Hey peeps (: sorry it's been longer between chapters; I've had lots of coursework and other shite to do D: hope you like it, and REVIEW! :D
Chapter 8- Confused…
In Harry's arms feels like home, and I start to regret last night. Should I be with him, or not? I love him, but… I snuggle further into the embrace, pushing away those feelings for now, and I feel like everything is right in the world. Then I look over at Louis, who smiles briefly before looking away like he can't stand to watch. Fabulous.
"I'm sorry, JJ. You're my best friend, and I don't wanna lose you." Harry kisses my forehead and then lets me go. I sit down at the dining table between Louis and Niall and clasp my hands on the table. Then I take a deep breath and breech the subject I've been avoiding all weekend.
"Guys, I know that we haven't known each other for very long, but I feel like you're all my closest friends already, and I really need your help with something; my mum's... funeral." The word makes me feel sick to my core. I take a deep breath and carry on. "I just want it out of the way, and I want it to be worthy of the amazing person that she is… was. Harry, I'm going to ask your mum to help because she said she would, and I'm so not old enough and mature enough for this. I just… I need all of you to help me, because I can't do this on my own." My voice breaks on the last words. I try to sound calm and collected, but it's becoming impossible. I've only just turned 18, for God's sake; I shouldn't have to deal with this! I take a deep, calming breath but it has no effect, and my eyes sting with impending tears.
"Jordan, we are your friends!" Liam smiles at me and places his hands on mine.
"Yeah, you need us, we're here." Zayn winks at me and places his hands on mine and Liam's.
"What he said." Niall smiles and places one of his hands on top of the growing pile.
"Yeah; whatever you need we'll be here." Louis cups my cheek and smiles sadly, and then places his hand on all of ours.
"Anything." Harry looks at me from across the table, his eyes burning with undisguised emotions. Then he adds his hands to the pile. I look down at the pile of hands covering mine, and then at all the smiling faces around me, and I have never felt more loved than in this moment, right here, right now. My tears threaten to spill, and when Niall smiles at me reassuringly and kisses my cheek, they tumble down my cheeks at an alarming rate. All I've done this weekend is cry…
"Aw, babe!" Everyone draws their hands away, and Louis wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead, laughing softly at my emotional state. Niall rubs my back soothingly, and I chuckle softly; what a bunch of touchy-feely guys!
"What's going on?" Harry's mum walks in, laden with shopping bags. Zayn instantly jumps up and takes some of them from her. "Thank you, dear. There's more in the car."
"We'll go." Liam hits Niall on the arm nods his head towards the door. As Liam leaves Niall gives my shoulder a soft, reassuring squeeze before following him out. Harry takes Niall's place and grasps my hand under the table.
"Okay, what's wrong honey?" She sits opposite me, and I nudge Harry, who explains what I was just saying.
"Well." she says when Harry's finished. "Of course I will help you. Maybe today is a little too soon, but when you come home from college tomorrow, if you are able to go, we'll sort it out." She smiles at me, reminding me of my mum, and I bury my head in Louis chest and try to control myself. He tightens his arms around me and kisses my hair.
When I finally calm down I look up to see the rest of the boys helping Harry's mum put the shopping away. I slowly detach myself from Louis, who looks at me with concern. Probably thinks I'm going to start crying again… He starts to say something, but I put my finger on his lips and shake my head. I say thank you to him, and then I quietly leave, hoping no-one will notice. I go in the family room and gather up my stuff, and I turn to leave, only to find Louis stood behind me with his hands on his hips. The moment is so comical that I giggle, but he glares and I shut up.
"Where are you going?" He asks. So much for a quick escape…
"Home…" As soon as I say the word I instantly feel alone. My shoulders sag and I look down at my toes.
"Is that a good idea?" He says more gently.
"Probably not, but I'm going anyway." I try to push past him but it's like pushing brick wall. Man, he's stronger than he looks…
"C'mon Jordan, you know that's not a good idea. Stay here, please."
"But all my college stuff is at home, and I need new clothes and… And I wanna go home." I pout.
"Okay, but you still don't wanna be alone, do you? And how're you gonna get there?" He susses me out straight away.
"Okay, maybe I didn't think that far." I sigh heavily. "Will you… Can you come with me? Please?"
"Um…" Louis hesitates, not expecting that. "Yeah, sure, if you want. Shall I go get some stuff, or...?"
"Well, unless you wanna sleep naked?" Mmmhh, mental images… STOP! Louis laughs and I blush.
"Ahaa, fun as that sounds… I'll go get some stuff now, but you have to go and explain to everyone what is going on."
"Okay then." I nod, dump my stuff on the sofa and walk out before I embarrass myself further. I explain to everyone in the kitchen what's going on, and they all seem kind of concerned… probably because Louis' coming with me…
"Look." I say to Harry for the hundredth time. "I will be fine, Louis will sleep in a different room and make sure I'm okay, and one of you can drive me to college tomorrow if you're worried. I'll be fine, honest. I don't get why you're getting so worked up about it." Harry raises his eyebrow at me and the boys all find something else to do.
"JJ, don't you remember last night?" Harry is concerned, and now I'm confused. What the hell?
"Urm, obviously not…" Harry studies me, and I get self-conscious. "What?"
"You woke us up last night, screaming and crying, and Louis and I had to talk you down, and in the end we all had to sing you to sleep because you were so afraid. Louis and I took turns watching you, and you were fine, but…" He grasps my hands tightly and shudders. "Apart from seeing your mum yesterday, it was the worst thing I've ever seen."
"Oh God." The memories come flooding back, and I almost die of embarrassment. So that was why Louis was there this morning! And no wonder everyone has been walking on eggshells around me; I must have been a wreck!
"You were hysterical; if we'd have left you, you probably would have made yourself sick, and I don't want you to be alone if that happens again. No; I don't want to be away from you if that happens again." Harry looks down at me, visibly upset.
"I'll have Louis, okay?" I reach up (well, I don't have to reach very far; he's not that much taller than me!) and touch his cheek. "And if it happens really badly, you're only 5 minutes away, okay?"
"Okay." Harry sighs, clearly unhappy. I chuckle and kiss him on the cheek, and Louis walks in and gestures for us to leave. I say goodbye, hug and thank everyone, grab my stuff and get into Louis' little orange campervan. I wave goodbye to everyone, and as I catch Harry's eyes as we leave I feel a sense of overwhelming loneliness.
