Henry walked over to Professor Browning's office. He now knew who the killer was, now he just had to get a confession. As he entered, it was no surprise to him that sitting at the desk was none other than Caligula.

"My condolences for your professor's death."

Caligula spun slowly around. "Why do you apologize?" His voice sounded different, like a weight had been lifted. "Because of your investigation, Caligula is... freeee. Yes, Caligula is a free intern! Ha ha ha!" Caligula started stripping off his clothes.

"There's no need for that..."

"He made me... Master Browning made me wear clothes in his classroom. He made me wear clothes!" Caligula started sobbing, head buried in his hands. "Fine, yessss, Caligula killed Vicky and his old Master Browning."

Henry realized he had seen Caligula before. It was at Lucas' streaker convention a week ago. He had died, and when he had reappeared, Lucas and a multitude of nudists were roaming the streets, allowing Henry to blend in.

"Caligula, do you know someone named Lucas Wahl?"

"Ah, yes. Brother Lucas, I know of him."

"Let me call him now, and –"

"I see what you are attempting." Caligula's eyes narrowed. "You are here to attempt... pure applesauce, jiggery-pokery, I say! You are trying to lock me away, and throw away the key!" He grinned. "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"Um..."

In an instant, Caligula held his hunting knife to Henry's throat. "Skip and dance, Henry! Skip, and dance, with me, to the tune of Kenny Loggins! Dance with me, if you want to live!" Caligula turned on the radio, and 'Danger Zone' by Kenny Log-gins started playing. Henry had no choice but to dance through the halls with Caligula.

Revvin' up your engine

Listen to her howlin' roar...

"Where are the police?" Caligula asked as they danced.

"Oh, don't worry, they're on their way. It usually takes them a minute to catch up..."

"So I can just kill you right now, and then make a run for it?"

"Well, it doesn't have your usual flair."

"I'm improvising."

"But there are cameras there! People will see what you've done!"

"It's a little late for that. You make one move, I press this hunting knife against your carotid artery, and you'll bleed to death in an instant."

"Oh, I'm aware."


Jo had seen this all take place on the camera. She normally was not the type to shed tears, but she was now. Henry was as good as dead. She had tried to unlock the door, but Caligula had apparently set the lock up so that the code would change if someone else came in and closed the door behind him. She had tried calling Hanson, but he and his fellow officers were too busy shooting the cassowary. After seeing Caligula hold the knife up to Henry's throat, she pulled out a napkin and started writing a resignation letter.

She closed her eyes at that point. After a bit, however, she heard Kenny Loggins playing, but also two sets of footsteps dancing down the hall. She knew who they belonged to.

Highway to the danger zone

I'll take you right into the danger zone!...

"Hold it! Drop the knife now."

"Drop the gun, or I will slit his throat!"

They never say hello to you

Until you get it on the red line overload

You'll never know what you can do

Until you get it up as high as you can go...

Hanson rushed in. "We had to shoot the cassowary, we had no choice – what the shit! Drop the knife!"

As Hanson was saying this, Jo shot Caligula. He was no more.

Highway to the danger zone

I'll take you right into the danger zoooone!


Jo walked down the halls with Lieutenant Reece. "I told you to stay away from the jumper case, but you didn't listen. You went with your gut. That's the most valuable tool a cop can have."

Jo stopped and looked at her boss angrily. "I didn't go with my gut, Lieutenant. I went with logic. Because Hanson didn't, though, Henry almost got himself killed. I'm leaving."

"Don't give up now, Jo. You can't. You know why?"

"Why is that?"

"Errrghhh..." The lieutenant rubbed her lower intestine. "My gut... tells me... you should get a promotion."

"Okay..."

"And... errrghhh... also a raise."

"Wow! Lower intestines are awesome!" Jo smiled. "And I also have another pretty useful tool."

Lieutenant Reece nodded. "A medical examiner with a sixth sense about death. Yeah, well, if you keep closing those cases, he's all yours. Now, my gut is telling me to eat... beans. Yes... beans and lentils... with some stewed lamb..." she said, walking away.


Back in Henry's basement dungeon, Henry looked wistfully at an old photo of Abigail. "I miss her too, you know," Abe said.

"She'd be 94 this year. You know, it's possible that –"

"She's gone. You're never going to see her again. I made my peace with that a long time ago, so now you need to do the same."

"Yes, of course. It's just... I knew she'd be gone someday, I just thought we could be a proper family for a while."

"We were. But who the hell needs that? Come on. You know what the Chinese say? May you live in interesting times. Now you show me anyone who's had a more interesting time than we have."

"I suppose that's true."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a souffle going upstairs."

"Raspberry?"

"Yes."

"What else?"

"Canadian bacon and pineapple."

Henry looked at his son, disappointment and regret filling his eyes. "I'm kidding, Henry. It's raspberry, peach and balsamic."

"Oh, thank the gods."

The phone rang. "I'll get it," Henry said, getting up.


"Hello?"

"Hello, Henry..."

"Who is this?"

"I'm you're friend. As for my name... I've had a few."

"Look, I don't like playing games. How did you find out about the Hotel Montliogne?"

"It wasn't hard. Hotel registry, yearbook pictures, looking inside your bathroom windows, Abe's Facebook profile..."

"Forget I asked. What do you want with me?"

"Well, forgive me for being intrigued. But I couldn't understand something. Why do you still care?"

"Care about what?"

"Everything. But then I figured it out. You're still young, Henry. The first 200 years are easy."

"So how long have you been alive?"

"More like 2000 years. If you want to call me something... call me Adam. I've been here right from the beginning."

The mysterious caller mumbled something so Henry couldn't hear. "I really have been here from the beginning, Reader. This fanfiction you're reading, this mess of a parody... it's a parody of itself by now, just utter trash. I don't know why you waste your time with it."

"I think you and I should meet," said Henry.

"Oh, we will. No reason to rush this relationship. We've got all the time in the world..."