Chapter 8: Nothing's ever simple
Ok, so I didn't get round to doing Alice's pov, but I did do a whole chapter of Edward… I hope that's ok with you. Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm hoping to get a bigger response for this one. Please, please review, even if it's just to say 'was good' or 'was bad'. I really appreciate reviews and I answer every one. Oh, and I've realised that there will be a lot more chapters than I had first thought, so even more drama to come!!
Edward's pov:
"You are so dead." Alice sang as I walked through the door.
"I don't know why you seem so happy about that." I grumbled.
"I'm not happy about it Edward." She eyed me. "But you should have told her everything. And I mean everything. You should have told her about your disappearing act, about the fact that you were going to change her, about the fact that you were going to get married. About how you…"
"Enough Alice." I spat. I knew all this.
"She's going to kill you when she finds out." She smirked. "No more secrets, ok?" She said in a perfect imitation of Bella's voice. "Ok." She said in my voice. "I mean, seriously Edward, how stupid are you?"
I groaned. I wanted her to shut up. I also wanted her to be wrong, but I knew she was right. I was stupid.
"You know she has a lot of questions for you right?"
"Oh God. What are they?"
"Oh no! I'm not helping you. My best friend just blew up in my face, because of you. She may never talk to me again!"
But even as she said that I saw in her mind her and Bella friends again. I smirked.
"Ok, so she will talk to me again, but that doesn't change what you did."
"And you can help me not do anything else stupid. Please Alice?" I pleaded.
"Fine." She scrunched up her face and flicked through the next 4 hours.
"You know, she's not happy about you being late." She spat.
"Just keep going." I said.
"Ok, so she hasn't fully decided them yet. But at the moment she's going for… What happened to Victoria and Laurent, and how far have you guys gone." She smirked at me.
Oh God. I thought. "I have to go." I said.
"Have fun." Alice called.
I was running before I was out of the house.
xoxo
After I had hunted I felt better. Marginally. I was still scared as hell about tonight. To tell the truth, I didn't even feel like going anymore. But I had made a promise to Bella.
As I walked into my house I heard hushed whispers coming from the kitchen. This was odd in itself. The only time a vampire ever whispered was if they didn't want another vampire to overhear. And then their thoughts hit me.
Rosalie was angry. Emmett was sombre. Alice was fuming. Carlisle was trying to be understanding, but I heard the words he was trying to block out, which told me that he wasn't happy either. Esme was just worried. And Jasper? He was trying to keep everyone's moods under control.
And then I realised what this was all about. Bella. And me. It was funny how those three words came together so often now. Almost too easily.
I walked into the kitchen and everyone stopped talking at once.
"What?" I asked. No-one said anything. "If you've got something to say then just say it." I said sharply. Emmett looked across at Alice, daring her to start on me. Carlisle stepped forwards.
"Edward, we're concerned. About Bella. We feel that she needs to know everything, and fast. The longer you delay this, the harder it will be, and it will severely improve her condition if her memory comes back sooner rather than later."
I looked round at each of them. "And you all think this do you?" I asked scathingly.
Six pairs of eyes stared unblinkingly back at me. But still no-one spoke.
"What's the matter?" I sneered "Werewolves got your tongues?"
Alice gave me a look which clearly said 'stop being a jerk'.
"Edward, we're trying to think about what's best for Bella, and in the long run it will be best for you, too." Carlisle pleaded.
Stony silence. Except for their thoughts. And I refused to listen to those. Anything they wanted to say, they could say to my face. I was getting sick of this.
"I will tell Bella in my own time, and you will not interfere with that. Do you understand?" I asked them all.
Alice looked like she was about to explode.
"How could you do this, Edward? She's a part of all of us now. She belongs to this family, not just to you. You're so selfish. And you know what? You need to give her a little more credit. If you know her half as much as you say you do then you should know that she loves you. God knows why, but she does. And nothing, not even what happened that night, will change that. Get over it, and tell her!" Alice was mad alright. If that little speech didn't prove it, then the death glare she was sending me certainly did.
The thing was, she was right. I should have more faith in Bella. But if she knew the whole story. If she knew what had happened that night... would she want to be with me? If the roles were reversed, and it was her in my place, and I in hers, would I forgive her? In a second. But then, I don't think that Bella can love me half as much as I love her. She doesn't have the capacity for that kind of love. It would eat her up, destroy her by the sheer weight of it.
And that was when I decided being with Bella would be far better than being here. No matter how many questions she asked me.
"I'm late" I said, and with that I stormed out.
xoxo
I stood silently on her windowsill. She had no idea I was here yet. I watched her breathe. She looked so peaceful. I thought about going away again, but decided that she had waited long enough. I silently walked over to her bed and put my arms round her. I felt her freeze before she realised it was me.
"I'm sorry, my love. I had a family emergency." I whispered in her ear. She shivered as my cool breath caressed her cheek. She rolled her eyes. Uh oh, I thought. Here we go.
"I don't suppose you'll tell me what it was about?" She asked
I knew I couldn't. If I told her that the reason I was late was because I had had an argument with the rest of my family about keeping things from her I knew she's flip. Just trust me, Bella. I thought. I'm doing it for you.
While I was thinking about this I unconsciously leaned in and breathed in the scent of her hair. She smelled so good. I sighed.
"Do you have any idea how good you smell?" I said. I knew the reaction this would invoke from her and sure enough she blushed my favourite blush. I stroked her cheek. She had no idea how close I had come to losing that blush. I kissed her cheek, making a pact with myself that I wouldn't change her until she was better.
"I have some questions." She said. I knew this was coming but right now I was distracted because I was running my lips up and down her cheek. I knew I was distracting her as well, which was part of the point.
Her breathing hitched and I smiled. But I had underestimated her self-control, because the next minute she sat up, pushed me away and turned on the light.
"This is important. I'd appreciate it if you could be serious and exercise a little more self-control." She said. I could tell she was annoyed and so I sat up, and raised one eyebrow.
"Of course Miss Swan. And what is it you would like to discuss?" I asked serenely.
She burst out laughing and I laughed along with her. I knew I couldn't put it off any longer so I said "Seriously. What questions can I answer for you?"
She struggled with herself for a second, and not for the first time I wished that I could read her mind. What question was she trying to ask? Was it really that terrible?
Eventually she managed to collect herself and she asked "What happened to Laurent and Victoria?"
I could tell it wasn't the question she had wanted to ask but I answered anyway. I tried to be as truthful as possible, although it was hard, considering she couldn't remember anything about the wolves, and both their deaths were thanks to them.
"Laurent was killed by…wolves" I wanted to stay truthful, but I was afraid that she would see through this white lie. Of course, no normal wolf could kill a vampire. But I wasn't ready to tell her about Jake and his pack. In fact, I thought, he could do that himself. Take some of the heat off me. After all, he had practically threatened me to tell her what I was.
"And I killed Victoria." I said in answer to the second part of her question. I saw the fear in her eyes as soon as I said that. Damn it. I shouldn't have told her that. But I wanted to keep as close to the truth as possible. No more secrets, ok? Her words rang in my ears. Well, if I had to keep secrets from her, the best I could do was to give her as much of the truth as possible.
"Why?" She asked. She sounded like she was about to cry.
Stick to the truth, stick to the truth… I cautioned myself.
"She was trying to hurt you. So I killed her." I said this as matter of factly as I could and waited for her reaction. She surprised me. As usual
"Why would she try and hurt me? I'm just a human…"
A human who smells too good. A human who attracts danger like a light attracts moths. An unbearably fragile human.
I stayed silent waiting for her to work it out for herself. I could see when she had.
She had more questions though. "Did you change your mind?" She asked.
I had a feeling I knew where she was going with this, and so I asked "About what?"
She looked terrified, and the only reason I could come up with was that she was worried I was going to be angry.
"About changing me. Into a…a…vampire." She whispered it very quietly, but of course I could still hear her. I kind of wished I couldn't.
I regarded her, wondering how much she needed to know. I settled for asking a question instead of giving an answer.
"Do you still want to become like me?" I dreaded her answer. If she said yes, then she was undoubtedly going to pressure me into changing her, and if she said no, then how were we going to continue?
"I still can't remember a lot. But I can remember that I was sure that I loved you. And that I wanted to be with you forever."
I didn't fail to notice that this was not an adequate answer to my question.
"And now?" I asked. My jaw was tight and I couldn't look her in the eye.
"I still want to be with you forever. I do want to become a vampire. I'm just not sure I'm ready yet." She said it carefully, almost as if she was scared that I would hurt her.
I blew out a sigh of relief. Of course, I could count on Bella to say the right words to put my mind at ease.
"We have a long way to go before your memory comes back." I said gravely.
She nodded to show that she understood.
"But you still didn't answer my question. Did you change your mind? Were you going to do it…you know…before all of this?"
I contemplated the truth against what I wished were true. What the answer would be if I wasn't so weak and selfish. I decided that the truth was better.
"I was. But if I decide to change you now, we have to wait until you get your memory back."
She seemed comforted by this idea, and she lay back across my body.
"I wish this accident had never happened." She whispered.
"So do I. More than you can imagine." And I meant it.
"What do you think we would be doing, right now? If it hadn't happened." This question took me by surprise. What could I say to that? If it weren't for the accident we would be on our honeymoon? We would have made love for the very first time? She would probably be like me? And how would she react to that? Forget it. I knew how she would react. And it wouldn't be good.
"I really don't know." My voice came out thick with emotion. I would probably never get her to marry me now, I realised. It had been hard enough to convince her the first time.
She squirmed under me, and I felt another, more difficult question coming.
"I have one more question." Just one? I thought. Instead I said, "Go on, my love. You can ask me anything."
"Did we… I mean have we ever…" She stopped, and I realised she was blushing. Now she had me. What question could possibly make her embarrassed? I wanted to be able to read her mind so badly it was painful.
"I love it when you blush. Go on, say it. I promise I won't laugh" I looked deep into her eyes and tried that dazzling thing she said I had. It worked. The words came tumbling out.
"Did we ever have sex?"
She immediately looked anywhere but at my face. I was about to laugh, when I remembered promising I wouldn't, so I clamped my lips together. I forced her face up before answering her.
"No." I said as reassuringly as I could. I knew she would guess the reason, and I wasn't about to tell her that we were going to. When we were married…
And then her face turned from serene to puzzled.
"I didn't know that wolves could kill vampires."
Damn it! Why did she have to be so perceptive? I tried to stick to the truth again, and decided to play on her memory loss. "You haven't seen these wolves." I said. And ironically, it was true.
The next chapter will have a little bit of Jake in, and a little bit of angst. If all goes according to plan that is. Please click the little button at the bottom and review, but if you don't then I hope you enjoyed it just the same.
Thank you, Chocotiger.
