Author's Note:

Hello. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, Chanukah and are having a wonderful December so far.

So reviews for last chapter were surprisingly low and it made me sad and worried so I hope you're still with me and it's just the holiday season. But if there is something you'd like to talk about please feel free to let me know in a review or PM me or message me on tumblr or twitter. I don't mind discussing things at all!

I know there was no Kurt last chapter but I promise that won't happen often, I have no further chapters planned at this time without them both. Just in case that worried you.

Many thanks to my beta tifarae as always.


"Dad's gonna be here to pick you up in an hour, so if you want to call Kurt you better get on it," Cooper yelled across the apartment.

He'd been up for hours. Showered and dressed, had breakfast, and paced. After a night's sleep and the return of his ability to actually think about all he'd planned to do yesterday, Blaine had come to the conclusion that he'd been crazy.

How did he think he was going to get advice from Kurt about Rachel's party if he was too afraid to even tell Kurt why he couldn't go?

And then he wondered, if he had raced into Cooper's and been able to use the phone right away with no interruptions, would he have forgotten to be scared and told him anyway?

There was no way to know now. All he knew was that he'd gone through enough to talk to Kurt that if he didn't at least pick up the phone to hear his voice, whether he talked about Rachel's party or not, he would always regret it.

He grabbed the phone and dialed, his heart beating nervously in his chest for some reason, until Kurt answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Kurt, it's Blaine," he said with the biggest smile on his face. He settled on his bed, curling up against the headboard.

"Hey!" Kurt cheered into the phone. "This is a surprise. I thought you couldn't call this weekend cause you were at your parents?"

"Yeah, well, I kinda took an unexpected detour last night to Cooper's," Blaine admitted and the guilt in his voice was clear.

"Detour as in you ran away?!" Kurt gasped in shock.

"Well it's not like I packed my bags and took a plane to New York," Blaine teased for a second but grew somber again quickly. "But yeah, I guess. I snuck out of the theater and took the subway to Cooper's."

"Oh my god, by yourself Blaine?" Kurt gasped again. "Your parents couldn't have been happy with that! What happened?"

Blaine blushed, even over the phone. "Doesn't matter," he muttered dismissively. "The point is, I'm still at Cooper's and getting to talk to you, so…hi."

"Hi," Kurt giggled. He tried to decide whether to pursue Blaine's comment, but he chose to leave it be for then. "So my Dad and I are starting to plan my birthday party. It's kind of a toss up between a Broadway themed party and a bowling party."

"The big 9! Almost at double digits like me," Blaine teased. "You definitely have to go with the Broadway party, then you and Rachel can compare notes after," Blaine blurted without thinking then smacked his hand over his mouth in panic.

"Is Rachel having a Broadway party too?" Kurt asked, unsure. As always, he could tell that something was wrong but he didn't know what. This time though, he wouldn't let it go. "Blaine, what's the matter?" Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and pursed his lips, unable to say the words out loud. The silence was deafening to Kurt. "Look Blaine, if you don't trust me, it's okay, I understand," Kurt said, but his voice was sad.

"It's not that I don't trust you, I'm just afraid…" Blaine started, but trailed off.

"Afraid of what?" Kurt prompted gently.

Blaine looked at his notebook, lying on his desk. "You know what I love about writing to you?" he asked. "It's like writing in a journal that answers back. All those words that are too scary for the air are solid on the paper. Folded and tucked away in a sealed envelope with a stamp. Then they're left, away from prying eyes in any mailbox on the street and it's sent straight to you. For your eyes only. And just when I'm starting to feel scared instead of relieved that I've put those words on paper, your letter comes and makes me know there's no reason to be afraid. Don't get me wrong, I really like talking to you, but words on paper…?"

"They stay secrets," Kurt finished for him.

Blaine smiled and relaxed. Of course Kurt understood. And if Kurt understood that, if Kurt really was the friend that he told Cooper he was, then shouldn't he do what he said he did and tell him everything? Or at least what he'd planned to tell him last night? "I ran away because I knew I couldn't go to Rachel's party," he explained nervously.

"Why can't you go?" Kurt held his breath, waiting for the answer. Waiting to maybe finally be let into Blaine's life just a little bit more than he had been so far.

"My parents…they don't let me go to her house. Because…" He squeezed his eyes shut, hating the words he was about to say. "Because her parents…they're gay. She has two dads." Blaine grabbed the blanket and pulled it over himself, hoping that he didn't just ruin everything.

"Wow," Kurt frowned. His heart jumped and his stomach tensed, though he didn't know why so he tried to shove it aside to worry about later. This was about Blaine. "I didn't know Rachel had two dads."

"Kurt, that's not the point," Blaine whined.

Kurt huffed. "I know Blaine, just give me a second to catch up here." Blaine held his breath, trying to wait patiently. "Okay. So you ran away because your dad said you couldn't go to the party?"

"No," Blaine tried to explain for the second time in two days. "I didn't even ask. He's never let me go to Rachel's house before and I knew this time would be no different. I just…I think I panicked. I didn't know what to do or what to tell her and the only thing I could think of was to ask you and so I had to get to Cooper's house and I just really wasn't thinking."

"Oh," Kurt said with a smile he just couldn't help. Blaine had run for him. To him. His heart fluttered slightly at the thought. "Well I don't know. What have you told her before when she asked you over?"

"I, um," Blaine thought back. "I think I just always told her my Dad said no. Or asked if she could come over instead. I never really told her why."

"So what's he told you about why he doesn't want you to go there? I mean, what's the big deal?"

Blaine shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think there is one, but he does."

"Then maybe you should ask your Dad what you should tell her," Kurt told him. "If he's the one saying you can't go because of her Dads then make him put it into words. Maybe he'll realize he's forcing you to either lie or hurt one of your friends. Maybe he'll realize that's pretty wrong."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "I'll believe that when I see it," he scoffed but he filed away the advice anyway. "So you're not mad at me?" he asked with a note of relief.

"Why would I be mad at you?" Kurt asked, genuinely confused.

"You know," Blaine shrugged. "Because of the things my dad thinks."

"You're not your father, you don't have to think like him," Kurt said. "And you don't, right?"

"Of course not," Blaine said with conviction.

"Then I have nothing to be mad at you about," Kurt promised. "You know the one thing I've learned since my mom died? Parents are people too. They aren't superheroes. They can't stop the awful things from happening and they make mistakes. I think your dad is making a mistake here. But maybe someday you can change that."

Blaine thought about what Kurt said. And he felt his view of the world slip just slightly off its axis. Because maybe it wasn't Gavroche's defiance that made him a hero. Maybe it was just his willingness to be himself and be heard. "Maybe someday I can," he thought aloud.

"I have to go Blaine. You okay?"

"Yeah I think I really am. I'll talk to you soon," Blaine said.

"I'll write to you sooner," Kurt promised.


"Everything okay?" Burt asked as Kurt hung up the phone. He hadn't wanted to interrupt, but the conversation seemed to be getting pretty deep. So he made himself look busy in the kitchen, organizing a drawer that had been way over due for a cleaning and kept both ears on his son. "Did I hear you say that Blaine ran away?"

"Sort of, I guess." Kurt turned around on the stool beneath the phone and sat down. "Rachel's having a party and he can't go because she has two Dads."

"Oh, I see," Burt said easily. He closed the drawer and rested his elbows on the counter, trying to remain calm and casual. Inside he was anything but.

"Why won't Blaine's dad let him go just because of that?" Kurt knew that if anyone had the answer his Dad might and then maybe he could call Blaine back.

Burt thought hard before deciding on how to answer. He didn't want to make assumptions, kids had a way of not always understanding what things are about, especially if they'd gotten the information from another kid. But he also didn't want to just avoid the question because it was a good one. And, Burt expected, an important one. "Well, some people are just afraid of people that are different."

"Why?" Kurt asked.

"It's hard to say," Burt explained. "There are a lot of reasons why. Most of them aren't very good, but it's always better to listen before you judge."

"Are you afraid of people that are different?" Kurt looked at Burt like he held every answer in the world.

Moments like these were the most terrifying and exhilarating of every parent's life and as Burt walked around the counter to be closer to Kurt, he knew that this moment could some day be one of the most important. "All that matters to me Kurt, is that you're a good person. The rest just makes you who you are. You see, we're all different. So there's not really anything to be afraid of."

Kurt smiled softly, then his eyes lit up. "Oh that reminds me! I wanted to make a friendship bracelet for Brittany! Since Blaine and Santana both have one."

Burt laughed and smiled. A child's ability to go from zero to sixty in no time at all was priceless. He ruffled Kurt's hair and helped him jump down from the stool. "I think that's a great idea. Come on, we'll go to the store for some more thread."


Blaine fidgeted in his seat as his father drove him to the theater. Owning a car in Manhattan was a rarity but his father had no patience for public transportation or rentals and he had a strong distaste for taxis. Besides, parking wasn't an issue at the theater. His father always just dropped him at the door.

Blaine fussed with his bag, Kurt's words rolling over in his mind, hoping the courage would come to him. His Dad had said little when he'd gotten in. The ride was short in distance, but the quiet felt like forever. The only words he heard were the ones playing in his head. Ask him what to tell her, Kurt had told him. Make him put it into words.

The incessant honks and roar of the city filled the silence at a red light and Blaine used the cover of the noise to take a deep breath before blurting out, "Rachel is having a party at her house tomorrow."

"You may not go," was his father's immediate answer.

But Blaine was well prepared for that and he turned to look at his Dad. "What should I tell her about why I can't go?"

John glanced over at his son with a look of disbelief. "You tell her that a day after you slipped out of the theater on your own your parents don't feel you're responsible enough to trust to go to a party."

Blaine looked away, his sight focusing inward as he gazed at the glass in the window. "But it's more than that." His father knew it was true. He had to admit it. "You wouldn't have let me go even if I hadn't done what I did. And telling her why would break her heart."

The car rounded the corner to the theater and John pulled up in front of the stage door. "Then I guess there was a positive to you running away. Now you don't have to have that conversation."

"But you always say that telling only part of the truth is lying!" Blaine yelled, close to tears. "And telling her I can't go because I ran away isn't the whole truth."

"It's the whole truth today Blaine," his father said in a tone that made it clear the conversation was over. But at the devastated look on his son's face, John reached out and squeezed Blaine's knee. "Your mother and I have rules because we love you and we want to protect you. Rachel is a lovely girl and we've let you have her over anytime you've wanted. But we don't feel her parents are appropriate to supervise you and we won't put you at risk like that." Blaine said nothing, too afraid to say the things he wanted to say. Instead he grabbed his bag and pulled the strap over his shoulder. "Your mother will be backstage before curtain call tonight. Break a leg, I love you."

Blaine gave a slight nod but was silent as he opened the door and closed it behind him. He felt his father's eyes follow him until he disappeared into the sanctuary of the theater halls. Only this time he knew that eyes would be on him inside as well. His cheeks reddened, he aimed his gaze to the floor, and he walked with a heavy heart backstage to his dressing room.


Blaine kept his head down until he reached his dressing room, and he closed the door like he never did, slinging his bag over his chair. A note rested on his table, but it wasn't from Kurt.

Please see me when you arrive. ~ Ms. Brown

He sighed, rubbing his face over his hands. He got out his notebooks and his makeup case and pulled his costume off his rack, dressing quickly, putting off the inevitable tongue lashing he was no doubt about to receive. A gentle knock on the door interrupted him and he reluctantly called, "Come in."

Gregory opened the door and peeked his head inside. Blaine watched him through the mirror and closed his eyes with a looming sense of dread. Gregory and the guys had welcomed him, accepted him, like one of the grownups and then he'd acted exactly like a child. He heard the door shut softly behind him.

"I'm sorry," Blaine whispered, burying his face in his hands.

"Stop," Gregory said, leaning against the dressing table and Blaine opened his eyes to look at him. "Nobody here is mad at you, and no one but Ms. Brown is going to say anything. We all know you were having a bad day and we were all kids once. You ask any person in this theater and at least half will tell you about a time they ran away from their parents." Blaine let out a breath he'd been holding and let a tiny smile slip. "The only thing anyone cares about is that you're okay." Gregory raised a brow and frowned at Blaine. "You are okay, right?"

Blaine nodded firmly. "Yeah, I'm fine," he promised.

"Good," Gregory said. He picked up the note from Ms. Brown on the table. "You want me to come with you?" he asked.

Blaine's eyes widened with thanks. "Please?"

"Of course," Gregory said and ruffled Blaine's curls. "Let's go."

Gregory draped a protective arm over Blaine and together they found the children's guardian talking with the assistant stage manager. "Ms. Brown?" Blaine's voice was small and scared as he tried to get her attention.

She turned, her hands on her hips in a mix of playfulness and reprimand. "You gave everyone quite a scare yesterday Blaine," she scolded gently.

"I'm really sorry," Blaine apologized, trying very hard not to cry.

"Well, your parents and I want to make sure it doesn't happen again, so I will be escorting you to your dressing room after curtain call from now on. And your Dad said your Mom will be up here before curtain call," she said.

"I know," Blaine frowned, embarrassed that he had to have his mommy come backstage for him. "I promise it won't happen again."

"I'm sure it won't," she smiled and pulled him in for a hug. "You've got 22 more shows Blaine, let's make them awesome, okay?"

Blaine smiled and felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. "Definitely."


"So I suppose you won't be coming to my party tomorrow night," Rachel announced, barging as always into his dressing room and hopping up to sit on the table. "It's too bad, you're going to miss the best party of the year."

"Yeah," Blaine hedged. He got up and folded his clothes, trying not to look Rachel in the eye. "I'm sorry about that. I guess my parents don't really trust me right now after what I did."

"I'm sure they don't, but that's not why you can't go and you know it," Rachel quipped.

Blaine froze, jeans half folded in his hands, and his eyes widened. "What do you mean?" he squeaked.

Rachel clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. "Blaine. We've been friends for two years and I've been over to your house countless times. And you've been to my house exactly never. I've spent time with your parents," she added with a sigh. "I'm not stupid."

"I never thought you were," Blaine muttered uncomfortably. "I just…I thought maybe you wouldn't like me if you knew my parents…you know…"

"Don't like my dads because they're gay?" she asked. Blaine nodded. She slid off the table and took his hands. "Blaine, you aren't your parents. I know that's not how you feel. It would be a little weird if you did," she said with a strange grin and Blaine's nose crinkled in confusion. She didn't let him ask what she meant though. "What I don't understand is if you were going to sneak away from your parents, why you didn't do it to actually come to my party? Kind of a waste of getting into trouble, wasn't it?" She looked at him with amusement.

Blaine lowered his head and chuckled. As the only one who hadn't thought of that, clearly he was going to have to get smarter at this misbehaving thing.

Rachel leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Have a good show Blaine," she said quietly and glanced toward the notebook sitting out on his table. "Say hi to Kurt for me."

"I will," he said and watched her go. As soon as she was out of sight he quickly wiped the kiss off his cheek and shuddered.

Girls were so weird.


May 12, 2002

Dear Kurt,

You asked me what I was afraid of. And it's really hard for me to admit to being scared of anything because I try so hard to be grown up and brave and show everyone that I have what it takes to make it on Broadway. But the fact is that sometimes I'm just a kid and I make stupid mistakes like every other kid, I run away and ride the subway alone when I know I shouldn't or I forget to clean up after myself or I get into a fight with Rachel and I really feel like I'm letting everyone who has trusted me down and showing my Dad that I really can't handle it.

I was afraid that if you knew about my Dad that you wouldn't want to be friends anymore. I know now that was silly, for you and Rachel. Rachel kinda knew already anyway and I'm not sure why I thought that the things my parents believed would scare you both away but I'm really glad that both of you are a lot smarter than me. Rachel says hi, by the way.

But that's not all I'm afraid of. I'm afraid my Dad will take theater away from me, especially after what I did. It's the one place I've always belonged and without that I think I might be completely lost.

Because while I know my Dad loves me, I sometimes think that if he truly knew who I was inside he wouldn't like me very much. Sometimes I feel like I'm being smothered. Like I'm walking on eggshells too scared to make the wrong move or say the wrong thing. I feel like there's something inside me aching to come out but the crazy thing is I don't even know what it is.

But I feel like with you in my life I just might figure it out. So I'm so scared to lose you. I'm scared you'll decide I'm not worth the trouble or you'll make so many friends at home that you'll forget about me. I'm scared my Dad will find out and take it all away because he'd insist on seeing every letter I write to you and you write to me and god if he ever saw the things I wrote I might run away for good or crawl into a little hole and never come out and if he ever saw the things you wrote he wouldn't let me near you just like he won't let me near Rachel's Dads.

I want to erase that. I really do. Because I don't ever want you to be afraid to tell me things or be who you are, to wear tutus and princess dresses and go to ballet class and be all the amazing things that you are but those are exactly the reasons that my father can't ever know about this. I promised myself I'd be honest with you. That I'd tell you everything. So that's all I can do and hope that you stay by my side because no matter what, I promised, you can always find me here.

I'm going to run downstairs to the office mailbox before I completely change my mind about sending this letter.

Your Friend,

Blaine


Author's Note:

I hope you all liked this chapter better than the last. Drop me a note and let me know? See you next Sunday!