Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matseui. But I'm working on a spell...
A/N: Hi all! Another chapter to post and I certainly hope you'll continue to read. Thank you, Mur/Tsu fans for your support! We really need to stick together. And if there are any new Mur/Tsu fics please let me know as I'm always on the lookout for new stories! That said, Enjoy!
I heard him.
As clear as if he was sitting next to me. His beautiful voice...clear...sweet...anguished. Oh Asato...
The doctor had been up, unable to sleep, troubled by nightmares. Frustrated, he wearily sat on the window seat, his face turned up at the moon-filled sky and his thoughts as always turned to Tsuzuki. Was he sleeping? Or was he up as well, unable to slumber? He pictured the brunette sitting in exactly the same spot as he was at that very moment, staring up at the night sky. Muraki smiled softly and drew is knees to his chest, looking vulnerable almost child-like. His Tsuzuki's violet pools would be shimmering, his slender body curled up on the window seat, his dark glossy bangs resting this way and that over his brow.
Muraki sighed dreamily.
Tsuzuki's small hand would rest against his flawless cheek, his long legs pulled up against his slim frame and the moon's dim rays kissing him in their soft yellow glow. How Muraki longed to be there. To sit beside his dark-haired god, to gather that delectable body close into his arms, to breathe in the delicious scent of jasmine and vanilla and to taste those trembling satin lips against his own.
The pale blonde groaned softly, the pit of abdomen fluttering, heat flush along his torso. Biting his lip, his thoughts strayed to more heady, more erotic memories. The images began to pour forth of the last time he and Tsuzuki made love.
"Do you want me, beloved?" he asked his normally silken voice raspy.
Muraki was holding on, but just barely. How he managed to last this long was beyond him and now he, too, was eager for release. But seeing his beautiful Tsuzuki sprawled this way; his face flushed, his long legs splayed wide, his chest gasping, his slender cock bobbing and oozing precome, Muraki wanted to commit this erotic tableau to memory for all time. Burn into his brain so that years from now he could recall every lovely detail, hear every whimper and moan as though he were there all over again, taking his beloved hard.
With these thoughts, he licked his lover's dusky nipple, mouthing the wrinkled peak before biting it gently and shivered when his Tsuzuki cried out.
"YES! Kazutaka, take me! Please! I want you! I always want you!"
The pale angel lifted himself slowly and with a searing kiss moved his hips up and with unerring accuracy found his lover's tight opening. Tsuzuki scream was swallowed up, throwing his arms around Muraki's shoulders he bounced his hips frantically this way and that in a desperate attempt to tumble over that edge. So sharply aroused both men grunted and pushed each racing toward that glorious end. The doctor's pistoning hips were relentless and he quickly angled himself piercing his lover's sweet spot giving them both maximum pleasure.
Tsuzuki wailed, his whole body snapped tight as his thick seed spurted in white arcs against their sweating abdomens. Muraki gritted his teeth and with several quick jabs into his lover's body came violently, his juices filling the brunette's tight channel possessing him utterly.
Panting and limbs like jelly, they caught each other's eye and smiled. Tsuzuki's heart nearly burst with happiness after such couplings and reaching for his lover, snuggled against the warm body his breathing slowing by small degrees.
"Kazutaka," he whispered and smiled even wider when he felt lips nibble his forehead.
"Why is it that I can never seem to take you at my leisure?" the blonde asked, his spirits lifted, his heart light.
Tsuzuki shook his head, grinning.
"You got me. Maybe because you love me so much and you can't control yourself and I'm so irresistible," the brunette laughed, immensely enjoying his lover's raised eyebrows, how they seemed to reach up to the ceiling.
"Yes, that's probably it," Muraki sighed, stroking the smaller man's glistening naked back.
Yes. That was definitely it, the doctor realized.
And then it happened.
Kazutaka?!
Oh Kazutaka! Please hear me! I love you...
Kazutaka, you hear me?! I'm so glad!
Where are you, Kazutaka? Are you a prisoner...?
Muraki didn't know whether to laugh hysterically or weep desperately as both emotions, bubbling to the surface, summed up his state of mind in that glorious moment.
Hope!
Though his beloved's voice was faint, the doctor clung to it. A small sliver of hope but it was there...so deliriously strong and tangible and Muraki grabbed at it with both hands.
Asato! Beloved! Please call to me again!
So into the night and early morning hours were spent with the doctor lying in bed, dressed only in a yutaka, a pale arm over his eyes and concentrating on the violet-eyed man. He sighed deeply. If only he had relayed to Tsuzuki his captor's description or the prison that held him or some shred of vital information. But because he was so astonished that he reached his lover at all, Muraki could only vocalize his immense surprise. Why the bond only lasted a few seconds he didn't know. But they DID connect.
Our bond, beloved, grows stronger with each passing day. I know we'll speak again. Today is the last day in this prison. I will play his game today. Tomorrow I call him out. I am resolved.
"Kazutaka!"
Tensing, Muraki remained where he was. Go away, he thought bitterly.
It was not to be.
The boy burst through the door, a wide toothy grin greeted the pale blonde.
"Good morning, Kazutaka!" he sing-songed. "Or should I say 'Good afternoon'?"
Taking note of Muraki's attire, he frowned. "You're not dressed! You slept the morning away! Why, for heaven's sake? It's a beautiful day, a glorious day! And I for one, don't want to waste another minute. So up, up, up!"
Marching to the window the youth threw open the curtains letting in the bright sunlight, still chattering away about the gloriousness of the day. Wincing, Muraki sat up slowly, shielding his eyes from the rays' intensity with one hand. Despite the boy's annoying cheerfulness, despite another day in this confinement, Muraki spirits were lifting, his heart lighter. Pulling himself upright he walked to the wardrobe and selected his clothes.
"Kazutaka, what do you say to lunch in the garden, hmm?" the youth suggested excitedly. "I'll make us a delicious, fantastic spread of sandwiches and tea and cakes and all kinds of tasties and we'll talk and enjoy the day and each other's company. Won't that be terrific?"
With the clothes in his arms, Muraki ignored him and headed straight for the bathroom, slamming and locking the door. Over the blast of water from the shower he was able to muffle any more of the boy's colorful rants and concentrated on the feel of the water jetting into his skin and his violet-eyed lover. Turning around slowly under the steamy spray, a slight smile appearing. He was feeling more hopeful of the situation, more in control. He had something, a weapon as it were, against his captor and it excited the doctor.
It is a beginning of sorts for us, Asato. I can feel a new kind of strength, a new power coursing through my veins. Do you feel it as well?
Long fingers massaged his scalp building up the soapy lather as his eyes gleamed at the myriad of possibilities. Telecommunication. What sort of power could come from that? Could it be used on others? Over time, would he have the capability of reading another's mind? To know what an enemy's next move would be beforehand and have the power to thwart it? The doctor's mind whirled at the opportunities. His fingers slowed. But...
Asato
He rinsed his hair and stood still for a time, the water running over his thoughtful features, silver hair plastered over his eyes.
Grabbing at the bar of sandalwood soap, the doctor quickly lathered up his body, muscles flexing against his sharp movements, angry with himself.
Why am I thinking of power and reading minds and thwarting enemies? Where would that leave Asato if I went down that path again? Forgive me, beloved. This power is meant for us alone and must be used with care. I promise.
Rinsing his muscular body clean and wrapping a thick towel around his waist, he opened the wide window, then walked to the mirror and wiped off the condensation. Running a comb through his wet hair, he took his time grooming. Dressing into dark trousers, long-sleeved white shirt unbuttoned at the throat and a light-weight suit jacket, Muraki unlocked the door and stepped into the mercifully empty room.
"Kazutaka!! Breakfast is ready! Hurry before it gets cold!"
Scowling, he debated. Go to the kitchen or eat with a deranged individual? He seriously doubted he would make any headway considering what took place yesterday. But he did promise Tsuzuki that he would give it two days.
He walked to the garden, headed straight to the table and seated himself, indifferent to the many piles of finger foods arranged on gleaming silver trays.
"Isn't it a glorious day, Kazutaka? The flowers are in perfect bloom. The sun is at its brightest and we can take our time conversing," the boy sighed, pouring them both fragrant hot tea. Setting the teapot down, he plucked up three sandwiches, dropping them onto his plate and next made a move for the white butter cookies.
"Now. I think we should discuss our future. This house will suit for the winter months but I know some of your other residences will have to be considered if we're going to reside there in the summer. And I'd like a list of those residences and where they're located so I can plan accordingly. You don't have a house by the sea, do you? I just detest anything to do with bodies of water as I never did learn to swim. Humph. I have my parents to thank for that." He shoved a small sandwich whole into his mouth, chewing forcibly.
"AND I'll tell you right now that anything by the mountains won't do either. Much, much too cold. I'm just not suited for it. I have to be in a warm, dry climate so I certainly hope you have a house somewhere in between. Oh! And location! That's important. A place where a certain element of people reside. After all, we can't be anywhere TOO common. There is your reputation to think of. And another thing..."
Muraki didn't touch the food in front of him, heard nothing of the youth's mindless prattle. With his silver head turned slightly he focused at the multi-colored flower bushes that lay to the left of the little shrine nestled in the dark alcove. His brain cells sparking to that breakthrough this morning, to hearing his beloved's cherished voice. To Tsuzuki calling his name, calling to him from across time and space, across the physical dimensions separating them and his beloved's beautiful voice ringing in his head like music from heaven.
All throughout the silent night hours, the doctor sat in the chair by the window as still as stone, the silvery moonlight streaming across, his entire being calling for Tsuzuki. But there nothing else.
However, Muraki wasn't defeated. For whatever reason the bond was blocked...for now. But he was confident that they would speak again. Now, he was sitting here, the yellow morning beams flooding the color-splashed garden, the glistening dew gathering on petals and leaves, a cool breeze ruffling his silver hair from his brow, and sitting at the breakfast table barely listening to the youth blathering on...and talking to Tsuzuki.
Beloved, this connection...I am still reeling from it. To think that we defied the natural laws of space...is...astounding to say the least. In all my studies of Shinigami history I have never come across of such a phenomenon. What does it mean? What is it that you and I possess to have made such a thing possible? Could it simply be that our deep love for each other is the key?
The pale blonde couldn't keep the small smile from emerging.
Asato, I feel hopeful for the first time since coming to this damned place. This fool is blabbering on and on and all I can think of is you and how soon we will be together again. He can talk of a 'happy future' and 'forever afters' but tomorrow all this will be over. I plan to go through with my plan. Tomorrow this will be over.
"Kazutaka, you're smiling! It's the food, isn't it? These sandwiches are excellent if I do say so myself. You see? Just enough cucumber and pickle and not too much mustard. Oh yes, as far as work is concerned I insist that you cut back on your hours. No more weekends or late night shifts. They're just going to have to make due without you because a healthy relationship is top priority! I'm so glad you're agreeing with me, Kazutaka," he stopped chewing, crumbs scattered messily across his chin and stared at the doctor's full plate.
"But you're not eating! Everything is prepared just the way you like it and I won't have it wasted!" the youth's face contorted to annoyance as he stirred his tea, the silver spoon clanging against the porcelain.
Agreeing about what?
In no mood to engage in conversation, Muraki gazed at the little shrine at the far corner of the guardian wondering what Tsuzuki was doing at this very moment. Perhaps just waking up or taking a shower or sitting down to his own breakfast...
"I go to so much trouble for you, Kazutaka, and I get nothing in return!" he stirred his tea briskly, the amber liquid sloshing. "No conversation, no affection, and certainly no appreciation!"
Throwing the heavy spoon onto the table, the boy's thin face pinched. Muraki started, blinking.
"Well?! Am I wrong?!" he shrieked, looking quite put out.
Muraki's mouth set grimly.
"I told you, I want nothing to do with this absurdity. This whole thing is a lie and you very well know it," the silver blonde stated. Let this lead to a fight. To an all-out battle between them. But what happened next took Muraki completely by surprise.
Gasping, the boy tore away from his chair, dropped to his knees and grasped the blonde's pale hand in both of his.
"Kazutaka! Stop saying that! This can't go on! How can you be so cruel? Don't you understand how I feel? Don't you understand what I went through to have you here?" sniffling loudly, he began kissing the doctor's hand, his wet lips smacking loudly.
Disgusted, Muraki stood up, pulling at his hand but the youth only tightened his grip, bony fingers digging into pale flesh.
"NO!! Don't pull away!" he wailed almost falling on his face in desperation. "What more do I have to do?! What is it that you want? Whatever it is I can give it to you! It's not a problem!"
"STOP IT!" Muraki yanked with all his strength sending the youth sprawling on his rear in the damp earth. Muraki scowled, taking a handkerchief from his breast pocket he wiped up the spittle from the back of his hand. "The ONLY thing I want from you is my freedom," he spat. "No flowers, no candles, no home-cooked meals, no rose-scented baths. JUST. MY. FREEDOM!"
The boy shook his head wildly, chest heaving as he struggled to his knees.
"No, no, no! You don't mean it!" he cried. "Months and months of planning went into this. Sacrifice and sleepless nights. I poured my heart and soul into creating the perfect utopia for you...for US! I saw how miserable you were and...I KNEW I was the only one who could save you from that! And now...now you're saying...it isn't good...enough!"
Shoulders shaking his lank frame, the boy clutched his sides, the fat tears rolling down his face, howling loudly all the while.
Unmoved, the doctor crossed his arms against his chest. It was on the tip of his tongue to blurt out he loved another, to shout it at the top of his voice that he was in love with Asato Tsuzuki. Tempting as it was to gloat, Muraki clung to the hope that perhaps his feelings were finally getting through to the boy.
"It is as I said," he said quietly, coldly between the youth's hiccuping sobs. "I never wanted any of this. You brought me here against my will. Whatever sacrifices were made on your part is of your own consequence. I never asked for any of this."
"NOOO!" the youth screeched, clamping his hands over his ears and shaking his head. "You...don't know! You don't know...the...depth of my LOVE...for you!" Weepy brown eyes bored into the silver blonde. "You don't know because you've never had...anyone go to...such LENGTHS for you! That's it, isn't it?" Sitting up, the boy gulped in huge gusts of air, his liquid eyes wild.
"You've never had anyone lay their heart out to you in such a grand gesture and you're...you're overwhelmed!" Hitching himself up on unsteady feet, he slid his shirt sleeve across his snotty nose, snuffling. "You don't know how to react that's why you're this way, Kazutaka."
Aghast, the doctor's silver eyes glinted.
"I am this way because I WANT TO GO HOME! Don't you understand Japanese?! I want nothing to do with you! NOTHING!" Muraki stormed across the grass heading for the entryway. It was the final straw.
"NOOOOOOO!!"
Before Muraki made it to the French doors, his entire body stilled, he was going cold from head to foot. The same feeling as that night...
Not again!
Gritting his teeth, the doctor fought against the heavy invisible bands tightening around his ankles and wrists.
NOT AGAIN!!
Growling, he turned his head and chanted a rebounding spell and succeeded in knocking the youth backwards against the breakfast table with tremendous force, the dishes crashing. Taking enormous satisfaction at seeing his captor land head first into the tea cakes, Muraki grinned. Realizing he had mere seconds, the pale blonde quickly murmured another incantation, his bonds disappearing.
"STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!" the boy screamed, scrambling toward Muraki. Seeing the man free of his bonds, however, brought himself up short, eyes wide in shock.
Dark, crackling energy danced and swirled all around Muraki's body, whipping his clothes and hair in the dancing wind. Bringing one arm out to the side, Muraki's beautiful face glowed with evil intent, the light making his already stern features positively formidable. Eyes narrowed as they sparked into a molten blaze of platinum fury. Gritting his teeth, he faced the youth, joyful at seeing him quake in terror.
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, BOY! SEND ME BACK OR I OBLITERATE THIS PLACE!!"
Quaking violently, the youth shook his head wildly. Despite his fear, despite facing his possible demise he couldn't help but be struck by the soul-shattering beauty of this vengeful angel.
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOO! I LOVE YOU, KAZUTAKA! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!"
Muraki growled. Swinging his arm, a powerful jolt bandied forth hurling the boy clear across the courtyard into a bramble of roses. Wailing in pain, the youth crawled out, angry thorns tearing into his clothing and bare skin and face leaving bloody trails.
"HELP ME! CONTAIN HIM! THIS ISN'T GOING TO PLAN!!"
A quiet rumbling underneath Muraki's feet caused the silver blonde to lower his hand, perplexed, his dark energy tempering.
What now?!
It grew louder and more ominous seeming to come from all directions, impossible to know the source. And then...bone-jolting and tremendous in magnitude an earthquake rocked the very foundation splitting the ground in two, swaying the doctor onto his side. With a howl of frustration, Muraki yelled out a counter spell, his aim to bind the boy in a cocoon head to foot. No sooner than he got out two words than a suffocating wall of heat enveloped him, muffling his hearing and clamping his limbs to his sides.
NOOOOOOO!!
Thrust to and fro, Muraki fought with all his might against this kinetic energy that almost snapped his body in a dozen places. Blood pounding in his ears, the panic rising in his chest as wave after wave of punishing force beat against his head, face, legs, every limb. Excruciating pain flooded his brain racking up a notch with every excruciating breath he took.
Asato
Every internal organ near to bursting as though white-hot searing lava filled him from within. Gritting his teeth, Muraki struggled not to cry out, not to utter a sound, not even a whimper. He didn't want to give that bastard that kind of satisfaction. But as streams of hot tears streamed down his cheeks only one image, sharp and clean and perfect cut through the haze of pain and panic and loss.
Asato
For the first time since coming to this hellish place, Muraki fully gave in to the crushing force of despair and hopelessness. As his heart began to break, he succumbed to the finality of it, his weakened body accepting the strikes, numbing to it.
This is the end. I'll never see him again.
Despite his resolve not to show weakness to the enemy, a sob tore his throat from deep within, choking him at the cold fact.
Never to see my beloved again, never to hear his voice or kiss his blushing cheeks. Never to hear his joyous laugh or see that endearing smile. And those eyes...sparkling and precious as amethyst jewels.
I love you...I love you, Asato. I'm sorry...
With the last of his ebbing strength, Muraki threw his head back and screamed for his beloved, his throat strained raw, a trickle of blood running down the corner of his mouth.
"ASATOOOOOOO--
Then all was no more.
"KAZUTAKAAAA!!"
Sobbing uncontrollably and screaming at the top of his lungs, Tsuzuki clawed at the hard linoleum floor in utter hysteria.
"SOMETHING'S HAPPENED TO HIM! HORRIBLE...AND FINAL...AND...I CAN'T HELP HIM! OH GOD!!"
Stricken, Watari and Tatsumi tried to pull the guardian up on his feet, but Tsuzuki was a dead weight, copious tears streaming his cheeks.
"NOT THAT! DON'T LET IT BE THAT! OH GOD! I CAN'T BEAR IT! KAZUTAKAAAAAAA!!"
"Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki! What's happened?? Tell us, please," Tatsumi cried, wrapping his arms around the brunette's waist from behind, but Tsuzuki wasn't responding only howling out his pain and grief.
"KAZUTAKA! NO, NO, NO! NOT THAT...PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING...!!"
Alarmed, the two guardians practically carried their distraught friend to the bedroom laying him on the wide mattress where Tsuzuki immediately turned on his stomach, burying his face into the pillows sobbing as though his heart was torn from his chest.
Not broken but shattered, Watari thought terrified for his friend. He had never witnessed such raw, agonizing grief and it was truly a painful thing to behold. He had no idea how he could help if, indeed, Tsuzuki wanted their help. Perhaps he was beyond them now. The thing that they were all afraid of was coming to pass. He looked helplessly at Tatsumi, golden eyes distraught. The secretary was equally shaken by the tragic display, his usual stoic demeanor crumbling at the brunette's pathetic sobs. Quickly, he tried to offer what comfort he could.
Placing one knee on the bed, he reached his hands down to soothe the smaller man's shaking body.
"Tsuzuki, please...tell us what happened. We can help if you'll just tell us," he entreated, trying to pull Tsuzuki up. But Tsuzuki's body only shook harder and gasped loudly between deep sobs.
"HE'S GONE! I FELT HIM LEAVE ME! I FELT HIM...LEEEEEAVE...!!"
Watari attempted to comfort Tsuzuki, trying to gather his slender body up as well, but the brunette wanted none of it. His cries and weeping drowning out anything the two men said. With a shake of his head, Tatsumi grasped the blonde's wrist and pulled him away from the bed and into the hallway. Closing the door, Watari clutched the front of the secretary's jacket with both hands.
"Oh God, Seiichiro! What Tsuzuki said, about 'leaving'...is...is that what happened? Is Muraki dead?"
"I don't know," he said slowly. "But...what else could it mean?"
"What do we do? I've never seen him like this!"
They were both at a loss. If it was true that Muraki was, indeed, dead then it was only a matter of time before Tsuzuki would call upon Touda. He had to be stopped.
"Tatsumi-san, Watari! What's happening?"
Startled both men turned to see Hisoka standing in front of them, his boyish face fearful. Before either of them could speak, a terrible animalistic scream erupted beyond the closed door.
Emerald eyes gaped at the sound.
"Tsuzuki?" he whispered, clearly shocked the boy looked up at the older guardians. "That was Tsuzuki, wasn't it? I...I felt such pain...such awful grief flood into me a minute ago and I...I immediately thought it was...Tsuzuki. Tatsumi-san! What's happened? Why is Tsuzuki acting this way?!"
Watari answered first, walking up and putting trembling hands on the young man.
"Bon, we have reason to believe...at least, we think...Muraki is dead," he continued, squeezing the boy's shoulders when Hisoka audibly gasped. "Tsuzuki said he felt something horrible happen, that he felt Muraki leave him."
"Are...are you sure, Watari? Is that what Tsuzuki said?" the boy asked, looking to his superiors. Tatsumi pulled his glasses off, wincing at the muffled weeping. "Tatsumi-san, will...will Tsuzuki...is he going to...?" Hisoka couldn't finish. Hearing Tsuzuki's shattering sobs...the doctor was...he had to be dead. There was no other explanation for the absolute misery coming from the bedroom. The young guardian shivered as he retreated into the hall, away from the door.
"Tsuzuki claimed he had some kind of...connection with the doctor. It seems that connection was severed and Tsuzuki felt it...felt it was a finality of some kind. From that I've come to the conclusion Muraki is indeed dead," the secretary replied, pocketing his glasses.
"So what do we do? We can't leave Tsuzuki to his grief! He might..." Hisoka trailed, his green anxiously looking at the bedroom door.
"He WILL end his life if we don't do something," Tatsumi interrupted, trying to take hold of the situation. His heart went out to Tsuzuki and more than anything he wanted to gather the beautiful brunette in his arms and offer whatever comfort he could. Right now, his own heart was tearing in two at hearing Tsuzuki's gut-wrenching sobs from within. But now they had to act.
"There's only one way. Tsuzuki needs to be sedated. And soon. Watari, go to Meifu and have the infirmary ready with the necessary medication. I'll deliver Tsuzuki to you and we'll to from there."
Watari frowned, hesitating. Seeing the blonde's terrified look, Tatsumi repeated his request more forcibly.
"Sedated?! Why?" the green-eyed boy interjected. "Tatsumi-san, what's happening? Why sedate Tsuzuki?" Hisoka felt his insides turn cold fearing the worst.
"Do as I say, Watari! We can't leave Tsuzuki alone much longer!" the secretary yanked his suit jacket from his shoulders, tossing it to a chair and started to loosen his tie.
"No! Do it here, Tatsumi! I'll bring the medication here," the blonde beseeched. It was an insane idea but Watari somehow thought Tsuzuki would be safer at home than closed within the stark, sterile walls of the infirmary. And there would be more privacy here. It would be too distressing for the other guardians to see the most powerful Shinigami reduced this way. Before Tatsumi could argue, the blonde disappeared.
"Kurosaki-kun, I need to get in there and somehow distract Tsuzuki from what he is about to do and just long enough until Watari returns. Now I'll need you to..."
"No!" Hisoka cried, wrapping his arms around himself. With full green eyes the boy looked up, terrified. "I'm sorry, Tatsumi-san," he whispered. "But I can't...can't go in there. The mass of energies is running high and...intense. It'll knock me out before I take two steps in. I'm sorry but I won't be of any help."
Tatsumi ran a hand through his hair, nodding.
"All right. You're right. I wasn't thinking. Stay here then. Once we get Tsuzuki sedated we'll go from there," Tatsumi nodded once more then went to the door opening it wide. Upon hearing Hisoka's loud gasp, the secretary quickly stepped in and shut the door, his blue eyes immediately going to the wide bed. His heart broke at seeing the brunette's small slender body shaking violently amid the silk pillows, the small hands knotting at the white sheets, his pathetic sobs muffled. Rushing to Tsuzuki's side, Tatsumi lowered himself onto the bed stretching beside Tsuzuki and pulled the smaller man against his strong body.
"Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki," he murmured. "Please. Please don't." he wanted to say that Muraki wasn't worth it, that expending such grief for the doctor wouldn't bring him back. But he held his tongue. It was just as well, the brunette couldn't hear him, so mired was he in black despair.
"Kazutaka...Kazutakaaaa...Nooooo...come back...please...I can't...I can't bear...it..." Tsuzuki gasped air into his lungs. "I can't...go...on..."
Tatsumi stiffened at the broken words. No. The very thing he feared. To lose Tsuzuki forever to the doctor. Pulling the smaller man even closer against his tall frame, he pressed his lips against the soft ear, pleading.
"Tsuzuki, don't even think that! Please! I know it's...bad, but please! Let's figure something out. Let's think things through," Tatsumi whispered desperately, his fingers reaching out to gently stroke a tear-stained cheek.
"I want him...I want to be...with...Kazutaka..." Tsuzuki moaned weakly. To be with Muraki. The words pounded in Tsuzuki's brain and with each strained breath, the brunette knew what he must do, what he wanted to do. To be with his pale angel. Now.
"No!" Tatsumi closed his eyes, breathing hard. "That...that won't help anything, Tsuzuki. You have to be strong. You have to think of others now. Please!" The secretary gently rocked the brunette in his arms as if he were a child. And in a way, Tatsumi couldn't help but think of just that. The need to protect the beautiful brunette was always uppermost in Tatsumi's mind and now Tsuzuki needed that more than ever. Muraki was gone. And the sooner Tsuzuki dealt with the realization of it, the better he would be able to cope. At least, that was what Tatsumi's logical mind believed.
"Tsuzuki, I can help...I want to help...if you'll let me. Please let me help you. Let me do that much for you. It'll be all right, I prom-"
"I WANT KAZUTAKA!!" Tsuzuki screamed, with sudden fierceness he jerked out of Tatsumi's hold and scrambled to the other side of the bed in his haste to reach the door.
"Tsuzuki!"
Tatsumi made a grab for him but the brunette stumbled to the opposite wall, frantic to get away. The taller man sprinted across the room throwing his weight against the other man, slamming Tsuzuki face-first against the hard surface. Spinning Tsuzuki around, Tatsumi took hold of the brunette's upper arms. Panting hard, violet eyes puffy and swimming in tears, Tsuzuki struggled violently against the secretary, twisting his body this way and that.
"LET ME GO! LET ME GO TO KAZUTAKA! HE'S WAITING FOR ME!!"
Managing to put both hands together, Tsuzuki murmured the opening lines of the spell to summon Touda. The air around them began to thicken, the smell of smoke wafting through the room.
"NOOOO!!" Tatsumi yelled in anguish, grasping Tsuzuki's wrists, he pinned them behind the brunette's back.
"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" crying hard Tsuzuki thrashed violently surprising Tatsumi with his strength, the guardian nearly slipping out of Tatsumi's hold. The secretary tried again to reason, assuring the violet-eyed guardian that it was all right and they were all going to help him. But Tsuzuki heard none of it, his weeping only growing more urgent by the minute.
"I want Kazutaka...I want my Kazutaka...he needed me...and...and I failed him...oh god...I couldn't help him...there's nothing for me...nothing to stay for..."
"Tsuzuki, please. Please don't..." Tatsumi had never felt so helpless. Gathering the smaller man in his arms, Tatsumi wrapped his arms protectively around the slender brunette, his large hand stroking the silk chestnut hair.
"I want my Kazutaka...I want my Kazutaka...let me go..." Tsuzuki whimpered, the fight seeming to drain from his slender form, his arms dropping and dangling limply to his sides. "I want to go to him...let me go to him..."
"Shhh, Tsuzuki. I'm here...I'm here for you," Tatsumi whispered, his hand cradling the brunette's head gently. "We can work through this. Everything will be all right." Thinking he was making headway, the secretary talked on. "Tsuzuki, please think of us...of...of me. I only want what's best for you. It would serve no purpose if you were to destroy yourself in haste. You have to think of others..."
Tsuzuki frowned. What was this talk? What was this man saying about everything being "all right"? How can everything be all right when his lover was gone, never, ever to return? And these arms holding him tight...were different. No familiar comforting scent of roses and sandalwood...and the hand stroking his hair, different. And that voice...
"You're not Kazutaka," Tsuzuki accused, his tone cold, gazing up with hard eyes.
Tatsumi stilled, his heart sinking. "Tsuzuki...I..." he swallowed, suddenly apprehensive. "It's Tatsumi, Tsuzuki. I only want to help you. Let me help you."
"I want Kazutaka," the dark-haired guardian squirmed from the secretary's arms. "Let me go. I want to be with Kazutaka now. Why won't you let me go?" Tsuzuki's voice began to rise a couple of degrees, his struggling becoming more fierce. Why was Tatsumi here? Why was he going on about "wanting to help" and "thinking of others"? Why didn't he understand nothing matter now that Muraki was gone? Infuriated, Tsuzuki pushed against the taller man's frame.
"Tsuzuki, wait! You're in no frame of...WAIT!" Tatsumi pulled the brunette more forcibly against his body, pinning Tsuzuki's head against his chest.
"No! Kazutaka's waiting for me...I have to go...he'll wonder where I am..." Tsuzuki closed his eyes, beginning to recite again.
"NO!" Not thinking, not knowing what other alternative there was, Tatsumi acted purely on instinct. Grasping a handful of dark hair, the secretary pulled Tsuzuki's head up and lowered his mouth smothering anymore of the incantation.
Shocked, Tsuzuki's eyes grew wide at the hard pressure against his lips.
No...what is this...What's going on...this isn't...Kazutaka...my Kazutaka...my Kazutaka doesn't kiss me like this...What...What's going on?!
Tearing his mouth away and shoving Tatsumi hard, sending the taller man stumbling backward, Tsuzuki screamed his outrage.
"KAZUTAKAAAAA!!"
"Tsuzuki!"
Watari was suddenly there, pulling the hysterical brunette down to the carpet, a syringe in one hand. Tatsumi jolted out of his stupor enough to help the blonde succeed in getting the violet-eyed man lying flat to the floor. Quickly, Watari turned up the needle tapping the glass with two fingers, satisfied there were no bubbles proceeded to roll up Tsuzuki's shirt sleeve.
"Help me, Tatsumi, roll it to the elbow. That's it," the scientist murmured, taking a small rubber tube from his pocket he tied it to the slender upper arm and searched for a vein.
"NOOOOO! KAZUTAKA NEEDS ME!! I HAVE TO GO TO HIM!! LET ME GO! GET OFF ME!!"
Tears flew as Tsuzuki thrashed his head side to side, his beautiful face contorted in agonizing grief. He arched his back, pushed his feet against the floor in an effort to bring himself upright. He was barely aware of the pressure cutting off his circulation or the stab to his arm. Realizing the betrayal, Tsuzuki howled in anger and fought even harder even managing to sit upright and wiggle away from both men. But soon his movements began to slow as the drug began to take its effect. Violet eyes turning glassy, Tsuzuki still fought to remain awake. Watari pulled his friend to the floor telling himself over and over it was for the best, that it was only for his safety that they did this.
Tsuzuki moaned softly, trying to force his eyelids up, trying so hard to remain awake long enough to summon his shikigami and go to Muraki. But he was so groggy, his focus leaving him, his thoughts turning to mush. Blinking hard, his blurry violets stared up at Watari, pinning the blonde with his sad gaze.
"Watari...why...why won't you let...me go? Kazutaka...is alone...alone in the dark...oh god..." the brunette beauty whimpered.
Watari winced, averting his golden eyes from his friend's accusing violets, feeling horribly guilty. Bending forward, he brushed his fingertips along Tsuzuki's smooth forehead.
"Please, Tsuzuki. Sleep now. It'll be..." he couldn't say it. It would be a lie to say everything would be all right. And they both knew it.
"Kazutaka...wait for me...please...wait...my...love," Tsuzuki whispered thickly, eyelids sliding shut, his breathing slowing.
Tatsumi flinched inwardly, still pinning Tsuzuki down even after the brunette's head lolled to one side.
"Let's get him on the bed," the blonde stated, monotone. Tatsumi grunted in response, quickly picking up Tsuzuki's limp body into his arms and walking toward the double bed. Carefully lowering the brunette on the soft mattress, Tatsumi's eyes softened at the vision of the beautiful face making Tsuzuki look so fragile. Damn that doctor!
"How long do you plan to keep Tsuzuki sedated, Seiichiro?" Watari asked, breaking into Tatsumi's musings. Neither man noticed Hisoka entering the room and hearing the boy sharp intake of air.
"I don't know. Perhaps until the doctor's whereabouts are definite. We need to make sure of that at least," the secretary stated still staring at the brunette, carefully placing Tsuzuki's arms to his sides.
"But that could take weeks! Do you honestly think that this is for the best? Keeping Tsuzuki in a state of suspended animation indefinitely until you finally decide when it's all right to bring him out!" the blonde hotly replied.
"That's not what I meant!"
"What's going on?" Hisoka's knowing green eyes darted between the two men, worriedly. He'd never seen the secretary in such an agitated state. "Why should Tsuzuki be sedated in the first place, Watari?"
Watari sighed heavily turning to the younger Shinigami as Tatsumi busied himself with making Tsuzuki comfortable.
"We fear that Tsuzuki will call down Touda and destroy himself. It was something we were afraid of ever since learning of Muraki's abduction," the blonde confessed. He knew that Hisoka had some inkling as what was coming to pass but as they didn't want to think of that possibility it was never discussed amongst them. Now they were forced to deal with it.
Hisoka immediately turned to look at his partner lying so still.
"I...I was afraid of this too," he said quietly. "I knew Tsuzuki loved the doctor...that if anything bad happened to Muraki, Tsuzuki wouldn't be able to cope." The green-eyed boy swallowed hard. He looked back toward the blonde. "Watari, Tsuzuki will never get over this, I know him!"
The scientist nodded in agreement, running a hand through his hair.
"You're right, Bon. Tsuzuki's love for Muraki was everything to him. And now..."
Tatsumi closed his ears to their words. Right now Tsuzuki well-being was what mattered. He had carefully undid the top button of the white shirt, removed the trouser belt and socks and now he gently smoothed the bangs from the brunette's forehead. He couldn't help but notice the thick, sooty lashes against tan cheeks, and pale lips slightly parted.
"Tatsumi..."
The secretary took Tsuzuki's hand in his, squeezing the slim fingers.
"Tatsumi!"
Startled, the blue-eyed man jerked to the moment.
"How long does Tsuzuki have to be this way?" Hisoka asked, assessing the secretary's face. He didn't like the feelings emanating from Tatsumi. They seemed to go beyond concern for a friend. It was as though Tatsumi's long-ago feelings were coming close to his heart and rather than keep them at bay, he welcomed them in, warming to them. Hisoka couldn't help the shiver, fearful of things to come. He glanced at Watari. He would need to talk to the scientist soon.
"I need to confer with the Chief and Enma-samma of Tsuzuki's condition. They need to be made aware of how serious Tsuzuki's plight is," Tatsumi replied, releasing Tsuzuki's hand slowly onto the blanket. "Watari, you'll accompany me please. Kurosaki-kun, you'll watch over Tsuzuki."
Both guardians nodded, each mired with troubling questions. For Watari, to see Tatsumi lovingly see to Tsuzuki's comfort and the way his lover held the brunette's hand tenderly as though he and Hisoka weren't even in the room, cut deeply. He was incredibly angry at Tatsumi's lack of sensitivity but also he was terribly hurt. If he had any doubt about it now he could definitely tell it was over between them.
For Hisoka, he witnessed the secretary's behavior with amazement. Wasn't Tatsumi aware of Watari's presence? Did something happen between him and the blonde? Now, more than ever, Hisoka was determined to find out more. Right now Tsuzuki's grief and sorrow seeped everywhere and Hisoka couldn't weed out Watari and Tatsumi's emotions.
And Tsuzuki...what would become of him? Hisoka didn't think he could ever forget those blood-curdling screams of grief for as long as he existed. The green-eyed boy swallowed the lump in his throat and stared down at his dark-haired friend.
Oh, Tsuzuki. I was so afraid for you. Afraid that something like this could happen. Your love for Muraki...I...I was afraid it would be your undoing. That if anything ever happened to Muraki you wouldn't be able to survive it. And now it's happened.
Hisoka looked around the room and spotted a chair in the corner. Pulling it next to the bed, the youth sat down, listening to his partner's steady breathing. He's seen his partner in this state of respite before, of course, after a hard day of chasing suspects and filling out forms and cross-reference documents. Tsuzuki would be so exhausted he would crash in the break room or Watari's lab or even during a meeting. But that was before Muraki came into the picture. Since being with the doctor, Tsuzuki would be alert and attentive, going into work on time, making a point to take notes during meetings and conduct thorough interviews and complete a day's work promptly at six. All to rush home to Muraki.
Hisoka stood up and pushed an errand strand of dark hair away from the older guardian's brow. He smiled a bit. This past year has been such a difference for Tsuzuki. Not just work-wise, more importantly, Tsuzuki's state of mind. No longer easily bullied by Tatsumi or sputtering excuses to the Chief or begging for longer tea breaks or pay advances, the violet-eyed man was becoming more serious in his duties. Not that he lost his sense of humor or playfulness. Hisoka would have hated that. It took a long time for Hisoka to see the good that Muraki was doing for Tsuzuki. But once Muraki let his defenses down and willfully allowed Hisoka to empathically "feel him out" the emerald-eyed youth had no doubt whatsoever from then on.
But Tatsumi...
Hisoka sighed, plucking Tsuzuki's slim hand in his.
The boy had sensed the secretary's deep feelings for Tsuzuki for a long time but never revealed what he knew to Watari afraid to hurt the scientist. Besides, Tatsumi never acted inappropriately around Tsuzuki. And since Hisoka never witnessed anything said out of line by his superior, the boy kept his suspicions to himself. So deep down the youth hoped that Tatsumi was doing his best to keep his emotions in check, especially since he and Watari were a couple.
"But that's all changed," Hisoka murmured.
Watari and Tatsumi were in turmoil. Muraki is dead. Tsuzuki was grieving. "I'm so sorry, Tsuzuki. I wish I could have been of more help, sensed something or deciphered the clues more carefully."
Sudden tears welled up.
Dammit!
Hisoka wanted Tsuzuki back.
He wanted Tsuzuki back, laughing and joking and hopelessly lazy. But again, Hisoka knew, Tsuzuki wasn't coming back. Not to the familiar Tsuzuki they loved. Muraki had changed that. But...he didn't blame the doctor. There was a time he mostly certainly did, blamed the pale man for everything wrong, for taking his friend away. And rightfully so. But the past year had changed so much. Seeing Tsuzuki so loved and so cared for, seeing him happy and balanced meant everything to the green-eyed boy. Especially after Muraki had laid his soul bare for Hisoka, holding nothing back, was he completely convinced the doctor truly loved his dark-haired partner. And not for anything did Hisoka wish it otherwise. He came to the realization that Muraki was good for Tsuzuki.
"And when Muraki explained and apologized...sincerely apologized...I knew then I could trust him with you, Tsuzuki...I knew how important it was for you to get my...blessing," Hisoka swallowed. "I want you back, Tsuzuki! But I know you'd never be the same. Your spirit would be gone and...and I wouldn't blame you one bit for leaving us. I...I can only imagine the love you two have for each other...I could feel it so strong and pure that...that I didn't think it was possible to have such emotions...Oh, Tsuzuki!" This time, Hisoka didn't hold back his tears, letting the drops fall freely and squeezed harder the hand he held.
"Is it worth it?! Is what you're suffering through now worth that time with Muraki?"
Suddenly, Hisoka remembered something Tsuzuki had said, just a few weeks ago.
"Tsuzuki, wait!" Hisoka called after the brunette down the hallway, sprinting to catch up to him. It was just after quitting time at the Bureau and the teenager had been looking for his partner to sign off on a couple of forms before he went home.
Tsuzuki frowned in concentration at his cellphone before switching it off.
"Oh hey, Hisoka! What's up?"
"You forgot to sign these off," thrusting the papers into his partner's hand. Seeing the cellphone in the brunette's other hand, gestured to it. "Haven't been able to reach Muraki, huh?"
"Not yet. It's been over an hour and I'm starting to get a little worried," he murmured as he quickly penned his signature. Giving Hisoka back the papers, he again checked his phone for the umpteenth, frowning up a bit. "Maybe I should go to the hospital..."
"That doesn't happen a lot, does it, Tsuzuki? Muraki standing you up?" the youth spoke before thinking and quickly recovered. "S-sorry, but, well..." he shrugged awkwardly, casting a quick side glance at the brunette.
But Tsuzuki didn't get mad or flustered or stammer an excuse for the doctor. He merely smiled softly, violets glowing.
"Kazutaka has never stood me up, never given me cause to doubt or mistrust him," the brunette said with quiet confidence.
The boy blinked.
They both started when Tsuzuki's little phone rang. Putting it to his ear, Tsuzuki greeted the caller.
"Hello? Oh Kazutaka! Yes, I did try to call you earlier...yes...oh..." A beautiful smile broke through. "Dinner? A new place? Sure! I'm up for it! I'm through here so I'll meet you at home..." A rosy blush stained tan cheeks. "I love you. See you soon. Bye."
Smiling happily, Tsuzuki pocketed his phone and remembered Hisoka standing there.
"Kazutaka was in emergency surgery, couldn't get to a phone. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early, Hisoka!" with that, Tsuzuki bounded down the corridor, black trench flying.
That was the first time Hisoka realized the depth of Tsuzuki's love, this strong confidence in the pale doctor.
Smiling sadly, the teenager looked down at the slender fingers he squeezed.
"Even though it's led to this, Tsuzuki, I know you've been happy. Maybe...maybe even knowing how it would end, you still would've been with him."
Hisoka leaned forward, propping his elbows on the bed.
Oh baka...
"I'll watch over Tsuzuki tonight," Watari said quietly, plopping heavily on the white couch in front of fireplace. It was hard to believe only a few hours ago, he and the brunette were making plans that morning.
The meeting with first, the Chief, then Emna-samma had been draining to say the least. Explaining the extraordinary telecommunication between Shinigami and mortal; the secondary investigation Tsuzuki hadn't disclosed; the doctor's death; Tsuzuki's breakdown. For hours, the two men carefully explained it all, leaving out, of course, their own messy drama. Now all Watari wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.
It had been a close call, however. Emna-samma wanted Tsuzuki brought to him immediately and kept in a confined area, never to awaken. There had even been talk of "erasing" the brunette's memories which horrified both Watari and Tatsumi. They pleaded for Emna-samma not to make that decision. That somehow Tsuzuki could be slowly brought back, made to realize there was a life without the doctor.
Watari grimaced. He knew it was a lie. But the thought of Tsuzuki encased in a glass enclosure...a coffin, for eternity anguished the scientist. So for now, they bided some time. But what they were going to do in that time, Watari couldn't guess.
"We're only prolonging the inevitable, Seiichiro. Tsuzuki will never listen to "reason." He will either die slowly of a broken heart or make an end of it quickly. And either way, he's lost to us," the blonde murmured sadly.
"NO! I don't believe that! There has to be a way...a way to keep Tsuzuki with us. To make him realize he's needed here," Tatsumi stood in front of the fireplace, his back to the other man.
Watari sighed. He didn't want to fight. Not right now. He'd think better after a night's rest. Be able to make Tatsumi see.
"Seiichiro, we're both tired. We'll talk tomorrow. Right now, I'll see to Hisoka and keep watch over Tsuzuki tonight," Watari got up, crossing the room. Hearing Tatsumi clear his throat, the blonde stopped, his back stiffening.
"Don't fight with me, Seiichiro. Not now. Just go home," Watari didn't bother turning to see if Tatsumi had heeded his advice. Instead, he proceeded to the bedroom and looked inside. Hisoka's light brown head lay upon the mattress his hand clutching the brunette's. Watari walked up to the cozy scene slowly. He stared at the scene for a minute, hating to wake the boy but knowing Hisoka needed to lie down properly to get a full night's rest.
"Bon...come on, Bon," Watari gently shook the teenager by the shoulders. The boy snuffled softly, coming up with start, blinking and rubbing his eyes.
"Oh! Watari! What's happened? What did the Chief say?" he asked hurriedly, staring up hopefully.
"Easy, Bon," Watari calmed, shaking his blond head. "Chief and Emna-samma agreed that it's safer to leave Tsuzuki here. We'll talk about it tomorrow in full. Right now we're all in desperate need of sleep."
"I should stay here," Hisoka protested, looking back at the brunette. "He might wake up and need something."
But Watari was shaking his head, pulling the boy out of his seat. "There's enough sedative in Tsuzuki's system to see him through the night, Bon. By that time, we'll know more of what we need to do. To help Tsuzuki," he succeeded in pulling the teenager from the side of the bed and ushering him gently to the door. Hisoka sighed and resigned...for now. There would be clearer thoughts tomorrow. With that, Hisoka retreated and shut the door behind him.
Watari sighed in turn and took the seat that Hisoka had vacated.
"Tsuzuki," he murmured.
What's to become of you? What's to happen to us? Would you even want to come to this world without Muraki?
"I don't blame you, Tsuzuki," the blonde whispered, picking up the slim hand and holding it to his chest. "I wouldn't want to come back to a world knowing the one I loved didn't occupy it," he brushed the brunette's smooth cheek with the back of his long fingers. "If it were up to me, I'd forgo the sedative, bring you back, take you to some far-off rock in the middle of nowhere so you could bring down Touda's flames and be with your love ever after."
Tears dripped down the blonde's chin.
Oh, Tsuzuki...
Where am I? Who's there? Kazutaka...don't leave me...
Beloved...I'm sorry, Asato...don't leave me...
TBC
A/N: Thanks for reading and I hope you continue to do so in the upcoming chapters! It's a real pleasure to write for those who are enthusiastic about Mur&Tsu! YAY! Until next time!
