New one-shot ! Happy New Year to everyone !

So, this takes place during 6x13 'Dead Things' or something. I don't own any of the dialogues (except for the very last line). For those who don't remember, Warren, Johnathan & Andrew make Buffy believe she killed Katrina. Buffy is on her way to turn herself in to the police, and Spike tries to stop her. That's my take on what she could've been thinking at this moment. I wanted to write more but... Somehow I couldn't find the right words. I hope you'll understand what I've been trying to say nonetheless.

I wanted to include the part when Buffy says to Spike "I am not your girl", but I didn't feel like explaining what she felt when saying this so I just left it out.

Enjoy and leave a few words about your opinion !


I killed a girl. I took a human life. I never thought it'd happen to me. It's actually a surprise that it never happened before. Well, it did happen once, but… She took all the blame for it.

It was an accident. But I'm not like her. I can't stand how I'm feeling right now. I killed the girl. The police need to know. I can't run away from this. She tried, and it made everything worse. Now she's paying for her crimes.

There are so many things that come flooding into my mind right now that I don't really understand how I can still be standing and walking. I haven't thought about her since quite a while, and now she's everywhere. I remember Dracula's words about the Slayers.

Our power is rooted in darkness.

I realized he was right as soon as the words left his mouth. But until tonight, I don't think I had really understood what it meant. Tonight, I became a killer. And that makes me see things a lot more clearly. We, Slayers, are walking on a very thin line. One wrong move and you step onto the other side of the power. The dark side.

She has tasted it, and tonight I'm joining her.

I try to gather up my courage as I stop at the corner of the street. My mind travels to Los Angeles, and I wonder how she's doing there; if jail isn't too hard for her. Maybe they'll send me there too, and I'll find her again. Two Slayers in jail, how pathetic is that ?

I feel so numb, it's delirious. And I want to see her. After all these years I finally understand what she's been through after Allan's accidental death. The loneliness, the pain, the fear, the confusion. And I pushed her away. I practically threw her into the Mayor's arms. The guilt I already feel increases with that thought. I was never here for her. I should've been, I should've protected her.

As I walk closer to the police station, I have this tingle that tells me a vampire is near. I don't even have to turn around to know it's Spike. He tries to stop me. I should've known he would. But I don't let him, and we fight. All the time, my mind is completely elsewhere. I keep having these vivid images of that girl saying "You killed me", and then I see her, clutching on her bleeding wound, whispering the exact same words. It's too much.

Spike tells me that he took care of the body, and that just makes me want to punch him even harder. What the hell is wrong with him ? Why did he have to do exactly what she did ? And, oh God, why do the cops find the body so easily this time too ? Not that it's a bad thing. Or maybe. I don't know.

"You're not throwing your life away over this."

"It's not your choice."

"Why are you doing this to yourself ?"

And I can tell by his face that he really doesn't understand.

"A girl is dead because of me !"

"And how many people are alive because of you ? How many have you saved ? One dead girl doesn't tip the scale."

"That's all it is to you, isn't it ? Just another body !"

"Buffy..."

I hit him. I hit him because I can't stand to hear him talk. It reminds me way too much of her words.

"How many people do you think we've saved by now, thousands ? And didn't you stop the world from ending ? Because in my book, that puts you and me in the 'plus' column."

Why does Spike think the same thing ? Oh, right, darkness. I guess they're more alike than what anyone could possibly think. I wanted to forget all about her, but tonight makes me realize that she was always in the back of my mind.

"You can't understand why this is killing me, can you ?"

"Why don't you explain it ?"

And I can't. I can't tell him that it reminds me of events I'd rather forget. I can't tell him that it makes me feel ugly for letting her down and forgetting about her. And there's no way I'm telling him that there's this ache in my heart when I think about her.

And as I keep hitting Spike who's not even fighting back, I remember that day in the church and the violence with which she kept punching me while I was in her body. She was right : we're Slayers, we're alike. No one else can understand.

She was as disgusted with herself as I am with myself right now.

I walk past Spike and stop for a second in front of the building's door. I know that once I come in, there will be no turning back.

And just before I walk in, I realize that I miss her.

"Damn you, Faith."


Not my best work, but hey, inspiration is hard to find lately.

OTH-FOQ