Title: A is for Alibi

Prompt by: revdororthyl

Rating: PG-13

Setting: post-BDM

Word Count: 571

"You got a good explanation for not bein' where you was supposed to be?" asked Mal angrily, getting right up in Jayne's face.

He was ninety-nine percent sure why the merc hadn't been there in town to have his and Zoe's back on their job last night, pretty sure it had something to do with that bottle of hooch he'd been made a gift of on their last stop, not least because he looked so out of it this morning, he had to have got plenty drunk the night before.

"Well, Mal... y'see, I was..." he waved his arm in a vague gesture, before bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose, feeling another wave of sickness comin'.

With his head down, Jayne didn't have a notion he and the Cap'n weren't no longer alone in the cargo bay, and it seemed he didn't notice neither til she was right there beside them.

"Captain Daddy shouldn't scold the Jayne-Man" said River so suddenly she made both men jump, "She was his distraction, not his fault"

"You stopped him from comin' out last night?" asked Mal, one eyebrow raised as he looked suspiciously between the odd pair, "What'd you do, Lil 'Tross? Tie him down?"

"At one point, yes" she said, hiding her face behind her hair as she blushed profusely, "She apologises if the Captain's plans were spoilt, though the goods were won and no injuries sustained" she noted.

"That... that ain't even the point" Mal told her, closing his eyes a second as if trying to regain his bearings, "River, mei mei, I'm still not understanding..."

"Sexual intercourse" she said plainly, making Jayne look up so suddenly he almost knocked himself over with the force, though said not a word as River kept on looking at Mal and talking things he hadn't a notion of, "She is woman and pleasing to the eyes of men. She finds the Jayne-man's form appealing, and so following the consuming of fermented vegetable drinks, they copulated... many times, in many different positions"

Mal's eyes went comically wide a moment, as he almost literally covered his ears with his hands. Twas bad enough over-hearing Kaylee talk in giggles to 'Nara about things she and the Doc got up to 'neath the engine of his vessel, last thing he needed was to know his Albatross was getting sexed up by Jayne of all folks!

"I can't... I can't know this!" he said, holding up his hands in some kind of surrender.

"You asked" River pointed out, even as her Captain made for the stairs and went on up.

"I ain't ever askin' again!" he said definitely just as he disappeared from sight.

Jayne recovered from his shock the very next second, looking across at River who stared after the Captain with a smile still playing at her lips.

"Thanks" he muttered, "For savin' my ass. Almost thought you was tryin' to get me spaced but... if I'd'a missed a job again, and from gettin' wasted, Mal woulda turned me off this boat for sure" he shook his head, "'Preciate ya lyin' for me, Crazy"

River never flinched as she turned his way, the grin on her lips never wavering.

"I never lie to my Captain" she said seriously, before dancing away out of sight.

Jayne stared after her with his mouth open wide as a black hole.

Just how drunk had he gotten last night?