I'm loving the reviews, guys! Thanks a bunch!
I hope I'm getting there with the whole creativity thing. Haha.
Please join us for the Baptism
of our son
Maxwell Silver Sanders
Sunday, August 15th 1995
Peace Angel Church
1300 Broadway Heights
Las Angeles, California
Reception to follow at the home of
Stacy Silver and Greg Sanders
Please RSVP by August 1st at
505-555-2200
Dear Keady,
I can't wait to see you at Max's Baptism. Stacy's making me do it, even though I really don't want to and I don't think my family wants to, but she pulled the "If you want to be with me" mambo jumbo so I have to go along with it. And so do you, seeing as you're the Godmother.
I never new someone could possibly be this tiny! I've never actually seen a baby, we're both the only child, and no one I new actually had children so this was my first time holding one. (Oh, by the way, never get pregnant. Over that last nine months I've had to live with big, pregnant, hormonal, bloated Stacy, and then the birth! Oh, Lord, the birth ...) But Max is so tiny (unless you ask Stacy. Stacy says he has a huge head. But his head is so tiny, I don't know what she's looking at when she sees a huge head. Maybe it's herself.) And he screams so loud! How can he make that sound, Keady? How?
But I love him with all of my heart, except that half that I have saved for you, sweet. I can't wait for you to see him! I'm so excited for him to meet you! I think he's actually a lot like you ...
Stubborn beyond belief.
Love,
Greg
Greg,
I think you've got us confused with each other, Mr Sanders. I am not the stubborn one. That's you. And besides, how can your son get attributes from me? You're the one studying DNA, you should know these things.
I'm excited to meet little Max. Ever since he's come into this world that's all you've been talking about. It's kind of weird, I'll email or post you a letter of my problems at school including studying to much, failing a test and then you'll respond to me talking about your problems like Max has a flu, or Max won't stop crying and you can't understand why. It's just ... weird.
But I am excited to meet Max, Greg. Don't get me wrong. I'm going to be the best Godmother a little boy like him could ask for! I'll make it my lifes priority.
Love you,
Keady
You have a new IM from: Nick
Nick: Hey, how was the baptism?
Keady: It was great, finally saw Greg and Max. Oh, my God! Max is the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Greggo is so lucky to have something like that to love.
Nick: Ha ha. You'd think so. Greg's probably beating himself up over this.
Keady: I don't know. He's pretty head over heels about the whole thing. He loves Max.
Nick: That's good. So him and Stacy aren't getting married?
Keady: Not yet.
Nick: How's that feel?
Keady: What's that supposed to mean?
Nick: You were jealous. Now are you still?
Keady: I was not jealous Nick!
Nick: Ok, well, how's it make you feel that they're not getting married?
Keady: I don't know ... I met Stacy, I don't think she liked me very much and I share her feelings. She's so self-centered, thinks she's the queen of the world. She's petit, blond and barely touched Max the entire day, she was too busy entertaining and hanging out with her friends. Poor Greg was stuck changing nappies, feeding, burping the whole deal. She's kind of ... a bitch. That's the reason I'm so glad they didn't get married.
Nick: Any other reasons?
Keady: ... no.
Stu: Stacy's a bitch.
Greggo: That's what I said.
Stu: She just had your child.
Greggo: She's still a bitch.
Stu: She forgave you for calling off your engagement.
Greggo: She's still a bitch.
Stu: She didn't mind when you made your bestfriend, whom she never met, your son's Godmother.
Greggo: She's still a bitch.
Stu: Are you gonna tell me why?
Greggo: I am.
Stu: Now?
Greggo: She broke up with me. Three and a half hours later, I walk in on her and some buffy-jock having sex ... in my bed! So naturally we start yelling at each other, she leaves, and leaves Max here with me. I take him to the babysitters this morning, but when I go to pick him up, Stacy had already come and got him and took him home with her and Bill. Bill. What kind of a name is Bill?! Anyway, so I call her up and she says I'm not fit to be a single father! She said that I am not fit to be a singe father! So now we're going into this ugly custody battle over little Max.
Stu: I thought you said that if you were ever to have children, the mother of them would have them if there were anything to go wrong. She went through the pregnancy, the birth, the breastfeeding, the -
Greggo: I know what I said! But seriously. Stacy? A mother? No fucking way, man.
Stu: Well, what do you want me to say?
Greggo: That you'll help me! I need your help!
Stu: How can I help you with this?
Greggo: I don't know! You're the psychologist!
Stu: No, Greg. This time in ten years I'll be a psychologist. And even then, there is no way I can help you with this.
Greggo: Come on! No ... words of advice or anything?
Stu: No.
Greggo: NOTHING?
Stu: No.
Greggo: What am I supposed to do?
Stu: ... Keady?
Greggo: E-excuse ... excuse me?
Stu: Talk to Keady.
Greggo: Ohhh! Oh ... I was thinking that.
Stu: But?
Greggo: She already hated her, I don't know what she's going do after she hears about this.
Stu: She'll come over, kick Stacy's ass, get your son back for you, fall in love with you, let you whisk her off into the sunset and you'll live happily ever after.
Greggo: Haw ... haw.
Stu: Too bad, eh?
Greggo: Hm?
Stu: Too bad it wasn't that easy.
Greggo has signed off.
To: Greg
From: Keady
Subject: Visit
I will be over there as soon as I can, Greg. I'll help you win Maxwell back, and I will kick Stacy's ass. I promise. Plus I'm due for a visit!
To: Keady
From: Greg
Subject: Thanks
It seems like I'm typing that into the subject line a lot, Keady. But really, thank you for everything. It was great seeing you again! I think Max might just think that you're his real mother, too. You could do such a better job than Stacy. It sucks I didn't win the custody battle, but every weekend when I actually have Max I'll be sure to tell him what a bitch his cock sucking mother is. Well, I won't use those exact words, but they'll be pretty close.
Thanks again, Kead.
To: Greg
From: Keady
Subject: RE: Thanks
No need to thank me, Greg. I know what kind of a slut Stacy is. And I know that she can't be a suitible mother, it's just the way she is. I can't believe she won, though! She didn't even hold the poor boy at his baptism, which she wanted to have. I thought that would've done it.
To: Keady
From: Greg
Subject: Yeah
It should've done it, she sucks. Cock.
To: Greg
From: Keady
Subject: Stop
Ew, you don't even understand how much I hate that word.
To: Keady
From: Greg
Subject: Ha
Cock? You hate that word? A word? Wow. Never would've thought you'd go that far. Actually, you hate a lot; My sons mother, for example.
To: Greg
From: Keady
Subject: You know it
Everyone hates your sons mother. Your son included.
