A/N Sorry this chapter took so long…. I finally figured out how to get around my writers block with the battle, I decided to write around it…..you'll see what I mean….


Harry was sitting by himself in a compartment aboard the Hogwarts Express with more emotions coursing through him than he would have thought possible. Most, he could account for, others he could not.

His fear, anxiety, frustration, and annoyance were all caused by the battle that he knew had taken place that morning, but that he did not know the outcome of.

That night, a few weeks ago at the Order meeting, when he announced that the Death Eaters were planning to ambush them when they were on their way to Kings Cross, plans were immediately made to keep Harry away from the battle. In Harry's dream the Death Eaters all appeared at once and started shooting curses simultaneously at him. Shacklebolts, Lupin and Ginny had all been killed in the crossfire trying to protect him.

To prevent this, a plan was made for Hermione, Ron, Harry and Ginny to take a portkey directly to platform 9 ¾ to keep them out of the battle and to keep them safe. Meanwhile Tonks would transform herself to look like Harry so she and the rest of the Order could continue with the original plan. That way they would have the upper hand in that they would know exactly where and when the attack would take place.

Harry was happy to have his friends out of harms way, especially Ginny who had become his rock and couldn't imagine loosing, but he wanted to stay with the rest of the Order and help fight. He protested the new plan quite noisily until Dumbledore pulled him aside and told him that they couldn't risk losing him and they needed him to get to Hogwarts in one piece. Finally Harry agreed, but he wasn't happy about it. In the end he knew Dumbledore was right, it wasn't his time yet. Harry knew that when it was his time, there would be nothing that anybody could do to keep him away.

Still, he was frustrated that he felt useless and helpless, trapped on a train not knowing what happened until he got to Hogwarts and had the meeting with Dumbledore he had arranged to have this evening.

But those were all emotions that he understood and could deal with. It was the feelings of abandonment and jealousy that he couldn't understand.

He didn't feel abandoned by Ron and Hermione, even though he was currently alone in the compartment. He knew that they had to go to the Prefect meeting and that didn't bother him, he knew they had to go and was expecting it. It was Ginny he felt abandoned by.

He leaned his forehead against the cool glass and watched the countryside go by as he recalled the scene that had transpired not even an hour ago. Ginny had been reassuring him that everything would be fine when Dean had called out her name. He had watched her face light up, heard her call a quick 'see you later,' and watched her trot into the waiting arms of her boyfriend. He also watched as she was greeted by all of her friends and as she got on the train to find a place to sit with them, before she too hurried of to the Prefect meeting.

He felt dumb for forgetting over the summer that she had other friends. The only reason that he had her all to himself over the summer was that she was a captive audience, the simple fact was, there wasn't anybody else to be with. Now that they were going back to school, he would have to share her and not just with her friends, but with her boyfriend and he was jealous.

He wasn't sure quite how to handle this and he realized just how dependent he had become on her over the summer. It was Ginny that brought him back into the world when he was ready to leave itt. It was to Ginny that he had had entrusted his feelings and secrets to. It was Ginny that knocked some sense into Ron and Hermione when they had freaked out when Harry told them about the prophecy after the Order meeting that night. And it was Ginny that he had laughed, talked, joked, and just hung out with all summer, especially since Ron and Hermione had become an official couple and required lots of alone time.

Harry knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't help feeling as if had just lost one of his best friends. This, combined with his worry over the attack, had succeeded in making him thoroughly depressed. He was sitting there staring out the window being mad at Ginny and being mad at himself for being mad at Ginny who hadn't done anything for him to be mad at, when Ron and Hermione finally came into the compartment.

"I just want to hurt Malfoy sometimes. You would think that he would be a little less arrogant now that his father is in Azkaban," Hermione vented as she sat down across from Harry.

"Malfoy will never change, he will always be a wanker," Ron said as he sat next to his girlfriend.

The duo shared a concerned glance regarding Harry, who had yet to acknowledge their arrival.

"Everyone is going to be fine Harry and Dumbledore promised to tell you everything that happened right after the feast," Hermione tried to comfort him, miscalculating the larger cause for his moodiness.

"So Harry, Colin Creevey was made the other Gryffindor Prefect along with Ginny," Ron informed him trying to engage him in lighter conversation.

At the mention of Ginny's name he gave an odd sort of grunt/grumble, gave Ron a pained look and went back to staring out the window. Ron and Hermione didn't know what to make of this and after a few moments of silent conversing with each other, they decided to leave him alone.

Before Harry realized what was happening the far away rumblings and the gentle rockings of the train had lured him to sleep.

The next thing he knew, he was back at the park in Little Whinging. His friends were there, but they were all dressed in weird costumes. Hermione was dressed up as Little Miss Muffet and Ron was dressed as a spider, but every time he saw himself he started screaming until Hermione slapped him across the face which seemed to calm him down. Luna was dressed as Little Bo Peep and Neville was dressed as her sheep. Ginny was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood and Dean was the Big Bad Wolf. Luna and Neville were playing on the seesaw and the others were jump roping.

"Why are you dressed like that Harry, is it a costume of some kind?" Ron asked.

Harry looked down at himself, he didn't understand what Ron meant he was just wearing his school robes.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

SMACK

"Thanks Mionemers."

"It's alright Ronalopagus. Really though Harry, you should consider putting on some proper clothes, you look a little silly."

Harry wanted to tell them that they were the ones who looked silly, but when he opened his mouth he found he had no voice.

"Speaking of clothes Ginnilicious, red really isn't your color," Dean said while he twirled one end of the jump rope.

"I know," Ginny sighed as she twirled the other end of the rope, "red heads look better in green, this red clashes with my hair." Ginny snapped her fingers with her freehand and suddenly she was wearing green. "There much better, but now I'm Little Green Riding Hood."

Everybody started laughing as if it was the funniest they had ever heard. Ron was laughing so hard that he was bending over and grabbing his stomach which unfortunately gave him a great view of himself.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

SMACK

"Thanks."

"Welcome."

"Come play with us Harry, you do know how to jump rope don't you?" Ginny asked him.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Harry tried to join them but when he looked at his feet ha saw he had sunk into the sand and was trapped.

"Come on Harry," Luna said in a voice very unlike her usual dreamy self. "You really should play with us, people are starting to talk."

Neville nodded solemnly, "Yes Harry, especially after what you did and what you are going to do. You should really try to act like you're normal and hide what you are."

They all continued to stare at him, waiting for him to join them.

"Fine, but don't say we didn't invite you," Dean said as he took Ginny's hand and started to lead her into the woods, everyone else following them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

SMACK

"Thank you."

As Harry watched them disappear into the woods, the world around him started dissolve like an oil painting splashed with turpentine. As the world reformed he was happy to note that he was no longer stuck in the ground. After a quick glance around he recognized his surroundings as St. Mungos, the calander on the wall told him it was the 3rd. At the other end of the otherwise empty ward, he saw a man who seemed to be keeping vigil over someone.

He shuffled closer to the bed and gasped when he saw the man was Lupin and he was watching over an unconscious Tonks. Harry watched as her eyes suddenly fluttered open and Lupin gave an excited little cry and knelt down to kiss her.

Before he could process this the room started to spin and his location changed again.

"You have failed me again. You were supposed to capture Potter, but he wasn't even there, instead you imbeciles got Pettigrew and Goyle captured. Dumbledore's peons knew you were coming and I want to know HOW!" Voldemort boomed over his Death Eaters.

"It wont happen again my Lord, next time we will not fail. We will capture Potter for you," Bellatrix groveled at his feet.

"You better hope you do, because all other plans suspended until the Potter nuisance is eliminated, taking out the boy is the number one priority and I have a plan and if you fail me again, I will not be this forgiving," Voldemort said dangerously.

Harry's scar started to burn as he listened to the sordid details. Suddenly he felt the floor give out from under him and he fell into another scene. As soon as he hit the ground his head exploded with pain. He looked up and saw himself facing Voldemort, both of them surrounded by a ring of Death Eaters. Harry knew what was going on, he knew that this was it, he knew it was the Final Battle.

He watched himself muttering something and wanted to know why he was just standing there, he didn't even have his wand out.

Voldemort raised his wand, but when he opened his mouth to speak it was Ron's voice that came out.

"Harry! Harry, wake up mate, you're dreaming."

Harry slowly opened his eyes and saw that he was on the floor and Ron and Hermione were standing over him, both looking concerned. He tried to sit up, but had to quickly lay back down as his stomach turned, his head felt it was going to split down the middle, and the whole room was spinning.

After a few deep breaths, he managed to croak out a weak, "What happened?"

"I don't know mate, you fell asleep and you were having a nightmare, you started screaming something awful and you fell onto the floor," Ron explained.

Harry was quiet for a moment as his dreams came back to him. i Scary park…Neville in a sheep outfit…Hermione in ruffles…Angry Voldemort…Pain….Really angry Voldemort… /i Harry gasped.

"Damn it Ron! Why did you have to wake me up? You're so thick sometimes!" Harry yelled jumping to his feet. He quickly regretted the quick movement as it made his head spin and his stomach drop and it took all of the self control he possessed to keep himself from being sick right then and there.

"We were concerned Harry, we were just trying to help," Hermione said obviously trying to keep her cool.

"Sure and the happy little couple can just back each other up, forget about the damage he might have just done by waking me."

"That's not fair Harry," Hermione said dangerously quiet.

"I need some air," Harry said as he strode from the compartment.

He made his way down the aisle briefly peering into windows as he went. He paused when he saw Ginny and her friends. The compartment was more then full with Ginny, Dean, Seamus, Luna, Neville, and a few other 5th year girls that Harry didn't know. He watched as Ginny told them a story that had them all in stitches, her legs were laying across her boyfriends lap and Dean's hand was resting on her left foot.

But he doesn't know about the scar she has and he wasn't there to help her she got it, Harry thought bitterly. Tonks had offered to heal the scar she got when she jumped out of the tree but Ginny insisted on keeping it as evidence of her "warrior wound."

A large part of him would have given anything at that moment to be able to be in there laughing with everyone else, instead of outside reeling with the new knowledge he had gained from his latest dream.

Of course Ginny is not going to want to hang out with me now that we are going back to school, Harry thought gloomily. She was probably just hanging out with me because she felt bad for me that I didn't have anyone else to hangout with, Well she wont have to hang out with me anymore because she shouldn't have to. My problems aren't her problems, I'm just being selfish. Come on Harry, he coached himself I made it through five years without her, I'll be fine. Besides she has her OWLS this year she doesn't need to be burdened by my issues too. If she had been in the compartment with us I probably would have yelled at her too. She is definitely better off where she is. And with that he decided that he was going to let Ginny live her life and stay out of her way.

Harry sighed and continued his way back up the corridor unaware that Ginny looked up, sensing his presence, the second he had moved out of sight. When he finally made it down to the loo he locked himself in and scrutinized his appearance in the mirror. He was pale and clammy with his scar standing out in a bright red against his ashen face.

He splashed some cold water on his face and neck and after a minute his heart rate slowed to normal and his head stopped throbbing enough for him to realize that he had just made an ass of himself. As he walked slowly back to the compartment he knew he was going to have to apologize for biting his friends heads off when he knew they were just trying to help.

"Jezz guys, I'm already nauseous, do you have to do that everywhere?" Harry asked a making out Ron and Hermione, who jumped apart the second he spoke. Even though they had been together for a month, they were still extremely shy about any PDA which meant that they both were embarrassed every time Harry and Ginny walked in on them over the summer. The first couple times Harry and Ginny interupted had been an accident, but then it soon became a game.

"If you were doing that while I was sleeping, maybe that's what gave me the nightmares," Harry tried to joke.

Ron and Hermione just glared at him.

"Look, I'm sorry I was a prat and yelled at you guys. I didn't mean what I said and you guys didn't deserve it, I know you were only trying to help. It's just I woke up really feeling sick and I really kind of needed to see the way that dream ended but you guys didn't know that. So I'm sorry again and I hope you forgive me."

"Its alright mate," Ron forgave quickly. He was just grateful that he wasn't going to have to have some long prolonged fight.

Hermione nodded in agreement with Ron, "But what did you dream about?"

A shadow passed over Harry's countenance, "I don't really want to talk about it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry felt as if the sorting had lasted forever and for the first time he couldn't wait for the start of term feast to end. All he could do was pick at his food and wait until they were dismissed so that he could have his meeting with Dumbledore. Finally after seemed like an eternity the prefects stood and called for the first years to follow them back to the Dorms.

"The new password is pickled cabbage," Hermione whispered into his ear before she wrangled a couple first years.

Harry remained seated as the Great Hall started to clear. It wasn't until the hall was almost empty and Dumbledore finally motioned to him, that he rose to follow his Headmaster in silence to his office.

It wasn't until they reached his office and the door was locked that Dumbledore turned and looked the young man in the eye. Harry was disheartened to see the absence of the usual sparkle behind the wire framed spectacles, he feared that this meant that Tonks was not the only casualty of the battle.

"I want you to know that with the information you supplied, we were able to apprehend both Pettigrew and Goyle…"

The voice in Harry's head was screaming at the elder wizard to tell him something he didn't know but he managed to keep this impulse in check and waited for Dumbledore to reveal the information in his own time.

"…and with Pettigrew in custody, I hope that we will soon be able to clear Sirius's name. Unfortunately though, Nymphadora was critically injured during the battle and remains unconscious at St. Mungos-"

"Was anybody else hurt?" Harry demanded to know.

"There are some cuts and bruises, but nothing critical."

"Oh thank gods," Harry sighed collapsing into a chair, relief flooding over him that he had not caused another friends death.

"But I must warn you Harry, that the Healers don't know when or even if she will wake," Dumbledore reiterated gravely, unsure why Harry was taking the news so lightly.

"Oh she'll be fine, she'll wake up in a couple of days, Wednesday to be exact." Harry saw the inquiring glance that the Headmaster was giving him. "I feel asleep on the train and I dreamt it. And I think there might be something going on between her and Lupin."

Dumbledore smiled for the first time all day, glad to hear Harry's new, "Yes, I suspected something might be going on there." However the smile quickly melted off his face when he saw the boys face turn suddenly serious once more. "What is it Harry?"

"Voldemort is already planning his next move and this time its going to be big, he is coming for me and it's going to be the end."

"Did you dream the Final Battle Harry?"

Harry nodded gravely, "But I didn't get to see how it ended because Ron woke me up."

"Is there a chance that you will dream it again?"

"I don't know, I never have in the past. Professor, from what I saw, it's going to be big and I'm going to be alone. I'm not even close to being prepared, I need to learn everything I can about everything. I have to be ready way sooner than I thought I would have to be."

"Do you know exactly when this is going to transpire?" he asked with an appraising stare.

"No," Harry lied. He didn't want anybody to know, because he was afraid they might interfere or try to change the inevitable. "But Sir, I know that I'm going to need help to be ready in time."

"Of course, I will train you personally if you would please." Harry nodded. "How about three times a week as to not interfere with your Quidditch practices."

"Well I don't know if I will have practices as I have a lifelong ban and even if it is repealed I don't know if I will go back. It just seems like there are more important things to worry about."

"No my boy, although that shows a great deal of maturity and dedication that you will need in the coming months, you need to play, you need the release." Dumbledore suddenly looked very sad and tired. "And Harry, I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For protecting you for too long and not protecting you long enough. Its been a long day Harry, why don't you get some sleep."

Harry knew the conversation was over and nodded his good night as he exited the room. By the time he reached the portrait hole he realized just how tired he was and was eager to crawl into bed.

He was at the bottom of the staircase leading up to the dormitories when he was engulfed by a big hug from Ginny.

"Are you okay Harry?" she whispered in his ear, "Ron told me what happened on the train. Did you maybe want to go somewhere and talk about it?"

Harry broke her embrace and looked at her face, he could see the worry written all over it. He also looked at Dean who was watching them intently as he had been in the middle of a sentence when Ginny had run away when she saw Harry.

"No, I think I'm just going to head off to bed. And anyways I think your boyfriend wants you back," he told her, struggling to keep the contempt from his voice before he turned and walked up the stairs.

Ginny frowned but didn't stop him as she watched him retreat up into his dorm. She continued to watch until she could no longer see him before she returning to Dean to finish their conversation.


A/N and there it is, I hope it was worth the wait….this isn't my favorite chapter but that might just be because it was so hard for me to write so I'm really eager to see what you guys felt about it…..I know it seems like this was a step back for Harry and it was, but that happens to people and even though Ginny helped him grow as a person a lot over the summer, he still has a lot of years of feeling little self worth before that to get over….. So please let me know what you think…..

thanks to everyone that has reviewed...it really means the world to me...

I have about 30 percent of chapter 9 written so the wait for that one shouldn't be nearly as long…..so until next time….Love Always