Thank you for all the support I've had with this story! I'd like to specially thank my reviewers, JustLovesBlue, Taz, Nanettez and sh777 and everyone who favorited/followed, you give me more energy to write!
So here is the new chapter, I hope you like it! DISCLAIMER: The characters and places you recognize are JK Rowling's, the rest is mine, and I don't make any profit out of it.
Last chapter: There, that was enough for now, though he had a feeling many more questions would come along. He resolved to find out everything he could about them. After all, his life would be much easier if he knew how his world worked. He had no idea why he had never thought of finding out all this information before, when it suddenly seemed so important for his survival. Why had he been so lazy and depended only on what people gave him? The sorting hat was completely wrong... he would have made a horrible Slytherin, 'resourceful' definitely wasn't one of his defining qualities. In any case, he would get better at it. It was time to take charge of his life.
Chapter 8
'Are you seriously telling me that you got entered into a tournament for people over seventeen, against your will, and no one did anything about it?' Antonia asked Harry incredulously. Harry sighed, annoyed at having to repeat himself, knowing that they couldn't have done anything after the goblet accepted his involuntary magical oath.
'Yeah, it sounds worse from the outside though' he replied patiently ' they asked Mr. Crouch, who knew every rule, and he said my magic was bound to compete. He was imperiused though, so I don't know if it was true. That means he was under a spell that meant he did everything the other person asked' he clarified at her confused look. Antonia looked unsatisfied with the answer and gestured to his assignment, Harry wondering what she would come up with.
'Well, looks like your assignment is easier than I thought, are your teachers crazy? That is not an excuse to let a fourteen year old compete in an impossible tournament! You could have been killed!' she ranted angrily. Harry smiled slightly, touched that she was concerned for his well-being.
'Well, what would you have had them do?' he asked smirking. It was all good and well to complain, but what was the use of that if you didn't suggest an alternative? Antonia took a deep breath before speaking, trying to calm herself down.
'Well, for starters, they should not have just trusted the words of one person, they should have asked another expert or bothered to read the rules themselves to see if there was a way of getting you out' she started 'and if you couldn't drop out of the tournament officially, they should have just made you forfeit every task instead of actually competing… I mean there's no way for the goblet to know whether you've had zero points, is there? And if they put security measures for people not to die, surely one of them was to be able to surrender when the task was too much for you? Or why not just declare the tournament over to free you from the oath, and start another one between the three champions without the goblet?' Harry nodded, stunned that neither he not everyone else had thought about it before, it sounded so obvious from the outside. Fleur had not been forced to complete the second and third tasks when she hadn't been able to, and it hadn't had any terrible consequence. Why couldn't the judges have decided to make Harry send red sparks at the beginning of each task and avoid it altogether, or simply declare it over, making it a tie, and do another tournament? It was certainly irresponsible of them to make him compete anyway, if it hadn't been for Moody's interference he certainly wouldn't have been able to complete any of the three tasks. Now that he looked at the problem in hindsight, the issue could have been quite easy to solve.
'But I could have thought about that myself, to forfeit every task' he replied.
'But that's the point Harry, you're fourteen, it's not your responsibility to think of it!' said Anto heatedly 'Your headmaster and the rest of the organizers of the tournament are in charge of the security measures, it's their job to ensure you don't compete! Plus even if it didn't put you in danger it was unfair for the other schools to have only one champion if Hogwarts had two!' Harry had heard Madame Maxime muttering about it enough times under her breath, so he was quite sure that was true by now.
'Yeah, you're right' he said reluctantly, writing that on the parchment for his assignment 'it is their job after all'.
'Another things they should have done, even if they couldn't stop you from competing, was launch an investigation after your name came out' Anto kept talking 'I mean, if your name came out of that goblet and it was so obvious that an adult put it there, why would they let the matter rest? They were interfering with an international competition for goodness' sake! If something like that had happened at the football cup there would be uproar! And it's not like there were too many suspects, only the adults that were at your school that night … why not interrogate them all with truth potion or examine their memories? I know you can do both, and you would have found the culprit in no longer than a day!' Harry was stunned again at her speech. How come Antonia, not knowing much about the wizarding world, could come up with so many simple solutions when no one, not even Dumbledore and the ministry, had thought about it? Was poor logic a common quality in all wizards and witches? If it weren't for Hermione he would think so. He wrote 'not investigating the matter properly' on his short list, and then Antonia's suggestions.
'Anything else?' he asked smiling wryly.
'Yes, definitely' she said to his surprise 'maybe this is not as important, but as professors, at least for me, it's their responsibility to prevent the bullying. Why didn't they announce officially that you hadn't entered your name so people wouldn't be thinking less of you? And afterwards, when they saw people were bullying you, why didn't they stop them? If that happened at my school this Malfoy boy would have got suspended because of those badges! It's not right to watch someone be ostracized for something he didn't do and just stand there!' she replied. She was clearly angry. 'Sorry, I know you've only told me the beginning of your story, but I think your professors are terribly incompetent'. Harry nodded mutely, seeing how right she was. It wasn't too difficult to tell the students Harry hadn't done it, it would have certainly saved him a lot of trouble. Was it their job to stop bullying though? Harry didn't know, even in primary school the teachers hadn't done much to help the little kids Dudley roughed up, but that was mainly because his cousin avoided being seen. But come to think of it, it was expected of them to help the students out with their problems, right? Why hadn't they interfered now, or when the Chamber of Secrets issue happened? They hadn't done anything about the articles Rita Skeeter wrote either, not even when Hermione had been hurt by the hate mail. Surely writing lies about people was forbidden? He knew it was in the muggle world, he had heard Uncle Vernon talk about defamation or something like that.
'Yeah, that makes sense, I'd never thought of asking the teachers for help' he replied thoughtfully, adding that and the defamation comments on the list.
'You shouldn't have to, they should have done it without you needing to ask!' she told him bitingly. Harry knew Anto wanted to be a teacher, and that was why she was taking the fact that they were 'incompetent' personally.
'Yeah, maybe' he conceded 'So, after the goblet thing we had three weeks until the first task and I had no idea what it was…' He continued. This was definitely going to take longer than he thought with all her interruptions, and he realized why Carmen had recommended doing the assignment with someone else. Having lived through it, and being used to not expecting help, made him blind to the things his teachers should have done. Antonia, making easily the comparison to her own world and teachers, could clearly see more faults than he did. It still surprised him how much he didn't realize of what was going on around him though, and how easy the solutions to his problems seemed if he thought a little. Nothing of what she had suggested was hard or expensive to do, and he resolved to think more carefully about the different options he had next time he encountered a difficult situation, which he probably would with Voldemort back and all.
'Wait, why did you need to speak in codes to your godfather?' Antonia asked confused 'And why didn't he complain to your teachers about you being entered illegally into a competition?'
'Well, why he didn't complain to the headmaster I don't know, maybe he did' Harry replied, 'as for the rest, that's a different story altogether, and a long one'. She gave him a look that clearly said 'I have time' and he complied, telling her about Sirius' wrongful imprisonment and escape last year. Antonia looked incredulous, as usually today with his stories.
'Well, you sure have a busy life' she commented, and he stifled a laugh. But I don't understand one thing… if no one believed you, and they just brushed it off as confusing charms or whatever, why didn't you show them your memory of the night? I mean I get that you didn't have much time, but couldn't you have sent it later to the law department or however you call it? Or at least write them that he didn't have a trial and deserves one? Even if you had been confused, they don't actually have evidence that he's guilty, do they?
'I don't know, I've never thought about it, I don't know if memories can be changed by the confundus charm, so who knows if they are valid' Harry said, wondering. Could there really be a chance of freeing Sirius? He knew veritaserum wouldn't work, as they could say he was telling the truth about what he thought he saw while under the confundus charm. Were memories the same or different? Maybe they could detect the use of the charm when viewing them, if the person was dizzy for a few moments or changed their demeanor suddenly. 'But the prime minister was there and he didn't believe me. He's not the same person in charge of law enforcement though… maybe I could try sending the memories to him or her, or at least ask about why he hasn't yet received a trial. It will probably be useless, but I could at least try'.
He wondered what he could do if they refused to give him a trial without reason again… maybe convince Rita Skeeter to write about it? Hermione probably had some sway over her, and enough people believed the crap she wrote so often that he could at least once use it to his advantage. Nevertheless, he had clearly not done enough. Why had he taken what Dumbledore said at face value, instead of looking for more options? Come to think of it, why had Sirius? If he had been able to buy him a firebolt somehow, what had stopped him from sending a letter to whoever was in charge of freeing him? Maybe there really weren't more options. After all, Harry was sure Dumbledore would have done everything he could to free his godfather, and if he hadn't been able to it probably meant it was impossible. Nevertheless, the doubt nagged at him. After all, despite Dumbledore's supportive attitude, he hadn't been able to stop Harry from competing in a dangerous tournament, being bullied and kidnapped, while a thirteen year old had thought of a solution in less than a minute. Could that happen a second time?
'Maybe we could find someone in magic Madrid to ask if memories can detect those charms' Anto suggested 'and based on that you could write to the authorities'. Harry agreed readily. It was time he actually did something to get the things that mattered to him. He had always relied too much on Hermione's brains and Dumbledore's opinion, and let people decide for him. It was time to start thinking for himself. Even if Sirius' freedom was indeed impossible, it was important to do everything he could to obtain it, as well of the rest of the things he wanted. That had never been a part of his personality, he knew, but if he wanted to survive Voldemort it was important to develop it.
'By the way' Antonia continued, interrupting his thoughts 'this wasn't your responsibility either, wasn't this Lupin guy your godfather's best friend? What has he done to free your godfather? He was the adult there after all'. Harry told her he didn't know, wondering what Professor Lupin was doing. He hadn't seen him since he had suddenly quit his job at Hogwarts. Somehow, he didn't see him doing anything outside what Dumbledore had done. He had seemed the type to just accept unfair things instead of fighting them.
'I need a break from the story telling, can we swim for a while?' asked Harry, and Anto got up enthusiastically. He grinned, sensing that, much like him, she needed lighter conversation after the dense hour of going through Harry's years. Other than that hour, the day had been quite enjoyable, with the Spanish class in the morning and the biking class after. Harry had picked it up very quickly, and the pair had spent a few pleasant hours riding their bicycles and lounging around 'Parque del Retiro', getting Sandwiches in a café close by for lunch. He had taken some pictures, as last time he hadn't owned a camera, and had taking a liking to the activity. It amazed him how he had never known how enjoyable some mundane things were, but he was certainly glad he had discovered it. Hanging around with Anto like a normal teenager was a completely new feeling, and one he wasn't sure he would be able to give up when he went back to Hogwarts. If there was one thing he had realized during his stay in Madrid, it was that he didn't enjoy life and have hobbies like a normal fourteen year old should. Maybe he should do that more this year, instead of getting caught up in the annual mystery with Ron and Hermione. He couldn't wait to tell them about his summer and all he'd learned, though he wasn't sure what he would tell them about Anto. He wasn't sure what exactly he felt for her, but he knew he fancied her, and not only because she was pretty, like he had Cho. He loved the way she said what she was thinking at all times, no matter if it was politically correct, how she would make a joke out of everything and how she would be perpetually smiling and helpful. He wasn't sure he could describe that to Ron and Hermione without feeling stupid. Anto splashed him playfully, interrupting his inner monologue, and he splashed her back, now grinning. This summer was definitely helping his mood.
'Care to tell me about the rest of your year then?' she asked casually, after an hour of swimming. They were floating on some inflatable cushions, and he turned his to face her.
'Yeah, so the day I was supposed to talk to my godfather I got a letter from Hagrid…' he started, thinking carefully so he would not forget any details.
'Wait, dragons?' she asked hysterically 'nesting mothers? Are they crazy? What did you have to do?'
'Get a golden egg that was hidden among their real eggs' Harry replied 'we didn't have to actually fight them'.
'Well, that's bordering on animal cruelty' she commented 'but that aside, that's ridiculously dangerous! How could they make you do that?' she cried.
'Well, we have magic, so we can heal most things in a second, and the healer was nearby' he reasoned. Nothing terrible had happened after all.
'Oh really, can you heal instantly if your heart is fried by dragon fire?' she asked sarcastically. He wondered if dragons could actually do that, but didn't answer. 'Anyway, how did you get past them?' Harry told her about his performance, and he noticed she looked impressed, though she was trying to hide it. He told her about deciphering the clue of the egg, omitting the Yule Ball fiasco and everything unrelated to the tournament, and about looking desperately for a way to breathe under water, only to be saved by Dobby at the last minute.
'Wait, what do you mean Ron was missing?' she asked cautiously.
'Yeah, the thing we would sorely miss was a person after all' Harry replied 'and I actually believed they would be in danger, even though it wasn't true, but I guess I was stupid'.
'I suppose they asked for the hostages and their parents' permission before sticking them in the middle of the lake surrounded by mermaids right?' She asked uncertainly.
'Merpeople, and I don't know, but I doubt it' Harry replied confused 'I don't think Hermione's parents would have let her'. Anto looked angry, and Harry moved away from her slightly.
'Does the concept of children's rights and abuse of minors exist in your world? How could they be allowed to do that without asking the parents responsible?' she asked scandalized. Another thing he didn't know about his world, Harry thought glumly. It probably didn't… after all, if it did, why was Dumbledore deciding where Harry had to go over the summers instead of the child welfare department? He picked the sheet of paper about pending questions and added those, as well as some about policies regarding bullying and defamation, and about how memory viewing worked and if it was used in the justice system. He continued telling Antonia about the following months, and she questioned the lack of investigation by the ministry on Mr. Crouch continued absences and behavior, which he promptly added to his assignment, since it could definitely have helped avoiding the graveyard incident. He told her about the third task, and about the cup being a portkey to the graveyard instead of outside the maze.
'And then, well, you heard my nightmare' Harry said nervously without elaborating. He was definitely not ready to tell her about his experience in that place, or to relive it again for any reason. With Carmen it had already been too much. Luckily, Anto seemed to understand this, because she didn't pressure him for answers. He didn't know why this struck him as strange.
'Well, focusing on your assignment' she started, and he was glad about the change of subject 'if all the professors knew that there was some plan involving you and the tournament, and nothing had happened yet, it was quite obvious that something would happen during that task don't you think? In my opinion, they shouldn't have let anyone be alone, neither to put the goblet in the maze, nor to build any of the tasks inside it. Why wasn't everyone on guard?' she questioned. Harry knew that even if they had gone in pairs, there would have still been a chance for Barty Crouch Jr. to bewitch the goblet, though it could turn admittedly more difficult. He wondered if the adults were actually conscious that something could happen or if they had conveniently forgotten that his name had come out of the goblet in suspicious circumstances. He had certainly not been enough on guard.
'I think it's really irresponsible to leave you all alone in the maze, what if you were too hurt to send red sparks?' Anto asked 'there should have been a way that the judges could watch everything all of you were doing, like a screen or something … plus it would have been more fun for the public … I mean they had to watch a static maze for who knows how long! And the lake too, for more than an hour! I imagine the tournament wasn't at all cool for the spectators'
'Yeah, it would definitely have been more practical' Harry agreed, writing 'constant vigilance during the tasks' on his notebook. He had never realized how boring it must have been for the rest of the schools, just waiting on the second and third tasks for something to happen. Why hadn't the organizers realized that? Now he could clearly see that the whole tournament had been incredibly unsafe, and what had happened wasn't completely his fault; the people in charge had failed to take many necessary safety measures. The assignment had been sort of useful after all, he reflected, maybe this psychologist thing wasn't too bad. He would give it a chance for now.
OoOoOoOoOo
'How are you today, Harry? Asked Carmen in a friendly way as soon as he sat on the couch for his second appointment.
'Fine' replied Harry. At her disbelieving look he amended and said 'nervous'. Really, he probably looked a mess. He had just sent the vial with his memory of the night Sirius escaped to the Department of Law Enforcement using a post-owl from the store. He hoped it wasn't for naught. Apparently, in the usual cases memories could detect the use of the Confundus charm, but not if the wizard doing the charm was very skilled, which is why they weren't used as proof in court. Nevertheless, at least in Spain, they could be used as non-definitive evidence, so it was definitely better to show them than to not show them to the authorities. Harry hoped his memory and the fact that Sirius had been convicted without a trial would be enough to get him a real one and free him, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. There was no way that the solution was so simple when Dumbledore hadn't thought of it, was there?
'Why are you nervous?' asked Carmen, and he proceeded to tell her his dilemma. He wondered if they would listen to a fourteen-year-old that had been reported to be an attention-seeking liar in Rita's last article. Probably not. Would the department head be as unreasonable as Fudge when he was told Voldemort returned?
He really wanted Sirius to be free. True, he didn't know the man very well yet, but he felt a connection with him, a strong one that made him trust him to go for advice, more than with other adults he'd known for years like Mrs. Weasley. He could see how much Sirius loved him, as opposed to the Dursleys, and it would be great to live somewhere where he felt wanted instead of like a burden. He would like to be able to talk about him in public and know he was close, instead of wondering in what far-away tropical island he was hiding.
'Is Sirius is like a father to you?' asked Carmen delicately.
'The closest thing I have to one I guess' answered Harry honestly. How would he know what a father was supposed to feel like?
'I find it interesting that you'd prefer to live with a person you've met once than for the people who raised you' commented Carmen 'Have you ever loved your aunt and uncle?'
'No, I've always hated them as far as I remember, and the feeling's mutual' said Harry guardedly. He was not going to talk about the Dursleys, especially when he had the first summer free of them.
'I take it you prefer to change the subject' she said, and Harry nodded. 'Ok, so did you do the assignment I sent you?' she asked.
'Yeah, it was sort of useful' Harry replied carefully 'It helped me see that not everything was my fault'.
'I don't think anything was your fault Harry' said Carmen softly, and he shook his head, repressing the urge to snap at her. Of course his stupidity had played a great part in Cedric's death. Why couldn't she see that? 'What do you think you could have done to avoid the situation?' she asked.
'Well, not forcing him to take the cup with me, for one' Harry said angrily 'I should have known something was going to happen, I had the feeling I was being watched and that the task was too easy, but I did nothing about it!'
'So when you were about to take the cup you were thinking it was suspicious that you had won and you didn't react?' asked Carmen.
'Well, not really' admitted Harry 'I'd forgotten about the feelings because we'd just been attacked by a giant spider and I couldn't walk properly. But I should have suspected something was going to happen!'
'But Harry, it's normal to forget about things when you go through a stressful situation' Carmen told him 'your mind has to process what happened so your body doesn't go into shock, and for that it had to focus solely on the event that causes your stress, undermining the importance of other thoughts temporarily, it's a condition all human beings share. Did you know that?' Harry shook his head, wondering where she was going with this.
'What I just said means that it's completely normal to forget your feelings about the task being too easy after being attacked by a giant spider, anyone would have felt the same' she continued 'so how could you have known the cup wasn't a normal cup?'
'I don't know, I just feel like I should have been more alert or reacted faster, he just died in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it!' Harry said, his voice getting louder. He felt like destroying something, and then acute sadness, and choked back a sob. What was it with Carmen's office and his mood swings?
'Survivor's guilt is very common Harry, and we'll work on yours' Carmen said empathically. He didn't know what that was, but if it made him feel like this it would definitely help to work on it. He choked back another sob and nodded.
'You should try to let your feelings out more, it's not good to keep them all in' she commented, and he nodded, not really planning on doing it. He wasn't going to start randomly burdening people with his woes. 'If you don't want to tell anyone you could start writing them down on a private journal. It will help you sort through them and realize what is really making you feel angry, anxious or stressed' she instructed.
'I don't know what I would write' he replied confused. He was blocked when he was angry, he wasn't able to think, never mind write anything.
'It doesn't have to be coherent, no one but you will read it' Carmen said 'for example, if you feel anxious, just write exactly that, and whatever comes to mind after that. It will feel weird at the beginning, but it will help you in the long run, trust me. You should also write about what you talk in your sessions here, and what you think about them. In fact, I'll make this an assignment for all your sessions'. He wondered if it actually would help. Her assignment last session had also sounded stupid but had helped him see and question new things, so maybe this would too. She hadn't actually read his notebook, so it wouldn't invade his privacy.
'Ok, I'll give it a try' he said reluctantly, and she smiled.
'I assure you, it will make your therapy go much faster' she told him warmly. Well, he could definitely live with that.
I hope you enjoyed reading this, please review and tell me your suggestions, every constructive criticism and advice is welcome! I'm no psychologist, and I've only been to one a long time ago, so the sessions will probably not be extremely realistic, as I don't know how they work, so I apologize for mistakes. I know Harry is being a bit too open with Carmen, more than he usually is in canon, but I need the therapy to go faster than how they usually go, otherwise it wouldn't be productive to the story, as he has to arrive to school noticeably healed. Anyway, plot suggestions are also welcome, I don't have everything set clearly. Do you think Sirius should die at the end of the book? If not, who do you think should die if not him?
