I am back from California! It was paradise. That's it. I now know what people mean when they talk about LA's traffic.

And this trip gave me plenty of ideas for this fanfic.

Reminder that our OTP just spent 4 months apart.

Enjoy this slightly less angtsy chapter because it's about time.

As susal, thanks to Soncha_Kapa on twitter for proofreading.


Imagine

What would one do in the name of love?

The answer was not as simple as 'getting married'.

Lexa wished she knew the answer.

Some give up everything they have just to be with someone. Some change countries, even their identities, just to follow their loved one. Some pretend to be someone else. Some do things they'd never have done in other circumstances. Some change the entire world just to see another smile. Some surpass their limits until their last breath, just to attract someone.

Some change their core beliefs, just because of the one person they care about.

Some lose themselves.

Some kill others.

Some kill themselves out of despair.

Love brings the best and the worst in someone. It is never neutral. If it were, there would be nothing special about it, nothing to fascinate people.

Love is a mystery.

Love murders.

Love saves.

Love gives and takes mercilessly.

Love is selfish and immensely caring.

Love makes people blind, as they run with their eyes closed toward their death or their revival.

What is worse between not caring enough and caring too much? If people didn't care, they wouldn't give a second thought about hurting each other. They wouldn't mind being hurt. They wouldn't mind not following the rules. They would take and take and take until nothing is left to others and they would not feel one ounce of remorse. They would do as they please, ignoring the consequences and invalidating the rules of the world. They wouldn't even believe in love with a capital L.

If someone cares too much, the first person they risk hurting is themselves. They put themselves as the main target. They make their vulnerability known to someone else. So what makes it worth it? What makes falling in love worth the pain?

Lexa didn't know, but she wished she did. She wished someone, anyone, knew so they could tell her.

What's the ultimate proof of love?

Is it material? Is it made of money? Is it the brand new car someone buys their loved one? Is it a brand new house? Is it even the diamond ring that empties a person's bank account? What is it about that diamond ring that suddenly makes love more real than it already was? Who decided a ring was the ultimate step to take when it came to love?

Love cannot be material. There is no magic in material things. There is no charm, no fantasy, no superior meaning. Love cannot simply be compared to something that can be thrown away and replaced. There's no glory in this. It has to be more. It has to mean more. It has to be irreplaceable.

Is love made of selfishness? Is it truly as unconditional as eternal romantics like to believe? Is it made of words or actions, and if so, which ones? Does it take roots in whispered words in the middle of the night and subtle touches when no one is looking, or is it born from passionate speeches to the universe and burning kisses that everyone witnesses?

True love might be unconditional, but it rarely occurs. Everyone wants something. Everyone needs something. In most cases, sooner or later, one wants more than what the other is willing to give, and the relationship crumbles down. True love isn't easy to find. It isn't easy to fight for. It isn't easy to keep or protect.

And if it is true love, until death tears the lovers apart, until they both die at the same time, does it mean they sign a suicide pact when they fall in love?

Is love truly as universal as the world dreams it to be?

Some would say it is simply being happy with someone, being satisfied, feeling invincible. Some would say it is magical and unexplainable, that trying to define it removes its magic. Some would say it demands patience, hard work and respect. Some would say it is nothing. Some don't believe in love with a capital L. Some believe in it, but spend their whole life avoiding it, terrified of being broken by its touch.

Some would say there are thousand different types of love, so how is it possible to know the one you feel is truly Love.

How do you know it even exists?

How does one know the line between just a relationship and love has been crossed? It is the blurriest of all kinds of boundaries in this world. People make mistakes about it all the time and it often costs their relationship, whatever it originally was. There are no miracle answers to this riddle as old as time.

How is the line crossed? Is it by the way they look at someone else? Is it by the irresistible feeling of wanting to spend as much time as possible with another person? Is it when one feels they cannot live without the other? Is there even a line to cross, or is it inevitable, written somewhere in something called fate?

And why, why is it so damn complicated?

Love is made of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but people always ignore that second part. They keep denying its existence until it stabs them in the heart.

How can one fall in love with another person from a country located ten thousand miles away from their own, but be unable to even feel attracted to anyone they physically crossed path with?

How can one fall in love within minutes with the wrong person, but be unable to notice their soulmate, someone they've known for years, standing a few meters away until it is too late?

How can one fall in love with their complete opposite and make it work during the darkest storms, but be unable to bear the presence of someone similar to them?

What is it about love that makes people fight about it? Why do people fight the cruelest war in the name of something that is completely the opposite? How are people able to commit vilest crimes in the name of love?

Could it be that the entire human race got it all wrong?

Perhaps love is not the key to paradise as they always believed it to be. Maybe in its true form, love leads only to a place of disarray. Love disguised itself like the real predator it is, making everyone its prey. And the world makes it easy : they run toward love as if they couldn't wait to be cursed by its touch.

And when they are bare under its influence, Love strikes. Love brainwashes. Love kills without anyone noticing because it leaves its victims alive.

Why do people believe so much in the value of true love, but spend their life consuming meaningless relationships, skipping from one night stand to another and multiplying random hookups?

Why do people think love is universal, but only between a man and a woman?

Why do people think love has no boundaries, but only between two people whose skin color is the same?

It seems that the unconditional true love everyone believes in exists only within specific conditions.

They give love its importance. They admit it is a feeling that cannot be wasted, that has to be preciously protected. They wait for it to reach them. They want it to hit them hard. They want to fall so deep in it that they can't ever escape its touch.

And yet, they fear it. They hide from it with stupid norms and expectations such the 'no messages before three days have passed' or 'the fear of appearing too needy'. They jump from one partner to another because 'it's cool', and feed on double standards. They lock their life away in their phones and computers, while demanding to know everything about their other half.

They create rules to feed the endless game of pretending not to care. They spend hours and months fearing for their freedom, when in fact, if they took time to learn about the purest form of love, they would notice that Love does not care about stealing their liberty.

Lexa's mind was being crushed by those thoughts.

All those late night confessions, all those secrets spilled under the influence of impulsivity, all those words that meant everything but couldn't be said out loud, Lexa felt them crawling everywhere under her skin.

There was a difference between yesterday and today. She couldn't identify it. Maybe it was unnoticeable because it wasn't a real difference. Maybe everything she felt right now toward Clarke had been there since the very first message they sent each other, and they both had been too blinded to notice it.

What was the difference between her relationship with Clarke yesterday and her relationship with Clarke today?

Was it by the progressive way Lexa would spend her entire day and night with her eyes glued on her screen, texting the one person she wanted to talk to? Was it the way her eyes lit up whenever Clarke's name appeared on the screen? Was it the way her smile automatically appeared whenever Clarke's voice sang in her ears? Was it the way Lexa's fundamental behavior changed whenever the blonde was in the vicinity? Was it the way Clarke made the world a better place for Lexa, and vice-versa? Was it the omnipresence of Clarke in Lexa's thoughts?

Was it the way Lexa worried about Clarke when she had no news in the day?

Was it the way Lexa would move her entire world upside down just to follow Clarke to the edge of the universe?

Was it by the way Lexa was terrified of exploring those feelings more?

The way Lexa allowed herself to believe in love once again?

The way they both could heal from death's touch?

Lexa had yet to decide what she wanted to do for love.

But she also had yet to realize that such decision was not in her power to make. It was something stronger than her simple will.

Love listened to no one and obeyed only itself.

It changed the boundaries between people and forged new ones everyday. It was the cause of all of the greatest evils in this universe and the reason behind every pure moment of happiness. It built new roads between people and gladly took them down whenever it pleased.

Lexa couldn't control love. She could simply follow its lead.


Raven watched from a few meters away as two silhouettes stood in front of each other.

She looked at them staring at each other, as if they were alone in the entire world, and thought that maybe in this moment, they were.

She noticed the way they took everything in, the slight changes in each other, the different ways that connected them, the aspects that made them so similar while being drastic opposites.

She noticed the way Clarke's eyes traced every line of Lexa's body as if she was afraid it wasn't truly there.

She noticed the way Lexa's eyes embraced Clarke's body in a blanket of admiration and affection.

Her eyes widened when she saw Clarke licking her lips subtly, something Lexa also witnessed.

She heard the way they both were too scared to say a word.

She listened to the way their hearts beat a little louder.

She frowned when she looked at Lexa swallowing the words away, forcing the two women to remain completely speechless in front of one another.

She shivered when Clarke's lips curled up as the brightest smile appeared on her best friend's face, a smile she knew could only appear with the presence of a specific feeling.

She froze when she saw the way they shut the world out and lost themselves in each other's eyes.

She almost laughed when she noticed Clarke struggling to remain in place when the blonde clearly wanted to jump at Lexa's neck and embrace the hell out of her.

She sighed when Clarke took a single step ahead and Lexa's features conveyed impatience.

She clenched her fists when she realized the two stubborn women had no intention of moving closer anytime soon.

She exhaled loudly when Lexa's eyes filled with invisible tears and Clarke finally crossed the distance between them.

She smiled when the two women shared a heartfelt embrace, as if they were each other's air.

She rolled her eyes when she noticed the way they never wanted to let go, the way they breathed each other's scent, the way they snuggled in each other's body, the way they made sure that this, this contact, this reality, was the real one.

She snapped a picture when they stayed in each other's arms as time flew by.

She bit her lower lip as emotions flooded over her at the sight of Clarke looking so damn alive.

Raven watched as Clarke's lips moved to Lexa's ear to murmur secret words that only the two of them would share.

Raven watched as her best friend fell deeper into the open arms of love.

Clarke and Lexa were in love.

Raven prayed it wouldn't take them too long to realize it.


It was subtle at first. The way everything was different. The way the air they breathed was not the same. The way the food they ate tasted different. The way the sun was shining with more intensity. The way the sun seemed to be gravitating closer to the Earth.

The first day beat awkwardness records.

They acted like those quiet nights and precious secret moments between them across the world had never existed. They acted like anything they said had to be carefully prepared, as if they were robots repeating a practiced speech. They had Raven walking between the two of them. They could feel Raven's suspicious eyes on them but didn't do anything. They could feel the judgment of the young mechanic but didn't say a word.

They acted as if they were simply old friends seeing each other again. They acted as if nothing special had ever happened between them, even flirting with the subjects of past relationships for a while, both of them pretending not to feel the spark of envy. Their hands brushed too many times against one another and they shrugged nervously in answer every time. The tone of their voices was filled with too many hidden emotions, but they acted as if the air wasn't loaded by static electricity threatening to shock them to death at any time, as if they weren't about to be crushed by the atmosphere.

They acted as if they had no emotions at all, and maybe that was the reason the depth of their feelings was impossible to miss for anyone within miles.

Lexa embarrassed herself many times while trying to act casually.

Clarke tripped on invisible rocks too many times while trying to remain in control of her thoughts.

They both had too many useless conversations, trying too hard to fill the silences.

Raven had laughed and laughed and laughed until the air wasn't enough to keep alive.

By some kind of strange mistake, they had booked rooms in different hotels. The late evening separation had been too fast and their words had sounded too mechanical, too automatic for them. They had said good night and shared a quick hug, both wishing to go to their rooms to wash the day away.

The second day had been slightly better.

Slightly.

The hug at the end of the day had lasted two seconds longer.

On the third day, Raven had had enough of this not so innocent game her two stupid companions were playing. In the morning, she pretended to feel a little sick and told Clarke she would stay at the hotel for a few more hours.

Clarke had tried to stay with her, but when Lexa had arrived to knock at their door, the blonde had been promptly kicked out of the room, Raven yelling she was perfectly able to take care of herself. She slammed the door to Clarke's widened eyes.

After the usual 'good morning' speech, a shy looking Lexa lead Clarke outside the lobby and they stepped outside, already feeling the heat despite the early hours of the morning. To anyone else, they would have looked like five years old kids interacting with each other for the first time. The two women smiled and pushed away the awkwardness as they started walking toward their destination of the day.

They both were vividly aware of the fact that it was their first time alone since that one night in Montreal, months ago. Too many things had happened between them since then, and the weight of it all threatened to crash upon them anytime now. They felt it in their bones. Today would be the day they would suffocate to death unless they let the pressure out.

True to herself, Raven immediately left the room when she saw them leaving the hotel and started spying on them, her two hands texting quickly the progress to Octavia, who remained wide awake back in California.

The absence of the third traveler seemed to influence their interactions at light speed. So fast, that Raven, observing from a few meters behind, wondered when she had transformed to a third wheel for her best friend.

As if the past two days hadn't happened, both women chatted loudly as they walked on Roxas Boulevard, enjoying the superb view they had on Manila Bay.

"Would you like some snack?" Clarke asked as they passed by diverse stands from independent small vendors.

"No, thank you," Lexa answered as she glanced at dozens of children whose clothes made it doubtless that they lived on the streets, "I wish I could encourage them somehow."

"It's a radical change from Japan, I guess." Clarke said, remembering the latest destination of her friend.

"There were as many vending machines in the streets of Japan as there are children asking for money here. And I gave those machines more money than I would give those children," Lexa murmured to herself.

Even for Clarke, who had visited the lost cities of some African territories, Metro Manila was a whole distinct world itself. An imperfect corrupted balance between the rich and poor governed the streets. One district could be made of tall skyscrapers and money flying out the window while the adjacent neighborhood was made of cardboard boxes and little hands asking for a few cents.

It was the messy collision between all layers of society.

Manila was the home of a sea of people all different from each other. Families were stopping people in the streets with a stand filled with snacks of all kind, selling water bottles to the drivers when cars were stopped at red lights. Men walked in suit, talking quickly to their cellphones, sealing a few deals while crossing the streets when car zig-zagged around them. Kids ran across the streets despite the red lights, tricking tourists with their big eyes and poor looks.

Everyone seemed to be ignoring each other, and yet, everyone seemed to be cooperating to survive under poorer conditions. Clarke and Lexa could feel in the air that individualism was not the main ideology here. Take the money away and cooperation became the best way to survive.

The streets were more dirty than the opposite and the cacophony of the cars, buses, colorful jeepneys, a specific mode of transportation to this country, and taxis all fighting to be the fastest made Lexa a bit dizzy. It was impressive to see bikes circulating amongst them, breaking every possible traffic laws both women had ever known. Walkers didn't seem to care one bit if they were about to be hit by a vehicle. It seemed that this disorder was made of an imperceptible order to their American eyes. Stray animals wandered everywhere, sometimes looking for a master, sometimes minding their own business.

Wherever both women focused their eyes on, they saw crosses and symbols of the strong omnipresent Christian and conservative beliefs in this country. They listened to people speaking of God even when they were simply passing by. They heard the bells of churches and the whispered prayers. They smelled gas and garbage. They were greeted by many civilians who recognized them as tourists.

They weren't sure whether these overly welcoming greetings were made of friendship toward visitors or simply because they seemed to be rich.

The view of the ocean was beautiful and despite the stinky pollution, a breeze of fresh air continuously made its way to their lungs. They walked on the huge boulevard for a long time, passing by the Embassy of the USA, before stopping for a small break at Rizal park, a historical green area.

"Why did we decide to meet here, it's suffocating and it's not even eleven in the morning," Clarke asked as she swiped a few drops of sweat from her forehead.

"You were in India whereas I was in Japan. We had to choose a common middle."

"Russia was a good middle. Colder."

Lexa looked at Clarke a second before her left eyebrow rose slightly as she suspiciously questioned the blonde.

"Russia? Really?"

They were both well aware of the challenges they would have faced in Russia if they displayed their sexuality too openly for unknown eyes.

"What? You think you're too good for Russia? What about North Korea?"

Lexa rolled her eyes at Clarke's innocent tone.

"North Korea would have eaten us alive."

"You would have protected me," Clarke joked as she bumped her shoulder to Lexa's.

"You would be right."

The tone was dead serious and it sounded like a promise. Clarke wondered if Lexa's words would always sound so good in her ear. She wondered if Lexa's secret promises would always be kept.

She hoped so.

She didn't know what to offer Lexa in exchange.

She didn't know yet that Lexa would never ask for anything from her.

"Anyway, it's better that way. They speak English here," Clarke said after a few seconds of silence. "I can't wait to go the beach."

It was a simple conversation without any purpose, but it made them feel comfortable to be together again. It was casual and it was safe. It was the conversation that would not lead to the skeletons in their closets.

It wasn't loaded with unspoken emotions. Not yet.

But they felt the charge of feelings behind the words.

They had felt it the moment they had turned their eyes off their screen to focus on the live person standing in front of them.

"I'd have to agree with you on that. May I offer you something to eat?"

Lexa pointed to the many stands on which fresh cut mangos were on sale.

"I would thank you for the rest of my life."

Lexa chuckled and paid for the flower shaped mango.

"You give me flowers already, you better not have expectations," Clarke said playfully, testing the boundaries of their safe subjects.

"I do. You owe me gratitude for the rest of your life, I will remember that," Lexa replied.

Clarke nodded and took a bite of the slightly sourer taste than the one that characterized the same fruit back to her homeland. The cold juice made her moan from relief and gave her back the energy she didn't know she had lost.

"That means you're stuck with me for the rest of your life," the blonde said between two bites.

There was no hesitation in Lexa's tone when she answered:

"That causes no problem for me."

A smile was exchanged as the memories of messages exchanged under the moonlight came back to their mind.

Another moment passed during which they remembered every single word they said and every single meaning those letters really conveyed.

Another silence filled the air.

It was broken when they walked by a piece of art that represented the relief map of the islands of the Philippines floating on water. Every tiny bit of land was represented and Clarke took pictures from all possible angles to make sure she didn't miss anything.

Unknowingly to them, Raven was also taking pictures of the duo from all possible angles to make sure she didn't miss anything. Each picture was carefully saved and sent to Octavia, who then sent back many theories of what Clarke and Lexa were actually talking about. It went from aliens' invasions to weddings plans, passing by apocalyptic scenarios and tragic love stories.

It was a perfect distraction from boredom and Raven almost walked into a tree way too many times to have any dignity left.

The weather was perfect for them to wander endlessly between the green areas and the many vendors. The many flags of the country around the Rizal Monument in memory of a famous nationalist reminded them of how far from home they truly were.

Clarke took many pictures of Lexa when she thought the taller woman wasn't looking.

Lexa took many pictures of Clarke when she thought the smaller woman wasn't looking.

When they caught each other, they both pretended to be mad and offended before laughing quietly and snapping a few pictures with the two of them.

It always felt better when they had an excuse to stand closer and they took more pictures than necessary. Every picture had them standing a little closer to one another until space became a foreign concept to them.

"Did you know that Rizal is the name of a national hero?" Lexa asked as they explored the park.

She didn't wait for Clarke's answer as she started to explain the history behind the park's name and its symbolism to the community. She was passionate about cultural and historical aspects. The way she shared it with Clarke made it impossible for the blonde to not be captivated as well, from the way Lexa's voice resonated with joy and pride to the way emerald eyes shone as she spoke.

Clarke didn't even try to show how hilarious she thought it was that Lexa knew so much about the country they were visiting. She smiled widely at Lexa's antics, the way she moved her hands to express herself, the way she widened her eyes whenever she remembered a detail that she just HAD to share, the way the tone of her voice fluctuated according to her enthusiasm.

The artist noticed all of the little things that Lexa did when she was in love with a subject and made sure to remember all of them. It was so much more than simply reading a few words on her phone and Clarke already never wanted this day to end.

Unlike their first meeting, they had carefully planned this one. They would have about ten days. It was an eternity compared to their little twenty-four-hour window back in Canada. It was perfect for them to learn to know each other the way they wished to. It was the forever that allowed them to ignore the fact that another separation was waiting for them at the arrival line.

Clarke couldn't help but notice the absence of the ache in her heart. The pain she felt whenever she had messaged Lexa in the past weeks, longing for more than a simple virtual encounter, was completely gone.

She didn't feel pain anymore because she had no reason to. Lexa was standing before her and talking passionately with stars in her eyes. Lexa was within Clarke's reach. Lexa was real and everything Clarke felt was extremely raw and painless. Lexa's presence was Clarke's dream come true.

She had never felt more free and judging by the sparks in Lexa's eyes, they both felt the same.

Reunited.

Reacquainted.

Together.

"You're kind of a nerd, you know that?" Clarke asked with a mocking smile when Lexa finished telling her the detailed history of the country. "A cute nerd, but still, a nerd."

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke." Lexa answered with a tone that was way too serious for Clarke's taste.

"You realize how boring life would be without mockery, right?"

"I realize how pragmatic it would be."

"And boring."

"Clarke."

"Lexa."

It had happened a few times the two previous days. They would end a conversation by saying each other's name. They would say it once, clearly, preciously. They would say each other's name like it was a song they could play on repeat for the rest of their lives. They would listen to the other's voice saying their name as if no one in this reality would ever be able to give it as much respect. They would hear a story behind the name.

They would hear the way their name was owned by the other.

They would gift their name to the other.

They would make the world learn and remember this name.

Lexa blinked emotionless at Clarke's behavior as a tiny smile made its way to her face.

"Don't worry, I like your nerd side."

Clarke skipped ahead of Lexa for a few minutes, wanting to avoid the awkwardness that was sure to follow her declaration. But Lexa could only smile and try to calm the flutter of her heart.

Those small moments when they would let their souls speak freely with words loaded with innuendos were way too frequent to be unintentional. Many of them were followed by a small silence, never long enough to actually give them time to truly think about the implications of the spoken words.

They stopped for a quick lunch at the local popular fast food chain, Jollibee, and both had fried chicken with a plate of spaghetti. It was extremely unusual and they struggled with the use of a spoon rather than a knife, but they left with their appetite satisfied.

Raven waited until they left before entering the restaurant and grabbing a quick bite before rushing outside, only to realize she'd lost their track. A quick text to her best friend confirmed that the duo was well and alive, and in direction of Intramuros. The mechanic student groaned at this.

Clarke had promised her they would visit the popular walled city within Manila together, but apparently, Lexa had insisted they saw it today since they were in proximity. And knowing how whipped her best friend could be, Raven was not surprised at all to hear the blonde was following Lexa like a lost puppy.

It was no secret that Lexa was a history junky. Raven had had her share of stories about the historical past of the countries she and Clarke had visited, thanks to Lexa's messages.

Intramuros was the historical destination of excellence for whoever stopped in Manila. Originally constructed by the Spanish Empire, it was the oldest district of the city and protected in its heart the cathedral of Manila, countless churches and many well-known schools. It had survived the violence of World war two and the tantrum of Mother Nature. The impressive walls guarded what was left of this city.

They made a long detour to enter Intramuros by its citadel, Fort Santiago, a majestic gate made from stone welcoming them from above. Everywhere inside made them feel like they had travelled back in time, from the stoned buildings to the ancient cannons ready to fire at the enemies, to the luxurious floral diversity. It couldn't be compared to anything in the world and suddenly, they were both aware of how ephemeral their lives were. The beauty of the old architecture left both women speechless.

It was a place marked by war and blood baths, and yet, walking in the empty streets surrounded by flowers and carriages, they both felt like they were filming a cliché romantic movie.

It was a place that time, after it had witnessed thousands of deaths and prisoners being tortured, no longer controlled.

Clarke started pretending that the planet had stopped moving, allowing them to finally feel like they truly were in the same time zone, in the same reality. They remained in their own little universe, where only the two of them could exist and interact.

"It's gorgeous," Clarke declared as they entered a particular area in which a giant fountain played a gentle natural melody to their ears.

Lexa had her eyes glued on Clarke's silhouette walking a few steps ahead. She barely heard the words, only nodding to herself when her brain registered them.

Green eyes had a hard time to detach themselves from observing the blonde woman, and Lexa started realizing it would probably never be easy.

The sun was high above and the trees' shadows transformed the cemented ground to a mosaic of forms of all sorts dancing along the quiet breeze. Even the distant sound of motorbikes couldn't disturb the peace as they sat on a bench to find shelter under the shadow of a large tree.

They sat a little too close and the touch of their thighs burned them more than the blazing sunrays. They hesitantly moved away from each other as their lungs expanded from every shaky breath they exhaled. The air here was cleaner than amongst the cars and they found relief in the sound of the water splashing against the edges of the fountain.

"Thank you."

Lexa's voice shattered the quietness and Clarke focused her blue eyes on the woman watching straight ahead.

"What for?" Clarke asked, almost afraid to ruin whatever trance Lexa seemed to be in.

"For being here."

Clarke frowned a little at the formal tone of voice.

"I was kidding, when I said Russia was better, you know?" She chuckled lightly.

"I know. I was not thanking you for being here in this city. I am grateful to have you by my side. Thank you for being here, with me."

"You don't have to thank me."

Lexa nodded.

"I want to."

She took a deep breath,

"Thank you for being here despite the outcome."

Clarke swallowed the sudden burst of emotions in her throat. The blonde was way too aware of the outcome. It was constantly in her mind, no matter how hard she fought her thoughts. It was a countdown shadowing her every move and thought.

Another departure. Another ending. Another farewell.

It had been an important aspect of their recent conversations when they had planned their meeting. Lexa had specifically warned Clarke that their routes would separate again that they would ultimately say goodbye. The taller woman had insisted on how her journey was not over. She had asked the blonde to think about it, to really think about it.

The only question was whether or not the ache of another goodbye was worth the joy of another meeting.

Clarke had remembered how she felt after they had walked away from each other the first time. The pain, the sadness, the loneliness, the despair, the feeling of walking away from a vital part of herself. The feeling of leaving behind one of the reasons responsible for the beating of her heart. The feeling of dying without ever seeing the end. The feeling of going through a ruthless heartbreak despite the absence of relationship.

And Clarke had hesitated. The bond she had formed with Lexa while being separated by miles had only deepened, and she feared how profound it could get once they would be standing in front of each other. She feared she would not be able to go through another goodbye.

And sitting there, next to Lexa and embraced by the best feelings in the world, Clarke understood why Lexa had asked her if their meeting would be worth it. She could physically see the pain waiting to jump on them and trap them in darkness. No matter how deep their bond was, if they didn't handle it carefully, another goodbye could ruin them, and both women loathed this idea.

She had agreed to meet Lexa.

She would not trade her happiness for the absence of pain. It was not how she wanted to live.

She would not trade Lexa's presence for anything.

"Don't be so serious," the blonde lightly hit Lexa's shoulder, "you're ruining the mood."

She hid the heaviness of the subject under a layer of playfulness in her eyes. She hid her discomfort under a smile. She hid her blooming pain under a lighter tone of voice.

"I can't help it," Lexa shrugged. "I grew up being serious."

"Costia?"

Lexa nodded. Optimism was not her strong suit.

Clarke let out a tiny sigh. She had no idea when she would be ready to tell Lexa about the connection between Wells and Costia, but she knew it wouldn't be today. They were surrounded by dark clouds and right now, she wanted to enjoy the cloudless circle above them, just for a moment, just for a few days.

"I hear you."

Clarke needed Lexa to know her thoughts were not ignored, that her feelings mattered, that it didn't matter how serious she was right now. Clarke needed Lexa to know it wasn't a crime to feel this way, that it was allowed and that she would heal eventually.

She wanted to clear the atmosphere of all those subjects they were scared to talk about, of all those unspoken words they had yet to say, of all those secrets they needed to disclose. She wanted the air to stop being so heavy on their heads, to stop suffocating them whenever they tried to take a breath. She wanted to pretend that everything was great and not stumble whenever she tried to take a step forward.

She wanted to give Lexa the pause she deserved, the peace of mind she was chasing without ever being able to catch it. She wanted to be the calm in Lexa's stormy life. She wanted to be the heavy pouring rain when Lexa's life was burning to ashes. She wanted to be the solid ground that would keep Lexa from falling between the cracks when an earthquake tore the ground apart.

Ocean eyes seemed to carry hope and joy in them when they met their green homologue. They stayed focused on each other for a long minute, both reading into the other's soul, until Clarke stood up and offered her hand to Lexa.

"Don't be so serious," she repeated as she pulled Lexa up, never breaking eye contact, "don't you see where we are? It's another world. There's no goodbye here. Feel it."

Clarke didn't want to think about leaving Lexa. She found refuge in her imagination, a technique she had mastered after the tragedies in her life. She found refuge in a world she could fully control, fully draw, using the sharpened tip of her soul. She welcomed Lexa in her story. She built her a home, a family, a happy ending.

"What nonsense are you talking about?" Lexa asked, half serious, half playing the game.

"Play along. Just for today. I'm telling you, there's no goodbye and it feels so much better. Don't you believe me?"

Lexa was unable to prevent the smile from appearing.

She would believe anything Clarke said and maybe that was the problem. Clarke could tell her anything, could murmur new truths, and Lexa would be restlessly pulled along into the blonde's world.

The artist felt her mind being overwhelmed by the idea that they had broken the law of physics and joined a safe haven. They weren't in Manila anymore. They weren't on earth anymore. They weren't prisoners of the notion of time and space anymore. They weren't under the illusion of being free while being forced to act in a certain way. They were completely free.

Maybe they were part of a civilization that had gone extinct a hundred years ago and they were the sole survivors. Maybe that was why they felt isolated from the rest of the world, their stories diverging from what people would consider normal.

Maybe they were from the future and had a hard time adapting to this reality. Maybe they came from a place where everyone met virtually, where personality finally became the main factor people focused on rather than looks and assumptions.

Clarke felt her body vibrating through Lexa's hand secured in hers. She pulled Lexa close and started skipping across Intramuros, pointing to diverse monuments, sharing tales of the grandiose fate that brought them together. She made words became reality and transformed historic monuments into the present's witnesses of their great story.

She led Lexa through a maze of possibilities, giving her a taste of each of them before focusing on the greatest one. She guided Lexa through every letter, every word, every sentence of their written alternative fate.

"We met here," Clarke said when they passed by an empty field with a single circle made of rocks in its middle. "and we started by being enemies. See that mark on the ground? We met there. What next?"

Lexa frowned. She had no idea. Her rational side screamed that there was nothing next, that it was only a fragment of Clarke's imagination, that it was nothing but grass and a few rocks. What did Clarke expect her to say? What if Clarke didn't like her ideas? What if Clarke realized how impossible it was for Lexa to ever leave this reality she was trapped in, as if Costia's death was the chains that kept her locked to this world?

"I could never be your enemy."

Lexa heard her own words and nodded at herself. Clarke could never be the enemy. Even if she tried to think about it, Clarke was not the enemy. Not in this life, not in the next.

Could Clarke be considered the enemy if she had the power to break Lexa's heart?

Even Lexa couldn't answer this question.

Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand.

"Pretend."

Lexa concentrated on finding a credible development to Clarke's introduction, only to feel the blonde's hand squeeze hers again.

"Don't think. Just feel it. Just say what's on your mind."

Lexa tried to let her mind wander, just like Clarke was teaching her to. She stared at the person she didn't quite consider like a normal friend and ideas filled her mind like fireworks illuminated the sky on the fourth of July. The light in Clarke's eyes pushed Lexa to a direction she wasn't sure she wanted to explore, but she did anyway.

"You fell from the sky," Lexa whispered, her attention captured by Clarke's presence, by the color of her eyes that inspired her so much in times where hope was nowhere to be found. "You fell from the sky and I was from the ground. We came from opposite worlds and the only possibility was for us to be enemies."

"And you ruled the ground. You governed the land of trees and nature. You didn't want the stars to steal your place," Clarke continued, encouraging Lexa as they walked through every hidden corner of the ancient city.

They discovered sculptures of the past presidents of the country and shivered when they read their stories. They climbed walls and endless stairs, and sneaked into rooms that were supposed to be locked for visitors. They almost locked themselves in a humid cell when the door made of heavy metallic bars refused to open.

"We were at war," Lexa said as she found inspiration in Intramuros' past. "You had your people to protect and I had mine, and we could not survive both. We sent our warriors to fight and we met when it went too far. We were the leaders."

"At first," Clarke corrected as she tried to push the door open, "we were at war. But I don't think we would have stayed like this. We got locked in a cell like this one. We had to be civilized and cooperate if we wanted to survive. We were under attack."

"By a gorilla. A mutated gorilla."

Clarke laughed out loud, breaking the tense atmosphere made by their incapacity to leave the cell. It felt incredibly good to be able to laugh until her ribs hurt.

"What?"

"Play along, Clarke," Lexa smirked. "Anything can happen."

The blonde scoffed at Lexa's playful look. She vaguely remembered their first conversation and Octavia's answer, promising to eradicate gorillas from the planet. She liked that Lexa remembered it. She loved that Lexa remembered.

"I thought mockery was not the product of a strong mind?"

"I don't recall saying anything about me having a strong mind."

Clarke narrowed her eyes, a giant smile still in her face as she slowly shook her head in disbelief.

"Fine, a gorilla. Then what?"

Lexa moved to help Clarke push the door and noticed marks in the stones, as if this room had been the place of a raging fight.

"We were locked in this room to figure a course of action," the green eyed woman said. "We had the opportunity to discuss our respective worlds and we helped each other. I had a sword. You could only use a gun."

"And we beat that animal. We locked it in here and we ran."

"We did. And we came back stronger from this encounter. We made peace. We signed an alliance. Our worlds were no longer at war, but we still had our differences."

Clarke nodded as they finally managed to open the heavy door. They exited the creepy cell as fast as they could and bumped into a group of tourists. They apologized quickly and took off, laughing.

"We had different cultures," Clarke continued. "Your people hunted for food and used swords and arrows. You lived in that big ancient building. You probably had to light it up with candles or something. I don't think there was electricity as this time."

She pointed to a tall tower made of giant rocks. It stood in the middle of Intramuros, its walls half fallen down. It was huge and Clarke had no difficulty imagining Lexa looking over the world from above, taking shit from no one.

She imagined a version of Lexa that had been marked by the absence of childhood, forced to lead her people at young age. She imagined Lexa standing at the edge of the world, barking orders while being respected by all. She imaged Lexa having control over her life and choosing to do what was right rather than what she desired, because Lexa would be the kind of leader to care about her people first.

She pictured Lexa, invincible.

And she thought that this version of Lexa was not so far from the real one.

"And as yours came from space, you must have lived in a futuristic place built on our ground," Lexa said as they climbed a wall bordered by old canons. "You took the place you needed without ever asking for more. You protected yourself with guns and had a different approach to violence than we did."

She imagined a version of Clarke falling from the universe, burning like a shooting star as she'd fall into the atmosphere. She felt the wave from Clarke's landing right through her bones. She imagined Clarke's people, stealing places and declaring a war neither side really wanted to participate in.

She imagined Clarke having to face challenges for the first time, acquainting with death and all of its friends, sorrow, sadness, shame. She imagined a young woman forced to become a leader. She knew Clarke would have been a kind leader, one that respected her enemies and one that would probably be devastated by death. She imagined Clarke holding the world on her shoulders, bending until she couldn't breathe, but never breaking.

She pictured Clarke, resilient.

And she thought that Clarke would never break, not in this reality or the next.

"In the end, we would make peace. We would have fights, of course, because we would be fundamentally different, but we would have worked it out. I don't believe I could ever be against you even in another reality," Clarke said. "We would have made it work."

"Made what work?"

"The alliance."

Unspoken words filled the air as they sat on the top of the wall, facing the outside of Intramuros, looking at the skyline while the sky turned a light taint of orange. The afternoon had flown away without them ever realizing it.

"Only the alliance?" Lexa couldn't help but ask.

"What do you have in mind?" Clarke questioned, knowing too well what Lexa thought.

Another tale, parallel to the main one. All great stories had them. Two opposite worlds attracted to each other. Clarke would not fall from the sky only to declare war to Lexa. And Lexa would not make an alliance with Clarke only because it was the right thing. It didn't make sense that nothing more would happen, just like it didn't make sense for them to be acting as friends right now.

It could never be that simple, and in their minds, the story did not end this way.

"A love story."

The words were barely audible but Clarke heard them loud and clear, as if lightning was making the world fall apart around them.

Lexa held her breath. She had said too much. Or maybe not enough. She wasn't sure. She wanted to say so much more, but she was afraid she would ruin it. She wanted to keep her mouth shut but she was afraid she'd regret it.

She glanced at Clarke. The blonde was already looking at her.

"A love story?"

Clarke's voice was small, as if she wasn't sure she had heard right.

The memories of nights spent wishing they could be more than virtual contacts embraced them from all sides. They couldn't deny it anymore.

How could they deny something that made them feel so incredibly alive?

The missing words that they so desperately wanted to say floated around them, begging them to speak out.

"Tell me."

Clarke's voice almost begged.

And Lexa could never say no.

"I imagine there would be a love story between the two leaders, because it is inevitable. In times of war are born the greatest love stories, the ones everyone remembers, the ones everything aspires to. They would fall in love and they would learn to trust each other despite their differences. It would be a love story so magnificent that even death would not separate them."

Clarke remained speechless.

She was afraid to speak. Lexa's eyes on her were intensely burning her soul.

"It would transcend time and space. The sky and the ground. One cannot be without the other and yet they are meant to never be together. How beautifully tragic."

"They wouldn't die," Clarke interrupted. "Don't go there."

Lexa smiled like she had a secret she could not disclose.

"You are right. Death is not an option. They would always be together. That's what love stories are about. The immortality of love. I don't think they could ever leave each other."

Lexa almost added that she knew because it was the felt she felt about Clarke.

She never wanted to leave Clarke.

So no, in their tale, they would never die. They would immortally love each other.

Lexa found herself thankful Clarke didn't ask for more details.

"I believe my soul will live on. In this life. In the life we were talking about."

Clarke flinched at the words. She didn't expect this. But Lexa was looking at her with a look Clarke couldn't quite describe. Lexa was looking at her with a look Clarke didn't expect either.

"I believe my spirit will move on when the time comes. It will live."

"I don't understand."

Clarke wasn't a very spiritual person. She had no major opinion on spirits, on soul, on life after death or paranormal activity. She didn't deny the possibility, but she would not be the one to promote the phenomenon existed.

She didn't believe in the greater being. She didn't believe in religion. She didn't pray to a specific god or beg for forgiveness when she did something bad. She didn't ask for the key to paradise and she had sinned countless times according to the formal definition of what a sin was. Lexa's words made no sense to her.

Religion was born from the need people had to find explanation for the unknown. The greatest religions were born from books. There was always a person behind it, but the written words were sometimes taken so literally that Clarke refused to believe they represented the world she lived in. While it could give people hope, religion was too often used as an excuse to justify atrocious behavior. Clarke simply couldn't rely on it and some rituals creeped her out.

Some would argue there were too many disasters in this world for a God to exist. Some would say that God would not wait after a crime had been committed to judge, but would rather stop the person before they committed it. Some would reply that without pain, there'd be no joy, that humans were imperfect creatures. Some would say that pain could exist without war murdering millions of innocents. Some would say that not believing in a god implicitly meant accepting the possibility that he could exist. The battle of arguments never seemed to end.

She respected the people who believed and she would not invalidate their feelings unless absolutely needed. She loved this country so far, but she could never imagine herself living in a place where religion and the state were not separated.

"What I mean is, what if it was true? The things we are imagining, the events, the characters, what if they all happened an eternity ago? What if the soul truly can reincarnate? You've heard of legendary stories that only happen once every century. Perhaps they are related. I know it makes no sense, and I apologize if you find me irrelevant, but I like to believe there is more to our story."

Clarke nodded, only understanding half of what Lexa was saying.

"My spirit would choose wisely," Lexa said. "Some things are meant to be, don't you think?"

Clarke could only agree. Some things were meant to be.

Clarke didn't believe in those things, in karma, in astrology, in fate, in miracles.

She believed in exceptions, in one-in-a-lifetime event, in things impossible to explain for the moment.

She believed Lexa had the capacity to make atheists pray to God and believers pray to go to Hell.

The sun slowly continued its descent in the sky as they sat there, thinking, their hands never separating. They could feel eyes on them, but not a word was thrown in their direction. Clarke thought about Lexa's words, turning them around in her head, trying to find a way she could accept them as a possible theory.

Lexa kept repeating the story in her head, how great it felt to imagine another reality. She imagined a thousand different more, keeping them secret until Clarke would be ready to hear them.

"You know what the best part is?" Clarke asked and answered without waiting for an answer. "There's no goodbye. We would always be with each other."

A silence.

A heartbeat being skipped.

A lump in their throats.

A glimpse at the possibilities.

Two hands never letting go of each other.

"I love this story," Lexa whispered.

And suddenly, she loved so much more this life she was living in.

She never said those words, she never let those thoughts free. She was way too aware of where they were, in a well-known place, where too many people could see and judge, where too many people could hit and hurt, where too many people didn't know the difference between tolerance and acceptance, where too many people could kill in the name of their definition of love.

But in her head, in this other reality she was creating in her mind, they were not looking at each other anymore. They were not simply holding hands anymore. They were not facing each other in silence anymore.

In her head, they were sharing their dreams and admitting everything they never said. They were crossing boundaries and breaking free from the fear that held them down. They lived more than survived.

In her head, she had already moved closer and closer and closer until space didn't exist between them anymore. And she knew, simply by the way she had become an expert at reading Clarke's eyes, that the blonde thought the same.


Exhaustion was taking over her body as she followed the duo, her phone battery approaching the dreaded zero percent. She thought about going back to the hotel, but there was no way she would betray her promise to Octavia to watch over Clarke.

Raven felt the pain in her leg give her another shock as she difficulty made her way to the nearest table she could find that would keep her hidden from Clarke and Lexa. She had been walking all day and at this heat, the brace gave her an unusual amount of affliction.

She sat and exhaled the ache away as she stared at the duo standing on the balcony that led right to the bay. The view of the sea was amazing. The sun was slowly moving away from their sight and the red and orange glows gifted the place with a surreal look. It didn't mean the popular Mall of Asia was empty, far from it.

The Mall of Asia was one of the largest shopping centers and it lived up to its reputation as hundreds of people still wandered in its halls despite the late hours. Raven still wondered how she had managed to not lose sight of the two stubborn friends.

"You still there?"

"No, I'm dead."

"You're not dead, O."

"I am, you can't see me, but I assure you, I am."

Octavia's voice was only a whisper from the other side of the globe as Raven tried to her best to keep her friend entertained. After texting for more than half the day, Octavia had declared she would be going to sleep. The day time in the Philippines equaled the middle of the night in California. It was now approaching nine o'clock in Manila and six o'clock in the morning in California.

The Blake woman had had no sleep as Raven had called her to prevent her from falling asleep, claiming she couldn't spy without her associate. They had been talking for nearly two hours and Raven already feared the amount of money she would have to pay.

"How come you're still talking?"

"I'm haunting you. I'm a ghost. You can't get rid of me. Remember that next time you have the urge to have sex with someone."

"Gross. And I'll let you know that I have awesome sex moves. You'd just end up being a horny ghost."

Raven watched as Clarke pulled Lexa closer. Even at this distance, she could see how much Clarke cared about Lexa.

It wasn't because of the big gestures like people saw in the movies or in proposals. It was in all the little ways Clarke made sure Lexa had the time of her life.

It was in the way whenever Clarke opened her mouth, Lexa's eyes filled with stars.

Clarke already knew what to say to receive the brightest smile in return.

It was in the way Clarke's smile mirrored Lexa's eternal one.

It was in the way they looked at each other sometimes a bit too long for them to be just friends.

It was in the way Lexa pushed the crowd away when they surrounded Clarke from too close.

Lexa already knew Clarke hated being trapped by crowds.

It was in the way Clarke had let Lexa choose the restaurant.

It was in the way Lexa had answered by asking what Clarke's favorite meal was, and chose a restaurant according to the answer she had gotten.

Lexa had stocked this information in the Clarke's drawer in her brain. One of the most important ones.

It was in the way Clarke had announced she would pay for dinner.

It was in the way Lexa had waited until Clarke had gone to the bathroom to run to the counter to pay first.

It was in the way Clarke had opened the door for Lexa.

It was in the way Lexa had opened the next door for Clarke.

It was in the way they hadn't let go of each other's hand even when they played some arcade games.

It was in the way Clarke had asked Lexa for her favorite color and had started pointing out all the items of this color.

It was in the way Lexa pretended to look away and get lost in thought so that Clarke could take a picture she thought secretly.

It was in the way Clarke realized Lexa's deception, but let it pass because Lexa seemed so proud of herself.

Raven could feel their feelings radiating and contaminating the entire mall.

"They're so stubborn. They're still holding hands," Raven said as she sipped a little of her iced coffee. "But they're doing nothing! There's a movie theater here and they didn't go in. They didn't buy anything. They didn't take more pictures than I did. They're only talking and I'm too far to hear anything detailed. They're acting like an old married couple but sometimes they won't look at each other in the eyes for more than a few seconds. They're acting like elementary school kids!"

"You're so stubborn, you don't need me to spy them and you won't hang up."

"I could say the same about you."

All Raven had for answer was a yawn.

The mechanic student yawned as well. She had the day in her body and all she wanted was to call the cab and go to the hotel.

"I might be as dead as you are," she announced.

"Welcome to the dark side. I would offer you cookies or something but can I go to sleep?"

"Get some rest. I'll call you later."

Raven was about to follow her own advice before falling asleep at her table when she noticed the way Clarke stood next to Lexa.

Her head was resting on Lexa's shoulder as they both stared at the ocean, a light breeze caressing their relaxed features. Lexa was casually leaning on the gate that prevented her from falling into the water as Clarke leaned against her. They still had their fingers intertwined, but the proximity of their bodies made it hard for anyone to see it. They stood there, side by side with the sunset on the horizon.

Alone together.

Lexa turned her head only a few degrees toward Clarke at the exact moment Raven took a picture from behind. Lexa's profile showed a caring smile as she told the blonde something only the two of them could hear. A single sunray crossed the picture diagonally, giving the scene a warm atmosphere that illustrated perfectly how both women felt.

A few trees gave the picture more colors, and with the ocean visible in the background, the picture resembled the most romantic image one could find. It didn't matter how many pictures Raven had taken today. This one, this small frame showed everything.

Raven chuckled. She would tease Clarke for the rest of their lives.

She sent the picture to Octavia.

"I have a feeling Lexa will be around for a while," she wrote.

Her screen turned black the moment the message was sent into the void.


They were silent on their ride home. Clarke had received Raven's late goodnight message only an hour ago. Her best friend claimed she felt better and ready to go back to explore the next morning.

Clarke had taught Lexa everything she could about Raven without disclosing private information. They had had a late night drink after their time on the balcony and they were barely able to keep their eyes open anymore.

"I had a great day," Lexa said.

Their hands were still connected and both felt that it was not enough anymore.

"I had an amazing day," Clarke confirmed. "I'm expecting you tomorrow."

The night was colder than they had expected and they shivered as they left the darkness to cross to the land of artificial lights. Lexa still had to go to her own place after, but there was no way she would let Clarke go home alone.

"I wish Wells was here to see this. He'd be proud of me, living like this," Clarke joked as they arrived at her hotel well in the middle of the night, tired, a bit tipsy, but incredibly happy.

Lexa stared at Clarke, really stared at her.

They had spent a perfect day. They had learned and laughed and lived life to the fullest for the first time in forever. They had discovered more about the other than they had hoped and it was far from over. They had allowed themselves to dream, to feel. Unconsciously, they had allowed themselves to love.

And they never wanted to go back to the way they were before.

But still, something was missing from their day. Something they couldn't do in public unless they wanted to face hate, unless they wanted to risk their day being ruined.

Lexa saw beyond the joke, beyond the teasing and the fake overly confident attitude. She drowned in the blue of her eyes and burned herself by stroking the golden beautiful hair of her muse. She felt incredibly alive. She didn't feel small anymore. She fell like she could take the world over. She felt like she truly had been the leader in a way before and she still had this fire in her veins, back stronger than ever.

She was slowly starting to discover what the true meaning of home was.

She couldn't quite put a word on it, but she knew it included Clarke.

Maybe all she needed to qualify a place as home was Clarke's presence. She silently wished it was that simple.

"He would be proud of your regardless of today." Lexa confessed. "I've watched Costia trying to survive all her life. When she died, I became the one constantly fighting for another breath. I've been trying to live for so long. I never knew how. And then, I met you. Clarke, you make me feel more alive than I've been in years."

Maybe it was too much to say only after one day of finally being comfortable around each other. Maybe not. Maybe it was only a tiny amount of everything Lexa would tell Clarke from now on.

The blonde smiled sadly at this.

Lexa made her feel more alive than she'd been for years as well.

But Lexa didn't know the whole truth and Clarke's heart silently reminded her.

"You're alive," Clarke reminded her. "but are you living?"

"I am now."

Clarke took a step closer.

They had been on survivor mode for so long that it had taken them months to learn how to live again.

"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that?"

They deserved so much more.

Clarke deserved so much more, and Lexa would reach into the skies and deep into the oceans if that would help.

"Maybe we do."

But Lexa knew it wasn't simply "maybe". They deserved better.

They deserved better than always having to fight for their happiness. They deserved better than always struggling to take another step forward. They deserved better than having to go through hell every time they laughed too hard, every moment they allowed themselves to believe in tomorrow. They deserved so much more and everything suddenly felt within her reach.

All she had to do what take a chance. All she had to do was fight the part of her that told her she didn't deserve anything anymore. She fought it. She tore the limits apart and dove right into the ocean of possibilities.

She leaned toward Clarke, her eyes silently asking permission to move closer. She found it in the form of a sparks disturbing the calm blue ocean. She found it in the way Clarke subtly moved closer too. She found it in the way there was nothing to stop them anymore.

Her lips barely brushed Clarke's and she could feel her heart ready to burst out of her chest, the nervousness surrounding every cell of her body. It took all her strength to remain in control of her breathing when she delicately pressed her lips to the softest ones she'd ever kissed. It was a fragile contact, as if they were both afraid that if they moved too fast, the day would disappear like a distant dream.

She could feel Clarke labored breathing on her cheek as the proximity drove her crazy and made her shiver for another reason than the cold weather. She could feel Clarke's intoxicating scent fill her lungs and she knew she never wanted to let go. She heard Clarke's quiet gasp when she moved a hand to cup the side of her face, slowly deepening their kiss. Only opening her eyes a fraction of seconds to make sure she was allowed to do so.

Clarke's burning look told her everything.

They stayed in the empty hallway, in front of Clarke's room, exchanging breaths, noses brushing against each other while quiet whimpers filled the air. Their eyes remained closed as they preciously memorized the taste of the other, engraving the feeling of their tongues sensually discovering each other, sometimes battling for dominance.

It was different than kisses from their past lovers.

There were no fireworks going off in the background, no earth-shattering feeling that their lives were about to change drastically. It wasn't like in the movies. There were no orchestra playing in the background and the sky was as black as could be outside.

But it was different.

It was the kind of difference that made them ask for more because they knew they would never have enough of it, they knew they could only be more addicted to these feelings.

And it was a kind of difference that Lexa wanted to drown in.

It was the kind of difference that Clarke wanted to get buried in.

It was the kind of difference between being alive and simply pretending to live.


Thanks a lot to everyone reading this.