First, I am seriously blown away that this was voted into the top 5 for The Lemonade Stand's Fic of the Week. Thank you all so very much!

Second, I think I replied to every review from last chapter. *wipes brow* Thank you so much for giving me your thoughtful words! If I somehow missed you, I am truly sorry.

Third, ginormous thanks to my prereaders/betas: Twilightladies, LyricalKris, Twilly, and Lellabeth. These ladies are amazing!

Double thanks to Twilly for holding my hand when I got too scared of the angst. She took a lot of time to talk me down and talk me through it, and I can't even begin to thank her enough.

SM owns all things Twilight. All mistakes are mine.


Chapter 8 - Stubborn

Previously: "I'll do whatever you need me to do."

BPOV

My tears spill over, warring senses of relief and loss blasting through me.

It was so stressful to be alone in this choice, but I couldn't force him. I wanted him to come to the decision on his own, and I'm glad he has. Hopefully things will be a bit smoother now that we're on the same page.

Edward comes over and pulls me out of the chair, hugging me to his chest. "I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I never wanted to make things harder for you. I know this is the right thing. I know that. As much as I don't want to give her up, I know I can't give her what she needs right now." A gust of his breath blows over the top of my head. "I'll be honest," he says, swallowing audibly. "I think part of my reluctance was because I was trying like hell to hang on to this last thread that connects us. I didn't want to lose you completely." His arms squeeze around me. "But I realize now that I already have, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for being a shitty boyfriend and for the things I said to you that day. I was a complete dick, and I know I hurt you so much, and I…" A shaky sigh pushes his chest against my face.

"It's okay." I sniffle against his t-shirt. "I mean, it's not okay, but it's over. We just need to try to move on now and deal with the adoption."

Edward pulls me back by my shoulders, and his gorgeous eyes pierce mine. "But I don't want it to be over, Bella. Please, I just… Why can't we just do this together? As a couple. I want to be there for you. Why won't you just let me?"

His words pull at my chest, at that part of me that's still desperately in love with him.

But I just can't.

Shaking my head, I close my eyes and try to explain. "It's not that simple, Edward. There's too much hurt between us. And if we're together, it would be even harder to imagine placing this baby because I would fantasize about raising her with you." I wipe a few tears away, looking up at him. "As much as a huge part of me wants to do that, I know it's not the right thing for her. I have to constantly remind myself of that. She shouldn't have to be deprived because my birth control pills failed." I shake my head again. "And the truth is, the reality would fall extremely short of the fantasy because raising a child is crazy-stressful, even under the best of circumstances and even on the most stable of relationships. I don't want her to experience a parent walking out on her like I did. I know there are no guarantees, but..." More tears fall from my eyes, and his are glassy and red now. "We were far from stable, Edward."

"I realize that now," he murmurs. "I know my anger issues were a problem... among other things." He runs a hand through his hair.

"It wasn't just you, though." I've figured some things out since we broke up, and he should know I don't blame him completely. "I let things get to the point where I was unhappy, but I didn't do anything about it. We never really communicated with each other. We hardly ever talked about anything important... anything real. I think we thought we were in a serious relationship, but we were really just hanging out and having sex."

"But you met my mom and everything," he interjects. "I've never introduced a girl to my mom before."

I give him a warm smile because I agree that's a big deal, especially for him. "We'll still be in each other's lives, Edward. In some way or another. I just can't be with you right now. It would make things too hard. Can you understand that?"

"No, Bella. I can't," he says, shaking his head, and I huff at his stubbornness. "I miss you so much. I don't know what else to do. Please." He bends his head and presses his lips against mine, making me stiffen in his hold. "Please," he repeats against my lips.

The part of me that still loves him, that still wants him more than anything, relaxes and responds after a beat, whimpering and kissing him back.

My mind tries to remind me that, among other things, he basically called me a cheating whore. He accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to ruin his life, and he definitely did something with Lauren Mallory a week or so after we broke up, but… My heart and body tell my mind to shut the fuck up. They remind it that I love Edward and that, at five months pregnant, I'm horny as hell right now.

Giving in completely, I pull at the back of his neck with my hands, trying to bring him as close as possible as he deepens our kiss with a groan.

"God, I've missed you, baby," he says into my mouth.

"Me too. Oh, God." The familiar smell of his body wash makes me want to throw him down and hump him right here in the living room.

Edward grips my ass and squeezes, swallowing the moan that spills out of my mouth. He presses me against his erection, and I can feel myself getting wet already.

My body has most definitely missed him.

His tongue strokes mine deliciously, and I melt against him, winding my arms fully around his neck. But when he brings one hand around to the hem of my t-shirt and it grazes my bump, I freeze again. His warm hand slides over where our baby is, and it's too much.

"Edward, stop."

"No, please, Bella. Let me make you feel good." His hand continues up to my now fuller breast, cupping and squeezing. "Please," he whispers, pressing his face into my neck and placing a soft kiss there. "I just want to make you feel good." He pinches my nipple, something he knows I love, making me gasp and let out a breathy moan.

Damn these pregnancy hormones.

After pulling the cups of my bra down, he suddenly has both nipples between long fingers, rolling and pulling, turning me into a quivering mess.

"Fuck," I breathe out. "Edward. Bedroom."

He grabs my hand and pulls me into my room. Walking me backward to the bed, he pulls my t-shirt over my head. Frantic to be closer to him, to feel him against my skin again, I waste no time in unclasping my bra and letting it slide off my arms. When I fall back on the bed, he lifts my legs and pushes me farther up the mattress, quickly tugging at my shorts with the elastic band around the waist. My panties go next, and I'm completely exposed to him.

It's nothing new... except for the bump. And the fact that we're not together.

But when he reaches back and grasps the neck of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head, I can't think about anything but the miles of tan skin that have been revealed to me, stretched taut over his cut torso.

God.

Edward straddles my legs and leans over me to pull a nipple between his lips, and I run a hand up the back of his head, reveling in having his mouth on me again. With a quiet pop, he releases me and blows warm air across my wet skin, still above me but not putting any weight on me. My moan sounds too loud in the room, and I clamp my lips shut, squirming a bit as he does the same to the other nipple.

"Let me hear you, baby," he murmurs.

"Edward," I groan as he drags his tongue up between my breasts. Kissing his way back down my sternum, he ignores my bump, which is probably for the best, and drops down to my center, wrapping his big hands around my thighs. One long lick right up and over my clit has me arching off the bed and squeezing my eyes shut. "Fuck."

"Damn, I missed this. You taste so fucking good."

My mind is lost to the flood of sensations that threaten to drown me... Long fingers digging into the soft skin of my thighs. Determined lips and tongue working to bring me closer to release. Light stubble scraping my sensitive flesh.

I know I should stop this, but I can't.

Edward sucks my clit between his lips, flicking it with his tongue, and I cry out his name. Grabbing fistfuls of my hair, I shake my head from side to side, my body twisting and arching. He keeps me anchored by my hips, but the rest of me writhes, all at once wanting to get away from, and yet move closer to, the intensity of what he's doing to me.

Moving my hands to my breasts, I squeeze them as his tongue works me over, and then without conscious thought from me, my hands dive into his hair, pulling and scratching, eliciting a deep groan of my name from him.

It's all so familiar… but new at the same time.

Edward flattens his tongue against my clit and gives it several slow licks, driving me insane with the intense zaps of electricity that don't come quite fast enough to let me fall over the edge. Pushing two long fingers into me, he keeps up his attention with his tongue, and I couldn't stay still right now if my life depended on it. I'm hyper-sensitive, and everything almost feels like too much. Pulling him impossibly closer by his hair, I roll my hips against his face, and he gives me an encouraging moan, sending delicious vibrations through me.

Seconds later, my body stiffens and shudders, and I cry out indecipherable words as the euphoria rushes over me.

As soon as I come down from the best orgasm I've had in months, a prickling awareness spreads over my naked skin, and I look down my body to see Edward unbuttoning his shorts.

Oh, God. What did I do?

"Edward."

He stops and looks up at me expectantly.

"We can't do this," I tell him, shaking my head. "I mean, I want to, but… we shouldn't."

He sighs and slumps down on his haunches, bowing his head. "You think it'll hurt the baby?"

"No. That's not it." I shake my head and offer him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry. That felt incredible, and I just got caught up, and these damn pregnancy hormones make me so horny, and I still love you, and—" I clamp both hands over my mouth, my eyes widening as I realize what I just said.

I never told him I loved him before.

His eyes pin me to the mattress as he moves to hover over me again. "You love me?"

"Shit," I whisper. "Yes, but it doesn't change anything."

"Like hell it doesn't."

"Edward," I murmur, shaking my head again. "It doesn't matter how much I love you. It just won't work out for us. It can't. Too much has happened."

He cups my cheek, and I instinctively lean into it, closing my eyes.

"Bella," he whispers. "I love you too."

My heart gives a resounding thump against my ribs. I've wanted to hear him say that for so long. But…

My eyes fly open and narrow at him. "If that's true, you've got a funny way of showing it."

"I was just scared, Bella. I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry. Please, you have to forgive me. Please."

I squeeze my eyes shut. "I was scared too, Edward. I still am. But there's no excuse for the things you said to me."

"I know," he says quietly.

"I know you've said you didn't mean everything you said that day, but the fact is, you said it. You meant it at the time, and I can't unhear it," I say, gesturing at my ear. "I can't erase the way those words from you, the person I love the most, made me feel. That conversation plays on a near-constant loop in my head. And someday I'll be able to forgive you, but not now. I just can't."

"Okay." He nods. "I hear you. You need more time." He places a sweet kiss on my nose, but I don't get distracted.

"And the other reasons for us not to be together are still there too. It's not just one thing, and you know that."

He sighs in defeat. "You always were stubborn," he teases, breaking the tension a little.

"You mean strong," I say, lifting my chin and an eyebrow.

"Well, okay. That too. But definitely stubborn. Now that I know you love me back, though, I can work with stubborn."

I smirk at him and shake my head. "Pretty sure you're the stubborn one. But then I guess you need to be to make it as a lawyer."

Edward smiles my favorite smile at me. "Bella…" He leans down and lays a soft kiss on my lips. "Please let me make love to you." I start to speak, but he cuts me off. "I know it won't mean we're back together. I know. I just need to feel you. And maybe we can be… I don't know, friends with benefits or something." As my eyebrows climb my forehead, he rushes to continue. "I mean, you said it yourself. You're horny because of the pregnancy, and I hope you don't want to be with anyone else. I definitely don't want to be with anyone else. So, please…" He drops his hips to mine, careful not to put weight on my belly, and rubs his hard length against me, pulling a traitorous moan from me.

"What about Lauren?" I shoot back, instantly regretting it but needing to know.

His jaw clenches. "I told you. Nothing happened with Lauren that night."

His hips continue to slowly move against me. He's so hard, but as good as it feels, I can't let this go. Even though we weren't together when whatever happened happened, we had just broken up. Not to mention the fact that he knew I was carrying his baby, and Lauren has always done nothing but try to make me feel shitty about myself and undermine my relationship with Edward.

I've let it linger in the back of my mind for months. I can't not ask about it.

"What about the night Rose saw her go into your room before that?"

"Fuck," he whispers, closing his eyes for a second and stilling his hips. "I didn't fuck her. I swear to God, Bella. I was so fucking drunk, I barely even remember anything. She tried to give me a blowjob, and I didn't even fucking get it up. I don't want her. I'll never want her or anyone else. Please, baby. Can we just…" He thrusts against me again, and my back arches at the sensation.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying like hell to get the mental images of him with Lauren sprawled out on top of him out of my head. And now I know she had her hands and her filthy mouth on his dick too.

A shudder runs through me, and it's not one of pleasure.

"Shit," I hear him say. "Please don't do that, Bella. Don't let someone who means less than nothing to me ruin this. She's like a fucking gnat or something, always around, always in my face, but if I could, I'd swat her away." He falls to my side and pulls me in to his chest, and the way he holds me doesn't feel like 'just friends'.

It feels like love and regret and hope and loss.

It's torturous bliss.


Thank you so much for reading. xoxo

EPOV up next.

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