Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!
Any observations, criticism, advice please feel free to give!
Thanks!
Comet-an-Me – I was kinda sadistic about how I phrased that section where Don woke up. But I'm not a great writer of death fics, although I have read some really good ones. So expect lots of angst, but (hopefully) no character deaths. (I say hopefully, cause although I've got the chaps all planned out, a plot bunny attack could always be around the corner. :D
Teoryn – You are always so kind, and I love the way you phrase your words (in reviews as well as in fics!) I am a great fan of symbolism too, in writing and in art. When I'm working on a piece of art, it's so easy, but in fics, I've found it difficult, as you say, to do without being so obvious it's like being hit by an anvil. I'm grateful, as ever for you review and your encouragement.
Paint-Mare – Thanks! And- funny, really, but I don't swear. Ever. Not even the 'soft swears'. But when I'm trying to write Raph, he kinda brings it out of me. I'm sorry if I offended you, or anyone else for that matter. And Raph's gonna be watching his mouth a little closer from now on. ;)
LadyDragonRain – Thank you so much for your kind review. (As a side note – ANYONE WHO WANTS A GOOD ANGST/ TRADEGY FIC – GO READ SHADOWS TO THE UNSEEN BY LADYDRAGONRAIN. LIKE, NOW. OK wait. You can read my fic first. ;) )
Disclaimer – Yeah, you know what I'm gonna say.
Splinter sat silent next to the bed Donatello lay in, watching him breathe. Gentle, relaxed breaths, quite unlike a few days previous. His wide open eyes had relaxed slightly, and now you could only make out slivers of shine between the eyelids.
Splinter closed his own eyes and turned his gaze inward.
He was currently feeling intense pride towards all of his sons, at their solidarity and strength through this difficult time.
Strange that such a dreadful occasion could bring them together and mend so many problems between them.
He had watched, unobserved, a few days ago as Raphael emotionally grew up and avoided taking his frustrations out on Leonardo, and just an hour or two ago, how he reassured both Leonardo and Michelangelo and tried to take away their fears. Splinter dared to hope that Raphael had finally mastered the mental discipline to avoid such devastating arguments such as the one a few months ago with Leonardo on the rooftops.
He was also reassured at the way Leonardo was now acting towards the other two, more like a brother than a leader. It was a difficult balance to get right, not helped by the fact that he had been away for so long training to be a better leader. Splinter had secretly afraid that Leonardo had forgotten the 'brother' part of himself.
Michelangelo had grown up too, perhaps all too aware of how much Donatello actually had done for them all, and was trying to repay the favour by researching as much as he could to help him in return.
As sad as it was, Donatello's illness had done a great deal towards healing them all as a family.
As Splinter finished his meditations, he opened his eyes and studied Donatello's figure again.
He was somewhat anxious about the fact that Donatello had not eaten in nearly four days, but he had spoken to Miss O'Neil on the phone earlier in the day, and she had calmed his fears, telling Splinter that the saline solution would keep him hydrated, which was the greatest importance. The fact that he was starting to awaken meant that soon they could try feeding him soup or custard, to give his stomach to work on.
It dawned on Splinter that he hadn't heard from his other sons for a few hours now. Now Donatello's fever had resided, it was surely safe to leave him for a minute or two? Resolving to go check on the others, he rose and exited.
Making a detour to the kitchen, Splinter set the kettle on to boil to make a cup of tea, and then made his way up to the second floor. Pausing outside Michelangelo's door, he listened, lest he should interrupt a private moment between the brothers. Hearing nothing but sounds of breathing, Splinter pushed open the door and stepped inside.
Michelangelo was curled up at the head of the bed, clutching Leo's bandana tails in his hand. Leonardo was laying with his shell to Mikey, and one arm draped across Raphael's chest, who was lying on his shell snoring softly.
Splinter was forcibly reminded of when they were small children and how he used to walk into the living area after an unusually silent period to find all four of them snuggled together like this, exhausted with the days play. Smiling to himself, Splinter stepped out as quietly as only a ninja could, and gently pulled the door to, behind him.
Shapes and colours. All meshing and blurring into one another. A faint scent of-of… flowers?
He fought to get closer to the colours. It was hard, but not as hard as it was before.
And suddenly, it was like breaking through a pane of glass dividing the two worlds. It shattered, and then he was there! He was in control! He could see! He could blink!
The moment of elation faded as he wasn't exactly sure where 'there' was, and why it was good to be in control. He felt odd. Floating, with unusual words in his head, and weird pictures flitting through his mind.
Turning his head slightly, he could feel a residual ache in his head, but nothing like the pain he had been used to, so he ignored it for now. He was more interested in what he could see, which wasn't a great deal. After a duration the thought occurred that he should try to sit up.
His arms felt weak and uncoordinated, but he pulled them up and planted his hands either side of his hips. It was then he noticed the needle and the IV tube. Abandoning his attempt to sit for a moment, he raised his left hand to his face, noticing a slight delay between thinking the movement, and having it actioned. Don't focus on that now.
Turning his hand this way and that, he tried to bring to mind what the contraption sticking out of it was for.
What was frustrating him was that he had seen it before; he was sure he had. But his memories were like a shattered mirror. Intra…something was all he could manage, before the thought slipped away and hid.
Giving up on the thought for now, he slid his hands back in position and tried to push himself upright, but he couldn't seem to muster the strength and only succeeded in turning slightly.
Shifting his position had caused the room to move. It was turning round and round him and he squeezed his eyes shut in defence. After a while, he felt it begin to slow down and when he opened his eyes it had stopped. He had pushed himself onto his right side.
Looking around the room, he could see…
White and red candles. As he gazed at them he felt a jagged shard of shattered memory stab at him, a fleeting flash of blue and green, and also grey. It was gone so fast; he wasn't really sure what he had thought at all.
A framed picture, two golden birds flying into a red background. Cranes, his brain volunteered, and he worried briefly how he knew that.
A grey figure, standing in the doorway holding a small tray with a china cup. The figure was intent on the tray, and was not looking at him. The figure was moving into the room now, and the one in the bed's breath was coming faster as he was trying to decide what to do.
Fortunately, the grey figure solved the problem by lifting his head and glancing towards where he lay. The figure froze. "Donatello!" Abandoning the tray on a small table, the figure moved quickly towards him. "My son!" The grey one reached out a clawed hand, and hesitated as the bed-ridden one shied away from him.
"Who-who…" This was the first time he'd tried to speak, and he couldn't make the words! Suddenly frustrated with his own mind, and the dull persistent ache in his head, he clasped his temples and groaned. He had the ambivalent feeling of security, but also fear around this grey stranger. I feel… I should… know… you, but-
I don't…
Splinter padded quietly back down into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of hot tea. Placing it onto a small tray, he made his way back into what was originally his bedroom. Preoccupied with not letting his cup spill as he opened the door, he was not aware of any changes in the room's atmosphere until he heard Donatello's panting for breath.
Lifting his head, Splinter's heart jumped into his mouth as he realised his son was awake.
"Donatello!" He placed the tray on the table without averting his gaze from his son, and moved towards the bed.
A look of fear flashed across Donatello's face and Splinter stopped, puzzled. Donatello was frowning, eyes screwed up in frustration, and Splinter did not like the look of frantic bewilderment that graced his features as well as the fear. He hesitated, simply standing silently watching Donatello as he peered around the room as if searching for something, and saw his mouth trying to frame words…
"Who-who…" Abruptly, Donatello grasped his head with both hands and gave a groan that squeezed Splinter's heart. Unable to hold back any longer, Splinter moved rapidly to Donatello's side and wrapped him in a hug, feeling him tremble against him. After a moment, Donatello hesitantly raised his arms around Splinter in return.
"I-I can't…" Donatello choked out. He drew in a breath and let out what sounded like a sob.
"Can't what, my son?" Splinter rubbed reassuring circles on the top of his head, and felt Donatello relax slightly against him.
"I…. I…. Don't…." Donatello let a frustrated strangled sob. "I… Can't…. Remember…."
"You've been ill my son. Very ill, but its good news you're awake now. That means you are on the mend" Splinter told him softly.
"No…. I-I…" Donatello's face was twisted in despair at his inability to get his point across. "I-I… don't…. rem-ember… you. I-I'm…. sorry"
Splinter's eyes widened in worry, but he did not let his body show his shock. "What- what do you mean, my son?" He withdrew from the hug, but still stroked the back of Donatello's head comfortingly. Don's face was panicked, and his eyes still glittered with tears.
"I…." Again Donatello let a frustrated groan, and Splinter gently shushed him "I… know I…. should know…. you…. You make me…. Feel safe…" Donatello breathed in deeply, "You… are familiar… but-but" Don stopped, staring into space.
"You can't remember my name?" Donatello nodded as the tears spilled forth from his eyes.
Splinter visually examined his troubled son. His fractured, indecisive speech was cause for concern from someone who spoke as succinctly as Donatello, and worried Splinter much more than the memory loss. It seemed that Donatello had to search his mind for every word before speaking them.
"My name is Splinter, and you call me your father, but also your master" He addressed Donatello again, and looking into his eyes saw them light up momentarily.
"Fath-er! Yes…. You… took-take care…. of-of us" Donatello frowned, and peered around the room again "Wh-where are…. my brothers?"
"They are sleeping Donatello, but I'll go and wake them. They will want to see you are awake." Giving him one last pat, Splinter slipped away again leaving Donatello alone with his thoughts.
"Splint-er…" He said to himself, and smiled at the recollection of the hug he had received. Felt… so nice. …my father… and my brothers. Been so long… since I saw… them. Coming back to himself, Don blinked as a green and orange blur burst through the door, accompanied by someone yelling… his name?
"Donniedonniedonnie!" Mikey flew over to the bed where Don lay and squeezed him tightly. Don went rigid in his arms, and Mikey drew back immediately, afraid that he'd hurt Don. "Sorry Donnie! How are you feeling?"
"O-kay." Don's voice was distant, like he was answering a stranger.
Raphael and Leo exploded through the door in a rush, followed by Splinter, who was trying to get them to calm down.
"Donnie! It's great that you're awake!" Leo exclaimed gratefully, a smile plastered all over his face, and Raph grinned in sympathy.
"Yeah, ya had us worried there, brainiac!"
Mikey was still fixated on the fact that Donnie was being so cold to him. "What's up, Donnie? Are you still feeling bad? Are-are you mad at me?" He couldn't for the life of him think why Don would be, but he was acting so strange and distant.
"N-n-no… I'm n-not mad…" Don's expression had a tense look to it, and Splinter drew nearer, anxious. "J-just…. when…ah… where are my… mothers….ack!" A frustrated noise, then he carried on. "B-b-brothers?"
The three turtles looked at Don uncomprehendingly. Splinter sat on the bed, and helped raise Don into a sitting position, his shell resting against the headboard. "What do you mean, my son? Your brothers are right here" He said gesturing at them.
Don shook his head, once, and then put his hand to his head as if that had pained him. "No… no… my brothers are…." he broke off and paused to think "small-er…" He emphasised this with his hands.
Mikey drew away, lip trembling. Raph saw what was going through his mind, and looped an arm around his shoulders, giving him a quick squeeze. After a glance at Splinter, he moved around the bed and sat next to Don opposite his master.
"Donatello, it's true your brothers were smaller, but that was a long time ago. They've grown up. You've grown up. Look." Splinter pointed across to Raphael, and Don followed his gesture obediently. "Look at Raphael. You must see the resemblance to the small turtle you can remember"
Don stared at Raph. Really stared, his eyes travelling over every inch, until Raph started to get uncomfortable. However, he was rewarded when Don tentatively whispered,
"R-Raphie?" Raph's face cracked into a lop-sided smile.
"Yeah Donnie, it's me." He clapped Don on the shoulder.
"R-r-raphie…" Don gulped and looked to the other two standing back. Held out a hand to Mikey, who grasped it in a death grip. "Mmmikey! Got…. so…. big. Why can-nt… I-I… 'member?" He looked upset. Raph and Mikey exchanged glances, lost for an explanation that wouldn't take hours, but Don was speaking again.
"L'o" Gave a shy smile to Leo, the thought evidently already forgotten.
Leo's mouth was so dry he had to swallow hard before replying "Donnie. How are you feeling?"
"Ti'red." His eyes were already closing, but Splinter gave his arm a little shake.
"Donatello, can you manage to eat, do you think?" He knew that his son needed to rest, but was worried about how little nourishment he had had.
"Mmm" Donatello cracked his eyes open again and blinked at his Sensei. "Y-es… father" Splinter smiled as he said the word, but Leo caught the sad light in his eyes when he turned away to go fix Don something to eat.
"I'll help you, Sensei" Leo scurried after Splinter, hating the feeling of relief he got as he exited the bedroom.
