AN: Thanks for the reviews! Seriously you guys are awesome! Not much to say so how about we get to the angst, yes? Huge thank you to skyline33 for helping me out. You are my rock :) Mahalkita!
"Why is there blood on your hand?"
"I-I merely slipped when I was climbing the stairs and something sharp cut me. It's not serious, really," Rachel said, hiding her hand behind her back, away from Brittany's prying eye.
The blonde wasn't listening to her, and grabbed her hand to get a better look.
"It's bleeding really badly though," Brittany frowned, "You should put a band aid on it."
Rachel tore her hand away and nodded, "Y-yes that's what I was going to do. So, I'll just go procure a bandage. I appreciate you concern, Brittany, but perhaps you should return to glee."
She forced a smile, her heart thumping from the adrenaline still running through her veins. Brittany still hadn't seen her arms, so there was a chance she could still get out of this.
"Maybe I should come with you," Brittany said, worry still etched on her face.
"No, that won't be necessary. I'll be able to manage," Rachel protested. She was starting to get dizzy, and she desperately wanted the other girl to leave her alone.
Brittany shook her head forcefully and grabbed Rachel's other hand and guided her to the door, "I want to help, and band aids always make me feel better."
Rachel had no choice but let herself be dragged down the hallway to the nurse's office, hoping that once she had gotten there she could somehow ditch Brittany. She had been careless, and now there was a good chance that she was about to get busted. She was still bleeding from the cuts she had made earlier, so if Brittany pushed her sleeve up…
They had barely made it a couple of steps from the auditorium, when a voice rang out from the end of the hallway.
"Where do you think you're going, manhands?"
Not now, Rachel thought desperately, praying that she was hallucinating. No such luck, as Santana came striding toward them. She whimpered and pressed herself against Brittany, wondering if things could get any worse.
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Quinn was convinced that the universe was bent on preventing her from talking to Rachel. She had been a little slow leaving chemistry, and the teacher had singled her out to stay behind and clean up after the titration experiment. So, twenty-two burets later and a couple of near disasters with leftover hydrochloric acid, she was finally making her way to glee.
That was until she heard the shouting coming from the hallway to her right. She recognized the familiar sound of Santana's voice bouncing off the walls, and she quickened her pace, a sense of foreboding descending over her.
"- so stop wallowing in self-pity and get your ass back to glee before I kick it there myself!"
"Santana, stop! You're making her upset!"
Quinn turned the corner and was met with Brittany defending a terrified Rachel from Santana, who was pointing accusingly at the diva. Something inside Quinn snapped, and she felt the anger pouring out of her as she stalked toward Santana.
"Hey knock it off, Lopez!"
Santana turned and put her hands on her hips, regarding Quinn with contempt, "Oh well look who decided to grow a backbone. Nice of you to join the conversation, tubbers."
"I mean it, Santana, stop being such a bitch and leave Rachel alone," Quinn snarled, placing herself squarely between the diva and the angry Latina.
Santana laughed, "Since when have you cared about her? This is between me and Stubbles so keep walking."
The blonde refused to back down, and she fixed her second in command with her patented Fabray glare, "It's not smart to tell your captain what to do, especially when I can make you run suicides until you feet bleed."
"You wouldn't dare," the Latina breathed, trying to call Quinn's bluff.
"Try me," Quinn replied, and Santana could see there was no mercy in those hazel eyes.
With a muttered curse, Santana gave Rachel a final glowering look before stomping back the way she came.
Quinn watched her go before turning her attention to the small girl still holding on to Brittany for dear life.
"Thanks, Q," Brittany said, and Quinn detected sadness in her friend's voice, "San didn't mean it, she's just in a bad mood."
Quinn sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "I feel like she always is. Anyway, what's wrong with Rachel?"
"I'm fine," the brunette insisted, detaching herself from Brittany's side.
She looked anything but fine in Quinn's opinion. Her cheeks were pale white and sunken, and she seemed to be trembling slightly. There was a sense of fragility about her that made Quinn realize just how different Rachel had become.
"She hurt her hand and needs someone to kiss it and make it better. See?" Brittany tried to show Rachel's hand to the blonde, but the singer snatched it away before Quinn could see.
"A-actually I think a band aid will suffice. It's not serious, it's only a scratch," she whimpered.
"Then let me see it," Quinn said impatiently, taking a step forward, but Rachel backed away.
"Don't," she warned clutching her bleeding hand with her other.
"But she wants to help," Brittany frowned.
Rachel whimpered, eyes darting between Brittany and Quinn, "I don't want her help."
"I think you're making a big deal out of nothing," Quinn said, moving forward again to try to reach Rachel.
"No I'm not just stay away!" Rachel half-shouted.
Quinn stopped moving, her eyes fixed on the shaking diva in front of her. This wasn't good; Rachel was panicking now, and if she wasn't careful she knew Rachel would run away again.
"Brittany," the cheerio said calmly, careful not to let her eyes leave the singer's, "go to glee. I'll take care of Rachel."
The other blonde hesitated, but she nodded and turned to go down the same hallway Santana had earlier. Quinn waited until her footsteps had faded to speak again.
"Okay, Rachel. What's going on?" Quinn asked, trying to keep her voice even.
"I -" Rachel's lower lip started to tremble, and her eyes clouded with tears.
Cautiously, Quinn reached out for her hand, hoping against hope Rachel wouldn't refuse. Slowly, Rachel released her grip on her bleeding hand and placed it in the cheerio's. Quinn exhaled in relief, and started studying the cut. It wasn't deep, and there seemed to be more blood than there ought to be. She was about to release her hand, when a dark spot on the arm of Rachel's sweater caught her eye.
"Rachel, what is that?"
She was expecting it. Rachel tensed, and tried to rip her hand from her grasp, but Quinn held on tightly.
Ignoring the singer's protest, Quinn pulled up the sleeve and gasped. Rachel's arm was bleeding badly, worse than her hand. As she pushed the sleeve up higher, Quinn's stomach flipped at the number of gashes carved into Rachel's arms. They stood out, a raw red against the tan skin. Some were lined up in neat rows, but most were jagged and uneven. The farther up Rachel's arm, the more clustered together they were. There was barely any skin that didn't seem to have been cut open.
"Oh god...Rachel," Quinn felt tears spring to her eyes as she looked up at the girl before her.
The brunette let out a whimper, and Quinn somehow knew what was coming. The next thing she knew, she had an armful of Rachel Berry, who was pressed into her and sobbing. Swallowing hard, Quinn allowed her arms to wrap around Rachel's small body, holding her close, but gently. She didn't say anything, letting the smaller girl cry into her shoulder uninterrupted. Something told her this was what Rachel needed, and there was nothing Quinn could say at the moment. Eventually, it grew too difficult to hold Rachel up, and she slowly let the pair of them sink to the floor. She was still cradling Rachel, her head buried in Quinn's shoulder as sobs continued to wrack her body.
Quinn started to awkwardly rub Rachel's back while she held back her own tears. She would have to be the strong one for Rachel. She couldn't cry, she could only hold her.
"It's okay," she found herself whispering, "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."
She leaned her head against Rachel's holding the girl as close to her as possible while rocking gently back and forth. Seeing Rachel so broken was tearing her apart like she hadn't believed possible. She should have done more, she thought bitterly. She shouldn't have stayed away like Rachel wanted. If she had kept pushing, made more of an effort, it wouldn't have come to this.
The diva's sobs had started to subside, but Quinn didn't let go. She held her tighter, trying to communicate that she was willing to stay there as long as Rachel needed her.
"I won't say anything, but please let me help you," she said stroking Rachel's hair to try to calm her down.
"I don't know if I can trust you," Rachel whispered, her head still buried in Quinn's shoulder.
Quinn swallowed hard, "Please give me this chance. I'm not asking you to tell me everything, just stop pushing me away."
Rachel raised her head from her shoulder and looked up into her hazel eyes. The pain reflected in those brown eyes was so raw, that Quinn was tempted to look away.
"I-I don't know," she said, starting to pull away from Quinn's embrace.
"Please, Rachel. You can't go through this alone," the blonde pleaded, the desperation plain on her face as she struggled to keep the smaller girl in her arms.
Rachel stopped her efforts and sighed, shoulders drooping in defeat, "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I want you to realize that I do care about you," Quinn cupped Rachel's cheek and made the singer look into her eyes, "I want to put the past behind us, but only if you're ready to. I want you to see that this," she gestured at Rachel's arm, "isn't the answer."
Rachel took a deep breath, and unconsciously put her head back on Quinn's shoulder. Quinn took that as a good sign, and started stroking her hair again.
"Okay," Rachel mumbled finally, "I'll let you help, but I don't trust you. I can't forgive you for everything that has transpired between us," Quinn gritted her teeth, trying not to let the hurt show, "but I want to. I think I will, I only ask that you be patient with me."
"I will be. I promise," she replied, thankful that Rachel was giving her a chance.
The brunette sighed and again lifted her head, "I'd rather you don't make promises you can't keep, Quinn."
"You think I'll break my promise?" Quinn asked, "Do you really have that little faith in me?"
Rachel shook her head, "It's just..Finn said we would never break up, and well, you saw how that turned out."
"But I'm not Finn," the blonde insisted, a little upset that Rachel would compare her to that thing.
"I'm not saying you are," Rachel said, "but I've found people have a tendency to break promises when it comes to me."
Quinn sensed there was more behind this then Rachel was telling her, but she didn't push the issue.
"Well, I'm not like that," she said confidently.
A little laugh came from Rachel, but to Quinn it sounded more bitter than humorous, "We'll see, Quinn. Now will you let me stand up?"
"Oh, uh yeah," Quinn mumbled sheepishly before letting her arms drop.
Quinn stood up first, and turned around to help Rachel from the floor. Rachel gave her a small smile and their hands stayed connected for a split second longer before they dropped.
"It's only your right arm right?" Quinn blurted out, catching Rachel off guard.
"What?" Rachel's eyebrows furrowed and she tugged the sleeves of her sweater down self-consciously.
Quinn's eyes followed her action and she shifted uncomfortably, "You haven't...done it to you other arm too have you?"
A flash of comprehension dawned on Rachel's face, and she bit her lip, "I'd rather not talk about that right now."
"Just tell me yes or no," Quinn said, already knowing the answer. It was obvious from the way Rachel was acting.
When she didn't get an answer, she sighed and shook her head, "Will you promise me you won't hurt yourself without talking to me first?"
Rachel set her jaw and looked ready to protest, but Quinn cut her off, "I'm not telling you to tell me everything, just don't take what you're feeling out on yourself."
Rachel shook her head, "I can't promise that. It's my way of coping, and I need it."
Quinn restrained herself from arguing with her, curling her hands into fists from the effort it took. When she was certain she wasn't going to yell, she nodded, "You don't have to promise, but will you try?"
Rachel bit her lip, and crossed an arm over her body to hold her wrist, "Yes, I believe I can do that much."
Quinn smiled, "Okay. So are you coming back to glee with me?"
"Not today. I need to process some things, but I am may be willing to accompany you to glee tomorrow," Rachel replied, starting to walk away, before she stopped.
"Quinn?"
"Yeah?"
Rachel turned and wrapped her arms around the cheerleader. Quinn returned the hug, giving the girl a confused look as she pulled away.
"Thank you," the diva said simply.
Quinn blushed slightly, "Anytime, Rachel," she said sincerely.
Rachel tilted her head to the side and smiled, a small, but genuine smile, "I didn't notice before, but it's nice to hear you say my name instead of calling me manhands."
"It was mean for me to call you that," Quinn murmured, shame burning in her face.
"No, you are a cheerleader and I'm a social outcast. I understand the name calling was obligatory," Rachel assured.
"Rachel, that's not - "
"Anyway I'd better go. Goodbye, Quinn."
Rachel turned and walked away, not looking back once at her. The blonde stood unmoving, staring after her long after she had left. When she finally did start to make her way to glee, she could barely see through the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes.
Quinn knows now. Don't expect Rachel to change that much though. It's going to be a lot of small steps forward huge steps back, I'm warning you now. I will do my best to update quickly :) Let me know what you guys think!
