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No Matter What

Chapter Eight

*—X—* Edward Masen *—X—*


"So, how are things with the hot mom? Bella, right?"

Jasper knew damn well her name was Bella, and Edward found it ironic—if not a little annoying—that he always referred to her as the hot mom. Meanwhile, he'd yet to meet her.

"Stop calling her that. But things are … okay, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I think she's getting antsy." Edward sighed. "I can see it in her eyes. It's only a matter of time before she starts asking more questions. Ones I won't have the answers to."

"You won't have the answers, or you won't want to give them?"

He had no reason to lie to his brother. "Both."

Jasper nodded in understanding, pulled out a cigarette from his pack, and lit it. "I get it. You're scared about how she's gonna react when she finds out you're a convicted murderer on the run with the five kids you kidnapped."

"Could you—" Edward stared at the object in Jasper's hand. He simultaneously scowled and licked his lips. "And fuck you, by the way."

"Sorry." Jasper took a drag then threw it to the ground. "But I made my point, right? I get that you think everything you've been through is a big deal. I'm not saying it isn't. But you seem to expect everyone to think less of you, just because one person did." There was a beat of silence before Jasper spoke up again. "Do you ever miss them?"

"Cigs?"

It had been almost five years since Edward stopped smoking. Stopped doing … a lot of things, like he said to Bella before. While some days were harder than others, he definitely didn't miss it.

"Don't be stupid. I mean Alice and Holden."

That was a hard question for Edward to hear and to answer.

To admit that he missed his ex's son seemed like admitting that he hadn't gotten over them leaving, or that he wasn't ready to move on. But he was. It was just still one of the hardest things he'd gone through. Missing someone you knew was never coming back, such as someone who'd passed away, came with an unexpected sense of closure and finality.

But thinking about and missing someone who was alive and well, or mistaking them for strangers on the street, was like experiencing heartbreak over and over.

"You know …" Jasper shook his head. "Sometimes I worry she's just gonna pop up one day, break your heart again and then run off. Worst of all, I worry you'll let her."

"That will never happen. The Alice void—"

"Is being filled by Bella? I guess it's an added bonus that she has a kid, right? You got your instant family back."

"What the hell?" Edward stood up, fists balled tight and nostrils flared. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. It had been a long time since he'd felt so angry with someone, especially Jasper. But right now … anger started boiling under his skin. "You better not say any crazy shit like that to Bella. I'm not kidding." What he was saying wasn't just false, it was something that he knew would crush Bella if she ever thought heard it. If they were to meet and Jasper ran his mouth and hurt her feelings, he'd have hell to pay.

"I would never say something like that to her, because I don't mean it." Jasper stood up as well, but his calm demeanor was a direct contrast to his brother's ire. With a hand on Edward's chest, he attempted to reason with him and spoke softly. "But the longer it takes for you to tell Bella about Alice and everything that entails, the harder it'll be for you to convince her she's not just a replacement."

Edward smacked Jasper's hand away, and sat down. He understood where his older brother was coming from. However, he didn't appreciate the tactics he used to get his point across. "You're an asshole."

"So I've been told."

The forlorn sound of Jasper's voice made Edward momentarily forget about everything else. "What's going on?"

"Nothing to worry your pretty hair over, baby brother."

Edward frowned and tried not to take the snub personally. It was clear Jasper didn't want to talk to him—he normally never did. But now that Edward had Bella and constantly turned to his brother about their evolving relationship, he felt hurt that the gesture still wasn't being returned. "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything."

"I know." Jasper nodded. "It's just … no, never mind. It involves someone you work with and … no. I don't want things to be awkward. Forget it."

He thought about the way James had been in a strange, somewhat belligerent, mood with most of the guys at work lately.

"Things are already awkward, but whatever." Edward smacked his hands to his thighs, and stood up. "I don't want to miss dinner. I'll catch you later. Uh … thanks for the talk, I guess."

"Yeah, yeah." Jasper was already walking back inside the garage. "See you Friday. Oh, and you need to figure out when you're gonna bring Bella. Mom says so!"

It wasn't too soon for her to meet his family, right?

Edward smiled. "I'll bring it up."

X-X

"You're being awfully quiet tonight."

"As opposed to how loud I usually am?" Edward laughed softly, and rubbed a hand against Bella's back. They'd already had dinner, and now that Briella was asleep they'd assumed their favorite position of snuggling up on her couch.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah." He did. Admittedly, he had been quieter than usual. He'd only stopped over at Jasper's garage to ask him something about a car part; he hadn't expected things to get as serious as they had been. Now he couldn't get his brother's words out of his mind. And he knew he needed to bring up Friday game night before he lost his nerve.

"How's your brother?"

"He's …" Edward chuckled, nervously. "He's fine. Listen—"

They were cut off by Bella's phone ringing, and not for the first time that night. Edward glared at it, and wondered who it was. Normally, Bella always answered the phone when it ran. As far as he knew she didn't have that many people calling her. Certainly no one she needed to ignore. Yet, that was the third time since he had arrived that she'd done just that, and he could tell she was about to ignore it again. "You should get that."

Bella really didn't feel like having the conversation she knew awaited her on the other end of the line, but she could hear the accusatory tone in his voice and picked up to prove a point. "Mom," she barked into the phone, making Edward jump. "I don't want to talk. Please stop calling me, okay? I'll call you when I'm ready."

She clicked the phone closed, took a deep breath, then looked at Edward with narrowed eyes. Her voice dripped with attitude when she asked, "Are you happy?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was your mom."

"Who did you think it was?"

"I … don't even know." He wanted to apologize again, but he had a feeling it would annoy her. "How long has she been calling?" His voice was full of remorse at his actions, but there was an underlying sense encouragement because he knew that's all Bella's parents had needed: some time to come around. Granted, they were moving a little slow, but …

"Too long, and she needs to stop."

"But—"

"Edward, please." She dropped her head in her hands and tried to compose herself. "I can't talk about this right now."

It was painful for Edward to watch as Bella curled in on herself, but since she'd been patient with him, it was his turn to return the favor.

"Hey." He poked at her side, and pulled her back against him. "I'm sorry your mom upset you. I'm sorry I pushed."

"Edward, it's fine." And it was fine because she understood—she'd pushed him before when she shouldn't have. It wasn't fine that he'd already started thinking the worst, though. "But you can't –"

The sound of little feet approaching stopped any potential argument, and Bella leaned forward on the couch to try and look around the wall. "Are you okay, honey?"

Yawning, Briella emerged and walked with purpose toward the couch. Silently, she crawled into Edward's lap and rested her little head against his chest. Within seconds she started snoring.

"Is this okay?"

Bella nodded. Resting on that couch with her head against Edward's chest was one of her favorite places to be, too. She understood completely. And since that's how Briella had fallen asleep earlier, she was probably confused when she woke up and realized she was in her room, alone. "We'll give her a couple minutes. Then I'll take her back to her room."

"And then we'll talk?"

"Sure."

Once Bella had Bree tucked back into her bed, she came out to find Edward sitting up straight at the edge of his seat.

As soon as Edward saw her, he blurted, "So now you've learned something new about me." At Bella's raised eyebrow, he continued. "I get jealous pretty easily."

"Because you've been hurt by an ex-girlfriend before," Bella nodded to herself, "or by many exes. That's not hard to figure out."

"Ex … wife," Edward corrected her, grimacing. She was immediately overwhelmed with an uneasy feeling that churned in the pit of her stomach. It was similar to when they had been at the park and she thought Edward was a widower. Fear that she was about to hear of someone she could never compete with.

"I'm never sure how much is worth bringing up," Edward continued. "You're smart. You figure out so much for yourself most times. And the details … I don't know if they're even important."

"They are. If the details change the way a story is told then they're very important." Because Edward had never mentioned he'd been married before, and it was definitely changing the way Bella's mind processed the things she remembered he'd told her.

"So you were married?" He'd already said as much but Bella needed to hear it again. She needed to see what it felt like to say it out loud, how it tasted coming out of her mouth.

And she realized the words tasted bitter on her tongue.

"Yes, Alice, that was her name, she's … kind of still a sensitive subject."

"Oh."

"Not because I'm still in love with her," Edward rushed to explain when Bella's face fell. "Trust me it's quite the opposite."

"Are you sure?" Bella asked and tilted her head to the side. "Because that would mean you hate her." And try as she might, she couldn't picture Edward ever hating anyone.

"Sadly, I don't think I could ever hate Alice." Now had she chosen to use a word like despise, he might have been inclined to answer differently.

"But you're not in love with her anymore," Bella continued. "And you guys obviously didn't stay married. So I'm going to assume things ended badly?"

"You could say that." Edward shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "Listen, I really am sorry about earlier. She came up in conversation today, and … you were right. I've been miles away all night; then the thing with pushing you to answer your phone. Jasper put some things in my head—good and bad. And just, I don't know."

"Breathe." Bella smiled softly, and walked over to the couch. Edward was rambling—something he'd never done before. She would have found it adorable if she wasn't so nervous about what he might say next. "Say whatever's on your mind. I'll try to keep up and I'll try to understand. Just like I promised."

"Okay." Edward nodded, buying time as he tried to figure out where to start his story. "Alice was a … character. And when I was with her, it was so easy to get lost in her world where nothing really mattered more than her. In all fairness, I don't think she ever intentionally hurt anyone. She was far too vain and selfish to realize or care about when she did something wrong. There's no need to go into details." He didn't want to, anyway. That would surely take both hours and energy that he didn't want to give toward the subject anymore. "But this isn't me bashing her. We did the on and off thing for years. We … umm, she had a son. I was attached to both of them; she used it over my head any chance she could, and did a lot of things that hurt me. But I'm okay." Edward pinched Bella's chin to make her look at him. He needed her to understand what he was saying. "I don't have a thing for women with kids, and I don't look at you and Briella as the girlfriend and daughter that's replacing a family I had. Shit … I don't think I'm explaining this right at all."

"I think you're doing fine," Bella whispered, despite the hammering in her chest. She particularly liked the 'girlfriend' part. But that talk would have to wait. She could tell Edward was leaving out chunks of the story, chunks that still affected him despite what he said. She wanted the conversation to end just as much as she had a million questions about this bitch of an ex-wife. He could dumb it down all he wanted, but when someone was described as being vain and selfish, and as a mother who used her child as leverage against her husband, there weren't all that many nice things that came to mind. "So you guys broke up—"

"For good after the accident. We tried to make it work for her son, Holden. I tried to make it work for him. But …" Edward blinked and looked away. "Like I said, Alice was vain. I didn't have riches to give her. I've told you how much I hated school, so she'd never have some prestigious title like 'doctor's wife' to look forward to. The one thing she loved about me was gone. I didn't look half as good as I used to."

"Oh, my God." Bella smacked a hand to her mouth, choking back an unexpected sob. No amount of joking or mirth in Edward's eyes could dull what he was saying. "She left you because of what you looked like after you almost died in a car accident? Scars? That's what was important to her?"

"Hey." Edward wrapped his fingers around her wrist to pull her hand away from her mouth, and yanked her to him. Every day with Bella had brought down some of his walls. Affection was no longer an issue like it had been before. To Edward, that was just another reminder of how different, how special, she'd quickly become to him. Again, he stared into her eyes and hoped he could make her understand. "With you, I don't even think about them." And he prayed she understood the double meaning behind his words. When they were together, his worries about almost everything disappeared. That included not only his scars, but his ex, too. Edward needed Bella to know she was important to him, and just saying so wasn't enough anymore.

"There's something else," he blurted then dropped Bella's hand. "I think …" he blew out a breath, and wiped his sweaty hands on the cushion. "I think I want you to meet my mom."

Bella's jaw dropped. "Really?"

"Yeah. I've been talking about you for … what, two to three months now? She's dying to put a face to the name. She's said it before, but now she recruited Jasper to ask, too."

"So what does that mean? Me meeting your mom, what does that mean to you?"

"It means everything."


Thanks for reading!

Until Next Time

~Lo