Author's Note (Part One): Hello my dear readers! Thanks so much for all the love you're sending my way; it is much appreciated! This chapter's a little shorter than usual-- but no worries because I'm sure the next one will be ridiculously long again. Hope you like it! Again, these characters aren't mine, they belong to David, Katie, TPTB and Paul Attanasio (who I love because he used to write for "H:LOTS").


Leverage

"It's not what you think," Wilson said quietly and quickly, hoping House wouldn't get upset. After all, he only wanted to make House jealous to help his friend admit that he had more than feelings of contempt and friendship for their boss.

Unfortunately, House was too angry to even hear what Wilson was saying. All he could see was Cuddy, fresh from a shower and Wilson, standing beside him with damp hair. He couldn't stop his mind from running through all the possibilities; showering together, shower after sex, sex in the shower.

"What are you doing here?" Cuddy asked him furiously, breaking him out of his anger-induced haze.

"What kind of hard work? Why are you both wet?" House demanded, ignoring Cuddy's question.

"House, calm down--" Wilson began, the suggestion only made him more pissed off.

"Took a shower?" House fumed, ignoring Wilson, looking directly at Cuddy.

She let the towel fall around her neck and put her hands on her hips, "Yes, although why it is any concern--"

"You aren't wearing a bra!" he yelled, shocked. Wilson involuntarily glanced over at Lisa, confirming House's revelation; he had put the ball of her clothes in the washer without paying them much attention.

Cuddy quickly crossed her arms over her chest, "All my clothes--"

"Yes, where are your clothes? In Wilson's bedroom?" House interrogated.

"Really not what you think," Wilson whispered loudly in House's direction.

"Whose clothes are those?" House spat, pointing to her outfit with his cane. "Amber's? Be careful, Cuddy, next thing you'll know he'll be asking you to straighten you hair, dye it blonde, wear conservative clothes and before you know it you'll be falling off the top of a belltower!"

"Why are you yelling? What do you have to be mad about?" Cuddy asked, incensed.

"I'm not mad!" House bellowed, his face turing pink. "You and Wilson can have as much sex as you want!"

"House," Wilson said calmly, "There's no need to get upset. Lisa and I--"

"Yes, we can!" she shouted over James. "I don't know why it's your business anyway!"

"You're right! It's not! You two can be idiots if you want!" House screamed and he turned to leave. James grabbed his arm, hoping to stop him and clarify.

House yanked his arm out of Wilson's grasp and growled quietly so only his best friend could hear, "This means war."

House turned the knob and flung the door open, limping as fast as he could. He hadn't gotten three steps out of the apartment before he heard Cuddy yell at him, "Hey! Don't forget your damn bucket!"

The words registered and he slowly turned around, just in time to see the pail fly past his head, barely missing him.


Gladys had dozed off waiting for House and was quietly snoring when the sound of shutting door woke her.

"It's only been fifteen minutes and you're already sleeping on the job," House said as he fastened his seatbelt.

"I had three pieces of pizza, I was in the mood for a little nap," she said, yawning. "That was fast. What's the plan, partner?"

"Drive to the nearest bar. I need a drink."

"You've got three beers left."

"I need something a little stronger."

"Don't we need to stay here until they come out?" Gladys asked, suspiciously.

"Just drive," he said, quickly becoming annoyed.

"What happened? Couldn't have been good if you need a strong drink."

"Can you shut up and drive? Or am I going to have to call a cab?"

"You're too cheap to call a cab," she crossed her arms. "Now, what happened?"

"I made an ass out of myself." House grumbled.

"That goes without saying, but that doesn't give me any details. I need to know what happened so I can know if it can be fixed."

"Knocked on the door, Wilson let me in, Cuddy came out of the shower, Wilson had wet hair, I yelled at them, Cuddy yelled at me, I left, Cuddy threw the bucket at my head. I forgot about the bucket."

"How could you for--"

"I just did," House broke in. "They were wet, I didn't know if was the bucket--"

"Of course it was the bucket! What did you think? That they took a shower together?"

"I forgot about the damn bucket. I jumped to conclusions. And yes, I feel like an idiot, so I'm really not in the mood for any lectures."

"I can't believe you forgot about the bucket. That said, I understand why you lost your mind."

"I didn't lose my mind--"

"Hey, I'm not the one who's in denial; I know you like the girl. You saw that she and your best friend were freshly out of the shower, your brain went straight to the worst case scenario and skipped all the logical thinking. Love is not a rational--"

"Love has nothing to do with it," House said moodily.

"Of course it doesn't. I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that they're alone having a romantic dinner right now, and that we have no idea what they're doing next--"

"They're going to Sink or Swim Karaoke Night," he interrupted.

"What's that?"

"You completely suck, they throw water on you; you don't suck, you get a free drink."

"It sounds like fun."

"It's sounds like bleeding ears and the William Hung Orchestra."

"Who?"

"Never mind. Can we leave now? Or am I going to have to drive? You might be a little old lady, but I'm not above dragging you from the car and hijacking it if you keep refusing me my scotch."

"Fine, but then we go to karaoke night. Give you a chance to fix things."

"I'll do whatever you want if you put the car in drive and take me to the nearest bar." Gladys did as requested, heading down to block toward the closest scotch.


Lisa slammed the door behind her, causing the towel to fall off her shoulders. She ran her hands over her face, took a deep breath and shook her head. James watched her as she rested her head against the door and looked up at the ceiling.

He felt bad that he hadn't made the situation clear to House, but he had been distracted. Wilson gave Cuddy Amber's sweats without a second thought, but seeing her in them surprised him. He couldn't help but think of her, the way she wore them, the way she was with him, how much he missed her. Cuddy let out an angry little noise and Wilson smiled, remembering something Amber had said months earlier . 'House really needs to stop insulting her and pissing her off and find some other way to show her he likes her. You should suggest flowers.' Reluctantly pushing all thoughts of Amber aside, he picked up the wine glasses and handed Cuddy hers.

"House really knows how to ruin an evening," Wilson said with a sympathetic smile.

"Sorry for the outburst. He can really get to me."

"Please, don't apologize. I understand completely."

"Dinner smells great," she said, making her way to the table and sitting.

"One of my specialties. Pasta with mushrooms and parsley pesto," he replied, taking his seat. "Dig in."

They sat in awkward silence for minutes, eating salad, then serving and devouring the pasta. Lisa was helping herself to seconds when spoke, "I'm sorry... for what I said about us having sex... I didn't mean... I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable... I was just angry with House and it kind of just... I don't want you to think that I want to... Not that I wouldn't want to... Not that you're not great... It's just that we're friends and--"

"Lisa, relax," James grinned. "You got caught up in the moment. It's not like I expect us to run into the bedroom and have sex just because you said it to House."

"I don't want you to think--"

"It's fine. Really," he said with understanding.

"I need a drink. You don't have any vodka around here, so you?"

"No," he laughed. "But, if you're up for it, I thought we might go to this bar for karaoke night after dinner."

"Karaoke?" she raised her eyebrows.

"We don't have to if you don't want to."

"If they serve dirty martinis and cosmos, I'm in. But I can't promise that I won't make a fool of myself."

"That's what you do on karaoke night; you get drunk and make a fool of yourself-- usually in that order."

She chuckled, then took another bit of her pasta. They talked the rest of dinner, making a long and detailed list of House's most asinine pranks and non-medical missteps. The comfort between them returned, embarrassment forgotten.


"One scotch and a seltzer water for the crypt keeper," House requested of the bartender.

"I've decided what I want you to do."

"Unless it's drink this scotch, they you're shit out of luck," House said, taking a swig out of the glass just placed in front of him.

"I want you to sing-- To her."

"What on earth could make you think that I would ever--"

"You said you would do whatever I wanted if I drove you to the nearest bar. I want you to sing to her. "

"Should've gotten it in writing."

"That's not fair. I brought you to the bar; now you've got to do what I want."

"I don't do karaoke. And I don't sing. Besides, we're already at the bar. If you really wanted me to do something you should have asked me before we got here. Now you have no leverage."

"Did I tell you I have a nephew who is a state trooper?"

"Was there a reason to tell me? I can't imagine one."

"You have a motorcycle, right?"

"Why, you want to go for a spin?"

"Can you drive a motorcycle with your leg?"

"I'm not a invalid," he replied, frowning.

"But you have to have a motorcycle license," she said, sipping her seltzer..

"What's your point?"

"Do you have a motorcycle license?" House studied her as she idly stirred her drink with her straw. "It would be a shame if you got caught driving without a proper license."

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"I would never!" she said, faking outrage. "But it does make good leverage, don't you think?"


Author's Note (Part Two): Does House have a motorcycle license? Does anyone know? I do remember when Tritter arrested him he was charged with driving without a license, so it's possible. I just can't see House waiting in line at the DMV. Next time, karaoke! There's a bar near me that has Sink or Swim Karaoke, but they give you a free drink whether you get the bucket of water or not. It's amazing to see what people will do for a free drink... and no I've never done it. Too much of a chicken, I guess... that and I don't drink much.