The song in this chapter is 'Vanilla' By 'Gackt' I suggest you download the music video. I know it's on Kazaa if you have that downloading-program.

Flickering Emotions

Nothing happened until after dinner that day. He didn't even see Draco when they ate, as he hide himself in the dormitory at every meal.

Harry sat on his bed, staring at the rose he hap put in a vase on his nightstand, smiling dreamingly.

"Harry, what up with you? Are you sick or something? And where did you get that rose?" Ron came into the room along with Dean and Seamus.

"Ron, you are so dense. Can't you see that he's in luuuuuve." Seamus said.

"Yeah. Who's captured the hero's heart? You can tell us." Dean said, throwing himself on Harry's bed, quickly followed by Seamus.

"I…it's not…shut up." Harry said, turning red.

"Ahh, I knew it! Who's the lucky girl?" Dean said.

"Or boy?" Seamus exclaimed, making Harry blush even more.

"So, it's a boy?" Dean said.

"So what if it is!" Harry said.

"That narrows it down a bit. 'o is it?" Seamus said.

"I can't tell you." Harry said.

"Does he love you back?" Dean wanted to know.

"I don't know. I…I think he might like me. But I don't know. Not as if he'd ever admit it." Harry smiled at the though of what Draco might have said. 'Love you? Yeah right. Ok., maybe you aren't as irritating as the rest of the world, but that's it!' He could say something like that.

"Oooh, your in deep." Seamus said. Ron came to himself after the shock of hearing Harry liking a boy. He had no idea.

"Wha'?" Was all Ron could say, gaping like a fish out of water.

"Umm…" Harry had no idea what to say.

"Well, I guess, if you're happy, we're happy. We're friends right." Ron said, proving that not even he was so dense as to let something like this ruin their friendship.

"Thanks." Harry said.

"Well, we was coming inn here to make you come down and play truth or dare with us, so, will you?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, come on!" Dean said.

"I don't think…" Harry started.

"You gotta. Dose'n' 'e Dean?" Seamus said.

"Yeah, come on. It'll be fun!" Then they grabbed one arm each, and dragged him down.

"M'kay." Harry said. Knowing he had no choice but to follow.

"Hey, you got him! That's great. Then everybody's here. Who wants to start?"

"Me! Me!" It was Ginny.

"Ok."

"Hermione! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." She said.

"I dare you to sneak into Snape's storage, and steal some Veritaserium to make this game all the more fun!" She smiled evilly, knowing Hermione would hate to do such a thing. She was quite surprise when Hermione just sighted and said;

"I guess there's no way out." And went away. Half an hour later, she came back with the bottle, and her hair all messed up, and without her cloak. Harry believed he knew the reason.

"Herm! Are you ok? That was bloody brilliant!" Ron said.

"Yeah. I just had to run from Filch that all. Lost my cloak as I was hiding in a classroom. I'll just say I've forgotten it. Just got away from his cat, and I was running really fast you know." (Funniest thing was that the cloak would pop up in the potion classroom tomorrow…)

As I said, she was a bad liar. But no one really noticed, or cared.

"Well, lets all take a drop of this, and we'll be on" And so they did.

"So…Ron! Truth or Dare?" Hermione said.

"Truth."

"Is it true that you have pink polka dots on your underwear?" Hermione said. It was a rumor that had been going among the girls, believed to be started by Ginny.

"Yes." He said. Turning as red as his hair. And they all started to laugh.

"Hey, my mom buys all my cloths, ok." He said.

"Sure. Mummy's little boy." Seamus said.

"My turn! Harry!" Ron said.

"Dare." It was no way in hell he would chance a truth with Veritaserim and all.

"I dare you to pet Miss. Norris!" They all awww'd him. That was so dangerous. Harry got up.

"If I die, please make my tombstone a nice one." He said before he walked away. He did live, and just about manage to outrun Filch. He spent most of the night washing his hand. They had fun until late at night before they gave up. Not once did Harry dare to choose truth. (Sorry, but humor isn't what I do best. If anyone wants to mail me a great 'Truth or Dare' part to replace this with, and who doesn't screw up my plot, I'll be glad to replace this pathetic try with it.)

Harry woke up the next morning after the most wonderful dream where Draco had told him he loved him. He sighted. If only real life could be so easy.

Nothing unusual happened that day until Lunchtime. Harry was pulled into a classroom again on his way to the Great Hall, but he knew that familiar pull right now, and could only smile. Just as he thought, it was Draco. Looking all sexy and the tiniest bit shameful.

"Look, I'm only saying this once, so you better listen! I know I've done some bad things, but…what I was going to say is I... Ahw Hell! Just kiss me!" Draco had never been any good with apologizing, and Harry wanted to be angry with him still. But as he felt the familiar tug on his shirt, and those wonderful lips ravishing him once more, he could not help giving in. And again life was back to normal. Well, as normal as it could be for him.

Draco was struggling with his feelings as he sat down in the Slytherin common room. He felt a tug in his chest that he had never felt before. Could this be love? What if it was? He felt panic rising inside. NO! It couldn't be. Love destroyed people. It had destroyed his mum. She had been so happy when he himself had been very young, but slowly Lucius' love had died, and he had broken her, till all that was left was an empty shell. Love had killed his mother, and it had turned his father bitter. How could he ever dare to love someone?

He had heard of love that lasted, but what if it didn't. 'I don't love him!' He thought to himself. 'I just like the sex. And his smile. And the wonderful green eyes that lit up from inside when he was happy. And…

"SHIT!" He realized he had said the last word out load, but he didn't care right now. 'I love him.' He realized. 'I can't live without him. I... I can't imagine a life without him.' He thought desperately, and then he sighted. Fuck duties. Fuck everything.

'But if I love him back… Will he still love me? If I say I love him… Will I lose him for good?'

'If I say I love him… Will everything change? And can I bear to let go, if the day come that he doesn't love me anymore?'

At dinner Harry sat in his own happy little world. He could not stop thinking about Draco. How he wanted so much for Draco to love him. But was Draco even capable of love, with that family he had?

And yet, Harry was used to being grateful for whatever small favors he could have, and so he smiled at himself. 'At least I got back whatever we had before.' And so he watched as Draco's band was about to take the stage again.

The music started, and Draco started to sing. (Since this was a wizard school, everyone understood the lyrics, even though he sang in Japanese. There was some kind of spell that Dumbledore had put on the entire school to make people from different parts of the world understand each other.)

"Kimi wa seijitsu na moralist

You're a sincere moralist,

Kirei na yubi de boku wo nazoru

you touch me with pretty fingers

Boku wa junsui na terrorist

I'm a pure terrorist,

Kimi no omou ga mama ni Kakumei ga okiru

revolutions occur as you wish "

Again, Harry felt that this song was meant for him. I had become Draco's one way to communicate with him, without anyone else knowing it.

"Koi ni shibarareta specialist

A specialist in this kind of passion,

Nagai tsume wo taterareta boku

your long nails get me erect

Ai wo tashikametai egoist

I'm an egoist who wants to make you love me,

Kimi no oku made tadoritsukitai

I want to push myself inside you

Kimi no kao ga toozakaru

The closer I get to losing control

Ah boku ga boku de naku naru mae ni

The more your face grows distant"

Harry could never get enough of watching his beautiful sex god on the stage. He was all dressed in black, and looked so gorgeous.

"Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni

Can I love you? In this trembling night

Aru ga mama de ii yo… motto… fukaku

Do it just like that . . . do it more . . . deeper . . .

Kuruoshii kurai ni nareta kuchibiru ga Toke au hodo ni

At the grind of your lips claiming mine

Boku wa...kimi no...vanilla

I am your . . . Vanilla

(Kami-Sama) "...Nante kidorisugi"

(God) ". . . You're so affected,"

Sonna cool na kimi wa plastic

You are cool and plastic

Atsui manazashi ni wa ecologist

With hot looks like an ecologist,

Sono moeru kuchizuke ga modokashii

and a hot, irritating kiss

Yugande iku kimi no kao ga

Your face is growing hazy

Ah boku ga boku da iraremasu you ni

Ah, I have to do it to myself

Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni

Can I love you? In this trembling night

Aru ga mama de ii yo… motto… hayaku

Do it just like that . . . do it more . . . faster . . .

Kurushii kurai ni nureta kuchibiru ga Kotoba nante mou

Your bruising lips hurt me more when you're speaking

Kimi to boku not burning love

You and I are not . . . burning love

Ah ikutsu asa wo mukaereba

Ah, How many mornings do we have

Ah yoru wa owaru no darou ka

Ah, Before this night ends

Ah sora ni chiribamerareta Ah shiroi hana ni kakomarete iku

I'm dying surrounded by white flowers Ah, Which scatter in the sky

Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni

Can I love you? In this trembling night

Aru ga mama de ii yo I've seen a tail

Do it just like that . . . "I've seen a tail."

Kuyashii kurai ni

The shame almost burns me,

Kimi ni hamatteru no ni

I'm falling for you

A crew sees crying knees

A crew sees cring knees

wanna need. Not betray!

wanna need. Not betray!

Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni

Can I love you? In this trembling night

Aru ga mama de ii yo… motto… kimi wo

Do it just like that . . . do it more . . . you are . . .

Kuruoshii kurai ni nareta koshitsuki ga Toke au hodo ni

At the grind of your hips against mine

Kimi wa...boku no...bannin da

You are . . . my . . . keeper "

I have put in some notes on the translation of this song, witch might make it easier to understand why this song is so perfect for my fanfic.

To the translator, gomen nasai. I didn't mean to just take your notes without asking, but I could find no way to contact you… Oh, and I underlined the translation notes witch was most important to this story.

Translator's notes:

(I'm not quite sure where to start). The opening line, kirei na yubi de boku o nazoru (You touch me with pretty fingers) is innocent enough on the surface, but it has a double meaning. Nazoru more literally means "trace" or "outline", and kirei na yubi can mean "pretty fingers," or simply, "a pretty finger."

Wait a minute, you say, the sentence "You outline me with a pretty finger," doesn't make any sense. Er, well, it does when you realize that Gackt uses boku (me) synonymously with boku no paato (my, er, male part) throughout this song. ("You trace my xxx with a pretty finger.")

It's a lot easier to understand why "your long nails get me erect" when you understand the real meaning of this first line.

Yes, the word is literally "erect," the Japanese is tatorareta boku. I deliberated for a long time over the word choice, but what the hell, "get me erect" is probably Gackt's most famous lyric in translation. (Rightly).

I wrote, "The closer I get to losing control" though the Japanese is more explicitly, "The closer I get to ejaculating." Except that Gackt's way of saying ejaculating in Japanese is coy and pretty. There are no coy pretty ways of saying that in English, when you get right down to it, are there?

I chose to translate aishite mo ii kai? as Can I love you? but be aware that this question is asking permission ("May I love you?") and also carries the meaning, "Would this (everything) still be okay if I loved you?" My impression is that in this very sexual relationship, love is taboo. In fact, I always get the feeling that everything goes here-- except love. Fall in love and it's over, baby.

MJJ made the interesting point that in the sentence yoreru yoru (trembling night) yoreru carried the image of an earthquake, buildings shaking and swaying. I tossed up between, "As the night shakes around us," and "In this trembling night." I liked the idea that trembles might doubly refer to "Can I love you?" (trembling at the audacity of the question), as well as the next line, "Do it just like that . . . " (trembling at the frenzied passion of the sex).

But it was hard to give up "shakes" because I liked the image of the night shaking because bed is banging up against the wall.

Although it doesn't appear in the written lyrics, Gackt whispers, "Kami-sama . . . ", before the line which begins, ". . .nante kidorisugi" (" . . . You're so affected"). Kami-sama means God in Japanese. Gackt is not talking about Kami from Malice Mizer, despite the rumours that ran wild on the MM yaoi mailing list some years ago.

(Blush) Um. In the line boku wa boku de iraremasu you ni, um, my translation of "I have to do it to myself," is a somewhat oblique version of the original.

Basically, this iraremasu is written in hiragana and the line would simply mean, "It's like being myself," or "It's like doing it my way," except that Gackt writes the masu part of the word in katakana, which changes the implied meaning and throws the sentence into a rather pornographic new light.

The line, "I'm dying surrounded by white flowers that scatter in the sky," is already a pretty strong metaphor for a male orgasm. But Gackt takes it a step further.

When he sings, shiroi hana ni kaomarete iku, he really stresses the iku. This is a play on words. In bedroom slang Japanese, iku is used in the same way as come/cum is used in English.

In the live version of this song, Gackt even adds a breathy, extra iku wa ("I'm coming . . . ") to the end of this line.

(Wa is girl-Japanese when it is used at the end of the sentence, just by the by. Boys don't say iku wa when they come, they say iku yo).

Further notes: This song is sex. You can watch the Japanese lyrics progress through the foreplay, into the main event and all the way to completion.

The chorus is written to (blush) mimic thrusts (try singing along and you'll get what I mean).

Lastly, the picture that accompanies Vanilla in the lyric booklet is super cute, it's all cute pinks and yellows, and in it, a girl is eating a vanilla ice cream, cuuuute, except that someone has smeared the ice cream all over her chest where it is running in rivellets that look exactly like You Know. (blushing hotly)

On the English: No one knows what A crew sees cring knees means. There is an online lobby group who argue that it is a blowjob reference. Possibly? Gackt's English generally whatever you want it to be. '