"Hello… NEWMAN?" Cassandra asked in bewilderment. "Sis, you're going to marry Newman from Seinfeld?"

"Well sis, I've always heard you talking about how I need a new man, so I took it literally and found Newman at a singles convention."

"Yes, it is so great I found this wonderful woman to complement my greatness. A United States Postal Worker is entitled to this sort of beauty!" Newman said.

Cassandra and Yunsung hated him.

"Oh I'm just joshing, Sophitia and I truly love each other, however, I was just going. Tata, Sophitia!" Newman said and rushed out of her house.

"Newman." Cassandra grunted.

"Now let's not do that…" Sophitia said.

"Sophitia, he's a pig!" Cassandra said.

"No he isn't! Newman and I both love each other and you'll just have to accept that in a few months that I will be Sophitia Newman", Sophitia responded, proudly.

"It doesn't work for you…" Yunsung muttered.

"Well up yours, BIATCH!" Sophitia said.

Cassandra and Yunsung stared in awe.

Sophitia backed into the basement, shut the door and ran away.

"I'm not going to visit her for awhile", Cassandra said.

"I'm avoiding her", Yunsung said. Both of them took off running. Sadly, waiting for them outside was one of the creepiest creeps in the world.

No, not Talim. But Tira the face eater had regained her evilness and decided to go on another rampage and try to have a face feast.

"I'M GONNA EAT YOUR FACE!" she yelled and started running after them.

"Oh not again!"

"More running!"

The resort…

"Nothing can possibly go wrong", Raphael said as he and Ivy made their way to the Olympic pool. "Ivy, why don't we have an Olympic pool?"

"I thought we did!"

"Yeah… where's that author. Hey you, I'm talking to you! You said we had an Olympic pool and now you're having me complain about the lacking of one! Why?!?!?!" he asked, angrily.

"Well, as you can both tell, all the chapters have continuity problems. After I reread the first chapter, it made no sense."

"And what happened to that book I published?" Ivy asked.

"Again… that was going to be incorporated into later chapters but I just don't see how it fits!"

"MAKE IT FIT!" Ivy said, pointing the whip sword at the author.

"AIIIIIIIIIE!" the author screamed but stayed in fear of a Tira attack on the two main characters.

"And I don't want to get hurt this time, you sadist!" Raphael exclaimed.

"We'll see about that…" the author replied ominously.

"Creep…" Ivy muttered.

Raphael and Ivy climbed inside the hot tub, still a bit uneasy about what the author was telling them. Still, they were determined to enjoy the last bits of their vacation nonetheless.

"Wow, normally when we do any activities, my hurt normally occurs within the first few sentences", Raphael said. He relaxed with his wife in the hot tub and actually started to enjoy his trip.

"Raphael?"

"Yes my dear?"

"I'm actually starting to enjoy my trip here", Ivy said.

"Me too, my fair Isabella."

"Oh Raphael, you haven't called me Isabella since… well, I actually don't remember."

"Neither do I…" he said. He was lying. The last time he called her Isabella was the time Cervantes came to the hotel, he said Isabella and almost got killed for it because Cervantes claimed he "tarnished the name" when he said it.

Actually, they were both lying, to tell the truth because Ivy knew Raphael hated talking about that story as he said it threatened his "manliness"

Ivy laughed at the thought.

"What's funny?" Raphael asked.

"Nothing…" Ivy said.

Suddenly, a curvaceous, bronzed Mediterranean woman sprinted toward them and even her attractiveness blew Jenny Flex out of the water.

"Mr. Sorel?"

"Yes?"

"I am Naomi, Mr. Zorin sent me to collect you."

"How do you do, this is my wife Isabella Valentine."

"You're on holiday here?"

"There's a notion, hoteliers are never on holiday", Raphael said. He grabbed Ivy's martini from the side of the tub. "Could I offer you a drink before we go?"

"No thank you, Mr. Zorin is a very busy man, his time is precious!" Naomi replied. She turned around and started walking away.

"I'd love to take a swim with her", Raphael said. Ivy slapped him and they followed her.

"Good evening, Mr. Zorin", Raphael said.

"Hello Mr. Sorel", Zorin replied. "I just wanted to inform you that tomorrow we are having an impromptu dancing competition and wondered if you'd be interested."

"Oh, we'd love to", Ivy said.

"WAIT! Isabella, please don't put words in my mouth. At this said dance… will there be a buffet?"

"Yes."

"Complementary or no?"

"Well… it will be charged to your room", Zorin replied.

"Forget it!"

"Don't listen to him; he didn't take his meds today. We'd love to attend Mr. Zorin", Ivy said.

"But…"

Ivy pinched Raphael the hardest any person could ever pinch someone ever and he fell out of his chair in pain.

"Good, right on shezule", Zorin said.

"What?"

"Shezule."

"What is shezule?"

"No, no… SHEZULE", Zorin said.

"This conversation is pointless. Get up Raphael, we're going back to the hot tub", Ivy said, literally dragging her husband out the door.

"HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!"

Raphael and Ivy strutted back to the Olympic pool.

"I'm going to go swimming Raphael", Ivy said and dove into the pool.

"Have fun dear", Raphael said, waving her in. He took a seat in the hot tub and right when he did, the enticing Jenny Flex…

Everyone was quiet.

Still quiet.

Still quiet.

"Hello, Ms…"

"Of course you are."

"I HATE YOU!" Raphael yelled. Jenny Flex…

"Of course you are."

…was taken aback.

"No, no, Ms. Flex, I wasn't talking about you", Raphael said, in his defense.

"Good to know", Jenny replied, tore off her robe to reveal a very revealing bikini. Raphael shook his head in amazement. Shortly after, the ravishing Naomi…

"Such lovely lines."

…stepped into the tub with her equally revealing bikini, making Raphael dizzy.

"So, what brings you to Chateau Chantilly?" Jenny Flex asked.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm…." Raphael stuttered. "RIGHT! My wife… oh what's her name… whatever, my wife and I are here on vacation."

"Sounds fun", Naomi…

"Such lovely lines."

...said.

"Anyway, girls, how's doing you?"

They both giggled.

"I MEAN; how do you do?"

"Fine thank you", they both said giggling. Thankfully, his wife was well out of earshot to hear his unintentional remark.

He looked backward to see a horse trotting by the stables, and being an avid equestrian, he decided to comment.

"That's a beautiful breast", he said to the girls.

"HAHAHAHA", they said, in hysterics.

"I MEAN BEAST!" Raphael said, retaliating.

"No need to apologize, I know they are", Naomi and Jenny Flex said.

"Of course you are; such lovely lines."

"I hate that creep", Jenny said.

"Who doesn't?" the bronzed Mediterranean woman asked. They all giggled, even Raphael which caused both women to giggle more.

"MORE GIGGLING", Raphael said.

There was an awkward silence.

"Ah-hem… well, uh… let me get my drink", Raphael said, reaching across the hot tub. He then slipped and fell on top of a very welcoming Naomi, all while his wife was strutting up to the tub.

"RAPHAEL!" Ivy screamed.

"No dear, it's not what it looks like!"

"I see, so what were you doing Raphael?"

"I was trying to get my drink!"

"Of course you were", Ivy said.

"What did you just say?" Raphael asked.

"Of course you were."

"ARE YOU THE JERK?" Raphael asked.

"No I'm not the jerk, Raphael, you sleazeball, I violently hate the jerk, I mean whenever anyone says the names of THOSE two, then he says his stupid thing!" Ivy retorted.

"Well…"

"I'm going back to our room Raphael and if my mood gets any better the door MIGHT be unlocked if you decide to show yourself", Ivy said, turned on her heel and walked away.

"Looks like your wife is mad at you", Jenny said in an unsympathetic tone.

"Well, she tends to get mad at me a lot. Strangely enough, she didn't hurt me this time…"

"Jenny and I were thinking you could come to my room later… if that's alright with you", Naomi…

"Such lovely lines."

…said, smiling seductively.

"Um… ok", Raphael said, sheepishly. The two continued to giggle and left the hot tub, walking away together arm and arm. Raphael then leaned on the temperature controls, pushing the heat up to as far as it could go.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Raphael screamed. He started running around like a maniac, sprinting up the steps to the high dive and jumped off, hoping to cool himself off. In fact, the "high dive" he climbed was a closed down concession area, which overlooked the three foot area of the pool.

"Mr. Sorel", the doctor said nervously.

"Why are you afraid?"

"Um… your wife killed two of my colleagues", he responded.

"True, but she's mega pissed at me right now, so she won't be here!"

"But we will be", Jenny and the bronzed Mediterranean woman said, seductively.

"Okay", the doctor said, and left.

"You look hurt Raphael… why don't we make that hurt go away", they said, like the temptresses they are.

"If you insist", Raphael smiled boyishly.

A few hours later…

"Wow…" Raphael said in awe. "Ivy does the dominatrix thing with me all the time, so that was quite a change of pace!"

"We hoped so", Naomi and Jenny said.

"Of course…"

"SHUT UP!"

"Now, isn't it true you have a Soul Edge shard in your possession?" Jenny asked.

"Well, I have a fragment."

"We thought so", they said and pulled out two pistols.

"GUNS SUCK!" Mitsurigi randomly said.

"SHUT UP!"

"What's this all about?" Raphael asked helplessly.

"You buffoon, the only reason we wanted to be with you is because that Soul Edge shard will get us back to our century!"
"Um… technically, are we even IN a specific century?" Raphael asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, we've combined some 16th century elements with some modern day ones, so I've always thought the story took place in a "timeless" setting", Raphael said.

"WHO CARES, I want to get home and fly my helicopters!"

"But there's a helicopter here!"

"I WANT TO GET HOME AND THE ONLY WAY THAT'S GOING TO WORK IS FOR YOU TO FORK OVER THE SOUL EDGE SHARD!" Jenny said.

"And if I refuse to give it to you?"

"Then we'll take it from you by force, we know where you work and we'll turn the place upside down if we have to!"

"Well then, let the games begin!"

"Alright, you asked for it!" they both said pointing their guns at him.

"Hey wh…"

Suddenly, Talim flew her C130 Hercules by, bleeping out the swear word.

"Nobody beats up my husband, no matter what kind of jerk he is!" Ivy said, holding out the Valentine at them.

"Oh, and what are you going to do about it, old woman?" Jenny asked.

"THIS!"

She thrust the sword into the ground and the links of the sword flew everywhere, mainly concentrating on Jenny Flex.

"Of course you are."

They tore Jenny up and when Ivy flung her sword down, she flung Jenny out the window of the infirmary. She went into whip state, and swung the whip over her head, and started whipped Naomi five times with her whip, flung her into the air, pulled her back down with Ivy Lick and kicked her out the window.

"Knockout! Bitc…"

Talim's plane flies by

"…hes lose! IVY WINS!"

"Enjoy your glorious defeat!" Ivy said.

"Isabella, I…"

Ivy held a hand up.

"Raphael, no matter how much of a manwhore you are, I still love you… to a degree", Ivy said.

"Oh thank you dear, even if you did just earn the fic a T rating", Raphael said.

"Mr. Sorel… I just wanted to check…", the doctor said, walking in with his reports. When he saw Ivy however, to avoid being killed, he just jumped out the window and fell to his death.

"I wonder why he did that…" Ivy asked herself.

Raphael rolled his eyes.

At the hotel…

The phone rang.

It kept ringing.

This is when the author realized Cassandra and Yunsung weren't at the hotel and that only the unconscious Link and Taki were there and since a table can't stand on one leg, we won't focus on it.

Wherever the heck Cassandra and Yunsung are…

Cassandra's cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey sis, this is your sis."

"No duh", Cassandra said.

"DON'T MAKE ME PULL OUT A CAN OF WHOOPASS ON YOU!" Sophitia screamed. Cassandra hung up.

Her phone rang again and she picked up.

"Hello psycho", Cassandra said.

"GIRL PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ…"

Cassandra hung up.

Her phone rang again and she picked up…

"Guess what I found out about Mariah Carey from Star Jones on The View?"

"What?"

"She's definitely a black lahahahahahahady!"

Cassandra hung up.

Her phone, of course, rang again and she picked up.

"Girl, I look too cute today to go off on you don't you even worry about it", Sophitia said. Then she started impersonating Raven-Symone.

Cassandra hung up.

Her phone rang again and this time, Ivy randomly came out of nowhere and ate it, then ran back to the resort.

"Well, now it's her problem", Cassandra said.

A payphone rang, Cassandra picked it up.

"Sorry for being weird, but I wanted to tell you that Newman and I are going to participate in a dance contest at the Chateau Chantilly", Sophitia said. "We're on our way now!"

"Oh, did you get someone to watch the kids?"

"Yes, lovely girl. She had this weird obsession with eating faces though, but what the heck! She'll work for cheap AND it seems interesting!"

"Sophitia, you idiot, that's Tira the girl who wants to "play with your children"." Cassandra said.

"Eww…"

"No she's not like that! Well, she might be actually, but she wants to take them over and they'll be Soul Edge's host!" Cassandra said worriedly.

"Well dear", Newman said, who took the phone. "It's now become your problem and not ours, ta-ta, Cassandra!"

He hung up the phone.

"Newman!"

"We all hate him", Yunsung said.

"Now it's time for me to save the day", Cassandra said. "Come on Yunsung, we're off to Sophitia's house!"

They got to Sophitia's house and kicked the door down.

"She's not going to be happy, that was hand-carved mahogany that her former jerk husband gave her", Cassandra said. She and Yunsung then repeatedly spit on it and stopped when they heard Tira's creepy laughter.

"She's in the basement!" Cassandra said, running down the stairs with her sword drawn.

"Were you thinking you could win? Oh I'm sorry!" Cassandra said.

"Yeah, what she said!" Yunsung said.

How will the dance contest play out? Has Tira turned the kids into Soul Edge fanatics? When are those alleged Soul Edge fanatics going to visit the hotel? Will this plot ever be coherent and make sense? (probably not). Anyway, find out in the NEXT CHAPTER!