"Right. I've called this meeting to discuss proper bathroom etiquette." Pausing, Harry waited as a round of stifled laughter filled the room. "If you're all done, I'd like to continue.:
Picking up a stack of papers, he handed them to a staff member and waited as they were all handed out. As everyone looked at the papers, he moved on.
"Number one. Men you are not to be in the women's restroom."
"Does that mean you won't be following Ruth into the ladies every morning?" Zaf throws out to the amusement of his colleagues.
"Right, no men in the women's unless you're there holding your wife's hair back as she's sick," he paused, throwing a smile at his wife's irate face, "or to kill an overly large spider climbing up the wall." Shuddering, he remembered that afternoon as a horde of women came running out of the room screaming. "Moving on. Number two - women ... things are not to be flushed down the toilet, left on the sink, or thrown on the floor. There are trash receptacles provided - please use them."
"Women's things Harry? Really?" Adam asked, laughing at the look on his bosses face. "You're married and you call them women's things?" He stopped as Jo slapped him in the stomach. "Ow - what was that for."
"For being an idiot. You freaked out that time you accidentally pulled a tampon from my desk."
"I can still call them women's toiletries; not women's things."
"Can we continue?" Harry growled, looking around the room. "Right, number three. Women if ... you accidently dispose of bodily fluids on the toilet seats, please wipe them down. Cleaning supplies will be left available to all."
At the chuckle that passed around the room through the men, he pushed on. "Everyone is required to wash their hands thoroughly after using the rest room. That is men and women. The number of complaints received towards this is staggering. Upstairs has informed me that if we receive any more complaints of this nature, the offenders will be sent to a class on proper hygiene."
Shifting slightly, he moved to the final item on the list. "Finally, number five. Men - please refrain from urinating on the floor; we have urinals, use them. If your...aim...is that bad, sit down." Before he could move on, the women in the room started laughing, exacting their revenge from the toilet seat laughter. As it quieted down, he continues. "If you're unable to stand and pee, I suggest you go back to nursery and learn. I'm not your bloody father and I will not be teaching you."
At that, the entire room started laughing, he felt the heat covering his cheeks. This was not what he had wanted to do this morning but the number of complaints about the bathrooms in section D had caused the higher ups to demand he do something about it. As the laughter died down, he decided now was the time to end the meeting.
"Alright, enough. I've been told to tell you that if the issues continue with the loo's new policies will be enforced; starting with a sign out system to use the toilets." At everyone's utter look of disbelief, he finished. "So let's all be adults about this and use the potty correctly, okay?"
With that, he turned and walked back to his office, ignoring the laughter as the grid realized what he had said. Sliding behind his desk chair, he ran a hand over his face. Looking up as he heard his office door slide shut, he saw his wife, the humor behind her eyes. "It's not funny." he said, leaning back in his chair.
Ruth moved across the room and leaned against the side of his desk, a hand resting against her slight bump. "You have to admit, it is. I'm just wondering though, when it comes time to potty train our little one, will you be giving them a list and threatening to send them to nursery?"
AN: Right - I couldn't help it. We've had some issues at work and every time I get an email, I can't help but imagine harry having to talk to the grid about it. That's where this little piece came from.
