Author's Note: This chapter was fun to write. I even named it after one of my favorite songs: 'Undisclosed Desires' by Muse. It's one of the few songs I like by them, and I really think it fits with the way I portrayed the relationship between Balthier/Ragnarok and Lightning in 24. It could work for this story, too, and maybe even the next one. Hm...
Anyway, The Giant Daifuku and HopelessRomanticist, I think this chapter may mess with your mind. Flashbacks galore!
R e v e n a n t
Chapter Eight
Undisclosed Desire
"It's you," was all Lightning managed to say. "It's really you."
She had only seen Ragnarok's hume-like form in a dream, the shadow of Balthier. His black hair was tied into a small ponytail, and the clothes he wore seemed like what Vaan would wear if he was a few years older. He held a single rose in his hands, fiddling with the thorns as if they weren't even sharp.
"It's been a while, hasn't it?" he asked, his red eyes glancing between her and the area around them. "One year since that day, yes? I've been waiting for the chance to see you again, Claire."
"Don't call me that," she quietly snapped. "That's not who I am anymore. I'm Lightning now. Or...Maybe I'm not even her. I'm just...an Eternal. An undead."
Ragnarok stepped forward, and she found herself wondering how he managed to avoid crushing the flowers with his bare feet. "So they say," he murmured. "You are your own being, Claire. I would give anything to live as you do, to walk the other realm for eternity. I live here, now, in the realm of the Yarhi. And yet, I am not as they are."
"What are you, then?"
"I wish I knew. Perhaps all that is left of me is my anima. My soul. And why, I ask? Because of you, Claire. Your existence, your being...I feel as if it is my own." He looked toward the misty sky above them, still twirling the rose between his fingers. "Of course, these feelings between us aren't meant for you and I. No - it never was us."
She knew what he meant. "Balthier," she breathed.
"He and I will always be connected," he said, looking to her and smirking, "as cliche as that sounds. All that has happened, and all that will happen. Nothing will change."
"Why am I here, Ragnarok? I should still be with the others, with Balthier-" She pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes. "I can't stay here, Ragnarok. Balthier - he needs me. I can't let him die."
"He won't. Not for a long time."
Lightning stared at him. "How do you know that?"
"Feolthanos...He tells me many things. The past, the present, and the future. He knows of what you fear, Claire. He understands. Which is why he's sent you here, to see me." Ragnarok let the rose fall from his finger tips, and both of them watched it fall between the paler flowers at their feet. "I am eternally bound to this realm, now. All because of Feolthanos. Just like that soldier, Velis, and your sister, Serah. We are trapped. And until the other Eternal is killed, we cannot be freed."
"And so it falls to me to kill him, doesn't it? And when that happens...I'll be the last Eternal, won't I?"
"It has a nice ring to it, yes?" It was easy to see how she had mistaken him for Balthier before. Everything about Ragnarok was the same, almost. How easily she had been fooled. "The last of your kind. But I wonder...Can you stand living without him? Without Ffamran?"
"I'll find a way to save him. I have to - there's no time for failure. Balthier can't die."
"I know you will. That fool of a hero will help you, as he always has." Ragnarok let out a small, gentle laugh; it was almost entrancing. "Destroyer of Ragnarok he may be called, but he will always be the fool. To me, at the least."
That was right. Snow had been the one to kill Ragnarok, sending him to the realm of illusions. Her dreams. "Ragnarok," she started to say, "I'm sorry about what happened. Had I the chance, I would have tried to save you. I would have-"
"Had I lived, Ffamran would have died. You would be here, in my place, and the fool and the viera would remain as they are now. You don't want that to happen, do you?"
"No. I don't." She bit her lower lip. "I just wish that things could have turned out differently. You said Balthier will die, and what if that's true? How will I..."
He shrugged his shoulders, eyebrows raised in faint concern. "Gods have never been the most honest of beings. For all you and I know, you can change what has been set."
Silence had claimed her, and all she could do was stand there and allow Ragnarok to take her in his arms. His skin was cold, like hers, but his touch made it seem as if she was with Balthier again. Closing her eyes, she leaned into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck. It was a shame that it was only a dream.
"It's all up to you, now. Don't lose your heart to a Stone. You're too strong for that, Claire."
Lightning opened her eyes to the feeling of Balthier's warm arms around her, drawing her close to his body. The esper Chaos had fallen at the hands of Snow and the others, but that didn't matter. Balthier was there, and he was alive. So very alive. She tried to speak, allowing him to help her stand, but the sight of the Judge's return had stolen her words.
"What is life, weighed against the past I have lost?" the Judge asked them, wielding her sword. Lightning removed her hands from Balthier's arm and took a step forward, her gunblade at the ready.
"I think you've found your anima already," she stated. "But Feolthanos has taken it from you. He's taken Velis away, hasn't he? You've let yourself become consumed by Feolthanos' false promises, corrupted by the thought of bringing the dead back to life. Velis wouldn't want any of this."
The Judge of Wings swung her sword. "Enough! My sorrow is my own!"
The rose crystal was thrown into the lava below the ledge they stood on, and from it an array of Yarhi were summoned. Vaan, though he looked as if he was about to collapse, raised his hand and summoned their own Yarhi. As expected, Serah appeared from the series of lights, along with Odin. As soon as the pink carbuncle went to Balthier's side, Lightning made her move.
She went straight for the Judge, ignoring the minuscule beasts chasing after her. Snow had followed her, the ragnarok blade resting upon his shoulder when he stopped running and faced their enemy. Lightning swerved her entire body around, not even wincing when the Judge's sword grazed her side, and leaped into the air. A bullet whizzed past her face, piercing through the armored figure's arm and knocking the sword from her grasp.
Lightning gracefully landed behind the Judge, but the moment she hit the brick floor, a sudden gust of magick energy knocked her off of her feet and sent her off the ledge. Snow called out to her, and he grabbed her hand before she could fall any farther. Her feet dangled below her, lava bubbling enough that it almost touched them. She met Snow's scared eyes, and she wondered if that was the first time he had ever been afraid. No, of course there were other times. He was always afraid, but not for himself.
"My hero," she laughed, though she wanted to do anything but that.
Snow pulled her up, and as soon as she was back on her feet, the Judge of Wings ran at her and slashed her sword. Lightning easily blocked it, smirking when she took a step back. She dove in all directions, running her sword through the armor with each turn, and eventually she stopped at the sound of clanking metal against the brick. The Judge was on her knees, the gunblade held against her neck.
The others' hurried footsteps came up behind her, but to her, it seemed as if they were egging her on, telling her to strike the Judge of Wings down. But she couldn't. Lightning tossed her gunblade aside, taking a few steps back from the fallen woman. Serah slowly went to her, looking up at the ex-soldier with concerned beady eyes.
Dark aura consumed the Judge, and the armor was stripped away in the slowly growing Mist, revealing a Feol viera girl. Mydia didn't face them, not until Balthier walked forward and knelt down across from her.
"You let us win," he said to her. "Why not run? And why not throw away the Stone?"
"I will not suffer him to use others as he has used me," Mydia whispered, her voice much quieter than when she wore her armor. "In death my people are free. The will not know the sorrows I have."
Fran looked upon the Exiled one with no emotion. "You are a fool to think so."
As he stood up, the corner of Balthier's lips quirked upward. "Fools being foolish. What more would you expect?"
Mydia's eyes met Lightning's for the first time, and then everything began to shift into a time before; a memory of happier days.
Velis was pacing back and forth near the South gate of Rabanastre, eyes darting from his feet to the large stairs to his right. The night sky had claimed the city, and there were only a few lights blinking in the distance. Her footsteps quiet and brisk, Mydia rushed down the steps to meet him.
"Sorry I'm late," she apologized, gently smiling. "What's this big news you've to tell me?"
He had stopped her nervous walk to face her. "I made my decision. I'm going to join the Dalmascan army."
"You would risk your life so that kings and emperors can play at their game of thrones?" Mydia pursed her lips, her shorts ears flattening against her hair. "Why?"
"So that you can live in a world free of tyranny and fear," he answered, running the back of his hand along her long braid. "And when I'm back, you can take me to visit your family."
The Feol viera smiled, tears forming at the corner of her eyes. "Oh, Velis..." She moved to hold him, to embrace him, but slowly Velis began to fade before her eyes. She hung her head low, sitting at the bottom of the stairs and covering her eyes with weak hands.
"You have felt the same as I. Haven't you?"
Lightning, two years younger, stood with her eyes narrowed at the two standing across the table from her. Serah, her bright eyes already filling with wet tears, held onto Snow's hand as if there was nothing else holding her up. Her lower lip was quivering, the sound of the television's words blaring being the only thing she could hear.
"You became a l'Cie," Lightning spat, "and now you're gonna marry this idiot? And you think I'm gonna buy that? Full points for originality, but don't forget. If you're a l'Cie, it's my job to deal with you."
"Sis..." Serah's cheeks pink with fear, and her hand slowly fell from Snow's grasp.
The older Farron turned away, scowling tightly. "This is ridiculous. Worst birthday ever."
Serah choked out a sob, an arm covering her eyes as she dashed away from the table and out the front door. Looking between the door and where Lightning stood, conflicted, Snow clenched his gloved fists and faced the female soldier.
"Why don't you believe her?" he yelled.
"You're kidding, right?" Lightning pretended not to smirk, the temptation to see the man break down nearly claiming her. "She gets turned into a l'Cie, and you pop the question?"
"Lightning, stop it-"
She slammed her hands against the table, echoing throughout the small dining room. "No you stop it! Get out of my house!"
"You're shutting her out? She's your sister!"
The woman turned away completely again, stubbornly crossing her arms. Snow growled lowly, stomping in the direction Serah had run off in.
"Fine...I'll do it. I'll protect her."
He left, and Lightning, once she was certain that she was alone, picked up the dagger laying on the table and studied it. "How practical," she murmured, before turning her attention to the television at her side.
With the words of a Sanctum official fading out, the scene switched to the day after her birthday. Lightning was walking past the line of unfortunate people and toward the soldiers standing at the head of the line. One was reading off a list of the Purgees' names, while the others were checking for any suspicious activity. Well, they were about to get a surprise.
"Attention Purge deportees," the main soldier stated loudly. "Follow instructions. Personal belongings will be returned upon arrival." He caught sight of Lightning approaching him, his eyes narrowing from under his helmet. "What's a GC doing here? This op's under PSICOM direction."
"So direct me, then," she answered, keeping her emotionless stare. "I want to be Purged."
"Only l'Cie get Purged. Sanctum soldiers are exempt."
"Then I quit."
The man scoffed, and with a wave of his arm he yelled, "Line up!" Lightning rolled her eyes, sauntering back down the line until she reached the end. A black man with an afro gave her an odd look - she would later learn that his name was Sazh.
"Excuse me," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Hey, lady. What gives?"
"I volunteered," she droned, having practiced that line earlier that morning. How many more times would she have to say that?
Sazh didn't seem to believe her. "Really? You don't look ready to go quietly into that good night."
She smirked, taking a few steps forward as the line moved up. "If you want quiet, you better take the next train."
"Now I really wanna see what you're up to..."
"To protect those we love. That is all we want."
Hearing Snow suddenly cry out for Serah, Lightning's eyes shot open the moment she sat up from the icy ground. The others, the ones who had foolishly followed her to the fal'Cie Anima, began to wake up as well, looking all around at the crystallized area. She pushed herself to her feet, watching her warm breath puff out in front of her.
"This must be...Lake Bresha?" Sazh said, walking around. "I guess we fell from up there, and the lake turned to crystal? Help me out here! I mean, did the fal'Cie do this? How in the world did we end up here? And where the hell is that pretty boy we left behind?"
"How would I know?" Lightning snapped, turning around to face the group. All of their eyes were on her.
The young girl with an odd taste in fashion, Vanille, pouted so-slightly. "We're alive," she whispered. "But, how?"
"Serah!" Snow exclaimed, and Lightning wondered how many more times she would be forced to hear that name. "No one survives a fall like that, not without a miracle. Serah saved us!"
She stormed up to him, glaring. "Serah? Listen, it's all your fault she got-"
Something groaned behind her, something inhuman, and Snow pushed her out of the way before the Cie'th could fling her to the ground. He landed a solid punch right on its deformed face, though the moment his fist came in contact with its rough skin, if froze completely. The l'Cie brand on his arm faintly glowed, and he stared at it in awe - or was it fear?
"What did I...just do?"
The youngest of their group, Hope, suddenly started to panic and yell. "You used magick! You used the power of a l'Cie! The fal'Cie cursed us! We're l'Cie now!" No one moved to comfort the frantic boy, but Vanille gazed at him sympathetically.
"So we really are l'Cie," Sazh mumbled. "Then, what the hell are we supposed to do? Follow our Focus? What Focus, anyway?"
"I think...I saw it."
Everyone looked toward Vanille, and Lightning remembered the vision she had seen the instant she was branded. A beast being summoned, roaring as it plunged through the cracked surface of Cocoon. And a woman, reaching out toward the translucent hand of a man who was fading away; slowly dying.
"That is how a Focus comes down, people," Sazh explained. "The fal'Cie? They don't spell it out in clear-cut instructions. All you get is a hazy glimpse...Well, that's what they say. You know, legends and all that."
Lightning didn't want to hear what Snow had to say, so she looked toward Hope. "Do you remember anything?" she asked, meeting the boy's teary, confused eyes.
"I, uh..." He wiped his eyes, stammering, "It's all k-kind of foggy, but I saw this...big, I mean, towering-"
The older man interrupted him. "Wait a minute, hold on now." Sazh shook his head, trying to put the pieces together. "Did we all have the same dream?"
"Ragnarok," both Lightning and Snow said at the same time, and she scowled when he looked at her. He spoke instead, "So we all saw the same dream. We all heard the same voice."
"You mean that was our Focus?" Hope questioned. "What are we supposed to do with that?"
Vanille sheepishly shrugged her shoulders. "That's the tricky part," she said. "The dream is the only hit the fal'Cie give us. Figuring out what to do with it, that's our job."
"Serah," Snow breathed, and Lightning's eye twitched at the name. "She told us to protect Cocoon, and then she turned to crystal. That's the proof right there! She completed her Focus. That must mean ours is to save Cocoon. Serah's fal'Cie was the same as ours, so our tasks have to be the same. We were chosen to be guardians, to defeat Ragnarok! It all makes sense!"
"The hell it does!" Sazh retorted. "You're crazy, son! Pulse fal'Cie are enemies of Cocoon. We just recruited by one of them. If I were a betting man, I'd put us on the other side."
"So Serah's an enemy, too? Well, I don't buy it! We have the power to save Cocoon. If we work together and carry out this Focus-"
Lightning lost it. She swiftly drew her gunblade and held it against Snow's neck, shutting him up right then and there. "Our Focus?" she snapped. "The fal'Cie took Serah from us, and now you want to help it? Whose side are you on?"
Footsteps thundered around them, and the clicking of guns followed. "Freeze!" a soldier commanded. "Place your hands on your heads!"
She was the only one out of the group that do as told. Instead, she turned around to see the man from before, the man they had left behind to watch over Serah's crystal, being held back by the small group of PSICOM soldiers. Their eyes met, and she almost moved to fire her gunblade at the ones that surrounded him. His eyes never left hers, not until Vanille - foolish, naïve Vanille - waved her hands.
"You're all right!" she greeted, smiling until a rifle was pointed directly between her eyes.
The soldier told her to shut up, and Lightning saw that the man, the outsider, or whoever he was, had untied the ropes that had bound him and looked ready to kill the soldier threatening Vanille. But he was smirking, even though he could have been killed without resistance. Lightning nodded to him when he met her silent gaze, and his smirk widened.
"And it was him who stayed with you until the end. Yet you wonder the same as I had, with Velis. When will his end be?"
The dark aura, or magick, continued to leak from Mydia, and Lightning had sat down in front of her as the memories of the past had played in her mind. The others had been silent, for a long time, and had kept their distance. She wondered if they, too, had seen what she had.
"I want the same as you," Lightning said, breaking the silence. "To live forever...with the ones we care about. But, how? How could you just give yourself over to Feolthanos? To that god?"
"I wanted to believe that I wasn't alone," Mydia whimpered. "But he could not hear me. He has grown deaf to such pleas."
Penelo looked up from where she stood close to Vaan. "Deaf to love?" she asked.
"Feolthanos is bound by a magick that gives him eternal life. Free him from it. End this suffering."
Lightning reached to touch the Feol viera's shoulder, but instead she remained still. "You want us to kill him? To kill an Eternal?"
Nodding once, Mydia closed her eyes. "To live without one's anima is not truly living. But you...You are the one to destroy him. Free Velis. Free Serah. Free yourself."
"I'll do what I can, Mydia."
The young Feol viera fell forward into Snow's open arms, slipping into a deep slumber. The ex-soldier hung her head low as Snow stood up, Mydia in his arms.
"All of this is Feolthanos' fault," she stated, her voice cracking slightly. "We have to find him, and get this over with."
"But how?" Penelo wondered, frowning.
"The anima of the fallen will guide us," Llyud stated. "It calls us to the skies above Lemurés."
Everyone began to walk away, though Lightning stayed in place, kneeling on the tiled brick floor. Her empty eyes moved to the side when she heard Balthier walking up behind her. How long would he wait if she refused to leave? If she refused to let time go on?
"What she showed us..." he started to say, but she cut him off.
"I've never understood how similar I am to Mydia and Feolthanos," she whispered. "Now...It all makes sense. This drive to save Serah, Velis, Ragnarok, and you...It'll be the end of me, won't it?"
"If we kill Feolthanos. That's the key to help you, isn't it?"
Lightning shook her head. "There are others who need to be saved. I won't be selfish. They need to be free. I don't." She slowly pushed herself up, facing Balthier. She only realized then how tired, how withered and frail he was beginning to look, even though it had only been three years in his time. "I can deal with living forever as long as I have you at my side, Balthier."
"There will be a time when I'll be forced to part ways with you. We...we can't change that, Light."
"Can we?"
She brushed past him, leaving Balthier to follow in silence. And that, they knew, was how it would end. And nothing, not a damn thing in the world, could change that.
This was longer than I expected. And yup. I changed the Revenant Wings canon storyline again. Mydia liiiiveeessss...
