Cloud Dancing had been waiting for them. They were astride Sully's horse when they arrived, Michaela holding her head down to hide her tears behind her hair from her friends. Snow Bird came over, looking at them both before nodding to her husband.
Reaching to help her down, Cloud Dancing was sombre, not trying to mince words. "We have prepared the sweat lodge."
As he jumped off his horse, Sully immediately looked confused. "You knew we were comin' today?"
He nodded. "Yes. The spirits told me the hawk's injury has run too deep. It will heal her."
Looking up at him, Michaela did not say any words at first. She had tried to argue with Sully, but here she was. The children were going to stay in town for the night, though Brian had been unwilling to let her go. Michaela wasn't even certain of what Colleen had said to him, or maybe Sully had spoken to him. Regardless, she did not want to do this.
Sensing her reluctance, Cloud Dancing turned to look at her. "If you do not want to heal, this will not work. You have to want to find peace."
She didn't look at him. Instead, she hunched her shoulders and pondered what he had said. "I want to go back to before David came back into my life," she finally whispered.
"But you and Sully became engaged after he returned, did you not?" Cloud Dancing had not dropped his gaze.
"I wish he had not come at all."
He was careful, his tone not condescending. "Sully's illness came as a result of the hawk. If David had not come, where do you think you would be now?"
That caught her attention. Slowly, she brought her gaze up to the medicine man. She had forgotten Sully's presence and merely looked into the concerned brown eyes.
"I…"she choked. "I want to not be afraid, anymore. I feel as though he stole something from me. And I want it back. I want to be free from my fears; from him."
Sully felt helpless as Cloud Dancing placed his hand on Michaela's shoulder and began to guide her into the trees and towards the small structure that had been built earlier that day to the medicine man's specifications. He watched as Cloud Dancing helped her through the flap and took her in there; a sudden feeling of anxiety settled over his heart and down into his stomach as he watched.
"What is it that troubles you?" The voice of Snow Bird provoked him to hesitantly turn towards her.
"Michaela." It was that simple, wasn't it? He shook his head at the food she offered him, the mid-afternoon sky mostly hidden by the trees. "I want her to be all right."
She rested a hand on her friend's shoulder, chuckling softly. "You are not very good at hiding from me, Sully. How many moons did you spend with us? I know when you are worried. And I know when you are afraid."
His shoulders slouched at the last comment. "I don't wanna lose her. I'd do anythin' for her. If she wanted me to go, I would."
"You are afraid she will see a path that does not lead her to you." It was not a question.
And he had no response; his silence gave her the truth of the statement more than words.
"When he took her, you doubted her?"
He swallowed at the accusation. "No. I doubted me. I ain't what she's from. I could never give her what she had in Boston."
"What makes you think that she wanted you to give her Boston? She came back to you. Here. She did not ask you to build your home there."
"It ain't that simple." He was beginning to become frustrated at her simple logic. Simply because it was not that straightforward.
Chuckling softly, she pulled him further away from the sweat lodge. "If she had wanted to go to Boston, she would not have returned. I think you need to not focus on Boston or Colorado." Her playful eyes looked up into his brooding ones, a glint sparkling at her amusement. "Where a man builds his tepee does not matter. It is how he builds it, and who he builds it with. I thought Dr. Mike loved you because of you. Not because you are Colorado."
Staring at her, he had nothing to say to that. The moments passed in a pressing silence, as though hours had passed during the few short minutes.
"What if she asks me to leave?"
"She will not ask you if you trust she will return to you. How is she to heal if you do not trust how you feel? What you felt towards each other. Every time Cloud Dancing goes out to hunt, I trust that he comes back to me. I might be afraid, but my heart trusts that we are still together." Placing a hand upon his shoulder, she smiled. "Trust your feelings for her. She will feel that trust. It will be the bright star in the sky; it will guide her back to you."
In the physical world, she was naked under the heavy blankets, her body as wet as if she had been in a river. She was alone, with only the steam to keep her company had she wanted it. Eyes were closed as her body became the physical demonstration the emotional torment she now participated in.
When her eyes opened, she took in her surroundings with a slow care. It was the cave, except it seemed longer. Outside the entrance, she saw the pounding rain of the night she had been rescued, further away than she recalled. The old bath was waiting in the corner, steam coming up in a deathly gas that provoked moisture to drip from the rock above.
Her clothing was cleaned. No smell of urine, no blood. Her hair was clean. She was clean, without the scoring marks from the stone. Despite the fact there was nothing to prevent her from walking out, she did not try and leave.
"Hello." The dark voice echoed several times off of the wall, getting louder before it became nothing more than a lingering whisper.
"What do you want from me, David?" She turned to view him, her lips parted as her eyes squinted in a hesitant fear.
"We will return to Boston. And you will make me free." He stepped towards her.
Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and took a step back. "No."
"Yes."
"I am not the woman you once put your faith in," she retorted. There was strength in those words. The fleeting memory of who she was seemed to strengthen her resolve as she squared her shoulders back. "Who I was back then does not exist anymore…" She stopped, realising the words that came from her mouth. "And you are not the same man that you once were."
At her words, he took a step back; back towards the tub. "You're wrong, Michaela. I have always been like this."
"No," she whispered, but not out of fear for the strength was still there. "What happened to you… you could not handle. Few men could. Whatever you were before the war died in Andersonville, David. Whomever this is, it is not David Lewis. You are now Andrew Strauss. And you will never be David Lewis again."
He began to twitch slightly and she was taken aback at the physical change that was slowly occurring as she looked upon him. His feet became claws. No, talons. The brown of his coat and the white of his shirt were slowly becoming feathers. The transformation frightened her, but she still made no movement to run.
"He'll change. You'll change him. You'll change him as you changed me," his voice cracked.
Silence embraced the room for moments before another voice joined. "No." Turning at the interruption, Michaela gasped.
"Sully?"
"I ain't you, David." It was as though he was oblivious to her as he stopped beside her, his eyes never leaving David's transforming figure. "I could never be like you."
"You are weak. Michaela will make you weaker. She'll clip your ties; you should have never had her. Don't you understand? This was never meant to be."
Her brow furrowed as she watched him speak. "No. He is not you, David." But Sully interrupted her.
"I've already been to the darkest place, David. And it didn't kill me. It didn't ruin me. I wanted to give in."
What did he mean by that? "You were stronger than that," she whispered as she closed her eyes. She never should have doubted him. She had been wrong. They were both impossibly stubborn, but they never gave up; never gave up on one another.
She heard David retort, her eyes still closed. "Lust at first sight. Nothing more."
"Ancients found power in love; they found god in making love. To give yourself to another person set ya free. Exposed to everythin'… this ain't lust. It's holier than yer infatuation." She could barely contain her breath at his words as they consumed her body in warmth.
Opening her eyes, she stared at the enormous hawk that stood in front of her, one eye closed. To her right was a brown wolf and when she stared to look at it within a protective stance, she saw the penetrating blue.
"I refuse to feel shame." She declared, looking at the hawk. "I did nothing wrong when I moved on. I am guilty of no transgression for falling in love with another. I will not feel this way." She stopped, her mouth forming words that never came forth as she tried to force what she wanted to say from the back of her throat.
She found the words and spoke them slowly to David. "You mean nothing to me." There was a pause after every word, her eyes darkening in realisation as she stepped back; back towards the entrance as the rain outside of the opening, no, the exit began to fade into nothing. Light was breaking through.
A sound emanated from the bird's throat as it lunged to attack her, her backwards steps faltering in fear as the wolf jumped and held the bird to the ground. The animals struggled, sounds neither human nor animal radiating from their throats. One painful voice broke through and the wolf retreated from its prey, limping slightly as it came to Michaela's side, licking her hand while the hawk shook its feathers out. The hawk was injured, but not dead.
Whining slightly, the wolf nudged her towards the exit. As she closed her eyes, she broke reverie and began to move out towards the light.
The wolf had not killed the hawk. The wolf had not killed the hawk.
As they came to the exit, she heard the sound from the bird as if it was beside her ear. Turning she saw the creature press it's weight into the fur of her protector, the talons gripping into the skin before the fur began to stain with blood.
"No!" She cried out, her physical body sitting upright as she looked around. The hawk was gone; the wolf was gone; the blood was gone. Her mind slowly remembered where she was as she felt her heart beat freely against her chest.
The wolf had shown mercy. Even after what he had done. He wasn't a murderer. Sully isn't David. Sully won't become David. They are not the same person. She wasn't wrong to love him; it wasn't wrong. It couldn't be wrong. God, the Spirits, whomever held the world in control fated them to be together. That is how he found me. That is how he knows me. I was afraid. I was so afraid. I was afraid I felt something that was wrong; that I had misinterpreted it. That it wasn't real. But it's real. It's pure. It's true.
"I love him," she whispered. "Sully. I had no control…" It was equally as frightening as it was invigorating.
Looking around her, she realised she wasn't sure when Cloud Dancing had left her. The skins were pulled tightly and she pushed the flap back to reveal the outside world.
"Sully?" she called out. She had to find him. She had to see him and touch him. She had been so wrong, blinded by her own fear and insecurity. The sounds of footsteps brought her attention, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness that was night.
"Michaela?" he whispered, approaching her carefully. He had been nearby, waiting, thinking, hoping. There was a skin of water in his hands. "I'm here."
She smiled as he kneeled before her and she placed her hands to his cheeks. "That's what I said to you. Before you proposed."
He had never seen her eyes quite like this; clear, unburdened, loving. As a breath was quickly taken, he nodded and smiled. "Are you alright?" He felt her pull him in, and he followed but kept the flap open so they might see with the light of the moon. Reaching for the skin, she quickly drank the water to quench her physical thirst.
"Sully," she pulled the blankets around her shoulders tightly and reached for his hands. "I'm sorry."
"No," he interrupted her. "I gotta say somethin' first. I'm the one that's sorry." He bit his lip and looked at her. "I was so afraid you would leave. I doubted you. I'm sorry, Michaela. I never should've thought that. Please." He kissed her hands. "I never shoulda thought ya'd leave me 'cause I ain't Boston. And I'm sorry I didn't hold ya at the lean-to. I was… I was afraid that if I touched ya, I'd hurt ya; I'd rather die than hurt you, Michaela."
Her hand squeezed his, shaking her head as she looked at him. "No. I doubted you. I thought you would become like David. That I would ruin you. But… you're not David. And I never, never should have been afraid of you."
"Afraid of me?" He was confused.
Licking her lips, she placed her hand upon his chest, over his heart. "I thought I was wrong. I didn't think that love should be so free. This isn't wrong. We're not wrong. I ran away from you, from the new homestead, from the idea of being with you because the past…"
She did not know how to continue. The skin slipped off of her shoulder and she smiled as she pulled it up.
"Do ya want my shirt?" he asked softly, trying not to grin at her embarrassment. When she nodded, he quickly took off his buckskin coat, followed by his shirt and promptly turned around so she could put it on in privacy. Staring outside, he felt warmth surround his heart. When her hand touched his shoulder, he smiled at her before he felt her lips come in contact with his own.
It was not the kisses he had felt so recently. It was as though they were back in the clinic after the wedding and they were stepping towards their passion with a careful curiosity. When their kiss finally broke, she leaned her head against his neck.
"You are my future. You always have been my future. You did not simply guide me home; you are my home." Her words were spoken in awe. "You will, won't you?"
"Will I what?" he whispered, wrapping his arms around her, afraid to let go.
"Will you marry me?"
He pulled back and looked at her. "You're my wife, now."
She shook her head. "No. Not quite. Marry me?"
"Here?" He was almost afraid to ask.
"Now?"
A smile tugged at his lips, worried that this was nothing more than a dream. But the warmth of her body under his hand told him it was truth. She had not left. "Are ya sure?"
"It's the only thing that I have ever been this certain of." The truth of her words was obvious in her eyes.
Clearing his throat, Sully, sighed and then looked intently into her eyes. "Michaela Anne Quinn, I take ya as my wife for the rest of my days. I ain't too good at words. But… I know that what we have is true and forever. I felt like… I was a fallin' star. But now… now, I have a constellation, Michaela. With you. I will always be there, livin' in your light. I'll be your husband forever. Ain't nothin' gonna change that. I ain't wastin' anymore time." He felt the tears creeping into his eyes, the emotional turmoil of the past few months weighing heavily upon him as he looked at his life with unspeakable love; as it resolved itself here and now. "Washington Irving said, 'there is a sacredness in tears. They speak more eloquently than one thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelmin' grief… and unspeakable love.' We're for always."
Closing her eyes, she smiled in wonder for his vows, letting a hand reach up to caress his cheek. The pain was gone, she was only aware of him. Nothing held her back, she knew him. She choked on her words. "Byron Sully, I take you as my husband until the end of time. I… I don't even know what to say now," she smiled at the irony of her being short on words; it wasn't lost on him. "I am here, right now. Where I want to be, where I am meant to be. I don't want to be anywhere but by your side. You know all of me, and I am not afraid of that. I'm not afraid anymore, because I am with you. There is nothing I want to hide from you. You're my soul mate. I don't think we can work without one another. I will never be alone, because I have your love. I am yours, only yours, for life."
Sully lowered his head and gently kissed her lips, sealing their fate. Wrapping his arms around, her, they gave into the desperate, passionate affection for several moments before they pulled away. She saw a small grin on his lips as he raised her left hand to his mouth, kissing gently. Looking around, he reached for his jacket, tore one of the leather fringes off and tied it around her ring finger.
"Will that do for now?" he asked, slightly embarrassed but her nod made it worth it.
"I love you, Sully."
"And I love ya, Michaela." Once again, their tired bodies met in a fervent kiss, seemingly making up for the time that had been stolen from them so often
"Thank you, Sully," she breathed. "Thank you for being my husband."
"C'mere," he whispered, settling down and pulling her into his embrace. "You'll always be my wife."
"Sully? Tell me a story?" She looked up into his intense gaze, which looked down upon her with a gentle softness.
Raising his head, he tightened his hold on her, stroking her hair as amusement claimed his features for her request. "Rest your eyes and I'll tell ya a story."
"Thank you."
"Once upon a time, there was a lonely mountain man," he started, noting the smile that crept over her face. "And he thought he was gonna be alone forever. And one day, he saw this prim and proper lady from a faraway city."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah. City was called Boston. And she was the most beautiful woman he ever saw."
"What did she look like?"
He paused. "She was covered in mud." He smiled at her light chuckle. "One day, she had to go back to Boston and the mountain man was scared."
"Scared?"
"Yup," he smiled. "Scared 'cause he realised he loved her and it looked as though she wasn't comin' back. Ya see, he had almost lost her once before, to the influenza. So he went to Boston to bring her back home."
"How did he know that she would go with him?" she inquired, playing along with his game.
"He didn't. And he was scared 'cause when he got there… here was a man who was smittin' with her and the mountain man, well, he though she might've forgotten everythin' she had waitin' for her back home."
"What was this other man's name?"
He paused. "Dr. Snivel."
"Snivel?" she exclaimed, only half aware of what he was saying while she went over Sully's words in her mind.
"Yeah. He looked at everyone with this big ol' smile… makes ya wonder… But back to the story."
"Did she go home with the mountain man?"
"Are ya gonna keep interruptin'? Lemme finish." He cleared his throat playfully and pressed a finger to the tip of her nose. "Yeah. She went with the mountain man. Though he wondered why she left Fancy Ol' Boston to be with him." A smile crept over his lips. "He didn't know why, but he was mighty happy."
"I know the answer to that," she smiled. "And I am permitted to interrupt to tell you why she fell in love with the mountain man." He looked at her curiously, but conceded. "Boston… Boston doesn't define her. It was a part of her, yes. But it wasn't her. He became a deeper part of her. No one could ever take her away from him because… because she loved him. And that mattered more than anything Boston could ever offer."
"They were so in love. They're both awfully stubborn. But it works out 'cause they're too stubborn to give up. And that's what matters. One day, he asked her to marry him. And she said 'yep'."
"Did she?"
He paused, looking at nothing. "It was almost the happiest day of his life."
"Almost?"
"A hawk came and took her away from him. And he was so scared that she would want to go with the hawk. But he still searched for her. He wouldn't stop until he found her. And he did. And he was so scared that she was hurt. It took a long time for her t'heal."
"He saved her…" she whispered. "But he was patient."
"Yep. Then she asked him to marry her. And they were married. The trees served as their witnesses. Her fancy white dress was an ol' blanket wrapped 'round her legs and one of his old shirts. And her ring was nothin' more than a piece o' leather from his buckskin coat. But the words he said? His… his vows? He meant every word. Even though it weren't the fancy weddin' he knew she wanted… it was one of the happiest moments of his life." His eyes turned to look at her, seeing the fatigue that was obvious in her gaze, but it was merely background to the love that lived so fervently in her eyes. All of the enthusiasm she had for life; he had never brought himself to even predict the passion she felt in love, the immensity lingering in every kiss.
"Did you know she never looked upon a man as she did him?" Michaela whispered, locked into his gaze. "He was the first person who made her feel like she was as equally safe as she was exposed. And it turned out that she did not want the fancy wedding. She realised… she realised that she had it all. And she was proud to wear his shirt. And she was proud to have that strip of leather. And… it was one of the happiest moments in her life, as well." Tears brimmed over her lids and fell down her cheeks before she felt his full lips kiss them off of her cheeks.
"They lived happily ever after," he finished. "And we will, too. Now, go back t'sleep."
The couple walked towards the sweat lodge as dawn broke across the horizon. Snow Bird had a bowl with some food in it while Cloud Dancing held another skin with water. They did not speak and when they arrived at the structure, they were silent as she kneeled down to place the skin and bowl through the open flap.
She stopped when she was placing the bowl inside and smiled. Cloud Dancing looked down at her before kneeling to see what had caught her attention.
"Look," she whispered as she finished placing the two items on the floor of their friend's temporary haven. "Even in sleep, they cannot be apart. It is as if it is too painful."
He smiled as he saw what she was referring to. They both had their arms wrapped around one another, Michaela's head against his bare chest and Sully's chin tucked over her head. The blanket that covered Michaela's legs was still wrapped around her waist with an animal skin that only partially covered their sleeping forms.
Both had been oblivious to their morning visitors when they finally slipped back into consciousness. Sully stretched slightly as he became aware of the fact that Michaela was in his arms. She felt him stirring and slowly began to awake. He groaned softly as his eyes fluttered open.
"You awake?" he whispered, gently running his hands across her back.
"No." She closed her eyes tightly. "How many more times do you think that we will go to sleep like this?"
Chuckling lightly, he kissed the top of her head. "I dunno. How many more time do ya think you'll wear my shirt and a blanket when we fall asleep?"
A small laugh escaped her throat as she pulled back to look at him. "I like your shirt."
"I think ya look good." Moving to rest on one of his elbows, he looked out the flap before returning his attention back to her. "How d'ya feel?"
The question had so many different levels and she closed her eyes. "Good. Light. As if weight has been removed from my shoulders and a burden that clenched my heart is gone." Opening them, she found his smiling face and reached up to kiss him, letting her hands reach to tangle in his hair. He complied easily, feeling the same kisses from so long ago; the tentative gesture as they danced around their urges. It had been so long since they had let themselves give in. Michaela felt her heart press against her chest, the fear and worry lingering, but she could not let it matter. She didn't want to.
When their kiss finally ended, they were quietly trying to catch their breath. "So, is this what marriage is going to be like?" she whispered, letting herself smile at the beautiful blue eyes that consumed her. "This feeling of…" She wasn't sure.
"Better." He promised, reaching for her hand and kissing the piece of leather around her ring finger. "Dr. Quinn."
She said nothing for a few moments and when she did finally speak, her voice was soft. "The proudest day of my life was to become a Dr. Quinn. Just like my father. It was a lifelong dream of mine. I did not mean to insult you. I am not ashamed of you. But that was what I wanted to be for so long… the next Dr. Quinn. In practise, I will be his daughter. Legally, I will be his daughter and your wife. And with you?" She reached and kissed his reverently once more. "I will be only Mrs. Sully."
"Just as long as you're my wife, I don't care what I call ya."
"What about the children?" she asked, sighing as a smile came over her face. "What will we do? How will we make this work?"
His rubbed his hand over his chin, thinking. Details… everything had been so easy last night. "I figure ya wanna tell them?"
"Of course, I do not want to deceive them. But the town…" She looked down. "They won't understand."
He nodded, knowing that she was speaking the truth. The townfolk wouldn't understand; not something like this. He only barely grasped it and knew that if he thought about it too much, it would not make sense to him, to either of them. "So, we'll tell the children. Tell them… we eloped."
"Eloped? But they were so excited about the wedding…"
Seeing the hesitation in her eyes, he nodded. "We'll tell them we eloped. And that we'll have a reception once the homestead is finished."
"Sully…" She sat up, adjusting the blanket around her waist and looking to the ground before looking at him. "Please. I have no qualms about our marriage having occurred like this. And I don't want the wedding that Dorothy and Grace have been wanting. All I want is you." She reached to caress his cheek. "I am not ashamed."
"It'll be our secret." He sat up and reached for her hand, caressing it softly. "The town don't have to know. We'll have them keep it a secret. And I'll sleep in the barn with Matthew."
"The barn?"
"Ya know why." The impish smile crept over his lips, his eyes alight.
For several moments, she looked away, the blush creeping over her cheeks. When she turned her gaze back to him, she nodded. "A secret. No shame. It could be fun."
There it was. He saw it. The slight teasing, the hope, the desire for adventure. "There ya are. Knew you were still in there somewhere." He winked.
"Do you always know the outcome? Or am I merely becoming predictable?"
"If there's one thing you'll never be, Michaela," he said with a grin. "And that's predictable."
