MD : Well, there was a very funny story behind this long-written chapter :)) As usual I sent it to my Beta Reader as soon as I finished but instead of sending this to her, I accidentally sent her a chapter from a completely different story. Since my Beta-reader also works with some other authors, she still editted that chapter without asking me anything although she was confused :))

DM :And I was wondering what the heck I was editing when Midu-chi sent me the wrong chapter to edit! ~Star-chi


CHAPTER 8

Normal POV

This was where his barrier began to rise.

Len Kagamine stood still in the rain, his typical emotionless gaze directed at the two grassy graves lying next to each other. The two women from the old pictures looked up and smiled with him, as if they were still alive, as if there had been no parting moment that happened between them.

This…

A hot tear fell out, rolling over his cold cheek.

This was the end…

A flash of Rin's shining smile ran through his head, making his balling fists tighter.

…but also the beginning.

The beginning of everything, of his current life. Loving no one and being loved by no one. Forever staying in the dark, out of the light, trapping himself into his own world and trying not to depend on anything.

That world had been shattered into pieces.

Right from the moment they first saw each other.

[…]

"Mom," the little boy opened up his big turquoise eyes to the young woman who was leaning down, brushing a few bangs out of his forehead. "Will we stay like this forever?"

"What do you mean, Len?" the woman asked with a small smile, trying to cool down the pain that was stabbing into her heart like a sharp knife.

"Me," he pointed to himself. "You," his little finger directed towards her. "And sister Gumi. You two will stay forever with me, and never leave me til the day I die, right?"

"Len!" the woman scolded, shocked by the way he mentioned his own death in such a calm voice. "It's not time for you to think about those kinds of things! I…"

"Please promise me you will stay," Len pleaded, his little hands enter twined with her own. "For as long as I am alive, as long as I still exist in this world."

"Len…"

"There's no way I can lose you two" he sighed in an adult-like way, which rarely happened with any child at his age. "You and sister Gumi are my one and only family."

"I… promise," she made a pinky promise with her son, her tears were on the verge of pouring out. It was nice to see Len become more and more mature… but she didn't know if she could handle with her disease anymore. She didn't know if she would still be alive by the time her son quit being a child and became a real, mature man. She didn't know. She didn't know if she could keep this promise until the day Len died.

Len, I just hope you won't feel disappointed…

Even when I disappear from this world, my gaze will always keep following you.

Forever.

[…]

"I'm sorry," Gumi whispered, hugging her little brother who was miserably in tears. He sobbed, clutching to her shirt as the water from his eyes wouldn't stop dropping. "For not telling this to you sooner… Len…"

"You are not the one at fault," he sniffled, his eyes puffy and red from too much crying. "This was our mother's fault for not keeping her promise…"

"Please, Len..."

"I will move on. I won't break down just because of this," he wiped away his tears, putting on a sad smile. "Because… you are still here"

"What?"

"Because of you," he repeated. "It's not like I've lost the entire world- you are still here. I still have a family to live for, although…"

'Although it isn't complete', she could read those painful words in his blue eyes.

"Len!" Gumi cried, burying her head into the boy's shoulder. Their mother was right, Len was so mature even at such at such a young age. They could rely on each other. Len could rely on her. She would be there, forever protecting him, filling the emptiness that their mother left behind.

But that was only her thought before the car accident five years later.

[…]

Gumi's death made Len Kagamine realize one thing.

Love wasn't something he was born to receive.

Everyone he loved desperately would leave him sooner or later… creating only more pain in his already injured soul which has yet to be cured. He depended on them too much… so when they left, he collapsed at the same time, like an uprooted tree in a snowstorm.

He would stop. Stop giving his heart to any one, or depending on anyone besides himself. No love, no pain. He wouldn't have to feel the sharp hurt when someone he loved with all his heart left him again. He wouldn't need to rely on anything. He wouldn't need anything.

So that was the start of his lonely life.

He had never really considered Rin Kagami as someone he would make friends with in the first place. To him, she was just someone… who had so much in common with him. Who was also wrapped up by pure loneliness. Who he could use as a tool to temporarily lure the loneliness in himself away, to add a flash of colors to his dull, unsalted life. Someone he wasn't supposed to care about or consider important.

That was cruel, he knew, but his lack of love for so many years was the reason for all of this…

But when Len realized he started to miss the girl more than usual, he panicked.

Since when did he fall in love with her warm hugs, her tender kisses, or her shining smiles? He didn't know.

But whenever her lips were on his, he felt like his whole being was finally complete; he felt like they were two halves of the same thing that finally came back to each other. The feeling he'd lost for a long time. The feeling that made him want to forget everything in the past and learn how to love again. Learn how to love Rin. Learn how to break his own barrier. But the pain caused by the two people he loved more than anything soon prevented him from that hopeful thought.

Love wasn't something he was born to get.

He didn't want to be hurt again…

"Am I important to you?" she'd asked him, the flash of hope and nervousness in her gaze didn't escape his eyes. His heart clenched. He didn't deserve Rin. He didn't deserve love from any one, since the day he began to exist in this world…

"No," Len's voice trembled a little bit, but shock and disappointment blinded Rin too much to even realize that. He had hurt her. He had ruined everything they had with each other just by one simple word…

"I'm sorry," was what he whispered every sleepless night whenever the short conversation crossed his mind.

The seven absent days from school, he'd spent here. To be with his mother and sister. Brushing the dust from the two grassy graves, he sighed. It had been so long since he last visited this place…

The sound of footsteps and exhausted breaths reached his ears. He stiffened, knowing exactly who was coming towards him.

[…]

RIN POV

He looked so… so lonely.

Len was staring at the graves in front of him with no emotion, his back stiffening a bit when the sounds of my footsteps reached his ears. Trembling, I balled my hands into tight fists, my voice cracking under the pouring rain.

"What happened, Len?" I asked, my tears couldn't stop flowing. "Why didn't you say anything to me? How… how could you… just disappear… like that…?"

Len didn't say anything. He just stood still, gazing at the cold air like he hadn't heard any of my words. Anger boiled in my blood and I bit my lips, glaring at Len's back.

"Do you know how worried I was, Len?" I said, my voice covered with fury. "What about those messages of yours, saying that you need me, and then I come as you wish and you still don't say anything? What am I to you, Len? I wasn't your friend in the first place, correct?"

Len stiffened. From the corner of my eyes, I saw his hands shaking. My anger softened and I smiled. A sad, hopeless, unhappy smile. Len was dead in his tracks- he still didn't say anything.

"Fine, do as you wish, Len," I whispered, still with a small smile. "Sorry for interrupting. I just hope you will do well… since I don't have the right to worry about you anymore. I'm sorry. I was too blind to realize that I am nothing to you at all during the time we spent together..."

The response was just silence. A sharp pain hit my chest- why didn't he reply…?

"That's… that's all…" Seemed like he really didn't want me to be here. "I… I think I should go…Len."

"Wait..." His low, warm voice made me stiffed at spot. He pulled me into a tight grip, his lips hovering over my tearful cheeks. "Rin."

The raindrops were falling and both of us were soaked, from our head to our toes. I clutched onto Len's shirt, my fingers trembling because of the cold.

"Len..."

"I… I really need you."

Every word stuck in my throat as Len silenced me with a kiss. This wasn't our first time, but it still made me feel flutters in my chest and a blush slowly crept up to my face. Our bodies pressed hard against each other when Len forced me to part my lips, letting his tongue explore inside. Words were no longer needed, I thought, quietly wiping the rain drops from his face.

That night, I slept at Len's house.

His uncle, the only family he had now, was absent from the house due to a two-week business trip. Len snuggled up to me, his head burying in the crook of my neck under the warmth of the thick, comfortable blanket.

"Bad Len!" I scolded playfully. Len just chuckled, pressing his lips on my still slightly wet skin while fondling with my blocks of hair. No longer was there an emotionless face, no longer were his eyes empty… this time he looked so tender, so loving, so… happy.

This was the first time I'd ever seen Len so happy like this.

What am I to him?

"What am I to you, Len?" I voiced my question out loud. Len sighed into my skin, his voice slowly faded away due to sleepiness.

"You are important to me... more than anything..." were his last words before he was drowned in his sleep. I felt my heart racing, even faster than it already was, and I smiled, reaching for my phone to check the time.

00:23 a.m.

Looking at the peacefully sleeping Len, my lips couldn't help curling up into a happy smile. So this meant… I could go back to my usual drawing habit again. So this meant I could spend time with him again on the rooftop, kissing and hugging him like a teddy bear. Everything would be back to normal, like it was before our misunderstanding happened. I would have nothing to regret. I would treasure Len like he was the only valuable thing of my life from now on.

Actually, he really was.

Unconsciously, my fingers pressed some buttons on the phone, making it show the photo collection on its screen.

The photos of all my drawing, I smiled while clicking to see each one in details. All of the drawings I took photo was about the students at school… well, most of. The last one made me nearly drop the phone and wake Len up, my fingers shaking in horror.

No wonder... Luka's bewildered face, her still slightly trembling voice…

Now I understood everything. I was so stupid to let her borrow my phone and see all of my photos.

The photo of me and Len kissing.

She saw it.