Hi! Sorry for the late update, I don't have much time lately (school) so I'll just post chapters when i get them done. I'll try to do it every week but we'll se how it goes.
disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it
ps. sorry if this is boring! it will get more heated the next chapter. You've waited long ;) Please review!
-Emma
Chapter 8
The Very First Time
Paul and I hadn't been fighting for the last three days, but then we hadn't been talking either. I was intentionally avoiding him and did my very best to stay as far away from his as I could possibly be without it being too much of a bother. In other words, we hadn't seen much of each other at all. And in a way it was very pleasing, because I knew that if we did spend any kind of time together that it would be terribly awkward. Not because of him of course, it was me who made the problems. I was a very awkward person in situations like this. It was as Darren had once put it, when people knew too much about me and I felt uncomfortable in the situation I would simply be awkward. Well and ignore them…
"Mel, I need your help outside," Sam said and I sighed as I watched him walk out the door obviously expecting me to follow him. I was sitting on the couch reading a book in perfect silence at the time ignoring the fact that today was the last day of the year. "Fine…" I grumbled making no effort hiding my attitude. When I walked outside I spotted Sam walking towards the beach and I quickly followed him so that he wouldn't think that I was ignoring his request. We walked in silence for a while and I noticed how the cold air surrounded me uncomfortably. It would probably be freezing tonight so I was glad the boys were gathering wood for a bon fire. I still remembered how they seemed different and how their senses along with mine were stronger than they were supposed to be. Eventually it had become something I was accustomed too.
I knew with certainty that Sam didn't need my help at all, and I was a little curious about why he was taking me with him. either he wanted to show me something or he was going to talk to me, and I could live perfectly fine without both. "Sam, come on…you can at least be honest with me…" I murmured agitatedly at by half brother and glared at his t shirt covered back. I admit it, today I was angry and was not appreciating the cold yet warm shoulder Sam was giving me! I half expected him to stop or turn around as we were walking god knows where, but he didn't. he just glanced back at me while walking and smirked. "We're almost there," he said and I frowned. Another cold wind blew in my direction and I hugged myself tightly as we walked, my mood worsening every second that went by.
After a few more seconds I was in a terrible mood and wanted nothing but to stalk back to the warmth of the house, but Sam had stopped before big fallen tree which I suspected being our base. If this was what he wanted to show me then he could go fuck himself. "Sam, I didn't come out here just to watch a god damn tree, so if there wasn't anything else you wanted to tell me then I'm off…" and with and after thought I added; "it's freezing out here." Sam only stared at me with serious eyes and pointed, with a stiff finger, at the fallen three. "Sit," he said leaving no room for argument. I raised an eyebrow distastefully at the wet moss on the tree and crossed my arms angrily, yet I sat down. Sam remained standing.
My frown worsened when I realized that this was looking more and more like a scene from one of those bad children's movies where the child got yelled at by the father of the house. Crap… I watched Sam as he paced a little bit before me and noticed how his usually calm and stern eyes had changed to worried ones. Well then… I cleared my throat uncomfortably trying to get him to start talking since he seemed so troubled with it. Sam sighed heavily and stopped pacing around. "Okay, so I'll just cut to the chase, "I nodded my head approvingly and his hands touched his chin supporting it. "I'm worried about you," he stated.
Well… wasn't that a surprise? I stayed calm and I hoped that he couldn't see the fear in my dark green eyes. "Why?" it was a simple question so it concerned me that Sam's posture changed completely. He wasn't comfortable doing this, saying these things to me. but I needed to know the reason… "since Christmas eve you have been acting strange," he stopped talking and sent me an exasperated look. "Listen, I know I'm only four years older than you and I can't be a parent for you, but I'm your brother and I care. You can come to me if something is bothering you," the disapproving look in my eyes was obvious, I made sure he could see it. anger stabbed my heart and spread through my body and I silently tried to calm myself down. My hands clenched into fists and I gritted my teeth furiously.
"What on earth makes you think I would come to you?" I asked hoarsely and stared at Sam in disbelief. The shock forming in his brown eyes left him standing speechless in front of me. "When you start acting like the brother you are saying you are, then I'll come to you, then I'll tell you what bothers me and what doesn't. then I'll let you help me with my problems," my voice was low and dangerous as the anger swam through me like fire. Who did he think he was! "but right now I have a better relationship with the guy I have been hating on since we met than I have with you, so please don't come asking me for something I won't be able nor willing to give you." Sam's eyes hardened as he collected himself and I stood up from the wet moss I was sitting on. "You are staying in my house and you will not speak to me like that," he growled in my direction making fire light up in my eyes.
"Don't you dare use that as an excuse or reason to how I am supposed to act! You chose to let me stay, it was your choice! And you had the chance to say no anytime you fucking wanted." I was yelling my temper flaring. The trembles that left Sam's strong body should have scared me. they should have made me turn around and run. But they didn't.
"I opened my home to you, excuse me for thinking that you maybe, just maybe wanted some family in your life!" he growled lowering his voice dangerously. I stared at him, purposely waiting for his trembles to stop before speaking. Fear rushed through me as silently a light breeze and I swallowed hard. My anger would have to go away so I did my best to push it away like I should have done from the beginning. Breathing heavily Sam still glared at me and I looked at him with calm eyes. When he finally stopped shaking I spoke.
"the only wrong thing about your statement Sam, is that you haven't given me family at all. You have given me a place to stay, which I am grateful for, but no family," I spoke slowly and gave him a slight nod and a tight lipped smile before stalking of into the direction of the beach. I knew that coming into a new family was hard, I had done it plenty of times before and usually a fight like this, or an argument would fix it. the scary part was over, I didn't have to do that again.
I had barely gotten out of sight when I heard Sam's loud voice force its way into my ears. "I know it's hard for you being here. I know you don't want me knowing anything about your personal life and I know you asked Paul about the wolf. I know everything." The statement wasn't meant as anything mean, it was meant as reasoning to why he was acting the way he was acting, yet the cutting betrayed feeling that swam through my body made me stop.
"What?" I breathed. The world was a strange place… but I knew people, I knew how they acted and how I should never, ever expect anyone to be able to keep secrets that weren't about themselves. I almost didn't notice it when Sam's hands covered my shoulders leading warmth through my body. "I know," he repeated and again I felt a sharp pang of hurt hit me in the gut. I don't know why I felt so incredibly surprised, why I just couldn't comprehend that he… he had betrayed me. he had ratted me out to the one person I wanted to know nothing more about me. "And you're telling me this, why?" my voice was hoarse and quiet, and I swallowed harshly. Sam had to let me go soon, he knew I wouldn't disappear like last time. I knew I wouldn't.
"I'm sorry Melanie, he couldn't exactly not tell me," the truth rang in my ears, and Sam was being honest. But there was an underlying truth to his words that I was probably never going to find out what was. "Did he have a choice?" I asked hardly and turned around in his grasp to face him. the troubled look on his face made me squirm inside, but I stood strong staring him in the eyes. After a few seconds… he answered. "No,"
My feet hurriedly carried me into the woods, not caring that Sam had told me never to go in there. Today was my day, today I needed to go. He was out there, the smell and the sound told me that so I sat down on the ground with a determined look on my face, and waited. My hair was damp from the light drizzle that fell from the sky and my shoes were muddy and brown. "Come on. You have been watching me for a month, the least you can do is show up when I need you to," I said sternly leaving no room for argument and making no effort to hide the fuming anger that wallowed in me. My eyes were fixed on the bushes to my left challenging him to come out for me. After a while of nothing… I sighed deeply.
"I'm not going to hurt you… I just. I just need someone to talk too,"
The second the words left my lips, a weak whimper sounded and the big wolf appeared in the bushes I had been staring at. Up front it was so much more beautiful than it had been from a distance. His wet fur almost glowed with the silver streaks in the grey and his face was kind. I stared at him, noticing how my heartbeat began to fasten and took a deep breath as a shot of adrenalin overtook my body. My breathing fastened as the animal slowly walked towards me, his head bent down in submission and I carefully locked my eyes with his. My whole body relaxed then. His eyes were filled with concern and love, they were filled with nothing but pleasant feelings and from that moment on… I knew this wolf was never going to hurt me.
He sat down a meter or so away from me and I frowned. Maybe he thought I was afraid of it? Any normal human being would have been scared shitless by what was happening, but I just couldn't be afraid. It didn't feel unnatural sitting there with him, it was as if being near these wolfs was something I had been my whole life. Because there were more of them, Sam had said so.
"This is the last day of the year…" I said and cocked my head to the side observing the creature. Would he understand me? By the way his head moved in my direction and his dark brown eyes connected with mine, I knew he did. My hands grabbed some leaves on the ground and I absentmindedly played with them. "They usually say that every new year is a chance to be someone different, you know?" I ripped another leaf apart and smiled ironically. "I think that's bullshit, the chance is there all along but people will never accept you as anything new," a small whimper came from the wolf and I looked up from my hands. "What? It's true. I should fucking know… Anna told me the same thing over and over again, but hell, one look at my medical records and they saw me as the same old Melanie," my voice was bitter and hoarse. Talking about Anna reminded me about how I would be out of her hair soon. And how I missed her.
I sighed and thought about all the difficulties I had managed to make here. "I'm not usually angry you know… but I'm having these terrible nightmares and I can't sleep. My body is constantly exhausted and it gives me a bad temper," I don't know why I felt like explaining myself, the wolf hadn't seen me angry, he hadn't been close to me before. But I guess saying these things helped. My eyes closed as another blast of wind blew through the three's. "Darren is the only guy who knows me, we used to sit up and just talk for ages," I smiled at the memory ignoring the low growl from the wolf even though it sent shivers of fear down my spine. "He's like a brother to me, my best friend. But we barely get to talk… he's so busy and I'm… well I'm here." my voice was soft, I didn't regret coming here… it would be better. wrapping my arms around my body I crawled over to the wolf on my knees. He didn't even flinch when I let my body fall into his. The fur between my fingers was so soft… I cuddled into it.
"People used to think we were dating, since we clicked so well, but we both never saw it as anything else than friendship. In fact I called him last night and talked about how confused I feel!" I leant even further into the wolf feeling his beating heart through me. His breathing was calming and I smiled hesitantly at how good it felt. "Paul can be a dick, he seriously can. But I don't know… there is just something different about us now. And I'm scared that if we spend any more time together that I will fall." The last part came out as a whisper and the big wolf stiffened behind me. I looked up and I noted how his eyes were brighter than before, as if he was really happy.
"As much as I hate to say it, Bud, I have to get going… I'm probably going to need a while to get ready and it's already five PM." Giving the wolf a soft smile I stood up and brushed off dirt from the ground off my jeans. He stood up as well and I had to look up to look at his head. "It was fun, maybe I'll talk to you again!" a small bubble of laugh escaped my lips and I grinned sheepishly. Talking to an animal like it was human… I felt kind of stupid. "bye,"
When I got back to the house Sam was sitting on the couch staring on god knows what. His forehead was wrinkled and his eyes small. Sam was thinking. The second I walked in I embraced the warmth that flooded towards me and sighed with pleasure. Wearing a sweater, jeans and shoes with a weather like that was never a good idea. Not this time of the year.
Sam didn't look at me when I sat down next to him, probably afraid of what I had to say or how I looked like, but he had nothing to fear. I wasn't an unfair person, I knew that he was young and starting a life with his fiancé. The timing hadn't exactly been good. "We're good," I said staring mindlessly at a small picture on the wall. "I know this is hard for you, I know that being as young as you are and taking on a responsibility like this is tough, I'm used to it so it isn't as difficult as it used to be for me," I took a pause my eyes stilled glued to the small frame on the wall. "I'm used to responsibility, Melanie… I don't know why this is so hard for me," he said quietly and I smiled.
"You might be used to responsibility Sam, but this is different. I'm your … your blood, that's why it's hard. But it will get better…" he looked at me then, quilt written all over his face and a varm glow in his eyes. "It always does," he finished my sentence and I knew that he was thankful for my understanding. Because… well, who wouldn't be?
I bumped my shoulder with his, smiling sheepishly. "mate, let's not be too emotional, that's just way too weird," I grinned and he shook his head in amusement. Sam was about to say something when the front door opened and the guy I had been avoiding like the plague walked in beaming as if his biggest dream had come through.
