Blaine couldn't look at the line anymore. In fact, it was difficult just to be in the boutique because he saw Kurt in everything. In order to clear his mind, Blaine went to work, placing all his energy into creating the gown for the commission he had received. There was no point in staying miserable, and, as his hands worked the fabric, he felt more at ease and in his element while his mind remained focused on the task before him and off of the absence of Kurt.
"Knock knock," came a voice from the doorway. Blaine had heard the buzzer go off and was just about to make his way to the front, but when he looked up, he saw Elyse standing there with a bag from a nearby deli, and he couldn't hold back a smile.
"I wanted to make sure you've been eating, and I was in the neighborhood anyway," she said. "I picked up some soup and sandwiches. I hope you like turkey?"
"I love turkey. Thank you so much. You really didn't have to do this," Blaine said.
"I just figured you might want some company." Elyse smiled.
"Sure, I could use a break from work. Come sit down," Blaine said, motioning to the stool opposite him.
She took a seat across from Blaine and began unpacking the food.
"Any news from Kurt?" she asked as she slid Blaine's sandwich, styrofoam cup of soup, and plastic spoon across to him.
Blaine popped the lid off of the soup, inhaled deeply as the smell of chicken broth permeated his senses, and then blew on it gently as the steam rose off the surface. He hadn't realized how hungry he actually was.
"His dad called me to tell me he was alright, but I still haven't spoken with Kurt," he answered as he slowly unwrapped his sandwich.
"I'm sorry," Elyse said.
"No, it's alright. Well, it's not alright, but I think I'm finally coming to terms with him being gone. I miss him like hell, but I can't allow myself to dwell on it when I'm fairly certain that he might never come back, and if he does, it won't ever be the same." Blaine looked down into the soup before spooning some into his mouth. The warm broth and noodles slid down the back of his throat, warming his body and giving him some comfort.
"Blaine, I really don't know what to say, but I still have faith. I believe that you two will find each other again," Elyse said. But, moving forward, she was at a loss for words and was uncertain of how to console Blaine at this point.
She lifted her sandwich to her mouth, took a bite, and they sat there in silence for some time as they ate. After all this time, the situation hadn't seemed hopeful, but she wouldn't let him give up.
-s-
Before he knew it, the sun was setting, and it was time to head home. He locked up the boutique and made his way down the sidewalk towards the subway entrance. Blaine was walking with his hands in the pockets of his pants and his head down, chin tucked in against his chest, and he was just about step off the curb to cross the street when he heard someone call his name.
"Blaine? Blaine!"
He whipped around to see who it was, and, when his eyes caught sight of a familiar figure, his stomach did a somersault.
"Sam," he nearly whispered, then, "Sam! Hey," Blaine called out as Sam quickened his pace.
"I can't believe it," Sam said and then faltered for a second as he opened his arms for a hug, and Blaine, still in shock, granted permission by walking into his arms and returning the embrace.
"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked when they disconnected. As Blaine's eyes scanned Sam's face and body, he noticed just how many years had passed since they had seen each other: Sam was no longer rocking the surfer cut and, instead, sported a shorter, neater cut with a bit of fringe that was swept up and styled in the front. The color of his hair had grown about a shade or two darker, and he had a neatly trimmed goatee. While Sam looked to be still in shape, he appeared to have lost a bit of his muscle mass since high school, which Blaine could only guess was attributed to no longer playing sports, at least, not as often as before.
"I was just in town for the weekend. I don't live too far from the city, actually. I know we haven't properly talked in ages, so I wouldn't expect you to know, but I went to college in Pennsylvania. I liked it there, and, last year, I moved back and just kinda settled," Sam explained.
"That's, um – that's great, Sam," Blaine said, snapping out of the daze he had entered before he began comparing Sam's current wardrobe choices to those of his past.
"I don't need to ask you why you're here. You're a bit of a celebrity," Sam said.
"No – stop it," Blaine said, shaking his head. "That's hardly what it is." And, although it was warm out, he wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly feeling exposed.
"Glad to see you're still humble. So, anyway – are you – are you busy tonight?" Sam wore an imploring expression, waiting for Blaine to give him a sign that it was indeed okay with him that he was even in Blaine's presence. They had not parted on great terms at all, and he certainly did not want to impose if Blaine was uncomfortable.
"Uh – no, not really. I just finished up work for the day. I've got nowhere to be," Blaine answered. He wasn't lying. His only plans for the night were to go home and crash on the couch with the previous night's reheated leftovers, and anything sounded better than that at the moment.
"Good. Dinner? For old time's sake?" Sam asked.
"Sure," Blaine gave into the request after a short pause. He smiled, but he was nervous and reluctant about what he had just agreed to. Any other time, he would have immediately declined, but he was starved for attention and oh so pitifully lonely.
"Great," Sam smiled back, "because I'd love to catch up with you."
-s-
They slid into the booth, opposite each other, situated in the corner of a small restaurant, both uneasy and unsure of where to begin. They smiled awkwardly at each other, and Blaine nervously scanned his menu, although, he knew it by heart by now; he and Kurt had come here often, and he always ordered the same thing no matter how long he perused the menu. So, maybe it wasn't his brightest idea, coming here with an ex while he was missing his current boyfriend terribly. Regardless, everything was Kurt if he looked too closely and thought too much.
Sam cleared his throat, and Blaine finally looked up.
"It's so strange seeing you again," Sam said.
"You too. I'm not even sure what to talk about," Blaine admitted as he closed his menu. He set it down on the table and sighed.
"Oh, good. I thought I was the only one," Sam laughed. "Blaine, we had some good times at Dalton," he said wistfully as if nostalgia had just hit him.
"Yeah, we did," Blaine agreed without giving it much thought.
"Do you remember that time that you - you wrote that song and just started putting on a show in the common room, just a boy and his guitar? You shut down the whole school with that performance," Sam said, grinning at the memory that seemed to be playing behind his eyes.
Of course Blaine remembered that day, and he wished that he hadn't. That song Sam had mentioned was a love song, and he was singing it to Sam like some silly teenage boy outside of a girl's window. Only it was to a boy, and he became the center of attention with a crowd of curious onlookers. At least he knew that that time no one would even dare think of beating the shit out of him. Dalton was a different type of school with an overall more accepting environment, and the worst that could have happened was that he embarrassed himself to death if Sam had reacted in any other way than he had.
The server appeared, took their orders, and disappeared again, leaving it open for Blaine to respond.
"How could I forget," he said, but it was more of a statement than a question. He had been so ashamed that day, thinking that he had made a terrible mistake, but, to his surprise, Sam agreed to go out on a date with him. And then things progressed from there.
"I was flattered. You embarrassed the shit out of me, but, inside, I was loving every second of it. That's when I fell for you - really. I don't know how it would be possible for anyone not to. You were always so goddamn charming," Sam said.
"Obviously, I wasn't nearly as successful as I had hoped," Blaine mumbled. He was becoming uncomfortable on this trip down memory lane, especially since they were visiting the good times before they were tainted with betrayal and confusion, a simpler time before Sam ripped his heart out and stomped on it until it was nothing but a pile of mush.
That was one of the last songs he had ever written and played because it all became tied to memories of Sam. His break up with Sam was also like a break up with music; at least, it would never feel the same way again.
After some time passed, the server came around with their meals.
There was a long, awkward pause in which only the clinking of silverware against ceramic could be heard as they picked at their meals. Blaine stared into his mashed potatoes, suddenly feeling confused and sad.
"So, how have you been? Ya know, ever since you hit it big on that show?" Sam decided to change the subject, realizing that he had hit a sore spot.
"Well, I moved to New York, opened a boutique, and we – I'm in the process of launching my first line," Blaine said.
"That sounds really cool. Does it have a name?"
"Yeah. It's called 'emBarK'…we put a lot of thought into the name, but now it all seems foolish," Blaine said.
"What? Why's that?"
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
"Blaine –"
"I said don't worry about it," Blaine said, growing a bit irritated with Sam now.
"It's obvious that something's not quite right with you – I could tell from the moment I spotted you on the street. You're not yourself. Does this have something to do with that guy from the show – what's his name - ?" Sam questioned.
"Kurt. His name is Kurt. And it might. But it's not really any of your business," Blaine said, trying not to snap completely. He knew none of this was Sam's fault, but it didn't help that he was being reminded of all of his relationship failures in a short space of time. It was as if his failings were being piled up on the plate in front of him and he was being handed a fork to shove it all down only to choke on it. He was just trying his best to keep it together, not knowing whether he wanted to scream or cry like a blubbering idiot, and, god forbid it happen in public.
"Whoa. I'm just trying to be a friend here," Sam said, throwing his hands up before him defensively.
"Oh, right. A friend who just shows up out of nowhere years later after breaking my heart, and now you want to talk about my relationship issues? And what did you think you were doing bringing that thing up about me singing to you?" Blaine nearly shouted, his face growing hot.
"C'mon, Blaine. I don't know what to say to you. It was years ago, and I couldn't apologize enough. I asked you out to dinner hoping to make amends and to maybe find some kind of closure, because – god – I do miss you, and I wish we could be friends," Sam said, folding in on himself. He only had good intentions, and he never meant for the night to turn sour like it had.
"I got over it a long time ago, Sam. But I'm not sure how this friend thing works in situations like ours. We don't know each other anymore," Blaine said, now calming down. He took a sip from his drink and dodged Sam's gaze.
"Then talk to me. Let me get to know you. I'm sure that whoever you've become, you're still the same awesome little nerdy guy who I used to love spending time with after classes," Sam said, making an earnest attempt to turn the night around.
"Sam – don't," Blaine warned. Sam's words were simple, but they were loaded.
"I'm serious. Tell me about Kurt. From what I've seen and read, he seems like a really interesting guy."
"He is."
"Well?"
"He's perfect for me, Sam. And I love him for how perfectly imperfect he is, right down to his silly pet peeves about hair product and his constant need for attention even though he pushes me away when I know he needs me most. And I love that I'm the one who gets to give him that attention, who gets to make him smile and laugh. But –" Blaine blurted out, spilling it all out like the uncapping of a shaken up carbonated drink, but he stopped abruptly when he realized what he was doing.
"There's a 'but'? Is it at least a nice one?" Sam joked.
"Shut up," Blaine tried so hard to stifle a snort because he wanted to laugh, but he was so angry at Sam for making light of the situation. "When the show ended, we went into business together. Everything was perfect at first. We moved in together, went to work together, created pieces together - but that phase lasted about a year, and something happened recently. We had a - a disagreement."
"You had a fight?"
"Yeah."
"How bad?"
"Really bad. He left."
"Ouch."
"What hurts the most is the way he accused me of neglecting the relationship and not caring about him anymore. We've been so busy with work, and it's been a challenge to separate work from play, but - I changed my whole life to be with him. I moved nearly a thousand miles across the country and left my family and friends for the chance at a future with Kurt. But now I feel like none of it matters, that nothing I'm doing matters if it's not with Kurt," Blaine finished brokenly. He looked down at a spot on the table and frowned.
"But you love him. I can tell," Sam said. Blaine looked up at him again, his eyes moist with unshed tears.
"I do. At first, Kurt was just some fantasy, a picture perfect role model - a celebrity crush. But when I met him and got to know him, everything changed. I never thought I could feel like this about anyone before - so protective and, yet, I feel like he's the one who makes me stronger and a better person. I want to spend the rest of my life with him," Blaine said.
"That's deep, man. I kind of know how that feels, to feel like you've met the one," Sam began. "I've been with this girl, Kylie, for a few years now. I met her in college. She's kind of everything. But I think I'm terrified of what it might mean to spend the rest of my life with her – like I'm afraid to be too happy," Sam said.
"That's ridiculous though," Blaine replied. How could someone fear happiness, he wondered.
"But it's not. If you think about it. Why did you and Kurt get into a fight? What were you arguing about?"
"We were arguing over the fact that we're so consumed with work, with building our careers as partners, and the future we've been planning together that we hadn't been taking the time to just be together and - oh my god. That's it, isn't it?" Blaine said to himself, annoyed that it had taken him so long to realize his mistake. He tuned out Sam as he became lost in his own thoughts.
Sam watched Blaine for a moment, but when it seemed like he wasn't going to continue on the subject, Sam cut in.
"Look Blaine, I don't know Kurt at all, and I don't know anything about your relationship besides what you've just told me, but it seems like you both have it bad. The only thing getting in the way is denial – did you ever think that maybe you've been distracting yourself by making everything about work because you're terrified that everything is too good and that maybe you don't deserve it? I know you. You probably already bought the ring."
"How did you -? Never mind. Yeah, I did," Blaine admitted glumly.
"Alright. So, listen to me for a second. You want him. He took off. Maybe he has some issues he has to deal with of his own. But what you have to do is remember why you started all of this and came to New York in the first place. I watched your show, Blaine – both seasons. I couldn't help it. Your passion was admirable, and you've always thrown yourself entirely into what you do. I think you're amazing, and you're going to do amazing, but just remember that you are one person who can only do so much. You need to stop blaming yourself."
Sam paused to gather his thoughts, hoping to take this opportunity to find some sort of redemption for what he did to Blaine in the past.
"What happened between us, Blaine, none of that was your fault, and you didn't deserve the way I treated you. We were young, and I was confused. It's not exactly easy to figure out such big things at that age, not when I had someone like you around who made me feel so good about myself. But it's not about us anymore, it's about you and Kurt. Things will fall into place for you, because that's what you deserve - to be happy. But you need to do one really important thing – you need to tell Kurt how much he means to you," Sam said.
There was a long silence as the chatter went on around them at the surrounding tables. Blaine was processing, and it was a lot to take in at once.
"Wow, Sam. I'm not sure where that came from," he finally said. The way Sam had been speaking almost had Blaine slipping back into the past, remembering the good days spent sharing first kisses among other firsts. Sam was his first love, but he was also his first heartbreak, and neither ever quite goes away.
"I'm serious, man. Maybe Kurt is afraid of losing you because everything seems too good to be true."
"That all sounds great, Sam, but he won't answer his phone when I call. His father called me, though - to let me know he was okay. That's all I have, that little bit of hope," Blaine said.
"Then talk to his dad. I'm sure there's something he can do to get through to Kurt," Sam insisted.
"I don't know - "
"Trust me," Sam said.
"Really?"
"Blaine, seriously."
"Okay, okay. I'll do it," Blaine said, rolling his eyes upward.
They finished their meals and split the check. Blaine got up out of the booth and turned to Sam.
"It was really great seeing you again - really. You look good," Blaine said.
"You too. Good luck, man," Sam said, patting Blaine on the shoulder.
"Thanks. I'll see you around?" Blaine said, although he had no desire to do so.
"Yeah. See you around."
-s-
Blaine rode the subway home, the familiar creaking and rattling of the cars on the track as his soundtrack, and he thought about everything Sam had said. There was a strange familiarity and comfort in talking with Sam, and, yet, he knew that he felt absolutely nothing for him anymore. Just seeing him again and hearing his voice was cathartic in a way, and his wounds, although long past healed, would finally be able to vanish completely. Could he be friends with Sam? Probably not, and he had no intention of keeping in touch. But he appreciated the way Sam tried to give him advice as if he had genuinely cared about Blaine. Maybe, he had a long time ago, and Blaine would hold onto that, but, now, it was time to let the rest go.
The empty spot in the bed beside Blaine was something he had grown accustomed to by now. He rolled over and stared at the pillow that lacked the compression associated with too much use. He grabbed the pillow and brought it against his chest, pressing his face into the fabric-covered down, and curled up into a ball around it. He inhaled deeply, imagining he could still smell the scent of Kurt's hair and skin on its long-abandoned case, then he closed his eyes tightly as he fought back the tears that had gone unshed earlier in the evening.
-s-
Blaine nearly fell through the front door; his gait was unsteady, his body askew, his new suit torn and dirty, his face red and scraped where bruises were gradually forming, and tears streaked his face beneath a head of rumpled, dirty hair. His heart raced, and the word "fag" resounded within him with the steady pounding pain in his head and the soreness of his rib cage which he was almost certain was fractured.
He barely made it to the couch when his mother came running, scrambling for the phone to dial 911. Then Blaine passed out and didn't come to until he was in the hospital, hooked up to an array of tubes and machines that beeped incessantly. His gradual recollection of the event that landed him here in this state brought about another wave of fresh tears. "A collapsed lung, a fractured rib, and a possible concussion," he heard them say. Everything hurt. Why did he have to be such a freak? A "fag"? He never asked for any of this...
-s-
"The school is called Dalton Academy," his mother explained, "and they have a zero tolerance policy on bullying."
Blaine listened to his mother go on about the school with a weary mind and a heavy heart.
"It's an all-boys private school, so it's a little pricey, but we can work with it. You can even board if you want."
Suddenly Blaine imagined himself in some fancy Hogwarts-esque school surrounded by boys his age, hanging out in the common room...all-boys, he thought. That definitely piqued his interest. The only downside was the mention of uniforms. Clothes were an important part of him, making them and wearing them, even if he wasn't the type to be flashy or wear the latest styles. He decided that he could cope. At least he wouldn't have to worry about having to look over his shoulder or that those boys might come after him again, but this time to finish the job.
The uniform wasn't so bad, Blaine had decided. He thought he looked quite good in the blazer and tie. A few weeks in, he was getting used to his classes and becoming more comfortable in his new situation. Boarding there and being away from home was difficult at first, but it helped that he met a lot of great people and made a few friends almost immediately. He also was invited to join the school's a capella group, the Dalton Academy Warblers, and it turned out that he fit right in.
Everything was going great until science class when suddenly Blaine was finding it difficult to concentrate, and his grades began to suffer. The teacher became a lot less interesting as Blaine's eyes focused instead on a mop of long, wavy, blonde hair, a broad, athletic frame, and the smile behind those lips of a boy who sat a few seats away. His name was Sam, and Blaine was fairly certain that he was on the Dalton soccer team. After solidifying this knowledge, he made a point to put time aside to attend a few games.
Watching Sam play opened up an avenue and an opportunity for Blaine to begin a conversation with Sam, and he soon found out that they were into many of the same things including music, sports, comic books, and movies. But it wasn't until they were paired up for a science project that Blaine began to imagine what it might be like to kiss Sam and how it might feel to touch him, but he never had a boyfriend before, and he wasn't sure how to begin.
Then one day Blaine had an idea. It sounded great in his head, and he went to work planning it out in detail. He grabbed his guitar and sat down in the common room. It wasn't unusual to find Blaine around campus practicing quietly, but this was different. He had told Sam to meet him there after classes, and he dressed up in one of his favorite outfits, hat and bow tie included, and took a seat toward the center of the room. When Sam finally entered the room, Blaine grew nervous but then began to play and sing, focusing all his attention directly on Sam. Sam appeared shocked, and he blushed, but he didn't leave. Instead, he sat down next to Blaine and allowed him to finish his song.
Blaine strummed the final chord, his fingers brushing against the vibrating strings, and the notes drifted out into the air and faded. Then he set his guitar aside and turned towards a wide-eyed Sam. He was hesitant, but he placed his hand on Sam's and cleared his throat.
"Will you," Blaine paused, "can I take you out - to a movie or something?"
"Sure," Sam answered quietly.
-s-
"There's no way that Superman is cooler than Batman," Sam said, playfully shoving Blaine.
"This is seriously the most clichéd debate of all time. Why are we even talking about this?" Blaine laughed.
"It doesn't matter, but I choose the movies we watch from now on," Sam responded.
"I still think Wolverine is the most badass hero, anyway," Blaine said.
"You just like Hugh Jackman," Sam teased.
"Maybe. The man knows how to dress. But I like you more," Blaine said and then stared at Sam with a questioning look in his eyes. Sam's lips parted in response, and, without further thought, Blaine closed the gap between them and clumsily brought their mouths together. He had no idea what he was doing, and it was awkward, sloppy, and brief. He pulled away but looked up at a speechless Sam.
Blaine shyly brushed Sam's hair out of his eyes and looked into them before giggling and looking down.
"I've wanted to do that for a while now," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. It was really nice," Sam replied.
-s-
"I've never done anything like this before," Sam said, all nerves as he leaned over Blaine's shirtless body.
"Neither have I," Blaine admitted as well. He felt a blush rise up through his neck and into his face as Sam touched his chest.
Sam rolled Blaine's briefs down from around his hips, and Blaine almost whined as his half-hard cock was freed. He was slightly embarrassed to be exposed like this for the first time in front of another guy, but Sam had assured him that he wanted to do this, that he was ready. But when Sam wrapped his hand around Blaine's cock, he felt himself grow fully hard, and Sam swallowed audibly.
"Blaine, I'm worried I'll hurt you or something."
"I'm sure you won't, Sam."
"Okay," Sam replied softly and hesitated briefly before lowering his head and taking Blaine into his mouth.
"Oh - oh my god," Blaine moaned, trying to keep it stifled for fear of anyone overhearing them in the neighboring dorms.
Sam pulled off for a moment.
"Does it feel that good?" he whispered.
Blaine nodded.
"So good," Blaine assured him.
But when he looked down at Sam, Sam looked terrified.
"Are you alright?" Blaine panicked for a second. Was he doing something wrong?
"Yeah, Blaine, I'm fine," he said with a smile. Blaine relaxed. Then he closed his eyes and continued to suck Blaine off, gently stroking his hand up and down with the movement of his head.
"Sam - I," he uttered, and Sam pulled off but continued to work Blaine's cock with his hand. Then Blaine groaned as he came, spilling over Sam's hand.
They cleaned themselves up, and Blaine cupped Sam's face in his hands and pulled him in for a long, languid kiss. He stared into those green eyes, and Blaine knew in that moment that he wanted to give Sam the world.
-s-
"Blaine - can we talk?" Sam asked as he caught up with Blaine in the hall, coming out of their final class of the day.
"Yeah, what is it?" Blaine stopped and looked at Sam who appeared a bit flustered, and his own grin fell away for a moment.
"I - I'm not sure if, uh," he paused. "We're friends, right? I mean, you're my boyfriend, but - you know what I mean."
"Of course. You're my best friend." And then cutting in because he couldn't stop thinking about it, Blaine asked, "Did you decide whether or not you wanted to go with me and Cooper to the comedy show this weekend?" Blaine beamed at Sam in his excitement. It was the first time he was getting to see his brother in months, and they were going to spend a night out in the city together. Cooper, who had been informed about Sam, extended the invitation, knowing how happy Blaine was about having a boyfriend.
And seeing Blaine smile like that with those puppy dog eyes made it impossible for Sam to go through with what he was about to say. It would have been so difficult to explain to Blaine anyway because he wasn't quite sure he understood what he was feeling. Instead, he nodded, took Blaine's hand, and they went back to Blaine's room to watch a movie before dinner.
-s-
"How could you?" Blaine asked, trying his best not to cry again. Allowing Sam to see how weak and broken he was would only make him feel worse.
"I don't know," Sam said simply.
"How can you not know why you fucked some girl at a party?!" Blaine's sadness quickly turned to anger.
"I was drunk," Sam mumbled, avoiding eye contact.
"That's not an excuse! Are you bisexual or something? Because I feel like I don't know anything about you anymore." Then Blaine's voice cracked as he tried to stifle a whimper.
"I don't know what I am, Blaine! Do I really have to be anything anyway?"
"But I loved you, Sam. I don't trust you anymore. I don't trust that you were ever honest with me. I feel like you just played with my emotions during this whole relationship - for six months! - like all I was was your little experiment. So you go to school with all guys and you think 'why not', then the first chance you get, you fuck some girl like a straight guy?" Blaine was nearly in tears now. He was crumbling.
"It's not like that, Blaine. God! And you don't have to trust me anymore because it's over. I can't do this anymore, and I felt like this for a while," Sam shouted, his eyes now shining with held back tears.
"What?!"
"I had hoped you would understand, but I was wrong."
Blaine's lip trembled as he glared at Sam. There was a terrible moment of silence in which Blaine could hear his heart shattering into a million pieces all over again. He let out a shaky breath before finally speaking.
"No - I understand all too well. But you never should have said yes to me. You never should have let me go that far, fall that hard, and get so deep into something that you weren't committed to," he said quietly with as much composure as he could muster.
"You're right. But I can't go back and change anything. I don't want to change how things happened," Sam said, a silent tear streaking his cheek. He wiped it away and turned to face away from Blaine.
"I wish I could - maybe I never would have let myself be so desperate, never would have let you in like I did," Blaine said coolly, spitefully. Even if he didn't mean what he said, he intended to hurt Sam, to make him feel even a fraction of what Blaine was feeling right now.
"Fine," Sam said. "Good bye, Blaine."
Sam stormed off as Blaine looked on. The tears that had been building up with his anger began to pour down his face, and he felt sick all over again. Blaine couldn't even believe that the night of that party was the night he had decided he wanted to go all the way with Sam, and now he was angry with himself for even considering such a thing.
Following the break up, whenever Blaine would see Sam in class or in the halls, he would feel the heartache anew all over again, but he knew he didn't want him anymore.
-s-
The next day, Blaine was still digesting the encounter with Sam, and he had no motivation to get up and open the boutique. Instead, he slept in until noon and didn't even bother to change out of his pajamas. Then he sat around wasting time watching GSN until his empty stomach grumbled and became too much of a nuisance to ignore any longer.
As he searched the nearly empty fridge, Blaine mulled over his revelation from the previous night. Although Kurt might have overreacted, Blaine understood exactly why Kurt had been so upset and the seriousness of the argument. He had been selfish and had ignored the fact that Kurt needed the little things - the dates, the silly romantic gestures, and even sex that's meaningful and sweet. He had been a complete idiot, and he couldn't believe that he didn't just take Kurt out to lunch that day. It would have been such a simple thing that would have meant the world to Kurt. Because he didn't have what Blaine had in the past. Kurt needed Blaine to show him that he cared rather than pushing him away like he had and inadvertently reducing their relationship to one lacking love not unlike Kurt had experienced in the past.
Blaine stared down into the pot of pesto sauce he had simmering on the stove as he stirred it slowly. His mind drifted back to the night before Kurt took off, and he felt sick at the memory of how he had slept with Kurt for the sake of it, feeling awkward throughout, knowing the entire time that his heart wasn't in it. He let out a deep breath in his frustration and closed his eyes for a moment.
The tortellini began to froth as the water boiled, and he looked up, but didn't grab the spoon in time to stir it. The pot boiled over onto the burner, which flickered and emitted a loud hiss. Suddenly pissed at himself for letting it happen, Blaine slammed the utensil down on the counter, turned the stove off, and allowed the food to just sit there as he tried to pull himself back together.
But when he drained the pasta, he noticed that he burned a portion of the sauce in his fit, and he had a complete breakdown. His appetite now lost, Blaine groaned in frustration and took the food and dumped it into the garbage can. Then realizing what he had done, Blaine collapsed onto the floor in front of the fridge and began to cry and shake. He folded in on himself and turned into an absolute sobbing mess, choking on his saliva and attempting not to throw up.
He felt so lost. He was broken without Kurt. And he didn't even know when or if Kurt was ever going to come back. All he did know was that he needed someone with him right now. He couldn't handle it all himself.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Elyse. Blaine knew that she had just come to see him the day before and that it was unfair to burden her with his problems, but he didn't care as long as he didn't have to be alone.
-s-
The door had been open for only seconds before Elyse was throwing her arms around Blaine and holding him to her. He had sounded so broken over the phone, and somehow she knew that this was exactly what he needed.
Blaine held onto her like a helpless child for a minute before finally pulling away.
"I brought chocolate and fully intend to indulge in the sappiest film you can think of - your pick," Elyse said.
"Alright," Blaine laughed, "let me see." He wandered over to their movie collection, and Elyse followed him, the small, paper bag from Godiva still clutched in her hand.
"How about - Sleepless in Seattle -?" Blaine said as his finger grazed the spine of the case on the shelf.
"Perfect. I love that one. It's a classic - and it reminds me of home."
Blaine smiled at Elyse, realizing his coincidental choice.
"I love it too," he said. "It also reminds me of home - but because it's one of my mom's favorite movies."
"I'm gonna pop some popcorn, and we can watch the movie on the tv in the bedroom - the bed is huge, so there's plenty of room to stretch out and get comfortable," he said.
"Okay," Elyse answered, "it's going to be like a slumber party!" She laughed, and Blaine cocked his head to the side and grinned.
"Yeah, I guess it will be. Go on and I'll be right in." Blaine handed Elyse the movie, and she proceeded into the bedroom to set it up so it would be ready to play as soon as Blaine rejoined her.
Bowl of popcorn in hand, Blaine climbed into the bed, and Elyse pressed play on the remote. After watching the first few minutes in silence as they munched on the popcorn, Blaine finally spoke.
"This was my first romantic comedy - the first I had ever seen as a kid," he explained.
"Aww," Elyse said. "I didn't see it until I was older."
"I was only about seven years old, but I remember how it made me feel. It made me believe in serendipity - in life and love. And as I got older and had my heart broken for the first time, watching it again helped me believe in second chances and the possibility of love after that heartbreak."
"You sound like you were a pretty wise kid," Elyse said, smiling fondly at Blaine.
"Maybe." Blaine grew quiet again. Elyse leaned her head on his shoulder as they both watched the screen again.
Blaine and Elyse watched as Meg Ryan's character broke off her engagement and then rushed off to the Empire State building. Blaine set the empty popcorn bowl aside on the endtable before breaking the silence.
"My mom always cried at this scene and then didn't stop until the end. I was so young that I would be confused. But I would cuddle up next to her to comfort her. She would tell me that it's okay to cry - not to listen to anyone else - and that everyone hurts sometimes. She would say - 'but you pick yourself back up because life goes on'. I guess I couldn't really understand or appreciate what my mother had said until recently."
Blaine heard a small sound, looked over at Elyse, her head still leaning on his shoulder, and then he noticed tears streaking her face.
"Elyse," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"
She turned her head up, quickly wiping away her tears.
"I'm fine. It's just that - I miss him. I didn't realize that after all this time my heart would still ache for him. It comes and it goes, but, at moments like this, I just - I wonder what it would have been like if we were still together - if I had stayed."
"Do you still keep in touch with him?"
"Yeah. We talk occasionally over the phone, but, mostly the only thing I have to hold onto of him are brief Facebook messages and even shorter emails."
"It's not the same. I understand."
"It's just so difficult when we've been apart for so long and in completely different time zones. It's just that, although we aren't together, it never felt like it was over for me. There's something that still pulls me toward the idea of the possibility of us - that we'll still have our happy ending."
"I know exactly what you mean - I really want Kurt and I to have a happy ending. I left my life in Chicago to be with him - and for some crazy reason I just had this feeling that it was meant to be and that it would just - be. I don't think I would have come to New York otherwise, or at least, not as soon. But it felt like there was some invisible thread pulling me along and toward my destiny."
A heavy silence filled the space between them as the movie continued to play.
The end credits began to roll, and both were quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Blaine shifted to grab the remote, but Elyse had drifted off and was snoring gently, cuddled up against his side.
With his heart as lonely as it was, he was grateful to have anyone close to him right now.
No one could compare with Kurt and how he felt when they were together, but he smiled as he tucked Elyse in and made his way out into the living room to sleep on the couch. He hadn't known what he had done to deserve someone like Elyse, selfless and nurturing. Blaine closed his eyes and thought about how Elyse was more than a friend, she was a happy accident; she must have been sent to him as a gift from a higher power just when he needed it.
