A holoscreen turns on and generic music sounds out with the logo 'SA News' appearing for a few seconds before fading to black. Moments later, the lights turn on and for all to see is a red eyed man with blond hair dressed in black sitting behind the standard news desk.

"Welcome mongrels to watch my glorious figure," the man said in all seriousness, "I am Gilgamesh and I have bought this entire news station for my own desires."

The camera moves to the left side of the newly introduced Gilgamesh as the animated image of young men and women cheering and somehow swimming in gold appeared.

"Giving them all a potion of youth and gold coins was not too much of a bother for a king such as I."

The image faded, causing the camera to refocus on Gilgamesh, who suddenly had a frown on his face.

"What, you want the news?" The man paused for a few seconds before nodding in a self assured manner, "Let it be known that I am a gracious king and thus I shall bestow you what I find amusing."

The image changes from Gilgamesh to an overhead view of what looks like a Academy.

"Just recently it has come to my attention that some beings called Asari now have a new craze for human chefs. You can see them crowd in gourmet shows and various popular five star restaurants from all over Earth. There is even one that apparently yelling about getting even with some Shirou or other as she barely passed the most elite of cooking academy: The Tosuki Culinary Academy."

The image goes back to Gilgamesh.

"Now I hear that she is yelling about some mongrel called Yukihira or some other. No matter, let us seek entertainment with the one I sent to Tuchanka."

The scene changes towards viewing a pony-tailed man in blue as he seems to be stabbing at something below the camera line. A title appears reavealing his name to be Cu Chulainn along with the title 'no luck fool'.

"Stupid dog!" Cu said in anger, "All I wanted was to borrow (steal) his fishing gear in his treasury and he tosses me into the middle of damn nowhere! That bastard could have said no!"

Ducking, he stabbed at something that was about to claw his eyes out. It took a second for the camera to refocus and reveal it to be a Varren.

"You stupid gold bastard! How is this place a good place to get my fishing materals? It's just dogs everywhere!"

Suddenly he stiffened before turning around as something long and huge bursts out of the ground. The title changes from Cu Chulainn's name to 'Oh shit! Thresher Maw!'

"I wonder how big a fish I can get from that," Cu mused as he lifts his spear over his head, "I guess I owe that bastard something after all."

Just before Cu Chulainn leaped in towards the Thresher Maw for an obviously epic fight for the ages, it goes back to Gilgamesh with an even bigger frown. (And totally not because the omake writer can't write a fight scene to save his life! Honest!)

"So that fool still lives," he grunted out as he turned to the side, "no matter, perhaps my mood will lift once I hear my beloved- you're not Arturia..."

The scene changed to a blond woman in a red dress that indecently exposed -ahem- that allowed people to see her legs and cleavage as she seemed to puff up with glee at being seen.

"Fear not my fellow royalty!" The woman exclaimed as she placed a hand on her chest, "For I, Nero, willingly helped my fellow Saber out once she had heard Mumei was in some Citadel or other. And now, a song from me!"

Anyone could clearly see her sucking in a lot of air before bellowing out a note.

"ROoOo0oO0-"

It changed back to Gilgamesh, who's hand was frantically making cutting motions along his neck.

"This king is now tired," he said with as much dignity as possible, "Therefore the king that is I shall end this broadcast for now. Once I regain what is mine and destroy a certain Faker, will this broadcast continue once more. Goodnight you mongrels."

The generic music plays and the holoscreen turns off, with our view now turning towards three viewers. The first was Shepard, who looked at the second one, Emiya, put his head down to his hands. The third was a regal looking blond woman in blue who was in the middle of eating a very large turkey with all the fixings between her hands.

"So Emiya," Shepard said while she tried and fail to hold in her laughter, "I just can't go anywhere with you without something stupid happening huh?"

At that, only Emiya groaned.