Happy New Year everyone! I appreciate you following, reviewing the story, and adding it to your favorites. Your feedback made the best Christmas presents!

I apologize for the long delay... But the holidays added quite a few chores to my daily routines. Now that a new year is here, I have some added responsibilities at work that will require me putting in extra hours. Although I still plan on regular updates, it may take up to two or even, *gasp*, three weeks for each update. I hope you could be patient and stay with me for the rest of the journey (and I promise you lots of twists and turns down the road)! =)

Thanks TMNinjaGinga for being my beta!

All characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling.


Chapter Eight - Moving On

Severus could have never expected the timing of his revelation to be so wrong. After all, it was not easy for him to finally decide on making the confession, and he had hoped to do it right.

Since day one Severus had decided that he would never reveal his true identity to the bushy-haired Gryffindor. At the beginning his reason was simple: he didn't want to have anything to do with her. His decision didn't change after the war, but it was made for a completely different reason: he had grown to care about her, perhaps a bit too much.

For years, Severus had considered Hermione's frequent messages the closest thing he had to conversations with a confidant. He couldn't help worrying that having her discover the truth about her secret contact would cost him the friendship. He wouldn't deny that it was a completely selfish act. However, he also thought that his decision was well justified: what she didn't know wouldn't harm her. As far as Severus could see, Hermione would never expect more than a friend from the other side of the magical notebook. Severus was sure that while writing to a mysterious pen pal after the war might provide some entertainment for the young witch, she would immediately discontinue her "writing hobby" if she knew she was writing to him.

Soon after the war, she began to drop hints here and there that she wanted to meet him. He ignored her as if he didn't pick up her questions between the lines. Severus had quickly convinced himself that she was merely curious. He couldn't bring himself to go to see her. Not only was he worried that his revelation would jeopardize their friendship, Severus was also afraid that the temptation would be too great if he met with her. If he had to face her and tell her it was him who wrote to her, he would likely want to tell her that he wanted something more than friendship. And that, in Severus mind, would simply be a laughable proposal for the young witch. Why would he humiliate himself with such a revelation? He found it much easier to simply refuse to answer her questions about his identity.

Severus' decision about his secret identity had wavered since Hermione had become his legal defense and started working with him every day. Day after day, Severus saw no prejudice or judgment in the young witch's soft brown eyes. Her sincerity made him feel uncomfortable. She was so forgiving and accepting. Yet he was betraying that trust because of his own selfish concerns.

When he saw her desperate message earlier that day, asking T to meet her at the pub, he knew he could no longer delay his confession. He still feared for the consequences, but he also knew that by keeping his identity a secret from her, he would never have her as a true friend.

That was why from the minute he entered the pub, Severus was prepared to tell her, "The person who has been writing you all these years is me. I was given the other notebook."

However, Hermione didn't give him the opportunity. She shut him up when he was about to say 'I was told to meet you here' and she brushed it off when he asked 'what made you think he wouldn't show up'. It didn't take long for Severus to realize that it would take a much more sober mind of hers to process and accept his confession.

He had decided to wait for another time to bring up the subject again, until he heard the questions she asked right before she fell asleep.

"Too bad T doesn't' think so." He replayed in his head again and again the exact words that she uttered in her sleep. He had never expected this kind of revelation from her. Had he really been so blind and not realized that he might have a better chance with her than he could have ever imagined?

After he stepped out of Hermione's flat, Severus left the building and wandered purposelessly in the darkening street, considering what he should do next. While he was sure about what to do before he saw her at the pub, he was not so sure any more. He was torn between being T and being Severus Snape. She obviously wanted T to think of her more than a friend. But it was Severus Snape whom she invited to dinner on Christmas Day. If she had already considered Severus a friend, would his confession cost him his friendship with her both as T and as Severus?

With his choices once again blurry, Severus disapparated at a deserted street corner and returned to his house at Spinner's End. He must put his dilemma aside for a moment, because he had a Christmas present to wrap, for her.


By the time Severus walked past Hermione's flat and returned to his own unit it was already past mid-day on Christmas. As soon as he walked in the door he noticed a warm glow radiating between the pages from his notebook. Quickly he walked up to his desk and read her note:

"Merry Christmas! I hope you had a nice Christmas Eve with your family.

I'm writing this morning to ask you to please disregard my previous message from yesterday afternoon. I have been under a lot of stress lately and was obviously not thinking straight.

I have been doing a lot of thinking since I sent you my last note, about our friendship in the past few years. I don't know what you think of our friendship / relationship / or whatever you think we have between us. But it has become clearer and clearer to me that I've gotten it wrong.

From the very first day when I received the notebook from Dumbledore I have been trying to figure out who you are. Because you are so good at keeping your identity a secret, I have been using my imagination to fill in the blanks. After so many years, I have created a very realistic person in my mind, although I do realize you are likely to be completely different from what I've thought of you. What I am trying to say is, T, don't get me wrong, but I think I have become too attached to someone who was created by my own imagination.

As I reflected on our communications, I realized I have been imposing on you to continue our messages since the end of the war. I have also been pushing you to reveal your identity. That was very insensitive of me; and I apologize. If there is anything I can leave you with, I want you to know that your friendship means so very much to me. In a way, you have been my best friend whom I have never met.

Please forgive me for this rambling message on Christmas Day. Why is it so hard to say this, even on paper? Please forgive me… but I need to stop writing you, at least for a while. I have decided that I need to open my eyes and open my heart. There are so many other people around me who care about me, but I never even notice them. I can no longer bury my head in my own imagination. I need to move on.

I am sure I will write to you again sometime in the future, when I'm ready. Until then, please know that I wish you nothing but the best.

Sincerely,

Hermione"

Severus froze in his chair as he read the message before him. He wasn't sure if he should be happy or upset. It seemed as if she had solved his dilemma about his dual identity by saying goodbye to her pen pal. If he was about to lose her as T, he was not going to risk losing her friendship as Severus.

Letting out a deep sigh Severus turned the page, and watched her message dissolved into the paper. Carefully he picked up his quill and wrote down his short reply:

"As you wish, Hermione. Do not apologize. You've done nothing wrong."

As a warm glow took away his message, Severus realized that he might have just written the last message he could ever write to her as 'T'. He took a few steady deep breaths, trying to easy the tightness in his chest.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting by his desk staring at the empty notebook, when a familiar voice suddenly called out from his fireplace in his living-room, "Professor Snape? Severus? Are you home?"

Quietly he put away the notebook in his drawer and walked into his living-room. He wasn't sure what to say when he saw Hermione with a bright smile on her face in the green flames. Fortunately she did all the talking for him.

"Great, you are back! I'm ready for dinner if you are. I want to show you what I made."

Pressing his lips tightly he tried to return her smile, "I will be over shortly."


The door leading to Hermione's flat had been left ajar when Severus walked down the hall. As soon as he entered the living-room, he could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. Hermione had some Christmas music coming from a muggle CD player. Severus recognized the song from years ago, when he first heard Christmas carols while visiting Lily's family over Christmas breaks.

"There you are." Hermione came out from the kitchen and beamed at him, "I know it's a bit early, but my mum used to always have Christmas dinner ready around three in the afternoon. I hope it's alright with you."

Still not completely recovered from the message he had read from her earlier that afternoon, Severus only nodded at her quietly as he handed her the Christmas present, which was neatly wrapped in a piece of maroon paper with gold ribbons.

"Oh my goodness, thank you!" She gasped as she took the package from him. "You even wrapped it in Gryffindor colors."

"Don't flatter yourself." He said impassively, "Red is a Christmas color. Don't read too much into it."

Smiling brightly at him Hermione replied, "That's right, silly me. How could I forget red is a Christmas color as much as green is!" Before Severus could respond with a growl she hurriedly added, "I hope it'll be okay with you if I open it up a bit later. I was just setting up the table. If you are not tired of mince pies, I have some right here waiting for you."

Following her into her small dining room Severus found an impressive display of dishes on the table. "I thought you said you couldn't roast..."

"A turkey..." Hermione finished his sentence for him with a smile. A light shade of pink slowly invaded her cheeks. "I'm always intimidated by a bird that size. But a chicken is completely different. I've done this a few times before. I hope you like it."

Severus noticed the young witch's blush, and he wondered if that was from her working hard in the kitchen. "Intimidated?" He arched an eyebrow, "I would have never expected the Gryffindor princess intimidated by anything, let alone a turkey."

"You are teasing me, aren't you?" Hermione looked up at the wizard through her long eyelashes as she sat down opposite Severus. "Merry Christmas." She raised her glass.

If this was four weeks ago Hermione would have never believe she could enjoy a Christmas dinner with Snape alone. Even though she had learned about the truth behind Severus' actions during the war, Hermione had always felt intimidated by the dark-haired wizard. However, by working side by side with him every day for the past few weeks, she had begun to see the intelligent, observant, courteous, and caring person behind those serious dark eyes and sarcastic comments. On this particular evening, Hermione thoroughly enjoyed the company of her former potions master.

They shared some small talk as they sampled Hermione's many "experiments" with her kitchen tools and the fresh ingredients she had bought from the market that very morning. Their conversation soon wandered from Hermione's childhood holiday memories to Harry Potter's many adventures in the past few years.

"Potter should be thankful that he had you watching over him." Severus commented at one point. "In my opinion, he was clueless for way too long."

"I think he owes you far more than anyone else, Severus." She smiled at the wizard, "Even before the war, you saved his life quite a few times. But I have to say, you really covered it well with your terrible unfairness towards us Gryffindors."

"Let's not change the subject." Severus replied coolly, "I suppose it is fair to say that Potter owes many people his life, doesn't he?"

"I didn't realize this is where this conversation was heading." Taking a small sip of her wine she smiled mischievously at Severus, "I was fishing for an apology."

They moved from the dining room to the living-room after dinner. Between a cup of coffee and a slice of sponge cake, Hermione finally brought up the topic that had been on her mind since that morning.

"Uh... about last night…. I am so very sorry." Hermione blushed as she recalled the embarrassing moment at the bar the night before, "I must thank you for getting me back here. And… about what I said last night… The way I addressed you and talked to you was completely inappropriate. Could you please… forget about it?"

"I wasn't going to remember any of your blabbing if that's what you are referring to." He continued looking at her with his deep dark eyes, but the corner of his lips slowly turned up into a small smile.

Severus watched in amusement as the young witch shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Thinking he would make her life a little less miserable, he changed the subject, "Would you like to open your present? It's Christmas after all."

"Oh how could I forget!" Hermione jumped up from the sofa, "I have something for you too!"

She disappeared into another room briefly and returned with the present from Severus and a smaller box wrapped in a sheet of sage green paper and silver ribbons. Handing the present to him she said quietly, "I hope you like it."

As his long fingers worked on the ribbons, Severus could feel her gaze fixed upon him. "I'm not grading a paper, Hermione." He sighed as he looked up at her, "You won't be receiving a grade."

"I can't help it!" She chuckled, and gestured him to go on.

A handsome scarf presented itself when Severus finally removed the wrappings. The scarf was in a shade of silver gray and was very soft to the touch. "You knitted this yourself?" He arched an eyebrow.

Severus still remembered the hideous hats that Dobby once wore while bringing him his afternoon tea before the war. The house elf proudly announced to him that he had received the hats as presents while cleaning the Gryffindor house. Severus wondered if that was where Hermione got her practice. If that was the case it was obvious that her practice had paid off: the scarf in his hands was simply perfect.

"Do you like it?" She watched him carefully and asked. "I made Harry and Ron each a stocking cap. Somehow I can't see you wearing a cap. And I thought silver would accommodate black reasonably well..." She began to play with the edge of her sweater as she waited eagerly for his comments.

"Thank you." He looked up and searched for her soft brown eyes, not able to stop himself from smiling warmly at her, "It's... very nice." He looked at the scarf between his fingers, feeling a small lump forming in his chest. He stopped himself from thinking too much about it and looked back up at the young witch, "Are you going to open your present?"

Smiling brightly she tore open the package in her hands. She raised her brows when a thick journal revealed itself. It had a slightly worn dark brown leather cover, and thin gold lines decorating the edges. Slightly confused, she looked up at Severus.

"Open it." He nodded at her.

In the bottom right corner of the first page she found the initials "SS" written in the familiar handwriting of her former potions master. Her eyes widened as she turned the page and saw a table of contents. Quickly she flipped through the first few pages and realized it was a systematically organized book of notes. From glancing through the topics, it was apparent to her that the notes were written to analyze all the magic involved in the "dark arts", and their common roots comparing to the commonly used magical theories. "Did you... write this?" She couldn't look away from the information in front of her. "This must have taken you a very long time!"

"A little over fifteen years." He answered quietly.

"You can't give this to me, Severus!" She looked at him completely shocked. The knowledge in the journal was priceless.

"I've wanted to give this to you for a while now." He was telling the truth.

"But this is practically a book! It's a manuscript. You can have it published!" The more she thought about it the more she realized the value of the journal.

"And have Rita Skeeter write about how I intend to worship the Dark Lord's power?" He said impassively.

"No! I can tell just from the topics that's not what you have written here." Hermione continued to looked through the topics, "It is obvious to me you wrote this to analyze the dark arts. You said it perfectly well here... 'by understanding the theories behind dark magic, common spells and charms could be improved or enhanced; new magical theories could be discovered'. Only narrow-minded people would consider this a promotion for the dark arts."

"There are plenty of narrow-minded people out there, Hermione." Severus replied.

"Why are you giving it to me?" She looked at him searchingly, not prepared for a gift so valuable.

"You are not narrow-minded." He answered flatly.

He held her gaze for a very long moment as he tried to burn her beautiful brown eyes into his memory. After what seemed like forever, he took a deep breath and asked, "You certainly did not think that I would have you keep the journal without a request?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. "What do you want me to do?" She asked tentatively.

"Am I still free to travel outside the country before the court date? With your company, that is, of course." He asked.

"Uh... yes, I suppose. You want to go somewhere?" She frowned at his question.

"Well, to put it properly, YOU want to go somewhere." He corrected her.

"What do you mean?" Her frown deepened.

"You had mentioned to me last week that you sent your parents an anonymous Christmas card. It is only reasonable then, to assume that you know where they live. I would like to go visit them with you before the court date, and undo the memory charms you put on them. Because of the limited time we have, I would suggest that you put in your request for an international portkey first thing Monday morning."

It took Hermione a couple of seconds to make sense of his request. As she realized what he was offering her, she immediately began to protest, "No, we can't do that! We still have work to do. I want us to meet with all of your witnesses, and..."

"You seem to be forgetting what I told you at the beginning of our negotiation." He cut her off and said coolly.

"Negotiation?" She frowned, "What..."

"Didn't I say that I would reserve the right to refuse your service at any time? You may still end up with an uncooperative client in a little over a week." He narrowed his eyes and glared at her intensely.

Closing her eyes briefly Hermione let out a soft sigh. Shaking her head she looked at him again for a long moment. Finally, with tears glistening in her eyes she said, "Severus... if I didn't know you better I would have said that you are being a git. Why are you doing this for me?" Brushing away a stray tear, she smiled weakly at him, "Thank you."


Something was purposely left out in this chapter. Some of you may be questioning Hermione's feelings towards Severus. All will be explained later... Hope to hear from you! =)