8.

The sun had barely come up yet, but Michelle knew she couldn't delay getting out of bed any longer. She had already hit the snooze button of her alarm for all of five times. It had always astounded her how Steve always managed to sleep through the blaring noise of the alarm clock. His snores infuriated her at times, especially at times like that. Finally getting out of bed, she made her way towards the kitchen for her daily morning cup of strong coffee before attempting to wake Amy up for school. The dark silhouette slumped onto the kitchen table almost made her jump. The empty bottles littering the kitchen were enough of a reminder as to who the shadow before her belonged to. She tiptoed quietly around the house hoping not to disturb Carla. It was only when Amy was up and dressed for school that Michelle tried to gently wake her up.

"Hey love," she told her gently in a hushed voice, "why don't you go up to Amy's room. I'm sure the bed's more comfortable than this table."

Carla looked at her through half opened eyes trying to remember where she was.

"I'm sure your neck and back will thank you," Michelle continued, as she ushered an exhausted Carla upstairs. It hadn't been long since she had dropped asleep on the table, and the lack of sleep, along with the effect of the previous night's alcohol consumption, was catching up on her. At the back of her mind she felt as though there was someplace else she had to be, but right at that moment she was too dead beat to try and think of what and where it was. She was all too happy to let it all be and escape the life and pain she dreaded to wake up to.

An hour later, with Carla still asleep and Steve and Liz out of the way, Michelle sat with Rob in the same place Carla had previously fallen asleep in, with another coffee in her hand.

"Don't worry," he started, "He's still alive as far as I know. Not that it'd surprise me if he wasn't. He was so sloshed by the time I got there."

"You're telling me you never laid a finger on him?" Michelle asked, her brow furrowing.

"Well I might have given him a slight thumping. I didn't draw up any blood though. Mind you, I doubt he'll remember who it even was", he said. "He's pathetic. You know, I could never understand what she saw in him. She's well shot of him."

Michelle rolled her eyes. "She doesn't see it like that though, does she?"

"Oh but she should. He's not even worth her tears. I hadn't seen her break down like that in ages, and even then, even when she was still a kid, she wouldn't let anyone see her like that."

"That's our Carla ay? She pretends she's tough. She lets you believe she's fine but she's no different than any of us. She just hides it well."

"She had to learn to do that didn't she?" he said, as his mind drifted back to another time; a time which he had long since visited.

Half an hour before lessons started, Carla was still lingering around the pigsty they called home in her worn out tracksuit bottoms that barely came down to her ankles, and a dirty flannel sweater which she used as pyjamas. Whilst lying in bed she had hoped her mum would be too tired, too high, or too hangover to care whether or not her nine year old had went to school.

Rob was growing impatient. "When are we leaving Carla?" he asked his sister.

Sharon chose that moment to walk in. She had been slouching around, her eyes barely open, as she dragged herself towards the kitchen, but upon seeing her children her eyelids quickly vanished into the crease around her open eyes, as they flew wide open. "What are you still doing here?" she shouted at Carla. "What do you think you're playing at?"

"I'm not feeling well," Carla lied. She let out a well perfected fake cough even though she knew that the previous times she had tried it on in order to try and bunk off school her mother had managed to see through it.

"Go and get dressed," Sharon yelled. "And hurry," she continued.

Ten minutes later Carla was being dragged by her arm to school. "I don't need this," her mum grumbled. "We'll have social behind our doors if you don't stop this attitude! Do you want to be carted off to some stranger's family? Because that's what will happen, young missy if you keep this up."

Even though Carla wouldn't admit it to her mother's face, she didn't think that would be such a horrible idea. "A different family might mean a new beginning," she thought. "I could have a chance at fitting in." As they approached the school, the faces she could see looking menacingly at her through the school gates only confirmed what she had been thinking. That said it scared her to even think of being separated from her little brother.

"Come on let me see a big smile," their mother said as they approached the school, before ushering them forward towards the gates.

If at home Carla had feigned she was feeling ill, at lunchtime her stomach was in her mouth. Even though during class her tummy had started grumbling mercilessly, which had quickly led to sniggering and disparaging comments, as she stared at the food in front of her, her appetite had vanished completely.

She lingered in class for as long as she could, until her teacher told her to scatter off into the foreboding playground. As she sauntered forward, a number of heads turned to watch her. Feeling the burn of their gaze, she slowly tried to creep away heading back inside aiming towards the restroom. Half way there, her passage was suddenly blocked.

From the corner of his eyes, Rob could see his sister behind a couple of girls from her year and that above her. He halted upon noting the sad gleam in her eyes.

"Come on Rob," one of his friends called out. He was about to give into a sprint when he saw Carla stumble backwards as one of the girls slammed her hands hard at her chest pushing her backwards. At just six years he couldn't understand what was going on. He'd seen a fair load of violence around the area they lived in, but he was still new to what was transpiring in front of his eyes and he couldn't quite join the two acts.

As Carla received another hard push backwards, she noted Rob gaping at the scene in front of him. She looked over her tormentors straight at him and tried to feign her best smile. He was the one person who she truly cared for, and she wished with all her heart that she could protect him from the ghastliness of the world that surrounded them. He returned her smile with a heart warming sweet beam that lightened up his face. Carla's smile had put his mind to rest and thinking it was just a game he quickly ran off after his friends.

"What are you smiling about you idiot?" one of them suddenly asked wiping Carla's smile off her face.

"Loony," another one yelled from behind her.

"Do you like being pushed?" another voice taunted, which was quickly met with a burst of laughter from the others that surrounded her. With that, another pair of hands slammed right through her body. Each slam was sucking her breath out of her chest, making her jump as she stumbled in the direction of the push struggling to keep her balance.

"Do you think it's funny?" someone else asked.

"She's gone mute," another piped up.

Carla's eyes travelled from one face to another. She felt small, powerless and inferior. From bitter experience she had learnt that it was better to bottle it all up inside.

Another push sent her slamming straight into the concrete wall. As they continued taunting and name calling, she could feel a bruise forming on the shoulder that had taken the last line of fire of their shoves. As they tired of competing between themselves on who threw the most hurtful, and most original adjectives, they shifted their last attack onto her legs, which soon sported two purple bruises.

Rob shifted his attention back to Michelle. "I used to look up to her. I could never understand where she got her strength from, but one day after the latest bust up... some people our parents owed had ransacked the house, her room included. They had burst into her room, breaking down the lock of her door. Her door couldn't be shut properly then, and I could hear her sobs from the corridor. Once I became aware of it, my ears became tuned to it, and I could hear her, day in day out," he told her as he recalled past memories. "She'd pretend everything was fine, but as her smiles grew bigger, so did her tears. Each shove, each betrayal, each hurtful comment, each broken expectation served as another block to the growing barriers she was building around her."

As the days of her last year at elementary school approached, Carla was hopeful that this year would be better than previous years. A number of the girls who had taken up bullying her as their hobby had now moved to secondary school, and as the number of her tormentors decreased she grew hopeful that so would the hate and the disparaging comments towards her.

Over the summer holidays a new family had moved into their area. She had first spotted them unloading their van whilst she was on her grocery run. That morning, her mum hadn't budged when she had tried to wake her up, and her dad hadn't made it home in the last three days. Previously, Rob's small fingers had poked her in her sides waking her up from her comforting dreams. As she turned round to face him, she could hear his tummy grumbling.

"There's nothing to eat," he had said in his whiney voice.

She lied on her side, with her head on her pillow, looking at her brother's adorable little face, as her lips curled to one side, forming a little dimple on her right cheek. She lifted a hand to his face and stroked his cheek tenderly. At just ten years of age, she was more of a mother figure to him than their own mother. Even though there were times their mother tried, and she'd never intentionally put them in harm's way, many-a-days her vices and addictions got the better of her and she'd often forget about the two children who still yearned for an ounce of love and care. It was her brother's innocent face that had got Carla out of bed and got her trudging through the drizzling rain to the nearest grocery store in a bid for some food.

She had paused to look around as they carried one box after another into the building that was two streets behind theirs. Each street made a huge difference around their area. A quick glance at the houses and apartments in the streets made it clear to any passersby. The differences could be clearly seen. Even though that street was still part of the rough estate Carla had grown up in, the lack of graffiti and broken windows contrasted with the houses in Carla's street, and the people living there often prided themselves and looked superiorly over those who were unfortunate enough to live in the streets behind them.

As Carla looked on, a girl of around her same age had come out of the house and ran to the van to help out. As she picked up a small box, she noted Carla and gave her a shy smile before skipping back inside.

It wasn't long before the two girls started hanging around together. Louisa was more timid than Carla who put on different airs when outside the school gates. Being the new girl in town, often brought Louisa unwanted attention. Her cumbersome curly copper-coloured hair didn't help.

"Watch out for the fiery witch," the boys in the corner laughed as Carla and Louisa approached them.

"Ignore them silly berks," Carla muttered.

"Hey carrot top," they continued, as they got up and headed towards them.

Having grown used to this behaviour, Carla continued walking before realising that Louisa had halted in her steps. Carla knew the boys would feed off Louisa's fears. She gently held her friend's hand in her own, and tried to get her to move.

"Oh back off Marc," Carla uttered, as they laughed at her and moved closer to them.

"You don't want to be seen with the likes of people like her Carla," Marc replied.

"What would they think if they saw you with Goldilocks here, ay?" another voice sniggered.

Carla raised her eyebrows at that comment. "Oh you're one to talk ain't you? Hanging around with Baldilocks here," she said as she raised her head in Marc's direction.

"Watch your mouth," the same voice piped up again, this time in a gruff tone spitting in her face.

That incident had brought about a series of back lashing from the boys. Knowing what it felt like to be constantly under attack, Carla made it her mission to defend Louisa. Having grown up around them, their taunting and teasing didn't bother her or affect her as much as the ones at school did. Besides, the boys' taunts and teasing were rarely directed at her, and their glares and words weren't as malicious and hurtful as those she received at school.

However, although she had tried to hide it, her heart had thudded mercilessly in her chest when they had backed her into a fence and warned her off as they tried to save face in front of a group of their friends. Her retorts sometimes got her into trouble, as in moments like this. They had held her roughly by her shirt as her feet dangled below her. "Isn't your puppy with you today?" they had asked before letting her go.

By the time summer came to an end Louisa had started warming up to them, and their comments eventually ceased. Knowing that Louisa was set to be in her class, made the idea of going back to school less daunting. For once, she wasn't spending each night and morning dreading school, and two weeks in, Carla had started hoping that for once her wishes had been granted. Apart from the occasional comments which she tried her best to ignore, those two weeks hadn't been so bad. She wasn't waking up with new bruises or ending the day in tears.

Rob had noted the change. As summer had come to a close and the school days had approached, he had grown apprehensive for his sister. But in the past two weeks, the minute they met after school was let out he had been greeted with her biggest most genuine smiles. Her eyes had that twinkle he had missed.

As another week approached its end, Rob waited for Carla and Louisa by the gates. His lips curled upwards as he saw his sister. He was surprised when he didn't see Louisa, and quickly looked up at Carla. As he was about to question her, he noted the washed up look on Carla's face. She forced on a smile for his sake, and as he took her hand he noted that the distant look in Carla's eyes had returned. They walked home in silence. When they passed by Louisa's house, he noted how her breathing hitched, and he held her hand tighter. She appreciated this gesture and in return caressed his hand with her thumb. No one but Rob had taken any note of Carla's pain. Neither her teachers, who were too busy petting the class favourites unaware of their vicious side, nor her mother. Their dad was barely ever home these days, and when he was he'd either be sat on the couch with a drink in his hand, or having another blazing row with their mother. Rob wished his mother would notice Carla's slouching shoulders, the way she held her head, the red veins crossing her eyes, the pained expression on her face, and realise what was going on. He wished their mother could be the motherly figure they always longed for her to be and make things right for Carla. He never knew what to do. She always smiled and lied through her teeth, in a futile attempt to protect him, telling him she was fine and everything will be alright. His wishes were quickly dashed as they arrived back home. Instead of being greeted with a hug and a kiss as he always dreamt of, they were greeted with a serious of huffs and snide remarks.

Carla squeezed her eyes shut at the sight. Her mother was shaking fervently as she rumbled on a litany of words, half of which Carla didn't understand. She let go off her brother's hand and sent him to his room, as she scanned the room around her. The tiny, empty pieces of cling film strewn on the floor in front of her with traces of white powder on them, hinted at her mother's desperate situation.

"Have you taken any?" Carla whispered, staring at the floor, afraid of the answer she was going to get.

Her mother snorted in reply, as she laughed in her face.

"What can I do?" Carla asked her, her voice quivering.

"Just go to your room Carla," her mother slurred, as she attempted to grab her arm.

"You need help," Carla muttered, her voice a whisper, as she blinked back her tears.

"Get out of my face," Sharon suddenly shouted, making Carla jump before she ran to the solitude and comfort of her room. However, that comfort was soon broken. Her mind quickly started playing the day's events, and the tears she had forced back were suddenly flowing freely down her cheeks.

She was back in the noisy school corridor, walking alongside Louisa. She hadn't seen Stacey walking towards her, nor did she see her extend her leg out in her feet's way. She was suspended in air, her hands flinging out in front of her, being pulled towards the ground. She slammed down, chest first followed by her chin. Her jaw vibrated in its place and a dull pain spread like fire along it to her ears. Her face burnt up. Everyone had stopped to look. They stared at her for a few seconds, before someone let out a nervous burst of laughter. The whole corridor followed in. Her stomach felt a sharp thug as the laughter echoed in her ears. They looked at her, shaking their heads, before making their way towards their class. The snort of mirth that came from the person next to her stung her bitterly. Her muscles felt as though they were tightening around her insides, like a pair of sturdy hands clasping tightly around whatever lay beneath the flesh around her middle upper part of her body. Tears welled up in her eyes. Louisa's boots shuffled forward, walking towards Stacey. From her position, she could still see them, walking towards their classroom together with Stacey's arms around Louisa's shoulders.

Carla's hand was gripping her legs tightly, whilst her other lay on top of her knees around her head which was pressed tightly into her knees. She yearned to get rid of the pain that was searing right through her chest. She wished to sever that enclosing claustrophobic throbbing slavering grip. She had been mortified, humiliated, her hopes slashed and killed, her dignity destroyed. But worst of all, the cruellest feeling of them all, was the cold, bitter, sharp bite of betrayal.

As she moved up from her hunched up position, she heard the crunching noise of paper. Her hands slid to the pocket in her pinafore. She had nearly forgotten the note she had hidden there. At one point during class, whilst her teacher's back was turned she had been attacked by a slaughter of paper-made airplanes and rolled up papers. She had tried to ignore them, but when Louisa joined in, as she tried to blend in, Carla couldn't resist but open two of the notes. The same word had screamed out of them; 'LOSER'.