Chapter Eight: Family
Addison reached to the back of her dress and swiftly and deftly pulled up the zip, making a seemingly difficult manoeuvre seem nothing more than the daily occurrence it was. She stopped for a second and looked at herself in the full length mirror, her hand slowly moved to her stomach as she thought about what the day held in store for her, today was the day; today was the day she became a mom. She quickly removed her hands from her stomach and shook her head, she knew better than to get her hopes up, better than to hope at all. It may not work, she reminded herself, as she slipped her feet into a pair of her favourite heels. She felt a pounding sensation pulse through her head as she sat down, she put it down to nerves, to anticipation, to wanting today, more than any other day, to turn out well. After slipping into her shoes she moved across to her bedside table and took a packet of painkillers from the draw, after popping the pill through its foil enclosure she chased it down with a gulp of water and headed out to start the day she knew could change her life forever, that she hoped would change her life forever.
"Now Naomi's gone does that mean I get to be your birthing partner?" Amelia asked between mouthfuls of the salad she was consuming "I've always quite liked the look of those pre-natal classes" she added with a smile.
"You'd better be there" Addison replied with a smile "I'm not going to those on my own with all the couples looking at me with sympathy in their eyes" her voice carried a hint of humour.
"We can be lesbian lovers" Amelia said in a mock suggestive voice.
"If we were lesbian lovers it'd be you having the baby Amelia" Addison said with a smile "seeing as you're young and fertile"
"Addie…" Amelia chastised her friend for her negative thoughts, all be them a joke "you're going to be a great mom" she said seriously. "Not as good an aunt as I'll be though" Amelia said with a mischievous glint in her eye.
Addison couldn't help but smile as she thought of Amelia playing 'aunt', despite the fact that Amelia had made some odd decisions in the past and had a reputation for being somewhat less than sensible, Addison knew she would love her baby and wouldn't do anything to hurt it.
"You'll be a great aunt" Addison smiled as she took a sip of her coffee, her headache was back again and she hoped the coffee would go some way to lessening its effects.
"Just as long as you're sure Addie, I mean it's a big step, a big commitment and doing it on your own, being a single parent it isn't going to be easy and…." Amelia began.
"Amelia, I know what I'm letting myself in for" Addison smiled, thankful for her friend's concern "I want this, I've always wanted this and, no, it isn't the way I imagined but very little is"
"As long as you know you're not alone," Amelia said softly as she touched Addison's hand across the table "we're all a family, right?" Amelia said, lightening the mood as she removed her hand from Addison's.
"We're family" Addison smiled in reply.
"What are you doing tonight Coop?" Charlotte asked as she walked into Cooper's office, unannounced.
"Why don't you tell me" Cooper said, a flirtatious smile spreading across his face as he wondered what his wife had in store for him.
"Ok," Charlotte said directly "you're going for a drink with Sam."
"Not what I was expecting" Cooper responded dryly.
"What were you expecting Copper?" Charlotte asked, enjoying teasing Cooper.
"Something more…." Cooper searched for the words to explain what he had envisaged "private"
"Well, it will just be you and Sam" Charlotte said, deliberately not understanding what Cooper was saying "private enough for ya'?" Charlotte smiled.
"Hmmm" Cooper replied as he smiled at Charlotte "and you are arranging my social life for me because?" Cooper asked as he moved towards his desk.
"because" Charlotte explained "Sam has had a hard week, Maya and Naomi preparing to leave and well, Addison's appointment this afternoon. He will need a friend"
"Is that this afternoon?" Cooper asked, annoyed with himself for having forgotten and not offering his friend support sooner.
"4:00 I think" Charlotte responded.
"Ok," Cooper replied, understanding Charlotte's reasons for wanting him to take Sam out, to be his friend and be there for him. "I'll ask him."
Cooper found Sam in his office, engrossed in his computer screen. He couldn't help but notice that Sam looked tired and drained, he looked at his friend and felt a pang of guilt in his heart as he realised how distant they'd been, that he barely knew about what had happened between Sam and Addison.
"Hey Sam" Cooper's voice startled Sam and he pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose and lifted his head to look at Copper.
"Hey Coop" he said sleepily.
"You look like you could do with a beer" Cooper said truthfully.
"I don't really feel like…" Sam began to protest.
"One beer Sam, with a friend and then I will drive you home myself so you can sit at home alone and feel sorry for yourself." Cooper said as he tried to rally his friend.
"One beer" Sam responded with a sigh.
"Great" Cooper smiled "Meet you about 6.30?"
"Sure" Sam smiled, grateful for what his friend was trying to do, for the support he was offering.
"No, that's fine" Addison said as she pressed her phone to her ear "I understand" she continued "7 is fine. Ok. Thank you Dr Vermesh." Addison said politely and as she ended the call and placed the phone on the passenger seat beside her. She sighed as she thought about how long she'd had to wait for this day, for the elusive 'right time' – a wait made longer by the fact that Dr Vermesh had been held up in a surgery and had been forced to push her appointment back to 7 o'clock. Addison took a deep breath and smiled as she took the keys out the ignition of her car and double checked the address of the house visit she was on, sure she'd got the right address she left the car and headed over to the house – a few hours more made very little difference to a lifetime of waiting.
"Bars really aren't the same once you're married" Cooper said with a smile as he placed two bottles of beer on the table he and Sam were sat at.
"Lots of things aren't the same when you're married Coop" Sam replied with a smile as he picked up the bottle and took a short swig.
"No," Cooper agreed with a smile "but it's the things that matter that endure Sam, the things that are there regardless of a ring and a wedding service. The things that are there because you love each other" Copper's voice grew more serious as he welcomed the chance to talk to his friend in a way that he had not had the opportunity to in a while.
"Love endures" Sam agreed with a nod "but love and marriage aren't the same thing. Marriage takes work and sometimes that work, that effort, it kills the love, or at least it causes it to get lost in the pain."
"Is that how it was for you and Naomi?" Cooper asked as he sipped his drink "making it work took so much effort that you didn't have time to love each other?" Cooper had never spoken to Sam so frankly about his relationship with Naomi but now he was in a place where he could understand what Sam had been through.
Sam shook his head as he swallowed a large mouthful of beer "No. With Nai and me the love went first, we grew up, we grew apart and the love we once had wasn't there anymore, not in the way we needed it to be to keep each other happy. The only difference was that I, perhaps selfishly, didn't want to try to make the effort, I knew how I felt and I knew that without love there was no point us being together, that it would be wrong for us to be together."
"But you did love her once?" Cooper asked, looking for assurance "when you guys got together you loved each other?"
"We loved each other," Sam said definitely "and we worked so well together, we fitted, we understood each other and we created so much good together; Maya, the Practice."
"and now?" Cooper asked, like a small boy enthralled in a story, hoping for a happy ending.
"and now it's all gone" Sam said simply as he swigged his beer "now Naomi is going to Africa and Maya is leaving for college and I'm still here, still the sam, except this time I'm alone."
"You're not alone Sam," Cooper said with a laugh as he tried to downplay the emotion filled atmosphere between them. "we're all still here too."
"Hmm" Sam responded as he too tried to alleviate the heady atmosphere between them.
"Ok," Cooper said as he straightened himself in his seat and cleared his throat "ok Sam, we're here, we're pouring our hearts out like a pair of girls so I'm just going to come right and talk about it. Addison's insemination was today."
"Yep" Sam's light tone did little mask his real feelings.
"I know I've not exactly been the greatest friend since everything with Charlotte," Cooper apologised "and I don't know exactly what has happened between you two but you risked so much Sam, you and Addison risked so much to be together and now…."
"and now Addison is having another man's baby" Sam finished Cooper's sentence for him. "Addison wants a baby and I…." Sam looked to his feet as he faltered.
"You what Sam?" Cooper questioned, feeling that his friend was holding back "You what? You don't want another child? You don't want Addison? What?" Copper pushed.
"I'm scared" Sam said coldly "I'm scared."
"Of commitment?" Cooper felt he was getting closer to the root of the problem Sam was struggling with but he knew there was more to his friend's feelings than he understood.
"Of watching the seconds crawl by, of pacing the hallway wishing I could turn back time, of wanting to do more, of feeling helpless, of knowing that in a second everything could change, that everything could be broken" Sam's words flowed with anger and frustration.
"Maya," Cooper said simply as if he had just cracked a riddle "this is about what happened to Maya, about the accident."
"It's about every accident Maya ever had, it's about every time Olivia has a cold or cries in the night" Sam's voice showed the torment his mind was struggling with.
"Sam, what happened to Maya was terrible, what happened to Dell was terrible but you can't let it stop you living your life." Cooper explained softly.
"Addison is so excited about being a parent," Sam explained "since we were in med school she has wanted a child and she has always been waiting for the right time, for the right man. She deserves the right man."
"You are the right man Sam" Cooper said sincerely.
"Addison needs support and assurance" Sam stated "not indecision and confusion and anxiety. Every time our child went out I'd be worried about the phone ringing, about it all happening again."
"and you didn't do that with Maya?" Cooper questioned although he already knew the answer "of course you did Sam" he answered his question without giving Sam the chance to respond "you worry because you're a good parent Sam, not a bad one."
"I just don't know if I can do it Cooper, Addison wants a baby so badly and I know just getting pregnant is going to be challenge and I don't know if I can sit and watch people I love being hurt anymore." Sam felt relieved to finally be sharing his feelings with someone else.
"Then don't watch Sam, be there, support her, love her" Cooper urged.
Sam exhaled deeply as the relief he felt was replaced by renewed pain. "It's too late" he said solemnly.
"Sam do you love her?" Cooper said in a hard voice as he tried to talk sense into his friend.
"Yes" Sam replied.
"Then it's not too late," Cooper stated.
Sam looked at his watch; 9.00pm – Addison would be pregnant by now, she'd be carrying another man's child.
"The insemination doesn't matter Sam," Cooper said as he read the expression on Sam's face "parenting isn't about genes, you know that."
Sam nodded, understanding what Cooper was saying – parenting was about love not biology. He had confronted his daemons, he had finally admitted the reason he had pushed Addison away, the reason he had lost the best thing in his life. He needed to talk to her, to tell her how he felt, that he was ready to be there for her, for her and her child, their child, their family.
"Come on," Cooper said grabbing his jacket "let's get you a cab, you've got some talking to do."
"I have," Sam said taking a deep breath. "Thanks Coop" Sam smiled as he put a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Enough of the girly stuff Bennet," Cooper smiled as they walked towards the door "you'll have me carrying your handbag next."
Sam laughed at his friend's joke, no matter what they had been through, no matter what happened at the Practice he knew he could always rely on his friends; on his family.
