This chapter has been a bit of a pain in the arse, I'm not really too happy with it and I promise I'll man up and get the next chapter out to a better standard!
The reviews are fantastic guys, I love hearing what you think!
Thank you so mcuh for the feedback!
No, don't undo your pants. Kick out! Don't let him pull off your underwear, stop him! For gods sake don't let him do this to you again. You're so pathetic and weak. Smell how vile he is, the cigarettes and sweat, push him off! I can feel my legs being parted. Hit him! Hit him! Scream out, somebody might hear! Anybody! He's leaning forward. He grins, leaning right into my face. You know what he is about to do. He pulls his hips back and thrusts forward…
"NO!" I jolt awake screaming. He's still on me I can feel him gripping my body! I lash out again and again hoping to injury, to get myself free. I can feel my fists coming into contact again and again.
"Ooff, Spencer! SPENCER! Ow! SPENCER STOP! It's just me babe! Ah! Ow! Spencer calm down! You're safe!"
Just keep lashing out, you can't go through this again. You can't have it happen again, you have to get free.
She's panicking and I can't get through to her! She just keeps screaming and hitting me over and over. It hurts, she is putting full force behind them.
Ooompoh. That was a particularly hard blow to the stomach. I'm too winded to try and talk to her and she just keeps lashing out. I have to stop her before she hurts herself. I grab her wrists as she tries to hit me again.
"Spencer!" She's just twisting wildly now trying to get away. Oh god. I need her to understand she is safe! She is still screaming. I don't know what to do!
"Spencer babe, please it's just me! It's Ashley, you're safe!"
"No, no no, get off!" Her screams are starting to taper off into sobs but she is still thrashing. She's going to really do some damage to herself and her injuries if she doesn't stop.
I do the only thing I can think of, I yank her forward and wrap my arms around her. Pulling her tightly against my chest so she can't move. She starts screaming again but I just hold her tightly, mindful of her back.
"You're safe Spence, it's just me. It's Ashley. You need to calm down babe."
Eventually she stopped struggling in my arms and just started whimpering and sobbing into my chest. I just held her close and whispered words into her hair. In some twisted way I liked having her in my arms again. I felt sick that I was enjoying the fact I was comforting her in distress, as I was holding her tight against her will, what type of person does that make me?
I felt her shift slightly against me and she burrowed further into my arms. I could feel the fond smile flicker across my face as I kissed the top of her head.
"I love you baby." I mumbled into her hair, hoping she was lucid enough to hear me.
My sleep addled brain eventually caught up with me. I realised that I was being held not attacked. Nothing smelled like cigarettes, all I could smell was Ashley. I could hear her murmuring soft words as she tried to calm me.
I had hit her.
I had hurt her.
And she was just trying to help.
She must have woken up with all my tossing and turning from the nightmare.
She was doing nothing but trying to calm me.
I shuffle even more into the embrace. I need the comfort. I need her. I bury my head in her chest and cry quietly. I grip her t-shirt and pull her even closer to me and she responds by holding me even tighter.
"It's okay baby," She soothed, peppering my head with kisses.
"I'm sorry I hit you. That should never have happened."
"It's okay, you're safe babe, it was just a nightmare."
"It's not ok Ashley!" I hit the bed with my free hand, frustrated. "It shouldn't be taken out on you! I shouldn't have hit you, I shouldn't have pushed you away outside, I – I…"
"Shhhh."
I felt Ashley tipping back and pulling me with her till we were lying down and I was still positioned on her chest. I slipped to her side and curled up around her body. I heard her almost inaudible sigh of contentment escape her lips as she pulled me close.
"Go to sleep Spence, I'm here, your safe. I promise nothing will hurt you."
I buried my nose in her hair as she nodded against me. I loved how she smelt, coconut shampoo and the underlying smell of Spencer. I relaxed into the comfort and smell and allowed my body to start to relax into the bed,
Every so often I could feel a small tremor travel through Spencer's body as I held her. I rubbed soothing circles on her back and started to sing softly. I felt her body relax more into mine and slowly I allowed myself to drift, still singing quietly.
Ashley's singing soon tampered out to nothing and her breathing evened out after a while, I just lay listening to the beat of her heart and the tiny noises she made in her sleep. She was so perfect, she was trying so hard. I'm worried I'm not going to be what she needs now I've been broken. I love her so much. I didn't move out of her arms and eventually, surrounded by the warmth and smell of Ashley, I felt myself starting to drift back to sleep.
