CAPTAIN'S LOG V

Captain's Log: Stardate 3809.536 precisely

The Enterprise is proud to welcome Commodore Michelle Anchorage to the Bridge. Say hello, Commodore... She will be with us for three days until we reach Star Base 10, where we are transporting her for a meeting with the Ambassador Kasic of the Vulcan High Council. I expect an uneventful, but happy trip in which, hopefully, nothing out of the ordinary will throw us completely off course.

Captain's Log: Supplemental

We've been thrown completely off course. According to the Ensign Chekov, the navigation systems have suffered a major malfunction which left us completely unaware that our course had been altered until we were already millions of miles from where we were supposed to be. I hope this doesn't reflect badly on the crew, Commodore Anchorage. Believe it or not, weird things like this happen all the time. It's always, ‟Something's gone wrong, Captain″ or ‟Unable to contact Starfleet, Captain″ or ‟We're all going to die, Captain.″ We always get back on track eventually.

Captain's Log: Supplemental

As of yet, we have been unable to determine the source of our problems, and are unable to correct them. However, Mr. Spock has seen fit to inform me that the only rational explanation for the current crisis is sabotage... This is most discomforting, as I expect only the best out of my crew, and the only other known living being on the ship is the Commodore. No offense, Commodore. But the evidence is sound...

Captain's Log: Supplemental

You're... uh... you're not gonna believe this, Log, but we seem to have identified the source of our malfunction. Apparently, some sort of invisible being/incorporeal lifeform thing that lives in two hundred year old whiskey from Kentucky was released unceremoniously from it's slumber by none other than Mr. Scott, Chief Engineer and resident drunk. Don't worry, Log, he was off duty at the time. But the being has... kinda sorta... completely taken over the ship, and is currently on a collision course with the nearest star... So... in an effort to remedy the situation, I am going to attempt to reason with the being. However, Mr. Spock has determined that the only way to see and/or interact with it is to... well, I see no reason to put it less than bluntly... if I want to talk to the thing, I need to get completely smashed. Mr. Scott has graciously volunteered to assist me in my task.

Captain's Log, uh... huh... whatever. Kirk reporting from... what did you want me to say, Scotty? Oh! Right. Live from Enterprise Engineering section, it's Saturday night!

... Hmm... that sounded mucsh better in our 'eads. Oh well. Turns out the spirit izzan alien entity that came to study Earth in the 20th century, and found out that it merely had to be in the presence of alcohol in order to feelll it's uffects. So it jumped into a whiskey distillery and wasn't heard from again... until now... Whennut tried to take control of the ship, it was only doing wut came natshural to it by... what did you say?... oh right, ‟attempting to entertain and serve us to the fullesht.″ Or some shit like that. What did the star have to do with that again, Scotty? I don't... oh, who cares. The entity has released control and is willing to go back to the bottle it came from and let us get back to our... whatever it is we're doing. It's really a nice... guy? Ah! Spock, there you are! He he, Spooooock. Spoooooooooooooock. You have such a cool name. It really pops, you know. Spock. Spockkk. Really... really stands out from a crowd. It's all... cool and stuff... Oh, shut up, Scotty, nobody asked you... No I am not all tizzy for my First Officer. What does that even mean? Damn you and yur damn... shut up... I am not... am not! No, YOU get over yourself!... Spock, make him stop disagreeing with me... Yes, that is very mucsh within your duties as First Officer, thank you very much... Oh... well, it's too late now, Scotty's passed out. Oops. Maybe we had a bit much... Aah! Wait! What are you doing, Spock! I am not a child, I do not need to be carried... but kudos for the upper body strength... do you work out?.. He he... Hey, you're not going to tell the Commodore about thish, are you?... We can... you know... keep it between us... Anyway, Log, I should probably sign off now.

Kirk... Something, something... to infinity and beyond!


Writer's Log: okay, so it's probably not my best work, and it makes absolutely no sense at all, but I still had fun with it. I rather like drunk Kirk. He's even more... shall we say... charming? *shrugs* Hope you liked it! I'll try to update the next one as soon as possible.