Chapter 8: Beneath the Mask

(Whew, what a week it's been. Suffered a sudden computer mishap when my laptop got away from me and tumbled down a flight of stairs. I wasn't in any danger, but it sure made a horrible mess and brought about a weeklong search and wait while I found a new one and installed everything. Luckily, I keep updated copies of everything on my external hard drive or this could have been a real disaster. Anyway, I am up and running again, and will have more updates for everyone waiting. Take care and enjoy the new chapter. Love to all, Spunky.)

Byakuya rested against a pile of soft pillows in his bed, his dark eyes looking out into lovely, tranquil gardens that were decidedly opposite of the state his heart was in. He felt that critical organ racing uncomfortably again and adjusted his breathing to help slow it.

It is hard to know the difference sometimes between a heart under stress and simple anxiety. Although…anxiety is never simple. It is easy enough to tell myself that nothing is wrong or that I should not let myself worry. It is another thing entirely when my body exhibits signs of panic when there is nothing overt wrong at all.

I had the first of these panic attacks after Ichigo left. I was struggling to manage my emotions about losing our son and about Ichigo leaving. I was contending with Suki's nightmares and the blame that Torao placed on me for Ichigo leaving. I have never been one to be ruled by emotion, but even when things were somewhat quiet, my body would sometimes panic. It was humiliating to admit that I could not control my own body. I hated myself for my weakness.

I do not often think very kindly of Yukihana…or rather, Shihoin Hinata, but when my panic attacks began to affect my ability to cope, he was the only therapist able to have a positive effect on my depression and anxiety. His methods are somewhat unconventional, however, amidst the ruins of my marriage to Ichigo, he was a comfort.

"Ah," Hinata's amused sounding voice said from the doorway, "you are looking rather blue today, my brooding beauty. But then, I heard a silly rumor that you had let that brutish ginger-haired cyclone back into your pretty manor."

He paused and looked around the room curiously.

"Was I mistaken?"

Hinata noticed suddenly that Byakuya had not responded at all to his gentle teasing, but had fastened his eyes on the tiny infant that he held.

"Oh, you haven't met Crevan yet, have you?" he chuckled, moving to Byakuya's bedside and offering the little blonde infant to him.

Byakuya accepted the baby into his arms and gazed down at him quietly, breathing in his soft, sweet scent and instantly taken back in time.

Ichigo moved forward and closed his eyes as he placed his hand on the doorknob. His heart pounding, he turned the handle and opened the door, then froze, staring. Byakuya sat on the bed with his back against a soft pile of pillows, and with Torao in his arms and feeding enthusiastically. Ichigo remained speechless for a moment as a deep feeling of affection blossomed in his inside.

"You look surprised," Byakuya said, keeping his eyes on Torao, "Kisuke didn't tell you?"

Ichigo's lips curved upward.

"I think he wanted me to see and make my own conclusions."

Byakuya paused, letting out a measured breath and coloring slightly.

"And?"

Ichigo moved to the side of the bed and sat down in the chair next to it. He leaned wearily against Byakuya and kissed him on the cheek.

"I think you're amazing," he answered honestly, "I never know what to expect from you. You surprise me every day, Byakuya. I know things are pretty scary and uncomfortable now, but we're gonna be okay. If we can get through all that we have and we're still here, we'll be all right."

"Is that what you really think, or are you just trying not to frighten me?" Byakuya asked, glancing at him, then looking down at the contentedly nursing baby.

"I'm not going to lie to you. I'm scared out of my wits and I feel like I have no control over anything here, but seeing you with him when I came in the door just made me stop and see it's not all scary. It's not all bad. There are good things happening too. We have each other. We have two beautiful, healthy babies. We're a family now."

"But...for how long do we...?"

Ichigo's fingers touched Byakuya's lips lightly, stopping him.

"We don't know how long, but who ever knows how long they have to enjoy the good things?"

The little blonde baby squealed anxiously and reached in Hinata's direction.

"We gave him a Celtic name," the counselor explained, "It means fox, which in my sweet kitten, Satoshi's, family is a high compliment. Isn't it, little one?"

He tickled the baby under the chin, his golden eyes observing Byakuya closely. The Kuchiki leader kissed the baby on the top of his head, then handed him back to Hinata, who turned away for a moment.

"Torio-chan," he called out cheerfully.

"Hai, Hinata-san," Torio answered, peeking in through the doorway.

"Would you mind taking Crevan for a bit? I need to counsel Byakuya-san."

"Of course," Torio said, grinning as he accepted the baby into his arms, "I will take him for a walk in the gardens. We have some new koi in the pond."

"Thank you, dear."

Hinata glanced at Byakuya as the attendant left the room and found him to be looking quietly out into the gardens again, one hand resting lightly on his breast and a slight flush on his skin.

"Oh my. That ex of yours has you all in a flutter, doesn't he?" he deduced, "But then, he always did know how to upset you, didn't he?"

"Are you here to assist me or to simply aggravate me more?" Byakuya asked shortly.

"I am always here to help," Hinata chuckled, "Would you like me to calm you down a little first? A bit of healing massage?"

"That usually helps," Byakuya sighed, moving forward as Hinata slipped his shoes off and removed his cloak, then rolled up his sleeves.

He climbed onto the bed and took up a position behind the Kuchiki leader, pausing for a moment before beginning.

"With your permission, dear," he said in a professional tone.

"Proceed," Byakuya said quietly.

Byakuya felt an instant touch of relief as the counselor's reiatsu curled around him, making the world outside the two of them seem to disappear. Relief washed over him at feeling more distance between the troubled world he lived in, and this familiar, removed place that the counselor had granted him. Hinata's warm hands touched the sides of his face and the counselor's body pressed gently up against his back.

"Relax," he advised Byakuya, "Close your eyes. Nemuri…"

As Hinata's power made everything around him fade into the distance, Byakuya centered on the still accelerated beating of his heart.

"Breathe with me, like we've done before," Hinata purred into his ear.

Byakuya moved slowly into the familiar set of breathing exercises as Hinata's fingers caressed his hair and made little circles on his temples. His head tipped back and came to rest on the counselor's shoulder as Hinata's capable hands moved on to massage the tense muscles of his slender neck and shoulders.

"Oh, you are a mess today, aren't you?" Hinata clucked disapprovingly, shaking his head, "What did that Shiba boy do to you this time?"

"He impregnated me," Byakuya said calmly, "again."

Hinata made a sound of surprise and sat back slightly.

"Well, that was sudden," he mused, "Is that why you let him back into your home?"

"No," Byakuya sighed as Hinata moved to sit in front of him on the bed, "I was following up on a lead that might be related to our son. I was attacked and badly injured, and Ichigo sensed it and came to assist in my healing. We…had a weak moment."

"I see," Hinata huffed, smirking and shaking his head, "You two."

"And although I was unable to conceive when we were in love and actually wanted a child, we had no trouble at all conceiving now that it would bring nothing but chaos."

"Such are the vagaries of love," Hinata sighed, "But you say that you didn't know about the new little sprout until after you had convinced Ichigo to come back here with you?"

"I did not convince him. He just decided to come back with me."

"And you just let him?" Hinata asked, tilting his head questioningly, "Just like that, you let him waltz back in here? After the public humiliation and six years of torment he gave you? How unlike your more spirited self. What has that fool done to you?"

"I gave him a guest room."

"Did he use it?" Hinata asked skeptically.

"He did," Byakuya explained, "however, I did remain with him, as coming back here was difficult for him, especially when he visited Soujun's room."

"Hmm, I can see that would have gotten to even that usually oblivious little hothead," Hinata commented, taking Byakuya's hands, "But…and I ask this as it relates to your therapy, of course…did you sleep with him again?"

Byakuya colored slightly.

"No," he answered in a flustered tone, "although if he had risen out of his misery and only kissed me, I would have given in instantly."

Hinata gave him a look of genuine sympathy.

"You were certainly not the one who had trouble falling in love in the first place, but…you know, Byakuya, dear, he did eventually fall in love with you, very deeply in love."

"And for a while, we were happy," Byakuya said softly, looking down at his hands as Hinata caressed his fingertips, "I just do not know if, after watching him leave as he did, after having to stand in front of the gathering of our elders and listen to him say that he was abandoning me, due to irreconcilable differences, that I can trust Ichigo not to leave again if the circumstances of our life together become difficult. If I should lose this child, which, given my difficulty conceiving, is a possibility, I wonder if he would…"

"Shh, now stop right there," Hinata chided him, squeezing his hands, then moving around behind him again, "You said, yourself, that Ichigo did not return because of the child."

"He may have returned out of sympathy for me, because of my injury. He does tend to do things in a headlong manner."

"He does, doesn't he?" Hinata sighed, "Impetuous thing, isn't he? But he really has a lock on that surprisingly vulnerable heart of yours. No wonder your panic attacks came back. Despite how he broke it, you want very much to have him back in your life."

"Except that my heart has become more wary. I admit I am afraid he will leave me again. I do not usually give in to fear so easily."

"No, you are admirably brave."

"But I cannot even bear the thought of standing before the elders and arguing that they should support our renewed coupling after sitting silent and allowing Ichigo to vociferously deny that this would ever happen."

Hinata gave Byakuya a dubious look.

"I also think you have been humiliated enough," he huffed softly, "You know that I hear everything that goes on behind those fake smiles."

"I suppose the criticism was rather vicious when Ichigo left."

"I am afraid so," Hinata confessed, "They forget entirely that they basically forced you two together."

"They changed their minds when they learned that I am, in fact, a half blood."

"Ah yes. There were those still harping on that, although the majority just shook their heads as though it was to be expected that little fire breathing monster would abandon you, sooner or later. There was more surprise at how long it lasted."

"Are you really thinking that this is helping?" Byakuya asked dryly.

"Well, you did ask, love," Hinata chuckled, "But let's focus on you. Is the massage and breathing helping?"

"Some."

He reached around Byakuya's side and placed a hand on his breast, sending his reiatsu into the area and attending to it silently. Byakuya continued his slow breathing.

"Your heart has slowed down some and you aren't sweating anymore," the counselor noted, "but you are still unusually tense. I think we'll need to go in a bit deeper."

He positioned his hands on Byakuya's shoulders and pressed his fingers in more deeply until Byakuya's breath caught softly and he sighed in relief.

"That is definitely better," Hinata said approvingly, intensifying the motion of his hands.

He leaned forward, breathing his next few words into the Kuchiki leader's ear.

"Just let those nasty, internal voices fade away. Think about walking in your gardens…feeding your new koi…breathing in the sweet scent of…"

He broke off suddenly as Ichigo stepped in through the open garden doors, his eyes narrowing and his lips scowling. He glared at Hinata, who sat back slightly and cleared his throat disapprovingly.

"What the heck are you doing to him?" Ichigo demanded, "Last time I checked, you were married to Shihoin Satoshi. Why are you in bed with my…w-with Byakuya? You do know he's having my kid, don't you?"

"I am aware," the counselor said sternly, "And, I will have you know that I am here for Byakuya-chan's therapy."

"Therapy?" Ichigo objected, "You were holding him against you and breathing in his ear! What are you counseling him about? Seduction techniques?"

"Oh, I don't think Byakuya-chan needs any help there," he said, smirking, "He does, however, need assistance managing the crushing weight of carrying a big, bright, shiny torch for you, no matter how much water you throw on it every chance you get. You know, I just worked out the last of the kinks in those slim shoulders of his and here you are, piling on more weight. Shame on you! Do you have a single empathetic bone in that tall, gangly body of yours?"

"Just shut up and get out," Ichigo said shortly, "If Byakuya is tense, then we'll talk about it. We'll work it out. He doesn't need you, filling his head with nonsense!"

"And what kind of nonsense would that be?" Hinata asked sarcastically, "Would you like to know what I've been whispering into your former flame's ear?"

"There is such a thing as medical privacy," Byakuya said stiffly, "Hinata, if you will please leave us. Thank you. I will contact you later to discuss our next meeting."

"Of course, my little cherry blossom," Hinata said affectionately, "You know where to find me."

Ichigo gritted his teeth and let out a heated breath as Hinata flash stepped away.

"Man, that guy is annoying!" he fumed, "Why the heck do you see him anyway? Because I know you aren't getting sexual therapy."

"No," Byakuya said in a clipped tone, "I have been seeing Shihoin Hinata because of stress, both from our breakup as well as the fallout within the family and the Noble's General Council. Add to that, caring for two children who lost their brother and bearing my own emotions about that loss, I found that he was the only therapist that seemed to have a positive effect."

"What? Because he insults me with every other breath?" Ichigo huffed angrily.

"Well, you are quite antagonistic with him," Byakuya commented.

"I came in here and he was all snuggled up to you and breathing hot air on your neck. You know, you're still blushing! You know exactly what he was doing."

"And what was that?" Byakuya countered, "The man was offering me deep massage to relieve tension. He had to get close to me to be able to do that. And if he was speaking into my ear, it was to soothe me. It was working quite well, until you misread the situation and overreacted."

"I'm overreacting about seeing you getting cozy with another guy?" Ichigo complained.

"Hinata is married to someone else. But even if he was not, I do not think you have the right to dictate who I see, when you and I are far from committed to a functional relationship."

"What the…? We're having a baby! You don't call that committed?" Ichigo shouted.

"We do not have to renew our relationship to co-parent a child!" Byakuya argued, "And if we are going to be together, then our connection should be strong enough so that you trust me when I tell you I have no interest in Hinata, nor does he have an interest in me. I have not so much as looked in another man or woman's direction with that sort of intent since we divorced."

"Like I could do that either!" Ichigo snapped, "I wasn't going to do something like that, knowing that my soul mate would sense it in a second. I really wasn't out to hurt you any more than I had to!"

"I am sorry that our bonding was such a burden to you," Byakuya said bitterly, tears forming in the corners of his dark eyes, "If you will remember, it was a matter of fate, not choice!"

"Yeah, I guess fate thought we'd be better off being alone."

"It was not fate who decided that, Ichigo. It was you," Byakuya accused him.

Ichigo stiffened and started to offer a scathing reply, but before the words could escape, he bit them back forcibly. He took a steadying breath and met Byakuya's eyes squarely.

"Yeah," he said gruffly, "Okay, fine. I did. I said that I was wrong and I apologized for that. I thought that we were trying to get back together. Are you saying now that isn't what you want? What about the baby?"

"A baby!" Suki's voice exclaimed from outside the garden doors, startling the two men within, "Y-you're having a baby?"

"What are you doing, listening in on our conversation?" Ichigo scolded the girl, "Suki…"

"I knew there was something that made you come back," Torao added, revealing where he stood beside his sister.

"I didn't come back because of the baby," Ichigo said sternly, "Byakuya and I just barely realized that he is going to have the baby."

He took a steadying breath and met Byakuya's eyes warily.

"I came back because I want us to be a family again."

"What if you decide to leave again?" Torao asked, his eyes clouding.

"I won't," Ichigo promised, holding Byakuya's gaze steadily, "It was a mistake for me to leave in the first place. I love Byakuya and I never should have left. I made a mistake. I'm just lucky Byakuya has agreed to give us another chance."

Byakuya held back speaking, but nodded briefly.

"Now, I want you two to go wash up and get ready for dinner. Tell Matsuko-san that Byakuya and I will be having our dinner in here. You two will have dinner with Tetsuya and Renji…and there will be no more eavesdropping!" Ichigo said firmly, "Go on."

He shook his head and let out a resigned breath as the two children turned and ran towards the bathing chamber.

"Sorry, Byakuya," he apologized sincerely, "I didn't tell them about the baby while we were training. I figured you and I would tell them together."

"It seems we did that," Byakuya sighed, "So, the die is cast."

Ichigo bit at his lip in frustration.

"Look, if you're telling me you feel trapped and that this isn't what you want, then…we've got a problem," Ichigo acknowledged, "Is that it, then? You feel trapped? You want out?"

Byakuya looked back at him with a troubled expression.

"I want to reconcile as much as you do, Ichigo. I just…"

He stiffened as he heard Kisuke's voice sound, out in the gardens. Ichigo spotted immediately the shiver that went through Byakuya's body and the edge of fear in his dark grey eyes. A little shaft of uncertainty registered deep in his chest.

"Byakuya," he said worriedly, "what's really going on here? You think there's something more going on than just a pregnancy, don't you?"

Byakuya sighed and gave in easily as Ichigo sat down beside him and hugged him tightly.

"I told you about the pains I was having," Byakuya reminded him.

"Yeah," Ichigo acknowledged, "Are you saying they're not getting any better?"

"No, they are getting worse," Byakuya admitted, "Ichigo, I…"

"Hey," Ichigo said, stopping him with a stronger hug and a long, comforting kiss, "It's going to be okay. You're going to be fine. We're going to work things out and we'll be a family again. And this baby is going to grow up knowing that there is nothing now that can separate us again. Please trust me, Byakuya. The hard stuff is over. We've been through the worst. It only gets better from here."

Byakuya couldn't find the words to answer, but he held Ichigo tightly, nodding into his shoulder as Kisuke's footsteps approached the room.

"Hiya," the shopkeeper greeted them, surprising the two as he entered the room with Tama at his side.

Byakuya let out a relieved breath and relaxed slightly as he spotted his father.

"I am sorry to have disrupted your anniversary," Byakuya apologized.

"It's okay," Kisuke assured him, "We'll get back to it."

"We just want to make sure you are all right before we attend to that," Tama added.

"So, what's going on, Byakuya-san?" Kisuke asked, "Are you still having those pains in the area where you were injured?"

"Yes," Byakuya admitted, "and what concerns me is that, not only are they not getting better, they are growing worse."

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" Kisuke said, moving forward and waiting as Byakuya laid down.

The shopkeeper quickly checked Byakuya's vital signs and drew samples of his blood and reiatsu.

"I should tell you that I am with child," Byakuya quietly informed him.

Tama broke into a pleased smile.

"Congratulations, segare. This is good news, ne?"

"Yeah," Ichigo agreed, "We're real happy about it, even though it happened pretty suddenly. Byakuya and I were reconciling anyway, but now this makes things even better."

"I'm glad to hear you're working things out," Kisuke said approvingly, "and incidentally, it could be the early changes of the pregnancy causing some problems, here, but we'll get that all sorted out. I will take a quick scan of your heart and we'll let you two get to the fabulous dinner we smelled on the way in."

"You are welcome to join us for dinner if you wish," Byakuya invited him.

"Thank you," Tama said, smiling and glancing at Kisuke.

"I'm in," Kisuke chuckled, leaning over Byakuya and carefully scanning the Kuchiki leader's heart.

He took a number of readings and several images, then sat back, his eyes thoughtful.

"Well?" Ichigo asked anxiously.

"I didn't see anything shocking," Kisuke assured them, "but I can't give a definitive answer until I look more closely at the scans and do a comparative analysis with the scans I did after the initial injury. I will get that done and get back to you asap, all right?"

"But you supposed to be enjoying your anniversary," Byakuya objected.

"We will get to that, segare," Tama said, squeezing Byakuya's hand, "Family comes first. As soon as all is well with you, we will celebrate to our heart's content. I promise."

"Thank you," Byakuya said gratefully.

"And we'll have a lot to celebrate," Kisuke said cheerfully.

Byakuya and Ichigo exchanged curious glances and looked back at the other two men.

"Cause," Kisuke continued, "Tama's going to have a baby too."