The doctor's crazy, intricate mind was usually never burdened with the process of dreaming. He only ever often dreamed of river, or more… recalled previous days and nights and memories with her rather than dreams. But as of now he was stuck in one, one that could be more accurately described as a nightmare of a memory.
Over and over he heard a woman's voice speaking. And each time she did what was left of his two hearts was torn. "She calls your name seeking shelter.. Not realizing that you are the storm." That one sentence, thirteen small words, he had mulled over in his head thousands of times. Tearing them apart as they did him. It was true, he shouldn't be with anyone, he wasn't a hero, or some savior. He was a storm, a dangerous whirlwind that destroyed and crippled all in his path. "She calls your name seeking shelter..Not realizing that you are the storm." The voice got louder and louder until he woke with a start, both hearts pumping too quickly against his chest. He ran a hand over his face, slowly, trying to calm himself down.
River felt him jolt about next to her, and slowly started to wake as he slipped his hand out of hers. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, the taste of his lips still present from the night before. Her lips were swollen, and faint love-bites colored her neck and collar bones, while her hair lay mussed and splayed across the blue silk pillow like a wave of golden light. Visions of the passion exchanged the night before danced in her mind, The way he had held her so close, like he might lose her. How she would catch him with his eyes open, seeming to be studying her every move, savoring each kiss and touch that she eagerly gave him. It wasn't about forgetting, it was about redemption and remembering.
Her eyes opened slowly, and focused on him, his hair was wild and tangled, his eyes were clearer than the night before, and the creases in his forehead seemed to relax a bit. But she could sense his hearts, sense the distress and fear. She sat up slowly, slipping her hand on his. "Sweetie?" She breathed, her voice raspy from the crisp air. He opened his eyes, and smiled lightly, pushing the dream in the far corners of his mind. This was wrong, It was his problem and he needed to deal with it on his own, and not pull her back into it. He took a deep breath and looked at her. Just one glance, and his pulse quickened again, She looked absolutely heavenly. Her golden hair flowed graciously over her shoulders, and the blue silk sheet draped loosely across her chest seemed to bring out the pure honey tint to her soft shimmering skin, and make taking his gaze elsewhere completely impossible. She cupped his face with the palm of her hand. "Sweetie.." She repeated and leant back on her elbows, the sheet slipping further down, revealing slivers of her perfectly tinted skin. His Adams apple bobbed in his throat twice before he realized she was waiting on an answer, "Yes. Just a Night-dream.." He stumbled, and slipped his hand into hers. She raised an eyebrow and slipped her thigh over his. "A night dream?" She questioned, watching him grow weary and unfocused due to her questioning and body movements.
"Its nothing, now please River must you always distract me?" He changed the subject horribly as he always did. She for once let it go, and laid back completely, keeping her eyes on him. "Sorry, I guess it's just a habit, I'll have to monitor myself more carefully I suppose..?" She asked with a smirk across her lips. He crouched over her, she watched in amazement and excitement, "I.. I I don't think" She cut him off and pressed her lips to his in a heated kiss. Her thighs locked around his slender frame, and his hips dipped into hers, he rolled his eyes before closing them, she smiled and let hers close as well. The sheet rested low upon his back, and her thighs seemed to push it down even further. But he couldn't seem to focus on anything other than her, her lips stunned him, paralyzed him, only permitting him to kiss her back and try to compensate her actions. She wove her fingers through his hair, and her other hand ran up and down his spine. He shivered, his back arching gently, but she couldn't handle the space, and applied pressure to his lower back, pressing him against her. A low moan arose from his throat and she replied with an eager grip on his hip. She smiled against his lips devilishly, "Did you miss me Sweetie?" She said, running her hand down his chest, he shivered against her body, and she arched her back, making sure there was no space between them at all. He tried to pull away and answer, but he was drawn under her spell, and didn't have the self-control to pull away . He sufficed to reply with a deep throaty moan, and a nod of his head.
There were times when he was so awkward he could barely function, but this was later in their time streams, and he didn't have time to be unfocused. Even now he was slightly unsure of what to do, he had never been one to explore love, but he was doing it now, with her help.
River kissed him harder, needing to be assured that he wasn't going anywhere. He complied gratefully, and kept up surprisingly well. He tried his hardest to only think of her, but his mind was clouded, forcing his lips to fumble. He tried and focused, but it was there again, voices in the back of his complicated mind, making him weary. Rivers legs snaked around him, making a slight groan escape from his lips, but he was distracted. She could tell something was rattling him, but before she could pull away, he yanked back, nearly tumbling off the bed. The voices were louder, until they were one. Repeating the same line over and over until he remembered where he had heard it in the beginning.
River sat up in confusion, she leant over and grabbed a blue silk robe, draped over the nightstand and shrug it on, tying it around her waist. She inched up onto her knees and made her way over to him. She peered at him through worried eyes, yes they had been through a lot in the past few months, and she knew he was taking it harder than anyone, but she still didn't know exactly why. She put her hand on his knee, trying to comfort him, but he slipped his frame from the bed hastily, as if her touch had seared his skin. He stood in his boxers, running his hands over his face and through his hair, as he always did when he was thinking too much. River tried to convince herself that she wasn't slightly hurt by his refusal of her touch. She stood up slowly, walking towards where he paced. She didn't understand his outburst, she didn't fathom what could possibly be so terrifying that he felt as if he couldn't share it with her.
"Doctor what is it?" she breathed, the tension so thick in the air she could taste it. He only stopped pacing for a moment, and seemed to be muttering. She slipped her hand on his shoulder, He shrugged it off as he did before and clenched his jaw tightly.
"Sweeti-"
"Stop" He shouted rather loudly, and she had had quite enough, she let her flat hand strike him across the cheek. He whipped his head around, and paused, letting his hand come up and soothe the burning sensation.
River bustled around the room, throwing her clothes on in a rushed manor. Her hair was wild and tangled, and a scowl rested on her lips. He watched her move around, ignoring his every attempt to apologize. He gripped her hand as she swung past him, she looked fiercely into his eyes, a mad, threatening look gleaming in her own. She ripped her hand from his, and he sighed, "River, Please, what are you doing?" He said sadly, his eyes still dark with frustration and worry.
She ignored him once more, and continued shoving limitless amounts of clothes into a small bag that was ripping at the seams. "River." He said in a dejected tone, "Don't go back to Stormcage, please I cant bare it." He breathed in all honesty, laying a hand on her cheek, She turned away and bit her lip, trying to contain herself. Every word he said just seemed to heat her up even more. "Its not about you, Sweetie, I know you think it is but it's not. And I can do whatever I please, I am not an object in your possession and I don't plan to be told what I can and cannot do." She said heatedly. He swallowed and looked down, "River, where are you going?" He said quietly, trying to calm her.
"You won't give me answers, so I will find them on my own" Said River, as she took a deep breath. She avoided his eyes with great struggle. One look and she would feel bad for her outburst, she would be in his arms in a flash, and she knew that's what she couldn't do. She couldn't give in, not this time, she needed answers, she needed to understand her own past. He breathed in sharply, and slid his hand under her chin, "River, look at me" He said, bending down slightly to her height. She turned her head reluctantly the opposite way, he dropped his hand as if it weighed a thousand pounds and watched her with a sad look in his eyes. "River, Please…"
"No, Im going, I need to go" she said, trying to convince herself, more than him.
Something snapped inside him and a flash of anger appeared in his dark eyes, "Fine, Go"
River felt something twitch in her heart, "I am" She retorted back carefully, "You won't find anything River, That's what Im trying to tell you." He said very darkly, standing tall against the doorframe. She looked at him questioningly, not only did her heart feel like it was being squeezed, she felt a pang of fear rumble in her stomach. There were only a few times when he actually scared her, and most of which was when he was trying to protect her, or the ones he loved.
"You absolutely cannot scare me away, I am not afraid of you." She said quite angrily, but in all honesty, she was slightly cautious. He pushed off the door frame and walked near her, she stood her ground, refusing to cower. This was the man she loved, the man that saved worlds, planets, stars and people. This was the man that she loved and was married to, he would not dare hurt her. "You should be River.." He breathed, his anger had faded, and he seemed more upset with himself. Guilt settled back in and the shade of his eyes lightened remarkably. He stood over her, his hands shaking, but none the less making their way to comfort her. She looked up at him, taking a leap of faith, she looked into his eyes, and felt a bit of relief was over her.
The few sparing moments of relief slowly started to fade as she felt the shaking of not only his hands but his entire body. She looked deeper into his eyes, trying to read him like she usually could. But this time it was different. She didn't want to read him, she realized finally, that the real truth might be too hard to hear. She trusted him, but was weary, she knew how he could lose his temper, how he could be pushed too far, and retaliate. But looking at his sad, scared childish face, she couldn't possibly imagine him doing anything that he should be this ashamed over.
The doctor looked down at her, before looking to the ground, trying to find some way to steady his nerves. In some cases she could calm him, steady his emotions, but in others, his heart, pulse and mind only sky rocketed when he looked upon her. He needed to tell her everything, he couldn't live with the wall that he was constantly building between them. But he did worry that what he needed to tell her would break them apart even more.
River grew even more anxious than she already was, and whispered in a raspy tone "Doctor.."
He took a deep breath and looked at her, "She calls your name seeking shelter, not realizing that you are the storm.."
