Chapter six: Changes.
There were three things I wanted to do when I got home.
Firstly, I wanted to take a nice, long, hot bubble bath.
The smell of lavender-scented bath salts filled the bathroom, seeming to ease me into a dream-like state.
The water was hot, really hot, an almost burn your skin hot. But I didn't care; I allowed the burning, lavender water to blanket itself around my body, relaxing my muscles and removing the tension from my back.
I stayed there until my hands resembled prunes, my skin soaking up the moisture, my mind drifting in and out of awareness.
But even the luxury from my steaming bath could not rid me of the images that flashed underneath my eyelids.
Even now, Edward still haunted my life. His voice, his face, his smile, it was all there and it will always be.
I remember when I used to wish for him; I used to wonder what he would say at that moment, how he would comfort me when I felt like the whole world was against me.
When the water finally start to turn cold, I decided to get ready for my second task.
I nourished my body in moisturiser; the buttermilk was almost good enough to eat, I also blow-dried and straightened my hair, ridding my head of its usual curly mess.
Then I slipped into an olive green silk nightdress that my mother bought me for my birthday last year, its black-laced bodice flattered my curvy body instead of making me look like a fool.
Once dressed, I slipped back into my bedroom, undetected by my family, to do something I should have done a long time ago.
I took four books of my shelf; all four resembled each other with the same black background and author.
Breaking dawn, eclipse, new moon and twilight.
I sat myself down in the middle of the floor, my hand already reaching for the first book of the series.
Twilight didn't feel heavy; in fact it felt quite light. It was strange how such a small book could cause such havoc in my life, well, not anymore.
I opened the book – for what I hoped to be the last time – its pages was wearied down to almost as thin as tissue paper.
I'd never given much thought to how I would die… the opening words of the preface greeted me, mocked me.
I tore at the page, releasing all that anger that was building up inside me for weeks; I exterminated the book till it was nothing but shreds, till I could never read another word from it again.
The other three shared the same fate, all destined for tomorrow's fire where they could do me no more harm.
I left the pile of shredded paper in a heap in the middle of my floor, moving on to the final of my three tasks.
I lay on top on my bed, not bothering with any blankets and cried myself to sleep.
I almost never cried, but ever since I moved here, ever since I met Edward Cullen, I've been crying like a newborn baby.
I cried at the thought of him, the way he smiled, the way he spoke, and the way he would look at you with those cryptic eyes.
We would never be together, not matter what he said, what his family thought or no matter how much I wished, prayed and begged for it. Never.
I must have been dreaming at this point, because the image of him was almost too real for my conscious mind to conjure on its own.
It was dark out, what little light there was came from the large full moon that hung outside on a painted blanket of midnight black, the occasional twinkle of a faraway star.
I rose from the bed, picking up the bits of paper as I did so and walked towards my bedroom window.
Instead of burning them, I would scatter them, like the ashes of a dead person. I opened the window, gazing out across the blackened landscape, bits of paper started to stir, some flew free out into the darkness.
"I will never read these words again." I vowed, releasing the rest of what made up all four books.
Ghost-like fragments of white stood out against the black of the night, fluttering harmlessly in the night breeze and away from me.
I stared out at the darkened night, my eyes searching for nothing in particular, at least, that what I was trying to tell myself.
Maybe it was because he was on my mind or that I allowed my hopes to go over the invisible line, whatever it was, I saw an unnatural white down by the forest beside my house.
I was almost certain it was one of the Cullen's, an eerie white standing in contrast with black of the trees.
"Edward?" I whispered as loud as I could, feeling like an idiot all the same. "Edward, are you there?" I leaned out further to get a better look. "Edward, please..." please what? Please come into my bedroom and let me tell you how much I love you? Please give me another chance?
In a blink of an eye, the whiteness was gone; maybe it was just a piece of paper or even just my imagination, whatever it was, it was gone now.
Sighing, I turned back to my bed, ignoring the tiny pieces that remained on my floor; I'll make Justin eat them tomorrow.
"Cassandra?" I whirled around at the voice, my heart already kicking into overdrive at the sight of Edward Bloody Cullen sitting casually on my windowsill. "You called?" even when his body showed no awkwardness, his voice, his musical and dreamy voice held uncertainty.
I sighed in relief, already a smile tugged at my lips, for some reason I wanted to cry. Again. "You came." I wanted to shout, but with my family sleeping I thought a whisper would be better, I knew he would still be able to hear.
"Yes," he paused; even from the darkness of the room he was still handsome. "May I come in?"
I suddenly realised that I was wearing a thin-almost-see-through dress and that Edward Cullen, a fictional vampire, was in my room. Bella Swan, eat your heart out.
"Yeah, come in." I took an unnecessary step back, giving more than enough room.
It was weird having him in my bedroom, under the eerie moonlight, casting shadows in already dark corners.
As always, he was beautiful; bronze hair that was almost black without light. His golden eyes stood out against the darkness, like a cat's, almost glowing. From the pale rays of moonlight, his skin was pure white – like a ghost's – and this angel stood in my room, looking out of place in a teenage girl's bedroom.
There was a long silence, to which I filled by looking at him, noting for the first time what kind of clothes he wore.
He wore a simple white shirt and dark blue jeans, both which seemed to have designer origins.
"I need to explain." I said suddenly, surprising both Edward and myself.
Even in the darkness of my room, I could still see his eyebrows rise as confusion coloured the voice. "Explain?"
I sighed with impatiens, was he really going to make this any more difficult than it already is? "Yes, Edward. I need to explain about today."
There was a short paused. "You have nothing to explain about." His voice was now rid of any emotions, only making me feel angrier. I mean, how dare he? He had just about confessed that he loved me and doesn't want an explanation why I stormed out.
I could see that he was about to speak again, slowly ebbing away from the real reason to why I called him up here.
"Oh, shut up Edward and let me explain already." I didn't mean to snap – well maybe I did – but it came out slightly harsher than I intended. Like his voice, Edward's face became a mask of any real emotion. Suddenly, this didn't seem like a good idea.
"Maybe you should sit down." I suggested, his reaction made me want to stall. He sat down on the wooden chair at my desk while I perched myself on the edge of my bed.
Silence.
"Your probably wondering why I'm not jumping for joy when you – I mean, Rosalie said that you loved me." I paused, waiting for him to protest, when he didn't, I continued. "Because I am, in my own weird way." I paused to take a deep breath. "Do you remember that book I told you about? Twilight?"
Silence, then "Yes." His voice still hid what he was really feeling.
"Do you remember everything I told you about it?" I asked the Edward-shaped figure that was now covered in darkness across my room.
"Yes."
"Do you remember Bella?"
Another pause, "Yes." His voice was unsure, not knowing where this was going.
So he remembered about Bella, how she was the only human that could make him happy.
"Edward, if you are real, what's stopping Bella to be too?" I hated myself for saying it, hating the fact that what I said was true and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
And why the hell was I telling him? Did I want him to go find Bella? I wanted him to be happy, but what if I could make him happy? I peered at the silhouette that was Edward, could I make him happy?
There was another pause, the longest one yet. I wondered if Edward was thinking about Bella, about all the wonderful possibilities if he just jumped out of my window and went to Bella. I should have kept my big mouth shut, I van really be a dumb ass sometimes
After the moment had passed, he said. "Is that what it's about? About Bella?" to my ears, he sounded relieved and angry at the same time.
"What else could it be about?" I asked, confused, was there another Bella I was unaware of? God, how many are there?
He laughed bitterly. "How about the fact that I'm a monster." He spat the last word out like a vile taste in his mouth.
A monster? Did he…? Oh, yeah. How stupid of me! I forgot that Edward in the book always hated himself and that he thought vampires were soulless creatures of the night.
"You're not a monster." I said quietly.
I really shouldn't have said that.
He was out of his seat before my next heartbeat and in a blink of an eye; he had me on my back, pinned and trapped against the bed.
My heart rate picked up, if anyone where to walk in, they would think we were trying to do "the deed" or "the nasty" as Justin liked to put it.
I was eternally grateful that he could not read my mind, what with all the un-lady-like things running through my head.
"I could kill you now." He growled, bringing me back to the present.
"I know." I was quite proud of myself when my voice sounded calm.
His eyes bored into mine, trying to find the fear that I couldn't feel, then he whispered. "As if you could run." I froze; book-Edward had said the same things to Bella in the meadow.
Edward must have mistaken my stillness for the fear he had been waiting for.
"As if you could fight."
I stared back into those gold eyes, as hard and as cold – like his body – as the metal itself. Did he really think that I was afraid of him? That I don't love him?
"As if I would want to." I whispered back, voice fear-free.
He was suddenly gone, pressed up against the opposite wall, his strange eyes troubled.
"You want the wrong things, Cassandra."
I stared him back in the eye, courage rising. "Pretty much."
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, something he did when he was angry or frustrated or both.
"When will you realise that you could get hurt?" he demanded through gritted teeth
"That's not the point." I sighed, shaking my head. Were we really back to this again?
"Oh?" he sounded just as frustrated as me. "Then what is the point Cassandra? Because I fail to see it."
"The point is Edward," Did he really have to keep calling me Cassandra? "Is that by tomorrow morning, you would have found…her." I couldn't say her name, not now, I was sure I would cry.
"What?" he gasped, his eyes widening.
"You don't love me Edward, you love…her. And even if you did love me, it wouldn't be the same!" I cried out the last word, knowing if I continued at this rate, I would wake somebody.
He stared at me with an unfathomable expression; did he really not see what the real problem was?
I felt the sting of hot tears around my eyes, my throat felt tight making it hard to breathe and a crushing weight was compressing against my chest, my heart.
"You think that I don't love you," he whispered in a cool and calm voice. "That I would love some girl from a book."
The tears that were threatening to overflow weren't bluffing, warm drops of salty tears flowed freely down my cheeks but I would not wipe them away, I would not let him know I was crying. Again.
"I know you do." My voice was raw, from trying to hold back a sob that wanted to cry out.
"You know nothing." Even though he was trying not to show the anger he really felt, it still seeped through.
"I know more than you think."
He sighed, "Cassandra…"
"Can you please stop calling me that." I snapped. "Cassie is fine Edward." I glared at him, instead of ogling at him like I normally did. "I asked you to come up here for a reason: so I can tell you that I do love you! And I don't mean from the stupid book either. I'm not scared of you – and yes, I should be – but I'm not. I'm also not Bella, Edward. I'm not." The final two words came out in a painful whisper, finally showing the pain and misery I am going through.
There was silence, while my confession sunk in. I wondered what Edward was thinking round about now. But then, I realised that I really didn't want to know.
He very slowly walked over to me, his eyes never leaving mine as he did so.
He knelt in front of me, so that our eyes were level and said intently:
"I don't care if you not Bella, I love you."
My whole world went still, nothing mattered, only me and him.
Not me and Edward Cullen, vampire from twilight.
Just me and him, Edward.
"I love you, too." I whispered, trying my best not to break down into a dance and scream at the top of my lungs saying: He loves me!
His smile was breath taking, like everything else about him, he gently reached out with a long pale hand.
He was hesitant, unsure if he was able to touch me with out thirsting for my blood and killing me.
His hand was cold and hard when it touched my cheek – like marble.
There was a raging war of emotions that took place behind his eyes:
Fear, pain, wonder, joy and pride…love.
Although his hand was cold, I suddenly felt so hot. I became so aware of myself and my surroundings. I praised the Lord that I took that bath, resulting in me shaving my legs and doing my hair. I just hoped that I didn't leave unwanted things lying around, like underwear or pads or…
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, bursting through my thoughts.
I smiled wryly. "I was hoping that I didn't leave any underwear lying around." Repeating my thoughts.
"Oh." He looked slightly embarrassed but like he also wanted to laugh, it looked really cute.
"Don't worry, I didn't." I chuckled at his discomfort. I grinned evilly. "If you're wondering, right now I'm thinking that you look really cute when you're embarrassed."
"Anyone ever tell you not to call a vampire cute?"
"Oh yeah." I said solemnly. "Alongside telling me to do the hokey-pokey to warn off the fairies."
It was his turn to chuckle. "You have got a temper, don't you?"
I rolled my eyes, muttering. "Look who's talking."
He let that one slip, his marble-like hand still resting lightly on my cheek. "Do you mind if…?" I looked over sheepishly at my bed, feeling one blush turn into the next. "It's just, I'm kind of tired."
Edward smiled and rose, as I climbed into bed, covering my thin silk wrapped body with thick blankets.
"Hey, where do you think you're going?" I demanded, once I saw Edward make his way towards the window.
"I thought you…" he trailed off, looking at me with confusion.
For some reason, I found this whole scenario funny. I felt myself burst into a fit of giggles; I covered mouth with my hand, afraid to wake somebody.
I shook my head, still unable to speak.
"You want me to stay?" he sounded almost relieved.
I smiled, still giggling slightly. "And let you stay out in the cold?"
His answering grin was guilt-free, I realised that he had been staying round my house without my knowing.
"How long?" I asked as he sat down at the end of the bed.
He knew. "The day I returned to school." The day he first talked to me.
"What's you're Favourite colour?" he asked, taking me off guard.
I thought about it. "Green."
"Animal?"
"Any with four legs." I replied.
"Number?"
"Five and twenty-one."
"Gemstone?"
"Onyx."
"Food?"
"Ice cream."
"Music?"
"Any with lyrics that has a heartfelt meaning, like Taylor Swift or Celine Dion."
"Book?"
"Any Fiction-Romance."
We carried on like this through out the night, question after question, until I found my way into his cold arms and fell asleep.
I slept peacefully that night, finding comfort in the marble arms of my vampire sweetheart.
I dreamt of him too, of us. It was the life he and Bella were supposed to have, only it was me instead of the clumsy Isabella Swan.
I was a vampire, he was a vampire and we had a half vampire- half human baby and lived happy ever after.
Things were about to change, for better or for worse.
But three things I was sure about.
First, Edward Cullen was real and a vampire.
Second, there was a part of him that thirsted for my blood.
And third, I was in irrevocably and madly in love with him.
And he loves me back.
Me!
Me and Edward Cullen.
Edward Cullen and me.
And no Bella Swan either!
