Author's Note: I am not making any political statements. It's just a story. Concrit is always welcome, but please don't flame me!
Han: Rumination and Communication
She's trying to kill me. When I'm dreaming about her, she wakes me up and I fall out of bed. When I'm not dreaming about her, she wakes me up almost like she had in my dream. Just standing there at the foot of the bed. Wearing my robe, this time. It'd be so much easier to take off than that dress must be. He shook his head as he finished setting up the caf, and started making flatcakes. Get a grip, Solo. She explained why she was wearing your robe--well, sorta, anyway-- and why she was standing there. She might just kill you yet, but it won't be 'cause she's trying to. Besides, you shouldn't be thinking about her that way. She's just a kid. She's hurting. The last thing she needs is some horny smuggler chasing her. Han had finished the batter, and started the grotberries simmering with honey. She's not a kid--she's older than she deserves to be, whatever her age actually is. I want to show her how it should be. But she has to make the next move. I'll help her however I can, make myself available, but wait for her to ask. He nodded to himself, satisfied with his reasoning. The caf was ready, so Han poured a cup while he stirred the sauce. He was adding the batter to the thickened fruit when Leia emerged from the corridor.
She wore the light blue suit, one he hadn't seen the saleswoman choose, though he'd seen it when he put it into the valet. He considered her appearance for a moment. The outfit suited her; it seemed to hug in all the right places. She was beginning to look uncomfortable, so he smiled as politely as he could and said, "Looks good. Everything fit okay?"
"I haven't tried everything on, but I think they were all the same size. These fit very well, even the stockings." She pointed at her feet and laughed at her own joke, so he joined her, though he'd been more interested to hear about the things he couldn't see.
"You didn't find the shoes? I think that package was on the desk. There were shoes, belts, I don't know--stuff. Go have a look."
Leia came back wearing more appropriate footwear just as Han was removing the pan from the cook top. "Thank you, again. I feel more human already."
"Good. Food's just about ready--feel human enough to set the table?"
"I think I can manage that. The plates are in this cupboard, right?" Leia walked behind Han and brushed against him in the close space. She's not trying to kill me, he reminded himself.
"Yeah. Utensils are in the drawer right under there. Caf's ready if you want some, and I already showed you where the mugs were."
Leia stepped past him to set the dishes and utensils on the counter, again making casual contact. "I don't know if I should have caf. Do you have any juice?"
Han grimaced as he spoke. Of course, she shouldn't have caf. I just assumed... "Sorry; I wasn't thinkin'. Help yourself to whatever you want. I know there's bloodberry and wasaka, and I might have enough grotberries left to make some juice."
"I don't think my stomach could handle bloodberries. I haven't had wasaka juice in a long time--that sounds good." As she moved to the cold storage unit, Leia paused, then shook her head and resumed reaching for the door. Han noticed her hesitation, but was not certain whether he should mention it. He missed his opportunity as she said, "I guess your co-pilot drinks a lot of this."
"Nah. Chewie can't stand it--it's too sweet for him. His mate makes fantastic pudding with the berries, though. I like the juice when I have a hangover. Somehow the sugar helps." He grinned. "It goes pretty well with cheap brandy, too."
"I'll keep that in mind." They moved to the lounge, Han carrying the flatcakes and his mug while Leia balanced the utensils on the plates and carried her glass of juice. Leia sat on the acceleration couch again, and Han took the seat across from her. "I think I'll just start with one, and see how that goes."
"Prob'ly a good idea. There's lots here, but I like 'em cold for a snack, so don't worry about having to eat them all. When Chewie's around, I don't get leftovers." The conversation stalled as they served themselves, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. At least she got some proper sleep. I didn't think she would, with the torpedo hits she's taken. "Kest," he said suddenly.
Startled, Leia replied, "What is it?"
"I just realized I didn't get you any sleepwear. We could go out and get something, if you want."
Leia laughed, "Don't worry about it. I want to just stay here for a while, and think about what I'm going to do. What I'll wear to bed is the least of my concerns."
I'm concerned about what you wear to bed--especially if we end up sleeping together again. "I just want you to be comfortable, that's all. The shirt you had on yesterday is almost big enough for a nightgown, and I might be able to find some lounge pants from the same kid."
"Really, Han. It isn't a big deal. I'll plot that course later."
Though it surprised him, he was secretly pleased at her use of his first name. She had always called him "Solo" or "Captain," even when she had approached him for sex. He replied, "Okay, Leia. But I'll still have a look around. See what I can come up with."
They finished the meal quietly, each seemingly lost in thought, and then worked together to clean up the remains of breakfast.
I really should clean more often, Han thought as he rummaged through a storage compartment. He had come across a crate full of electronic parts, two power cells for his blaster, and a holovid he had forgotten he owned. He had not, however, managed to locate any sleepwear for the princess. Shopping trip, or give her one of my shirts. No, she can't wear my clothes--that would do me in for sure. Shopping trip it is.
Leia seemed not to notice as he entered the lounge. She sat on the acceleration couch cradling an empty mug in both hands. He relocated the parts crate to the engineering storage, vowing to sort through it later. He saw that the message light was blinking on the panel, so he said, "I'll be in the cockpit if you need me." The princess nodded distractedly and he left quietly.
Han went forward and sat at the comm station. The indicator was flashing as it had at the engineering station, but he ignored it. The message had probably been waiting several hours; it could wait a few more minutes. He still felt badly about his slip before breakfast--offering caf to Leia. I assumed she would have an abortion. That was why she got drunk at the party and then hit on me, wasn't it? She wanted to forget, and leave the base for the procedure. He had experienced Imperial incarceration, and had a good idea what they would have put her through. That's prob'ly what I woulda done. 'Course, it's easy to say what you would do when it can't possibly happen to you. Han shook his head and reached for the comm controls, but stopped when he heard the hatch open behind him. He turned and greeted Leia with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
She responded to his smile with a question. "Was there anything interesting in the message?"
"I don't know yet--I got distracted. What can I do for you?"
"I changed my mind; I can't just sit around thinking. Would you be willing to take me somewhere to shop for nightclothes? I would go on my own, but I'm not sure I'm steady enough to operate a speeder."
Han nodded. "Just lemme check the message in case it's urgent, then we'll go."
"Actually, there are some other things I need, and I would like some time alone."
"Sure, no problem." Han tapped the button to begin message playback and was rewarded with loud, angry, Shyriiwook. "It can wait," Han grimaced as he silenced the comm. "How 'bout I drop you off at a shopping complex, and you call me when you're done? That'll give Chewie a chance to yell at me live, give you lots of time to get what you need, and give me an excuse to cut him off."
"Thank you for your understanding, Han."
He waved off her concern as he moved to the navicomp. "Don't worry about it. I'll make sure I take you to a place with a clinic on site. If you don't feel well, go there and call me. Here--this'll do nicely." Han indicated a shaded area on the display. "It's only three or four minutes by speeder, if I hurry, so I'm not far if you need me, but you'll have as much time and privacy as you need."
Leia agreed and led the way to the speeder still parked at the bottom of the Falcon's ramp. The trip would take close to seven minutes, Han couldn't help but notice. Leia sat wordlessly to his right, and her silence weighed on him. He was not sure he should leave her alone. Maybe I can tail her...
"Thank you again, Han," Leia interrupted his thoughts. "I'll be fine, and I promise to call if anything goes wrong." By the time she finished her short statement, Han had found the passenger unloading zone and stopped the speeder. He thought his concern must have shown on his face, so he tried to lighten his expression.
"Have fun. I'll turn up the volume on my comlink so I'll hear your call over Chewie's yelling." Leia smiled in response, stepped out of the speeder, and waved as she turned toward the complex. Be careful, Sweetheart, he thought as he watched her disappear through the entrance. He sat there for a few minutes more, just in case, and finally headed back to the port.
"Yeah, I know you're pissed, Chewie, but I didn't know how it was gonna go with Jabba, and I didn't wanna drag you any deeper into it. It's done now--you can yell at me when I get back."
"You are planning to return, then?"
"'Course I am. I wasn't tryin' to get rid of you."
"You should be aware that the Rebels think you kidnapped the little princess."
"What? Why would they think that? There're surveillance cams in the hangar, right?"
"Yes, but--"
"Then they should know she boarded on her own. You gotta believe me, pal. She asked me to take her off-planet. Kest! I'll have to get her to comm High Command later."
"I do believe you, but my opinion is not important in this matter. Get her now, Cub, and I'll bring General Hudsol."
"I can't--she's not on board. She left Yavin without any of her stuff, so she's shopping."
"Have her comm as soon as she's back, then. Hurry her trip if you can. Be careful, Cub. There has been talk of putting a bounty on you."
"Great; I pay off one and get a new one in the process."
"Are you still on Tatooine, or did you have to go to Nal Hutta?"
"Neither, and no, I won't tell you where we are. They might be bugging the call, and I'm not gonna help them track me. I'm just the pilot here--if Her Highness wants to tell them, I won't stop her."
As though summoned by the conversation, Leia's voice came from the comlink. "Ready when you are, Captain."
Han clicked the comlink in acknowledgement and concluded his call. "I gotta go, Chewie. We're both fine, and neither one of us is here against our will. I'll make sure she contacts Command. Solo out." "Fine" might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it's up to her who she tells, and how much. Han sat back in the communicator's chair with a sigh. Shoulda seen that comin'. Of course they think I abducted her. They're prob'ly waitin' for a ransom demand. If she seems okay, I'll tell her to comm the base as soon as we get back. If not, well, it's not like I've never had a bounty on me before. He rose from the chair and stretched to work out the kinks trying to take control of his neck. On his way to the rental speeder, Han checked his blaster's charge and his comlink before locking up. He drove quickly to the shopping centre and commed Leia as he parked.
"Miss Finset, what is your location?"
"I'm near the south end of the eastern-most corridor, Captain Boyd. And you are late."
Han grinned as he responded, "I'll be there in a minute." I guess she's feeling okay. Or she's being watched. Han quickened his stride.
When he caught up to Leia, she was standing in the middle of a children's store with her comlink still in one hand and a small jumpsuit in the other. She looked stunned and slightly panicked. There were bags from several other stores at her feet.
Han gently laid a hand on her shoulder as he got close enough. "Are you all right?"
"Yes. No. I don't know." She replaced the outfit on the rack carefully before pocketing her comlink and bending to pick up her purchases.
"I got 'em." Han didn't know what to do or say, so he fell back on his default. "You hungry?"
Leia shook her head, still seeming dazed, and added, "I could use something to drink, though."
"Okay, we can do that. Back at the ship, or find something here?"
"I don't know what I want. I thought I did, but now..."
Han quickly realized that she was not talking about refreshments, and concluded that she was getting more glassy-eyed, so he gently steered her out of the shop toward the parking area. He placed the parcels in the cargo area before once again helping Leia into the passenger seat and rushing to his seat. He started the vehicle and carefully exited the complex, wanting to avoid startling the shaken princess with abrupt manoeuvres.
When they arrived at the Falcon, Leia appeared more lively, abandoning the speeder and almost running into the ship. Han retrieved the packages and followed. He expected that she had headed for the 'fresher, so he headed for "her" cabin to set down her purchases. As he passed the lounge, however, she called out to him.
"Han, can I talk to you?"
He saw that she already had a mug in hand, so he simply set the packages beside the table and sat across from her. "Sure, Sweetheart."
"I'm not certain either of us will be comfortable with this, but I need to talk to someone, and you seem to take things at face value." She seemed to be waiting for a response, so Han nodded. Leia took a deep breath and a drink of water before she continued. "Until I went into that last store, I knew I had to end this pregnancy. If I were to keep the baby, I may resent it as a constant reminder of ... its conception." She stopped and took another drink from the mug. "If I continue the pregnancy, but give the baby up for adoption, it may have a family that loves it, but it may not. When it finds out how it came to be and why I couldn't keep it, will it hate me for abandoning it? So I can't keep it, and I can't give it up. That only leaves termination. But then I was in that store, seeing all the little outfits and furniture. My father's face appeared in my mind, and he was telling me stories about how long he and Mother tried for a baby before they adopted me. He said they were so excited to have me, to have the family completed. Now they're gone, and this baby is the only family I have left. I can't kill it or give it away. It's not the baby's fault that I'm pregnant. Is it foolish to think that I can raise a baby--on my own, and in the middle of a war?"
Han sat quietly, unsure that she was actually asking him. After several moments of silence, he ventured, "Do you want me to answer? Or do you just want someone to think at?"
"I think I want your opinion."
"Okay. Stop me if you change your mind." Han paused while he chose his words. "I didn't know you were adopted. I mean, I knew you didn't look anything like your father; I guess I just assumed you took after your mom. I don't remember my parents at all. I prefer to think that they died when I was little, and that I lived on the streets because nobody knew I'd lived through whatever killed them. If I found out that my mother got pregnant ... the way you have, I don't think I'd blame her for not keeping me. Like you said, I'd just be a reminder. I'd probably wonder, now, not when I was a kid, why she hadn't aborted me. I'd still resent the way I grew up, but I'd blame him, not her. I guess I'm not much help, but all your arguments seem reasonable to me."
"You don't think it's a bad idea for me to keep and raise the baby?"
"No. From what I've been told, if everyone waited to start a family until the timing was perfect, there'd be no sentients in the galaxy. You have to decide which option is best for you--don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Whatever you choose, make sure it's what you want to do. Take your time making the decision."
"But I have to go back to the Alliance eventually. If I keep the baby, then everyone will know. I don't think I want to raise him or her with that stigma."
Han snorted, "No, everyone wouldn't know. That comm call from Chewie? He wasn't just giving me hell for leaving without him. He was letting me know that High Command thinks I kidnapped you."
"That's ridiculous! All they have to do is look at the vids-"
"Except all the vids show is that you boarded voluntarily. While drunk. Popular opinion is prob'ly that I fed you more booze and took off with you when you passed out. They'll prob'ly assume I'm the father."
"I can't let them think that you were anything but a gentleman. You have been so kind, and-"
"I'm in no hurry to get to the new base, wherever that is, but I'd appreciate it if you'd contact someone and let them know you're a willing passenger. Or that you hired me for a personal mission, or something. Tell them whatever you want, as long as they don't have reason to throw me in the brig. You have 'under duress' codewords, right?"
"Yes; Mon Mothma set them up with me and my father years ago."
"Okay, so comm her and give the all-clear so they cancel the bounty on me, and then take your time. I got nothin' else goin' on. We can stay here or head somewhere else after that--whatever you want."
"I'll comm the base once I've rested a bit. Is that soon enough?"
"It'll do. I'm not rushin' you on anything."
"We're agreed, then. I'm going to lie down--would you like to join me?"
