Kakuzu was determined to find out where Hidan lived, or at least why he wouldn't let the banker walk him home. His chance came one day when the Jashinist skipped school, leaving Kakuzu free to interrogate the other Akatsuki members.
He brought it up at lunch. "Hey, any of you guys know where Hidan lives?" Better to just be straightforward about it.
"Hmm? Why are you asking?" Sasori answered, raising a brow.
"Well, I tried to walk him home the other night, but he flat out refused. Bastard even kicked me in the stomach."
"That's just Hidan being a bastard, un," Deidara called out, showering food crumbs on the unfortunates sitting below him.
"How many times must I tell you, don't talk with you mouth full, brat!"
"Yes Sasori danna."
"Don't push it; if Hidan doesn't want you to go to his home, there's probably a reason for it," Itachi stated. He and Kisame were sitting next to each other in the shade of the tree.
"Dammit, why's it so hot?" Kisame groaned, leaning back against a tree. It was one of those nasty fall days that made you think it was still summer, and all the Akatsuki were baking. "I bet Zetsu and Tobi are nice on cool right now."
"Yeah, un. How much you wanna bet their on some tropical beach right now, un?"
--Somewhere near the Sahara desert--
Zetsu sighed and wiped the sweat off his brow. Why did deserts have to be so hot? He had hoped to check into a hotel room by now, but of course Tobi had run off.
"The brat was supposed to be here at 1:00. It's only 1:15. He's late. He's still a good boy." "ZETSU!" both voices shut up when they heard the oh so familiar cry of the annoying masked kid. As he approached, however, Zetsu noticed a strange woman following him. "Tobi, who is she?"
"This is Tanya! And she gets to play with me!" the schizo could practically see Tobi beaming behind his swirly mask.
"Tobi, what do you mean?"
"Well, Tobi saw her, and she looked sad, so I went over to play with her!" Tobi paused, and Zetsu could picture a frown. "But this mean man ran up and yelled a bunch of stuff I didn't understand. And then he waved money in my face, and I guess he wanted more, 'cause when I held up the money you gave me, he stopped yelling. He took some and pointed at me, and yelled at her. And then he ran off."
Zetsu was in disbelief. "Tobi, you didn't buy playtime. You bought HER!!"
"Does that mean she can stay with us?" Zetsu was having extreme difficulties in keeping his self control. "Well, how much did he take?" Tobi held up the money. Zetsu was surprised to find only a few bills gone. "He only took that little?" He shot the woman a glance. "Alright, what's wrong with her?"
Tobi thought for a moment, then suddenly jumped up. "Oh yeah, the guy was yelling a long word. Um, let's see, it was sk, ski, skitso-"
"It's Schizophrenic, you little moron!" The woman yelled in perfect English. "Now, now, be nice. I don't wanna! Well he's a nice kid, so behave."
"Wow Zetsu, she's just like you! Hmm? Zetsu, where are you going?" the man took a deep breath, walked over to the nearest building, and began pounding his head against the wall.
ZETSU!"
"Oh my."
"Weirdo."
--
Kakuzu finally gave up trying to find the address by asking around. He was going to do this the old fashioned way; by stalking the Jashinist.
A few nights later, Hidan walked him home again. After the two said goodbye, Kakuzu waited for Hidan to turn the corner, before he began following him.
The Jashinist walked up and down the streets for a few hours, not really heading to any specific spot as far as the banker could tell. Kakuzu was getting concerned; didn't his parents care at all what their son did at night?
Finally, they reached the local park. Kakuzu figured that his friend was finally going to go home by taking a shortcut through the park.
Hidan walked along the path for a time before stopping by a bench. To Kakuzu's amazement, the Jashinist pulled off his shirt, wadded it up into a crude pillow, and curled up on the bench, trying to sleep.
The banker stared at him for a moment, to see if Hidan would get up and go home.
He didn't.
Quietly, Kakuzu approached his friend. "Hidan…"
He may as well have fired a gun from the way Hidan jumped. "Jashin dammit, what the hell?!"
"Hidan, why are you sleeping on a park bench?"
The Jashinist flinched, then nervously began rubbing the back of his head. "My parents and I got into a fight, so I decided to get the hell outta there for tonight," he answered quickly. Too quickly.
"Hidan…" the silver haired teen sighed, realizing there was no way out of this. "Fine, you want the Jashin damned truth?" He sank down onto the bench. "My parents hate my freaking guts. Especially my religion. The bastards said they didn't want their damn son in some cult, and that only made things worse. Eventually, they just threw me out on my ass."
"How long ago was this?"
"About three years." Kakuzu's jaw nearly hit the ground. "And you've been out here all that time?! What the hell do you do in winter?!"
"That's what the Jashin dammed subway benches are for," Hidan answered in a bored tone.
"What about food? And clothing?!"
"I raid the home ec. room every now and again." Kakuzu shook his head. "Hidan, why didn't you tell anyone about this?"
Hidan snorted, smirking at his friend. "Get real. You think any of them have room and resources to help my sorry ass? Besides, I fine. And if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to sleep. Beat it, dumbass."
"Hidan."
"What now?"
WHAM
Hidan didn't even have time to swear before his world went black.
--
"Urgh…" the Jashinist groaned and rolled over in the bed. Wait, bed?" HE opened his eyes and sat up. Sure enough, he was in a genuine bed, inside an unfamiliar bedroom. He was about to get up, when suddenly a familiar figure walked into the room. "So, you're finally up."
The Jashinist exploded. "Where the hell am I, what the hell did you do, and why shouldn't I kill your sorry ass for this little stunt?!" Kakuzu merely rolled his eyes; he'd been expecting this. "One, you're in my room, because two, I knocked you out and brought you here, and three, because I'm your friend." Hidan glared at him but kept quiet.
Kakuzu walked over to the bed, ignoring the death glare. "I'm glad you woke up; I was worried I hit you too hard, and-"
"KAKUZU, WHAT THE HELL?!" Hidan scrambled as far away from the banker as he could get as Kakuzu climbed into the bed. "Chill out, Hidan. This is my bed, and I'm going to sleep in it."
"Then why the hell didn't you put me on the Jashin damned couch?!"
"Because the only blanket I own is on this bed. You'll freeze to death if you sleep down there."
"Who says I'm even sleeping here, dammit?!" Hidan jumped out of the bed and stormed towards the door. "I'm going back to the park, asshole!"
"Do it and I'll tell the others what you've been doing." Hidan froze at the words. Very slowly, he turned to look at Kakuzu. "You wouldn't."
"Try me."
Hidan stood there, shaking slightly, before storming back to the bed, swearing under his breath. "I hate you, you Jashin damned prick," he muttered as he climbed into the bed.
"Yeah yeah," Kakuzu muttered, turning so his back was facing Hidan. "Good night."
"Go to hell."
