Hello everyone. Just finished this one up; we Dr. Nadir Kahn for the first time. Anyway, just to let you guys know I updated the Prologue a bit. Hope everyone likes this chapter.
000000000000000000000000000000000000
Dr. Khan or rather what I call him Nadir sips his tea and smiles at me. It's genuine like Nancy's smiles. I really don't like talking to him though or any doctor for that matter but if I just think of him as Nadir then it's a tad easier to answer his questions. "So how was the first day of school?"
There's a notebook on his desk but at least he doesn't write everything I say down on the paper. "I don't know… ok I guess."
He straitens his collar, "Anything interesting happen?"
Rolling my eyes I answer, "What like I got some chicks number and I'm going to see her tonight." Why does he always think something happened to me?
He clears his throat and stares strait at me. "Sometimes talking to you is like pulling teeth."
I nervously shift around in my seat. The staring is rather annoying. "Can we talk about something else?"
"Fine by me. What do you want to talk about?" There's silence after that. I haven't the faintness idea as what to discuss with him. "I don't know." I can't focus on anything today. Tilting my head back I look at the ceiling and notice the paint chipping off in some parts. "You know you should really have that fixed. It's not good for business letting your place fall apart."
"The painters are coming tomorrow… Something is on your mind Erik. What is it?" Instead of answering his question I stick to the paint. "Are going to keep it the same color, vomit green."
"Something happened at work today?" No comment on the paint.
"I think you should paint it… I don't know maybe some variation of blue?" My head lolls forward and my eyes focus on him. Nadir fiddles with his pen and writes something down.
"So what's really on your mind, Erik?" I've noticed that he uses my name in the sentence directed at me when he wants to talk on a more serious note.
Nadir knows what's really bothering me. God damn it he's good. "Nothing, Christ what is it with you!"
Nodding his head, he scratches down a few more notes. "You're mad. That's good-", I cut him off "How the hell is that good?"
He continues with his reasoning. "You bottle up your emotions. That's not good."
My stomach tightens into a knot, I feel like vomiting. "I'm not supposed to feel anything."
"Would your parents tell you that Erik?" He sounds sympathetic and I hate it.
Yes.
"No." I whisper.
Clasping his hands. "We were talking about your parents a couple of weeks. Do you want to talk about them now? Is that what's bothering you?" Nadir leans forward waiting a response.
"No, I don't want to talk a-about them." Shifting uncomfortably in the overstuffed chair, my eyes wonder to the floor.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
"Every time I mention them your speech impediment comes back. What did they do to you?" I don't know if it's a rhetorical question or if he actually expects me to answer that. I stand up and move to the door. "We still have thirty minutes Erik."
My hands tremble. "I can't do this today… I-"
"Look Erik I want to help you but your not letting me. If you don't want to talk about them that's, fine."
Facing him I lean against the door and slide down to the floor. It was the nightmare I had last night. It had been so real. So horrifyingly real that I had almost wet my self, imagine trying to explain that one to Nancy.
"I've never really spoken to anyone about it. I just start remembering the things they would do and I feel… this w-wave of…" I trail off not knowing how to put into words the rage and fear I still feel.
Not supposed to feel.
"That's why you're here, to get over the fears you have. You can't hold those things inside you. No one should… What's your first memory?"
Breathe just breathe, Erik. "Darkness… it was always dark in the room."
"Where was the room?" A mixture of concern and interest lace his words together.
Leaning my head against my knees, I close my eyes. "I don't know. I can't-can't remember anymore." It's only a memory.
Memories only memories.
"Anything else?" Nadir's voice is in the distance, fading out.
"The cigarettes… they would blow the smoke in my face. Then burn me with th- them and laugh. They would always laugh... I hate cigarettes." The memories were back again. Leather straps cutting into my writs and ankles. Stretched across the mattress only in my underwear and they were laughing because I was crying.
Weak I'm so weak.
Asking… begging for them to stop. My father's, belt breaking my skin. The stench of urine seeping into the bed… Terrified of what they would do next.
A hand touches my shoulder and my hands go up ready to ward off any blows but they never come. Instead Nadir is crouching by me with an expression of worry on his face. "I-I'm sorry. I di-didn't mean to-," but I never finish. He helps me up and walks me over to the chair. I never had a break down like this in front of anyone.
A glass of water is held in front of me but I shake my head. Nadir sits down himself and while taking some more notes; he voices his opinion on my parents. "Listen I think you need to talk a little bit more about your parents. I don't mean to push you but this is not health-"
Embarrassed by my outburst; I want to leave. "What time is it? I have to go." Again I go to the door and again his voice stops. "Erik it's not your fault. The things they did were monstrous-,"
"Look I really have to go." And with that I'm in the reception room, down the hall and in my car. It's not safe but I speed home. I just want to hide. Crawl in hole and never come out. As I pull up to the house I see Nancy's little Toyota Camry in the driveway.
Act normal.
"Hi, Nancy." I sound cheerful.
She comes out from the kitchen. There's an aroma of garlic and lemon juice in the house. We're having chicken tonight but I've lost my appetite. "Hi, Erik. How was school?"
Act normal. "Good." She smiles, "You went to go see Dr. Khan today rite?"
Nodding my head. "Um, yeah-yeah I went."
She moves back to the kitchen. "Hey we're having chicken-,"
"I-I'm not very hungry now." Scratching my arm nervously. I need to get up stairs. She frowns. ", It's your favorite though. Maybe later then?"
Later as in tomorrow but I don't tell her this. "Yeah, but I have a lot of homework tonight so I better get started-,"
"Don't let me hold you up. Tell me how work was later." Nancy gives another smile before going into the kitchen.
As soon I cross over into the bedroom I snatch the pillow off the bed and scream into it, so as not to disturb Nancy. Pulling off the mask I wipe away the few tears that escape from my eyes.
Weak.
Crying isn't going to change anything. There's no point in it; it's not going to erase what happened.
Control yourself!
00000000000000000000000000000000
Copyright © 2008 A. Ibarra All Rights Reserved
I don't want to give away too much on Erik's childhood. So it'll be snippets, no major flashbacks yet. So you met Dr. Nadir Khan and Nancy. Hope you guys liked it. Please review.
