Chapter 8: The Kissing Jitters

The kiss caught me off guard. His lips moved against mine, soft and pleasant. It was a simple kiss, no big action, no tongue. It was… sweet. The sweetness of his kiss had me moving closer. I brought my hands up to his shoulders, wanting to feel closer to him.

His hands were on my hips, holding me securely to him. Each and every movement he made showed just how experienced he was, ow many times he had kissed women. He knew what he was doing, yet he kissed me in a way that made me feel like I was the only one he wanted.

"Get away from her!" Jake yelled from somewhere away from us.

That's right, this was about pissing Jake off. I forgot about him momentarily. He was so far at the back of my mind. The only one I could about right now was Paul. He was so close, so warm, and so personal with me.

I felt Paul smirk against my lips, reminding me that he did this purely to piss of Jake. This wasn't about me. He probably didn't even think of this kiss as anything other than that. Paul kisses women casually from what I've heard. Even he admitted to it at times.

Paul pulled away and faced Jake. "What's the problem?"

Ellie trailed after the fast moving Jake, who was stalking toward us, but she looked anything but pleased. I really couldn't blame her for being annoyed. Both Ellie and I were caught in the middle of Jake's childishness.

Jake was all red faced and I was surprised there was no steam coming out his his ears. That kiss surely pissed him off to a new level. It was one thing for Paul to touch me casually, but a kiss was another thing entirely.

"The problem is that you're toying with Bella," Jake said, his voice hard and sharp.

"Who says I'm toying with her?" Paul asked. He smiled at me and pressed a soft kiss against my cheek. "It's so easy to adore someone like her."

"You're toying with her, it's what you do," Jake retorted.

"Jake, back off. You don't know what you're talking about. Once again you're just using your big mouth without even thinking," I told him. I smiled at Paul and added, "Besides, he's not toying with me, he's toying with you."

Jake's face contorted. "You're fine with him using you like that?"

"Well, yeah, considering I'm toying with you too," I said.

"Sucks to be the one feeling awful, doesn't it? Now you know a bit of how you made Bella feel," Paul said.

Then he grabbed my hand and we left Jake standing there. I glanced back and saw him trying to placate Ellie. He always became so focused on one thing that he was surprised when other things around him changed. I'm sure he didn't even notice Ellie getting annoyed again.

I really felt sorry for her. She had to deal with his childish and had to stand by him even when she knew he was wrong. Jake even put her aside when his temper went up. He didn't care about anyone else as soon as things weren't going his way.

I had to wonder if he was always this childish and I just didn't notice. He seems a lot more childish now, but maybe he was always this way.

Paul chuckled. "I can't believe he actually believed us."

"Yeah, what an idiot. As if we would be together like that," I agreed.

I turned away from Paul. I felt odd looking at him. My face had to be bright red from how hot it burned. I needed to shut out these feelings at mine. At this rate I would lose the ease I felt around him as a friend.

Paul was mature, but he was still fun to be around. He wasn't at all like Jake, and maybe that was what I liked about him. He wasn't childish.

"Was Jake always this childish?" I asked Paul.

He glanced at me. "Yeah, pretty much. Did you never notice?"

"Not really. I mean, I knew he was childish, but not like this," I said. I sighed and shifted away slightly. "I guess I just never noticed since I was just glad I had a friend."

"You have a better friend now," Paul teased, although it was the truth.

He draped an arm around my shoulders, just like he always did, like a friend might. It filled me with excitement, but that quickly turned to anxiety since I still just wanted to want him as a friend.

Paul was someone I couldn't lose. It would hurt more than Jake abandoning me. He was the one who always stayed by my side when I needed him to and even when I didn't.

I shrugged off his shoulder and moved ahead a bit. I cleared my throat and tried to make my voice sound natural, which was easier said than done.

"Why is Ellie even with Jake?" I asked.

Paul stiffened. "Dunno. You would have to ask him."

"I get the feeling you do know," I said. I glanced at him and shrugged. "No matter how annoyed she gets at him, next time I see her she seems to have already forgiven him. I just don't get it. I guess I just feel bad for her."

"You forgave me after I apologized," he reminded me.

"Yeah, but it's not like we're together, at least not in that kind of way," I said.

"You're right," he mumbled.

I noticed that he wouldn't look me straight in the eyes, not that i was much better. I felt like there was something different between us right now. Maybe I was imagining it, but it seemed like ever since the kiss it's not just me feeling different. Paul wasn't ignoring me, exactly, but there was a certain amount of distance.

We walked along First Beach and ended up going up the cliff. I plopped down and looked over the edge, with the waves crashing against the rocks down below. Paul eased down beside me.

"Are we alright?" I finally had to ask.

Paul looked at me then. "Of course we are. What are you talking about, Bella?"

"I don't know. It feels weird," I mumbled. I glanced away, feeling my cheeks burn. "You know, ever since we kissed."

"It was to annoy Jake," he said.

"I know that. Isn't it weird to you though? I mean, friends don't kiss, at all," I said.

He chuckled and said, "Well, I wouldn't say friends don't kiss, they just generally shouldn't."

"Paul," I groaned.

"Okay, okay, sorry," Paul said, putting his hands up in defense. "I don't know what you want me to say, Bella. I don't feel this weirdness you're talking about."

I shrugged. "Maybe it's just me then."

"Now that you mention it, you do seem a little bit jittery. I didn't notice before, but you seem on edge. It's not just because of your run-ins with Jake, is it?" Paul frowned, probably thinking back on everything that happened.

"I'm not jittery," I insisted.

Paul smirked. "Just like you weren't drunk last night?"

"I wasn't. I didn't wake up with a headache or feel like the sun is the devil," I said.

"There's a difference between drunk and plastered, Bella," he said, laughing.

I looked away, but Paul quickly brought my attention back to him when he placed his hand on mine on the ground. He smiled softly.

How we were now, it was starting to feel like how it was before again, apart from the excitement I felt with his hand on mine. He acted calmly around me and like there wasn't another care in the world.

That was what I thought at least. That belief didn't last too long. I shouldn't have expected it to considering this is Paul, the man who can pull my feelings left and right, up and down, all over the place.

"Do you want something more than friendship?" Paul asked.

I looked at him, wide-eyed. "What?"

"I'm willing to be whatever you want, Bella. Friend, boyfriend, whatever," he told me.

"I see," I mumbled.

"Let me know," Paul said, and then he pecked me on the lips. "You can come to me anytime for anything."

"We should probably head back. Lunch should be ready soon," I said, rising to my feet and began walking away.

"You're avoiding the topic," Paul said, trailing after me. He groaned and joined my side. "You don't have to tell me right now, but you could at least say something."

"I did. I said we should head back, which is where we are going," I said.

Paul let the subject drop. He fell silent beside me, and only sent me glances every now and then.

When we made it back to Sam's, Jake and Ellie were back again. I smiled sheepishly at Ellie, a look in which she returned. It was almost apologetic, actually.

On the porch, Sam wrapped his arm around Emily, and it became clear that they sorted out the misunderstanding by the way Emily beamed up at him. They seemed just as in love as an engaged couple should.

Paul moved into the gathering masses. I snagged two spots at the setup picnic tables for us. When I looked back at the mess in which people tried to grab as much food as they could. They were like animals, at least the guys I met were for sure.

I couldn't spot Paul in the mass of men. I spotted Ellie having the same idea as I did and saving a spot for her and Jake. Then again, going into the mass of people wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. She must have had the same thoughts I did.

"Here you go." Paul put a plate with a hamburger in front of me when he came back. "Ketchup, pickles, tomato, relish, and lettuce, just the way you like it."

"Thanks," I said. When I glanced at his plate, he had five hamburgers. "Do you have enough?"

"Probably. I can always go back for more," Paul said.

"I was kidding," I said.

"So was I," he said. I laughed along with him, but I stopped when he added, "There won't be any left if I need to go back for more."

I looked around and saw a few of the other guys had similar amounts on their plates. "You must have some amazing metabolism if you can eat this much."

"There are plenty of ways to beat off the fat," Paul said, grinning wolfishly.

"I guess," I said.

Paul laughed. When I asked what was so funny he just shook his head. I was sure it was some dirty joke, but it went right over my head.

It took a few more minutes before I got it. "Gross, Paul!"

"Finally figured it out, huh?" Paul's grin widened.

"Well, you're not getting anything from me," I said, blushing even as I said it.

"Not even after your little confession?" Paul asked.

"Just forget I said anything," I said, sighing.

Paul stared at me, that same teasing grin on his lips. "Maybe I don't want to forget."

I busied myself with eating my lunch, but I did notice the annoyed glare Paul gave me. I couldn't really blame him since I was avoiding the topic so much. There was too big a chance of losing his friendship either way it went now.

When it finally started getting late, Sam thanked everyone for coming and everyone began to disperse. Same came over to Paul and me.

"You can stay over if you want. Driving back home this late might not be the best idea," Sam told me.

"Oh, I was just going to stay the night at Paul's house again," I said.

Jake jerked to a stop. "Again?"

"Not that it's any of your business, I've stayed overnight at Paul's plenty of times," I said.

"Well damn, dude." Jared punched Paul in the shoulder.

Paul rolled his eyes and said, "It's not like that."

"Why not?" Jared snickered.

"This is why you're still single," Sam remarked.

Paul edged away as they began arguing. He led me out quietly, a grin forming on his face as we slipped away. We weren't alone though, with Jake and Ellie sneaking out as well.

Still, I was glad to be out of there. I liked Paul's friends well enough, but things were beginning to get a little bit too awkward, especially since Paul finally knew I had feelings for him as more than a friend.

Jake and Ellie caught up to us. It didn't take long before Paul and Jake were exchanging evil eyes.

"This is getting old quickly," Ellie told me

"You mean it hasn't gotten old yet?" I asked.

Ellie laughed. "Yeah, I guess it has."

I got along better with Ellie than I thought I would. She was a nice enough girl, so I really had to wonder what she saw in Jake.

Ellie and Jake soon went their own way, leaving Paul and I alone on our way back to Paul's. It was a quiet walk, but it wasn't exactly awkward. I've been alone and in silence with Paul before. We eventually got back inside.

Paul watched me out of the corner of his eyes, not bothering to be discreet. I was becoming more and more aware of him. Being alone with him was a lot more complicated than it used to be.

I went in the shower first since Paul offered. He even gave me a shirt and sweatpants to sleep in, even though both were way too big.

When I finished and returned to the room, Paul's back was to me. His bare, naked, muscled back.

I halted to a spot immediately. There was Paul, with only a pair of sweatpants slung low on his hips. He was going through some papers on his desk and I was left to just stare, not a single word coming to my lips.

Then finally, the most unintelligible sound passed over my lips, "Uh…"

Paul glanced over his shoulder at me and smiled. "Are you all done?"

"Yeah," I said, turning away, trying to hide my reddening face. "You can go in now."

"I'll be back in a bit," he said, patting my shoulder as he passed.

I sat on the bed. Everything in this room felt and smelt like Paul. There was so much about this room that reminded me I was attracted to a man who could very well be my undoing.

I heard the shower turn on, and I couldn't help myself from imagining the water pelting against Paul's bare back. I jerked off the bed once I realized my train of thought. There was no way I could go from thinking about possibly liking him to picturing something so erotic.

When Paul came back, I made sure to sit far from him. He took one look at the distance I put him at and rolled his eyes, chuckling.

"Do you want to be in different rooms since you confessed and all?" Paul asked.

"I'm fine. It's not like you're going to do anything to me. You're still the same Paul as before," I said.

"Good," Paul said, plopping down on the bed. "Then how about you quit moving away from me?"

"I'm not," I insisted.

"Is something wrong, Bella?" Paul asked. He scooted closer. "It feels more than you just being nervous."

"No. Why do you ask?" I glanced at him.

"You seem a little different than usual," he said. He smiled softly. "Is it still about the kiss? You don't need to be worried around me."

"I'm not worried."

"Really?" Paul stepped closer, invading my personal space. His hand came lightly to my cheek and his thumb brushed against my bottom lip. "That's good then."

His eyes stared into mine, never looking away. The mere look he gave me inspired feelings of intimacy. My body reacted to his, leaning into his touch. My lip quivered under his thumb.

I snapped out of it once I realized our faces were considerably closer. His eyes softened and I could see the want and excitement in his eyes.

I pulled away after a flustered minute. "Stop it."

"Whatever you say," Paul said.

He crossed his arms behind his head. Paul's hands were restricted, but the grin on his face was unmistakable. Even though I pushed him away again, he was in good spirits. Now that he knew about my feelings he wasn't being only a friend. Paul made it clear that he was willing to have more than friendship with me.

I didn't know whether it was right or whether it would wreck everything, but even just looking at Paul made me all nervous. What I really didn't know was if Paul wanted me, or if he was just good with having some fun with me.

Paul was by no means using me, but whether he really wanted me was a different story. It had an ending I wasn't sure of.

There it is, the last chapter before my exams start (say it ain't so, please!), although there might be another during the exam period since I'm halfway through it already.

Not much to say, so onto my favourite reviews, and also one I want to see if people feel the same about, so I'll save that one for last.

ClumsyReader says: love love love it! One of my favorite Bella/ Paul stories. Their relationship seems to be developing naturally and it flows better than other stories where they jump right into a relationship without getting to know one another. As for Jake, he needs to grow up so more. I'm loving Ellie though, will we be getting to know her more, especially how she and Jake met?

That's what I was going for :) And yes, we will learn more about the whole Jake and Ellie relationship later on, btu right now we're just focusing on our favourite darlings ;)

Sarah88 says: I'm glad u mentioned me in ur comments and that I was a favorite. That was super great of u. So I'm still getting a handle on this story and have a few questions. They aren't phased yet are they? Also Sam is the only one considering Emily is there and is already scarred? But I assume everyone will phase later or soon. Again still hating Jake's attitude. What exactly is his deal? He has a girlfriend? So what's his hang up with Bea and Paul? And even if Paul does kiss Bea and they become boyfriend and girlfriend why does he care? Update soon please cuz that was a hell of a cliffhanger

No problem! Your comment was great, as is this one :) Alright, so for your phasing question, I suggest you go back to the chapter in which Jake is dragged out of diner and why he might have had to be :P

Holidai says: Love, love, love their banter. I really like the way the relationships seem to actually develop in this story. That's not to say I don't love the super intense ones too but different strokes for different stories and this one's pacing feels real right. Jake reminds me of those jerks who invite you to dinner and then tell you not only what to eat but how to eat it. Dude needs to climb off his throne before he gets pushed off, lol. The end of this chapter was just sweetnesssquared.

This is exactly what I was going for :) Lol love the part about Jake :P

There were a few other good comments, but here's one that I didn't realize I was doing and want people's opinions on.

1tinac says: Is Bella going to blow her chance and continue acting like a brat?

Didn't realize she was being a brat, honestly. But I want to know if other people feel like this? Maybe I just didn't realize because I'm the writer and see it as a crtain way? I don't know, so I'd like some opinions if you could :)

- maywriter13