Hey everyone! I got a little impatient with my 4-5 day rule this time, so here's another chapter! Disclaimer: anything you may recognize does not belong to me. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 7: Elsa's POV
I ran and ran, as far as I knew as fast as I could.
Nearly tripping on the snow-covered roads, I trudged on forwards, trying in vain just to get somewhere where I knew I could be alone.
I needed to get away from everything, Jack in particular.
I was still overwhelmed with the emotions from what had just conspired in the stairwell.
I completely lost it! So much for not showing it; I practically gave myself away! There was no way he was going to get off my back about this, but I just hoped that my forceful words would make him back off for at least a few days.
I also felt unhealthily guilty about what I had said to him; I was probably the worst sister that had ever walked the face of the earth; to him, to Anna, to Rap and Merida, Astrid, everyone.
Everything I'd ever done to them had only hurt them. And if I hurt them again? Why was it that I had the ability to just destroy everything upon touch? Why was it that I could hurt everyone I came in contact with?
Mike and Mellie did such a great job of hiding it, but one time, I got thirsty in the middle of the night. This was maybe a month ago, just before Jack left the note in my locker.
I crept down the stairs, quietly, sure to skip the step that creaked. Seeing a light from the kitchen, I walked a little closer and peered in from behind the wall. I saw Mellie sitting on a chair, head in her hands, weeping silently as Mike stood behind her.
"There, there," he said, voice cracking, on the verge of tears. "It's alright Melissa, honey, she'll come back. Elsa will come back. Don't you worry now."
That was the first time I had the urging feeling to come back, but I didn't know how so that no one would get hurt again.
Yet there I walked, out in the cold, alone, having just stabbed my best friend with my harsh words. Nothing could repay such a bad thing.
Upon arriving at my house that was dusted over with snow, I stop and brushed the cold powder off of my scarf. Taking one step forward, I suddenly froze in place and remembered what I had seen. Mike and Mellie really did care.
And I knew I couldn't return home, at least not now.
I continued walking forwards, knowing exactly where to go.
It was a place filled with warm memories of before my parents had died, back when Anna and I were kids. Jack and Mara would come too. During the summer when we had free time or during the winter on snow days after building countless snowmen.
Then, as we grew a little bit older, the uses for it expanded too. Instead of it just being the four of us, the gang came also, and it became our Friday night hangout place.
Countless nights had been spent here whether it was playing truth or dare, just chatting, or having a fun night with each other. It had a small electric stove, a space heater, and an old piano, and though it was a little flat and the high E and D-flat key was completely busted, it could still do for an impromptu jam session with Merida and Rap. There was also an assortment of old folding chairs and a few large bean bags, plenty to accommodate for the seven of us.
The wooden planks for walls had been painted yellow some years ago, and by now it was all chipped and the wood was showing from underneath. There was still a dusty colored carpeting job, so we had a no shoes rule to keep it clean.
There were always things that we would bring; Jack would have his staff, no surprise to anyone, Astrid and Hiccup would bring their dogs to keep us company, Hiccup carrying a small leather-bound sketchbook as well just to pen down some wonky yet genius design, and Flynn would bring some sport-related item whether it was a small football or a hula-hoop, just for entertainment. Merida never let her satchel out of her sight; there was always a good supply of food and water as well as an extension cord with multiple outlets for, you guessed it, charging our phones. Rap had the responsibility of bringing none other than her guitar, and I had nothing to bring except sometimes a sketchbook to scribble down some cool outfits or funny quotes. Or just to draw random things; I'd always found myself naturally inclined to the arts.
Typically, I would sit down at the dying piano and improvise a few of the newer songs. Rap would pull out her guitar and sing along while Merida whistled the harmony. Okay, I lied. I'm not entirely self taught; until I was about twelve, I took piano lessons and my mom would help me practice at night. Overtime I quit, but most of the techniques had been retained due to my addiction to playing.
I had, however, stopped after my parent's death. The memory of my mother's hands gracing over the keys like mine was just too painful for me to bear.
One memory stood out more than the others, though.
We were maybe fourteen or fifteen, and all of us were gathered in the barnhouse playing truth or dare. We were arranged in a circle, beanbags and all, around the piano so that if I turned around on the bench, I'd face all of them.
We laughed to the point where we almost began to cry and since we were such close friends, almost any dare was possible.
Jack had dared Astrid and Hiccup to hold hands for a minute straight (and this was still when they were in denial.) I swear Astrid turned so red that even her hair started to take on a pinkish tint, contradictory to her normal, chill composure. And Hiccup's facial expression of discomfort and tension was beyond words hilarious; his prosthetic was, unfortunately, obvious proof of his nervous shifting. Then of course, straight after, Astrid punched Hiccup straight in the arm. That, in hindsight, seemed to have started a very healthy relationship. Go figure.
There was another one where Astrid, that genius of a girl, dared Flynn to put on some of Rap's peach lip gloss. Rap nearly beat the poor bloke to death because he applied it directly onto his lips. Sure, it was gross, but the ten minute spiel about how it can get dirty and how this was her favorite lip gloss was totally uncalled for, much to Flynn's chagrin. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen.
Jack had managed to get me involved too; when I had picked truth, he asked me if I liked anyone. Thank the lord for his quick tongue because because had he phrased that a bit differently I would have been doomed. However, I was able to answer with a simple undecided as I leaned back against the worn black and white keys. He pouted, knowing that I had found a loophole in his question, but he asked no more.
I walked on forwards in the snow, nearing the old, brown, tattered building, right next to the body of water that we had named Memory Lake after the accident.
Coming up close, it still looked the same as it had from a half a year ago, the last time anyone had had enough time to come and just relax. The past few months had not only included my parents' death but also first quarter exams, midterms, other tests and quizzes, and not to mention college applications for the older ones.
So, in a strange sense, it hadn't just been me that had changed.
I slowly cracked open the door so that snow wouldn't get in and reached my left hand in to turn on the light. As per usual, the light began to buzz, flickered a bit, then regained its dim, yellowish light. I sighed at the comfort; at least something hadn't changed. Lord only knew who paid the electricity bills around here, but I was more grateful to them now than ever knowing that there was still a place where I could be alone, still a place I could reference as home.
This would be my safe haven.
Rapidly opening then shutting the door to keep it warm, I sprinted into the old barn house. I ran through the dimly-lit room to the space heater in the corner, switching it onto the highest setting. It sparked and groaned, like it always did, but the resulting heat was more than satisfying.
From the one window by the door, I could see that it was starting to get dark, and yet the storm still raged on. Frankly, though, the cold was never a horrible problem for me. Sure, it was cold, and metaphorically it was lonely, but it was the best way to go, though I couldn't fight the flood of calmness that ran through me as the space heater began to do its job.
Taking some leisurely time to admire the old shabby place, I raised my chin to look around, back in a slight slouch. I smiled at the old rustic walls, peeling and chipped from the span of years it had stayed standing. The small room brought forth a surge of old memories, so many that I had forgotten, and even the smallest ones that I had overlooked in my earlier recounting.
Crossing the space, I allowed my bare feet, cold and wet, to truly sink into the ground and feel the soft, slightly dirtied, yet still comforting carpet bringing back all of the days that Rap, Merida and I used to spend just lying on the ground making carpet angels on our down days.
Then, I sat down at the seat of the piano. The keys were ice cold and when I played the first few chords, and I could hear all of the notes going sharp and flat all over the place, but it would do. Grabbing my notepad from my bag, I set it on the music stand with a pen, ready for any song inspiration to hit.
Recently in my spare hours (seeing that I didn't really spend much time with anyone,) I'd come up with a nice intro with a few chords to a song I hadn't yet written, and I was looking to complete it.
As I played through it a few times, it transitioned to tens of hundreds of combinations of other songs; the little tune my mother sang to Anna to get her to come outside (which I sang out loud,) Jack's favorite song, a trio that Rap, Merida, and I had put together when we were fourteen for the school talent show, and practically everything else.
Then, out of no where, I began to hum a new melody. It sounded a bit depressing at first, but as my fingers and humming continued, it shifted to the major key, bringing a smidge of hope into the melody. Abruptly stopping, I scribbled down the notes onto paper, using a simple system of numbers, dots, and bars that my mother had taught me to quickly notate tune. I continued, scribbling down the shortcuts for the chords.
I continued to play, adding and pausing at random spots to record my progress.
When I was finally done with the tune, I sat for a minute, just quietly, waiting for the lyric inspiration to come.
When suddenly, it hit me.
I'd always been told that music and love had a huge power to heal. But never had I understood exactly why.
All this time, all of my shutting out and pushing away had done me no good at all. My heart had been frozen cold and it was all my fault to start with, for my fear of hurt for myself and in other people surpassed my common sense.
There was no way that I wasn't hurting right now. Everything I had done in the past few months had been in vain, only causing myself more pain that I already had. By blasting words of hurt to Jack I had not only hurt him but myself; I couldn't deny that I didn't care about him.
All of the pain I'd put Astrid, Rap, and Merida through; it was all completely avoidable! I had been so selfish, so caught up in trying to keep myself free from pain that I had only hurt them all more by being detached and in turn hurt myself because they were in pain.
One funny thing was that I never feared death; I only feared the effect that death was able to have on people. That was why I didn't want to die, because my loved ones would suffer for my being gone.
But Jack was right. A while ago, he had sent me an email. I read it and deleted it, not wanting to even have the desire to respond knowing that sooner or later I would give in. It said: "Elsa, please, cmon, come back, we miss u, please, its like ur dead now. i kno ur still in there. Cmon. -J"
For the past few months, I had been like the living dead. I had forfeited my old personality full of life and passion for a cold shell of a girl who only used to exist. But I know now that I can't do that anymore.
Besides, the whole "conceal, don't feel" thing hadn't worked out, had it? Because Jack figured it out, and Merida and Rap knew exactly what was going on. Astrid could read me better than a book and Flynn and Hiccup sensed some change. So much for not letting it show.
And the one solution was to get rid of all of the fear. My parents were dead, yes, but that was more of a reason to carry on. Once more, I found Jack to be correct. He had told me that you have to tell everyone you love that you love them and "live life to the fullest" before it's too late. I had done the exact opposite.
So I deduced to the fact that I only had one thing to do: let it go.
Then, lyrics came to me immediately.
"Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore," I sang to the melody I'd written earlier.
I tested it out with the chords and the notes fell in perfect alignment with the syllables.
I continued testing and writing in my messy scrawl until I had something like a song. All the while, I thought of how hurt my friends must be and what an apology I owed them.
Hitting the final chords, I sighed in satisfaction, pleased with the work I'd completed.
Everything I'd felt inside; the ice, the cold, concealing and not feeling, the discomfort of a storm inside, even the current weather in the state of a blizzard, inside and out; everything was in the song. Music was my outlet to release everything, and this time, it really had healed me.
So I played the intro and began to sing my newly written work:
"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to receive. A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the queen. The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside. Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried."
I choked up a bit at this point, feeling the pain in failure and real struggle conveyed with these words.
"Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Well, now they know!" I sang, a bit of frank frustration building in my mind at my inability to complete the simple task I'd given myself. Then again, I didn't need to now.
"Let it go, let it go! Can't hold it back anymore! Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door. I don't care what they're going to say, let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway," I voiced with conviction, knowing that the bit of ice that threatened to take over once more wouldn't move from where it was, lodged in the depths of just a memory. I didn't mind if Stacy and Gigi were going to full on come after me all over again because no matter what happened, I was only me, and I had so many people who I loved, I was loved by them. They would protect me, and I would be me again.
I felt a cold breeze come from the direction of the door, but I assumed it was just a little draft from the window. I was completely immersed in my music, pouring out my emotions into the song that spoke my truth.
"It's time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me; I'm free!"
I sang on, emptying out into my soul into the music that I made. As I continued, I began to get near the end. When I got to the final chorus, I closed my eyes and played the chords by memory, belting out the words. In my head, I thought: I am Elsa Arendelle. I am a junior in highschool, age 16, and I have people friends and family who love me. I don't have anything to be afraid of.
"Let it go, let it go! I'll rise like the break of dawn! Let it go, let it go, that perfect girl is gone! Here I stand and here I'll stay. Let the storm rage on! The cold never bothered me anyway."
I paused after finishing the last few notes, breathing in deeply. I sighed in content, having accomplished more that just one thing today, and neither of which were very simple.
I remained in my little trance, more relaxed than I had been for what seemed like forever. My heart was surging with guilt for all that I'd done to everyone, but the feeling of eradicating a burden as heavy as life itself was more than satisfying.
My thoughts were interrupted at the sharp, lonely applause coming from behind me. Shocked, I didn't run around just yet, trying to gouge my exact surroundings, and by the sound of the clap, I knew that there was only one person behind me. I then heard sound of a voice, an all too familiar voice.
"Hey, Elsie."
Ooooohhh who is it? Haha I bet you know! :3 Thank you guys so much for reading! The song is "Let it Go" originally by the creators of Frozen (it's pretty key in the movie...)
Please tell me what you think! Did you like it, yes, no, maybe, perhaps, hate it, love it, tell me why! Please R&R, any questions will be answered as well.
Thanks for bearing with me, guys, I know that the fluffless story is a little painful. But next chapter, I promise :) Thanks for reading!
~PianoPanda12
