It was early in the morning, no one was awake besides himself. His nightmares only made it harder to sleep. After realizing he was petting a radio and cooing to it like it was Donnie himself, Leo felt a strange sort of fear. He wasn't sure if he was going crazy or what. His rational mind slowly started to turn its gears. After being completely lost for so long it felt foreign to put scepticism back to work. It was so foreign that it felt uncomfortable. He was now coming to terms with his hidden desires, how deeply he had loved his brother. It was to a point that he found life pointless, but he couldn't leave Raph and Mikey… and Splinter had already gone through so much that Leo found it to be out right treason if he left his family in one way or another. … but then, hadn't he already? He shut down, isolated himself.
It was a terrible thing to think about. He needed a distraction of some sort. He tried reading his Space Heroes comics but he had little interest in them. He missed having Donnie try to explain why the science of Space Heroes was actually plausible and how with all of their adventures it wouldn't be hard to make. Instead he opted for going through Donnie's books. Pulling out the ones that were well used by his brother. It helped him feel close.
Leo would pull a book from the shelf and run his fingers over the cover, taking in every tattered corner, scratch over the spine, even the eventual coffee stain. He would open the book and push his beak between the pages. Closing his eyes, if he breathed slow and steady, he could have sworn he could smell Donatello's breath lingering among the inked letters. Peaceful memories of Donatello with his beak in a book, mumbling to himself, started to ease Leo. Despite what media showed on TV, intelligent people would read aloud from time to time. It was normal, a natural process in order to focus.
He closed the book and pressed his lips against the smooth cover. He carefully put it back to its rightful place. His fingers ran over the book spines.
"I should have told you." Leo mused out loud. His voice low in reverence. "I admired how much you read. I admired… I loved," he corrected. "How you could call upon all your literary knowledge at any time. I would get lost in your words, the passion you would say them in."
He let out a heavy sigh of remorse. "I should have been by your side more. Listened to your every word… hugged you more…. Held you." He closed his eyes trying to remember how Donnie's skin felt. How warm his shell was. His smell of old books, coffee, and metal.
"I want to hold you, Donnie… and never let you go."
When he slowly opened his eyes he looked to the book his hand had stop to rest upon. The cover was a military green canvas, tattered and warped. He smiled sadly at it. If this book was alive it would have been the old stray dog that stole a child's heart. Donnie always brought home old books like Mikey with little lost pets. He always gave a dewey eyed look, arms heavy with beat, battered, and broken books. He simply couldn't leave them behind and it won him Leo's help to carry it all back home.
The book felt good in his hands as he pulled it out. Whatever lettering it once had was now barely flakes of stubborn black bits. He flipped it open and started to thumb through the pages of long, complicated text. He felt a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth as he mused over how Donnie must have poured himself over it. With a flip of a page he caught a whiff of something so tangible it felt he could touch it. His eyes slid shut, not even taking in what was on the pages. His heart fluttered, his breath held as he opened his mouth to breathe. He could taste the smell.
Donnie's smell. It was so powerful.
He felt a warmth behind him, ghostly fingers running up his arm. He tilted his head, as if allowing Donatello access to his neck. It was a sleep deprived fantasy. How he wished that Donatello was still there. That Donnie was touching him for real. He wanted to feel the scientist to gently push him up against the bookshelf. Slip his tongue over Leo's pulse. Have Donnie's hands pin his own up against the spines of those old books, preventing him from going anywhere.
He wanted it to be real…
"Donnie…" His voice dispelled the fantasy, chasing it away like morning to night.
He opened his eyes only halfway. He didn't feel shame in his desires. He wanted to do terrible things to Donatello. Things that would have cracked open their shells and allowed them to bleed upon one another, mix and bind for eternity. He wanted to place tears in those piercing eyes, tears of joy, tears of frustrated arousal. He wanted to slip his tongue between the gap in Donnie's teeth. Touch every bit of his skin and drown in his brother's essence.
He sighed and began to turn the page before something on it had caught his attention.
He blinked in curiosity, letting it fall back so he could see the light scribble in a margin. It was Leo's name in Donatello's hand writing, a heart drawn around it, traced several times. He placed his fingers over it, feeling his body start to tremble.
"You idiot." He felt heat in his eyes. Large tears pearled down his cheeks, down to the paper below.
"You goddamn idiot!" Leo had to lean against the bookshelf to keep himself upright. "You fucking moron." He choked out. He dropped the book, his hands balling into fists as he pushed his face up against the book spines, choking on every wail of sorrow. His tears burned his cheeks, his teeth gnashed together.
Donnie had loved him too?!
Leo was such an idiot! He should have known better! How Donnie always was there for him. He defended Leo, he took care of him. Going out of his way to do things for him. No wonder Donnie took everything that Leo dished out! No wonder… no wonder Donnie tried to seek love somewhere else… Leo was a damn idiot for not chasing after him! He was a fucking moron for not snapping up such a beautiful thing before it could be taken away from him.
"Fuck," He whimpered, his knees buckling. He slipped to the floor, his hand landing on the discarded book, wrinkling the pages. He tried scrubbing at his eyes. He wanted to see that doodle once more, like a man dying of thirst reaching for a mud puddle. He lapped at it not caring what it could do to him later. He ran his fingers over the dried ink, stroking and caressing. He was such an idiot. A fool…
It wasn't for a few more minutes before he could tell that there was a little arrow that lopped down under the drawn heart. It pointed over in the page to a cluster of words that had been circled in the same colored red ink.
Radio Equipped WAL locks
Radio… equipped WAL… wall?
A pressure stabbed into his head. The book fell as he clutched at his head. Those strange static voices murmured in the back of his mind.
"Romeo… Alpha… Delta…. In….dia…. Oscar…. Wall…. Wall…."
His eyes widened, slowly. The pain in his head increased as he started to understand.
His wide eyed gaze snapped over to the radio by the bed. He only now realized that it was nothing but static, steadily getting louder.
He looked back to the book. He fumbled it to the beginning pages seeing what it read;
FM 24-6
War Department Field Manual
Radio Operator's Manual
Army Ground Forces
He swallowed, the rational part of his mind tried to offer an explanation of grasping at straws. That this wasn't real, it was all part of his developing insanity. But there was another part of him. The part of him that could smell Donnie, that could still hear his voice, still feel his warmth, and that part said that this was truly happening.
Leo licked his lips. There was a faint memory of his, something far back where Donnie was once again spouting out random facts at rapid fire speed. But he said some things that Leo was able to hold onto. This was… how to understand licence plate letters.
He tried to find his voice, scared to speak because if he was wrong… then there truly was no hope.
He opened the manual back to the page with Leo's name on it. He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could. Fingers on the writing. His heart hammered as he forced himself to face this hard choice. Either run the test that he was thinking of or not. If he did, he could prove to himself that Donnie was not a fractured piece of his mind or it could prove that he was truly gone.
He had to do it.
"Delta… O-Oscar…" He licked his lips, trying to remember what was used for 'N'. "November… November…" What was 'I'? Maybe his dream… in his dream it was, "India… Echo."
There was nothing but that terrible static.
He ground his teeth together. He was just crazy. He was so insane that-
"Lima… Echo… Oscar…."
Leo felt something spark inside. His eyes opened, widening as he looked once more at the radio across the room.
"Donnie!" He scrambled up, paddling up to his feet and running to the radio.
It wasn't a dream! This wasn't insanity! This was Donnie's voice in the static of the radio!
"Donnie!" He started to mess with the dials, adjusting the antenna. "Donnie, keep talking! Keep talking, please!"
There was a series of beeps that were covered up by strong static once more, Leo's head pounding in pain as a sudden sound cut through.
"Sorry, Soldier," Leo held his palms over his ears as a strange voice came over the radio sounding like the voice of a public announcement back in time. "Leave is not granted."
"What does that-AAAAHHH!" He stumbled, that terrible sound only got louder.
It was all suddenly gone, leaving him alone and in pain. He growled, grabbing the radio with both hands.
"Donnie! Donnie! I know you're there! Come on, Don!"
The bedroom door opened, the Splinter walked in, Mikey and Raph following him.
"Leonardo, what are you-"
"I heard him!" Leo shook the radio. "I heard him, he talked to me!"
"Leonardo, it is nothing but a radio."
"You think I don't know that?!" Leo snapped at his father, baring his teeth. "I heard his voice! He spoke to me! Then…" Leo's eyes started to burn with a dangerous fire as a thought came to him. What if the reason why all of this was happening was because someone 'took' Donnie. What if he was kidnapped? It made sense. It was the only way to keep Donnie from home. Keep him away from Leo.
Someone took his Donatello.
"They took him."
"No one took Donnie, Leo." Mikey tried speaking in a soft manner.
But Leo didn't hear Mikey as he stared down at the radio, shock settling in. Someone… something, had taken his brother, and if his dreams weren't just dreams then… Donnie was actually living through all of that.
How? How was he supposed to help him out of there, away from all that pain?
The familiar hand of his father's rested on his back. He looked up at him, lost and helpless. Splinter leaned down and wrapped his arms around his son. He tucked a hand under Leo's butt and lifted him up like a child, and Leo, his mind completely scrambled, all he could do was allow his father to carry him as if he was a five year old boy.
Raph folded his arms across his chest as he stepped to the side to let Splinter take Leo out of the room. Enough was enough. He was going to get that address from Casey and get Leo out of the sewers. He was going to do it that very night.
It took Casey some time to get to the lair. Raph was getting impatient and every time he wanted to call him and yell at Casey to move faster he would have to take a breathe. He had to remind himself that Casey was going through a lot as well. It wasn't fair of him to scream and holler especially when the human was already doing a huge favor for them.
In the meantime, they packed. Put together their food, rolled up bedding, and was selective on the things that they chose to bring for entertainment.
Most of the time Raph kept an eye on Leo while Mikey and Splinter went around. He paced as his brother tapped a kunai against the cement floor that served as the backing of their makeshift seating arrangement. The series of tapping was starting to get on his nerves. He wanted to kick the kunai away. He wanted to yell as Leo for allowing himself to spiral so out of control. He was their leader! He was supposed to be the strongest out of all of them, he… he… Raph ran a hand over his head taking in a deep breath.
Leo had his breaking points just like everyone else.
All Raph could do is remove Leo from this place. Get him away and… maybe they would never come back… it was a sacrifice that he was willing to make.
When Splinter had finished he came up to Raphael. He smiled softly, "I will wait for Casey. You should pack."
Raph's eyes went to the open turnstiles over to Leo. Knowing the conflict Splinter put on his best smile. "Do not worry. When Casey arrives I will send for you. Michelangelo is currently packing a bag for Leonardo."
The red banded turtle nodded. He knew Mikey wouldn't disturb anything that was Donnie's. It was his main worry with Leo packing for himself. That Leo would go take some things that had once been held by his brother and this plan of healing would go up in flames. It took some of the edge off of his shell knowing that Mikey was in charge.
As he went to pack he looked to his eldest brother once more. Leo's knees were drawn up, arm over his knees, a dark look of contemplation soured his features. He wished he could do more in order to get him to smile and be his old self. He felt a pang in his heart when a little voice whispered in his head, "It'll never be the same." He hated that voice, and how right it was.
It was roughly ten more minutes before Casey came in. He offered Splinter a smile and even a respectful bown that he's seen the turtles and April do, his hands stuffed in the pouch of his hoodie. Splinter smiled and returned the bow.
"It is good to see you, Mr. Jones." Splinter said.
"Sorry that it took so long to get here. I had to ask April to babysit my sis."
"You have a little sister? I did not know."
Casey shrugged. "Don't blame ya. Casey Jones is a private sort, humble, and pure of heart, yo."
Splinter chuckled. "I shall go fetch Raphael for you."
"No hurry, Master dude." Casey started to go over to Leo. "We got all night."
The ninja master shook his head, enjoying the light tone of the human as he went to get his son. He liked how Casey flopped down next to Leonardo and acted as if he was not broken.
"Hey, Leo." Casey kicked up his feet onto a milk crate that was being used as an end table. The comics on it wrinkled under his heels. "What's you up to?"
Leo didn't respond, only continued to tap in that rhythm. His mind mulling over different options he had to help Donatello. The only conclusion he could come up with is that he had to get a hold of a more powerful radio. Maybe then he could properly talk to Donnie. Would a CB really work? What if the type of radio really was a factor? Did he need a crystal radio? Or something that is distinctly used in the military? After getting a hold of Donnie… what then? How could he reach across the vast cassum that was the line between life and death? How could he save Donnie?
Casey smiled that weird grin of his. It seemed that only Casey could make a mouth full of teeth look toothless. "You got a new hobby? I would suggest something with more action like hokey, but if Morse Code's your thing then-"
Leo's eyes snapped over to him, focused and deadly. It made the words die off of Casey's tongue.
"What did you say?" Leo's voice was gruff.
"Whoa, dude…. Bro, I didn't mean any offense. Hockey's just better in my opinion."
The kunai scrapped over the cement, leaving a small groove as Leo brought it forward to point at Casey with it. "Not what you meant. What did you say?"
"M-morse code?" He leaned back from the deadly object.
Leo's eyes roamed to the side as he delved deep in thought. "I don't know Morse Code. How much do you know about it?"
"Only what my grandpa taught me. He was a world war vet." Casey was quick to answer.
Blue eyes snapped back to the human. He flipped the kunai and started to tap it once more. "What does this say?"
"I-I uh… I'm a bit rusty but… I think it's numbers."
"Write them down."
"You could ask me nicely." Casey scoffed while he sat up. He had to get out of his seat to find paper and pen. He listened to what Leo was lining out. He would write, then wait and listen before writing again. When the sequence repeated he double checked his work.
"Think I got it," the human frowned as he scratched his chin.
"Let me see."
Casey shrugged and ripped a page out of the notebook he held. He handed the paper over. "You really need this vacation, bro. You're super tense."
Leo's brows knitted together as he stared at the numbers. "Vacation? What vacation?"
"Nothing big," Casey started to write down some more stuff on another page from the spiral notebook he held. "Just something to help you relax and get your head in the right space."
"I'm not going anywhere." Leo growled. He folded the paper and tucked it into his belt.
"I don't think you got much choice."
"What does that mean?" The feral look in those blue eyes made Casey take a step back.
"I mean everyone is going, are-aren't you?"
"I'm not going anywhere!" Leo shouted.
"But-" Casey cringed when a green hand shot out and grabbed the front of his hoodie. He was yanked down to Leo's face. The tip of his kunai held up in a threatening gesture.
"I left him once, I won't do it again. Do you understand me?!"
"I-I get it!" He didn't know what to say. He had no clue what Leo was going on about. He thought if he agreed with the mutant turtle he would be less likely to get stabbed.
Leo shook Casey hard. "No you don't! I won't leave, Donnie again!"
There was a sudden sharp pain in Leo's neck and shoulder. The world started to tilt before turning black and he slumped over, letting go of Casey. Master Splinter was crouched behind his eldest son, having to reach down to hit the right pressure points to knock him out.
Casey panted.
"That… was… totally messed up!"
