A/N: Sorry for my long absence, everyone!

As I said on my last "Take me to Wonderland" update - I've been struggling with this stupid cut on my hand for quite some time.

And real life happened as well...but I'm good now and back to writing...God, how much I missed it!

Here comes the next chapter for this story...hope you'll like it.

Updates for the others over the week.

Hope everyone is well?

Much love xo


MY HEART IS BROKEN

Chapter 6

Regina felt paralyzed.

Her mind was screaming, her heart was aching and all she wanted to do was run away.

But she could not move.

Not even blink.

Emma.

And then everything came crushing down on her with full force.

Henry considered Emma his mother.

Henry's dad worked...what had he said? On an oil rig?

Did it matter?

So Emma had found a family, a new...

No.

She could not do this.

"Regina..."

The sound of the all too familiar voice cut through her like a knife.

God, how much she had missed Emma.

Never had she thought that she would see her again.

But she was here.

Right in this moment.

And Regina was devastated.

She had secretly prayed for this reunion since the day Emma had left.

But not like this.

Never like this.


To say Emma had been shocked to see Regina standing right next to Henry would be an understatement.

But obviously her ex wife had been as surprised.

Henry and his damn scheming.

Why had she ever thought he would not try to do anything to help her?

And while she had tried to avoid going to see Regina since their arrival in Storybrooke – now that she was standing right in front of her Emma was glad that it had finally happened.

That their paths had crossed.

Because she knew she would have never worked up the courage to go see her.

But when she caught sight of the panic in Regina's eyes Emma became aware that the brunette was only a second from bolting.

Hell, so was she.

What should she say?

What should she do?

"Regina..."

When neither woman acted Henry cleared his throat nervously, "I...I'll take Balto back to Mary Margaret's..."

He did not want to leave them, but he was aware that Regina and Emma needed time. And that he had made a mistake.

He should have never done things the way he did.

"Why? Why did you do that?"

Regina's voice, barely audible, caught him dead in his tracks and Henry knew he had to give her at least some sort of an explanation. He owed her that.

"My mom...Emma...she did not dare to...well...to talk to you, but you have to...I mean talk. Both of you. And mom has to tell you the truth!"

That said his grip on the leash tightened and before either woman could have stopped him Henry ran off, Balto in tow, leaving them confused and overwhelmed by a situation neither of them knew how to handle.


They stood in silence for a while.

Watching each other, waiting for the other to storm of.

But nothing happened.

Neither Emma, nor Regina moved one inch.

Was that a good sign or a bad one?

Emma was not sure, but she was aware that Henry had been right.

They needed to talk.

They should have talked to begin with.

And she needed to tell Regina the truth.

The only question was...what was the truth?

"Regina, I..."

Way to go, Emma. Way to go.

"Uh...what I'm trying to...to say...is...Henry was right. I was...scared to...come see you...but...but I really think we should...talk? At least I'd love to...talk to you..."

For a moment Emma thought the brunette would jump at her throat.

Or slap her at least.

But Regina did not even blink.

When the silence between them became too heavy Emma took a deep breath, "Okay...I better get going then...clearly you are not...very comfortable in my presence."

She winced at her own realisation, because a part of her wanted nothing, but to go over and pull the fragile looking brunette into her arms and never let go again.

"In case you...in case you change your mind...we're at Mary Margaret's, but I'm sure you heard Henry..."


Regina was not able to process everything that had transpired over the last few minutes.

Her mind was one big jumble.

Everything was a blur.

Emma wanted to talk?

Why?

And why now?

Why not before?

But more important – what had Henry meant when he had said that Emma should tell her the truth?

What did it matter?

Truth or not, it would not make a difference.

Emma had a different life now, a new one.

And she, well she had barely survived.

She was not ready to hear what Emma would have to say.

Not now anyway.

Probably not ever.

But there was one thing Regina Mills could handle even less – watching Emma walk away again.

"Wait!"

And when Emma turned abruptly, turning to face her, meeting her eyes Regina added, "Come by on Tuesday...around 7. Your...son...is right...we should talk."


That night Emma took Henry to Granny's for dinner and Ruby was overjoyed to see her old friend, but her face darkened after the initial euphoria, "Have you seen Regina yet?"

"Uh yeah...this morning..." Emma was confused with Ruby's behavior and the look the leggy brunette was shooting her.

"And?" the waitdress demanded.

"And what? She offered to...see me on Tuesday. We have a lot to talk about", Emma explained and a strange feeling of suspicion started to spread within her.

What was going on?

Ruby sighed, took their order and left, but Emma caught her typing wildly on her cell phone only a minute later.

What the hell?

Clearly Mary Margaret had informed Ruby about their arrival in Storybrooke last week, so why was Ruby so on edge?

She should be happy to see Emma and she had been – but only for so long.

Emma shoved her doubts aside to enjoy burgers with Henry, but when they were about to leave Ruby stopped her and insisted that she needed to have a word with Emma – in private.

Standing outside the diner Emma eyes Ruby warily, "Care to tell me what's going on?"

"Em, just don't toy with Regina, okay? It's been hard enough for her..."

Emma scoffed, "Right. It's been hard enough for her...what about me? Guess the last few years were a walk in the park for me?!"

Ruby winced, "That's not what I said...but you seem like you have it all together...with that kid and..."

"And what? Yes, I have Henry now...and I love him like a son...but you have no idea what I've been through...what I've lost..."

"Emma, you left her..." Ruby forced out through gritted teeth, trying to stay calm. Regina had become her friend and while Emma was her friend too – she had to protect Regina. She could not handle finding her in a puddle of blood again. Because next time she would probably be too late.

"Don't you think I know that?! I know I left her...but it's not like she did anything to stop me!"


Emma could not sleep that night.

She was too upset over her conversation with Ruby, who seemed to be awfully protective of Regina.

Henry had tried to calm her down all the way back to Mary Margaret's and David's apartment with little success.

She was very much aware of the mistakes she had made, but Ruby throwing it right in her face was something Emma would not have expected.

It had ripped open never fully healed wounds, had made her heart bleed again and when Henry had told her that she should think about what she wanted to tell Regina on Tuesday, that there was only one truth, one chance and she knew it Emma realized that she was still as broken as she had been on the day she had left about two years ago.


Emma was a nervous wreck.

She was standing in front the door of Mifflin Street 108, in front of her old home, but she did not dare to knock.

For one, because she felt horrible and second, because she was well aware that she was nowhere near ready for the conversation ahead.

She was not ready to face the truth, the past and all the pain that would inevitably come with it.

But then the door opened and revealed Regina in black dress pants and a white blouse and Emma knew there was no way back.

She stepped into the house and a quick look around revealed that Regina had not moved anything.

Everything was still in its place.

As if nothing had changed.

"I hope you aren't too hungry, because I just came home from work a few minutes ago and had no time to prepare anything. But I can order you a pizza if you haven't eaten yet", Regina announced all of a sudden and Emma's shoulders slumped.

Of course she had not expected Regina to cook for her and yet this felt so very wrong.

Back in the day the brunette had always made sure to be home in time to prepare dinner – it had been one of Regina's ways to show that she loved Emma, that she cherished her.

Everything had changed.

"No, uh...it's alright...I'm not hungry anyway...but thanks."

Emma gave her a tight smile and followed Regina into her study and took the offered seat on the couch.

"Can I offer you something to drink? Coffee? Beer? Cider? Something stronger?"

Regina sounded so formal all of a sudden and Emma had to force herself to look at her former wife, "No, thanks. I'm good."

"Very well."

Regina took a seat behind her desk and Emma cringed.

She felt like she would be interrogated and it felt so wrong.

So very, very wrong.

"How is Henry?"

The unexpected question startled Emma, but she welcomed it anyway.

It get her a second to breathe, a short distraction.

"He is fine, thanks. Excited, because Neal called and told him that he would be in Portland over the weekend...something work related...and that he would come visit...", Emma announced with a shy smile.

"I take it Neal is Henry's father?"

When Emma recognized the hurt expression on Regina's face it dawned on her that she had said the one thing she should not have mentioned.

At all.

"Yeah, he is."

"I assume the two of you must be thrilled to see him", the brunette stated dryly, fighting her hardest to hide her anger and her pain.

Emma shrugged, "Well, the kid always gets excited when his dad comes home...and I...I have to admit I never thought I would ever be close friends with a guy like him...but when he helped with the adoption..."

"So he really is your son..."

"Yeah", a smile appeared on Emma's face, "He is."

And then she told Regina the story of how she had gotten to know Henry and the brunette listened to every word.

"So, did I understand this correctly?" Regina started, "You adopted Henry and became friends with his father...that's why he can still see his son...although the two of you are not..."

She could not bring herself to continue speaking and Emma's eyes grew wide from one moment to the next, "Please, tell me that you didn't think that Neal and I...oh God, Regina...you of all people should know me better..."

"I...I..." the brunette struggled for words, but only for a second before she regained her composure. Quite the politician. "Why are you here, Emma?"

What should she say?

How much could she tell?

The truth, Emma. The truth.

Henry's voice kept repeating itself in her mind over and over again.

She sighed heavily.

"We ran into your mother, Henry and I. In New York..." Emma replied after a while as if it would explain everything.

And probably it did.

It also made an already awkward situation even more complicated.

Regina tensed visibly, her hand clutching the table to steady herself, "What did...what did she say?"

The minutes passed, but Emma remained silent.

Until she finally found the courage to whisper, "She was here, wasn't she? Back then...when I was at that congress..."

"Yes."

Emma closed her eyes, trying to stay calm, because all she wanted to do was scream.

Why hadn't she realized that to begin with?

It should have been obvious that Cora had had something to do with it.

"What did she tell you?" Emma asked with trembling voice and Regina shook her head vehemently, "It doesn't matter. I've made a mistake...an unforgivable mistake. That's on me. And there's no way back. Not for you, not for me, not for us."

"Regina, please...I need to know..." she pleaded, begged almost.

Because as much as she feared the truth Emma knew she finally needed to hear it.

"She tried to break us up so many times...what did she tell you to convince you that I was not worth it?"

At that Regina snapped out of her stupor, "What? What are you talking about, Emma? This was not about you..."

Why would the Emma even think that? She had done nothing wrong.

Regina took a deep breath to calm her nerves before she continued, " My mother showed up...completely out of the blue...after years without contact...and she told me she knew what we were planning to do...that I couldn't be serious...because you only wanted me for that bastard child...and that I would never be a mother...that I was not capable of loving someone...especially not a child...that even statistics say children who get abused at home...tend to become abusers themselves...that I would turn into a monster like her...that you would finally see that you can't love me...and then you'd take that baby...and you'd leave me...and I would be alone. That's what she said...that I am just like her...and I knew she was right...that it could happen...that I'd probably beat that baby, our baby, half to death one day...and I didn't want that..."

Tears were streaming down Regina's face now, "I was so scared and I tried to call you...I was so unsure...so insecure...you know I've never been good with trusting myself..."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me leave like that? I thought...I thought you finally had enough of me...that I wasn't good enough...that you probably thought you could do better than me...that that was the reason you...why didn't you tell me?" Emma's voice was raw, so full of pain.

All this time she had thought it had been her fault, that she had done something, that Regina had wanted to get rid of her when in truth Cora had succeeded to screw Regina up once again.

The fears Regina's mother had managed to evoke in her daughter - it must have been hell for Regina.

Pure hell.

And she had not been there, had not even been able to pick up the damn phone or call back in an attempt to come back home as soon as possible.

Never had it occured to her that Regina could have needed her so much in such a short amount of time.

It had been only a few days.

So, in the end she had failed Regina.

And it had costed them everything.

Emma could barely hold the tears back, "Why didn't you tell me? I would have understood..."

At that Regina got out of her chair, causing Emma to jump up as well.

The brunette was in her personal space before she knew it, her eyes sparkling furiously, "You would have understood? How? I still don't understand it. After all this time."

"Regina, you are not your mother...you are not. That's why she has always been able to manipulate you...you should have told me..."

"Told you what, Emma? That my mother talked me into aborting the baby you so desperately wanted? That I let her convince me to destroy everything we've fought for, what we've built up over years...in only a few minutes? You wouldn't have believed me...hell, I wouldn't have believed it myself..."

That was the moment Emma finally snapped.

She stepped forward and grabbed Regina's arms, shaking her lightly while the desperation she had stuffed down all this time broke to the surface, "I loved you! Regina, I loved you! Yes, I wanted a baby...with you! I wanted a family with you. I would have never left you ...because we didn't have a baby. Maybe we were not meant to be parents...it would have been okay. Because you were always enough...but...but when you made no attempt to explain yourself...or to stop me...I thought it was me...that you probably didn't love me anymore...that's what killed me...because I loved you, goddamnit!"

Startled by Emma's words Regina took a step back, but the blonde would not let go and the sleeves of her blouse moved up.

Panic started to rise in Regina's chest, causing her hands to tremble, which was the wrong thing entirely, because Emma dropped her eyes to said hands and caught sight of the ugly scar on Regina's left wrist.

The blonde glared at it for a while before her eyes grew wide in realisation and she recognized the scar for what it was.

Dropping Regina's hand as if she had burned herself she stumbled backwards, shock written all over her face and Regina did not know what to do.

"Emma, wait..."

But it was too late.

Storming out of the mansion like a fleeing horse Emma headed off into the night.


Ruby was talking to Lacey, who was sitting at the counter, when Emma pulled the diner door almost out of its hinges.

"How could you?! How could you not tell me?!"

"Em..."

"Don't!", Emma threatened, "You were my friend, Ruby. You were my friend and I trusted you! And you didn't tell me...she could have died!"

"Please, calm down, Emma...and let me explain", the waitress tried again, walking over to the obviously upset blonde.

"She could have died!" Emma yelled and slapped Ruby without warning, "I'll never forgive you for that!"

That said the blonde ran.

Ran out of the dinner, ran down main street.

Ran without destination, ran till her lungs almost collapsed.

She felt so betrayed.

By everyone in this godforsaken town.

Regina could have died and she would not even have known.

She would not even have been able to say 'Good bye'.

Emma felt like someone had ripped her heart out, because there was so much pain and then again there was nothing at all.

She tried to regain control over her breathing, but the chaos in her head made it truly difficult.

Cora, this sick and twisted bitch...

Regina...the baby...abortion...Regina had tried to...Ruby had not called her...Mary Margaret hadn't either...whom could she trust?

No one.

The truth was she could not trust anyone in Storybrooke anymore.

And that was why Emma started to run anew.

Started to run in an attempt to get away from her own life and all the pain it held.

Her heart had been broken all over again.