Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.
Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into my story.
"When you are going through hell, keep going. Never, never, never give up." ~Winston Churchill
Chapter Eight: Shoved Into the Past
That Sunday, Leo insisted that they head down to the dojo for some sparring practice. Raph had protested, but with a vote of three to one, he found himself being shoved into the cab of the truck with his brothers.
The dojo was almost an hour away from the house and upon arriving Raph first thought that they were at some bookstore. The building was wedged between two other businesses, which gave a claustrophobic feeling. The front of the building was made up of mostly large floor to ceiling windows that looked in on the practice room. Above the windows was a perfectly hung, perfectly pristine sign that read: HAMATO Martial Arts Studio.
Compared to the outside of the building, the inside itself seemed much more spacious. Flourescent lights beat down on a laminated floor hallway that turned off into a large practice area and a small office that lay at the end of the hall. The hall itself was covered in photos; class photos,tournament photos, photos of trophies. Raph thought it all seemed rather typical, but what did he know; he hadn't ever taken up martial arts; he was more of a street fighter.
Upon entering the practice room, his brothers had disappeared into a small, attached changing room and came back out wearing loose fitting clothing. They asked if Raph wanted to join in on their spar sessions, but Raph offered to sit it out and watch. He really didn't feel like fighting today.
He propped himself up against one of the walls and watched the three of them spar; to say the least, Raph was impressed at the amount of skill they displayed. After about an hour and half or so, the three of the took a water break to catch their breath. Always the energetic one, Mikey had come running up to him, begging him to spar. Raph shook his head and urged his brother to go back over with Donnie and Leo. He was perfectly happy watching from the sidelines. But Mikey was persistent.
"C'mon on man," Mikey whined, "Just one spar; you look like the fighting type." Reluctantly, he pulled himself away from the wall where he had been standing and slipped off his shoes before stepping onto the mats.
Raph fought with a half-hearted effort before allowing Mikey to flip him onto his back on the mats. Normally, when he had gotten into fights back at the foster home, he made sure that he won, but sometimes, he didn't know when to stop. It was as though the rational, logical part of him was taken away when he got into a brawl; he didn't want that to happen with his brothers.
Raph got up to clear the mats, passing by Donnie to head into the hallway.
"That wasn't even a fight," he heard Mikey groan, clearly displeased. The words rang in his ears, sending a shiver down his spine and making goosebumps appearing on his skin. Frozen to the spot, one step from being out into the hall, Raph found himself unable to stop the memory that he was being shoved back into.
The slap of his feet on the pavement echoed, piercing the quietness of the surrounding buildings. Not far behind him, he could hear two separate sets of boots pounding against the concrete. The panic in his chest bloomed as he glanced over his shoulder and saw two of Hun's henchmen swiftly approaching. Raph pushed himself, forcing himself to go faster, anything to outrun his captors. His lungs burned as though someone had lit a fire in them. Behind him, he could hear the sound of footsteps getting closer. Risking one more look over his shoulder, Raph saw that they were almost within arm's reach.
Raph tried to force himself to go faster, suddenly wishing he had the ability to fly. He felt a hand grasp and twist suddenly into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him back and to the ground. Remembering the knife that Angel had given him, Raph flicked the blade out and gripped the hilt more tightly, ready to use it. He slashed at his closest attacker, only succeeding in cutting air and throwing himself off balance.
He turned and dodged one man as he came running towards Raph. With the knife still in hand, he lunged at the other man, aiming for his stomach with the blade. The man lashed out and Raph saw stars as the man's fist made contact with the side of his head which sent him sprawling to the ground. The knife clattered to the ground and skittered away from, out of reach. Raph rose onto his hands and knees and reached for the blade; it was his only means of defense; his captors had both a height and weight advantage against him besides the fact that there was two of them.
A kick to his gut made Raph gasp for breath. Another kick to his ribs dropped him back onto his stomach, struggling for breath.
One of the men grabbed Raph by the wrists and twisted his arms behind his back.
"That wasn't even a fight," the man chuckled darkly as he picked Raph up around the waist and turned to head back to the warehouse. Raph wriggled in the man's arms.
The man groaned as he readjusted his grip on Raph so that Raph was slung over his back. Panic was beginning to cloud his mind as each step brought him closer back to the prison he had spent seven years in. He racked his brains, thinking of anything that could possibly save him.
The only view he had was of the ground and the back of his captor; he couldn't even look over his shoulder because the man's head was in his way. He didn't see himself getting free, unless he wanted to plunge head first to the concrete. The man had a tight hold on him and although Raph had tried pounding his fists against the man's back, he didn't seem the slightest bit bothered. Tears were beginning to blur his vision and just when he was ready to give up on ever getting free, he glanced at the back of the man's head, a light bulb suddenly going off in his head,
His neck was exposed. Taking the only chance that might be able to save him, Raph bit down into the tender flesh at the back of his captor's neck and smiled to himself as the man cried out in pain, dropping him to the cold concrete.
Sound and sight came rushing back to him. For a moment the world spun as Raph got his bearings. What the fuck had just happened? As he eyes and ears adjusted, he was aware of Leo and Mikey yelling and he had Donnie straddled and pinned to the ground. Blood was gushing out his nose, and his right eye was beginning to blacken and swell shut.
At some point, Raph had taken out his switchblade and now had it pressed to Donnie's throat. Raph felt his heart plummet down into his stomach. As though he had been shocked, he jumped up and stepped away from his brother, folding the switchblade and placing it back into his back pocket. His eyes darted around the room, focusing on anything other than his brothers' faces. He stared down at his hands, which were clenched into fists to hide the fact that they were trembling.
"What the hell, Raph," Leo yelled, glaring up at him angrily as he helped Donnie to his feet. "What the hell was that for?" Raph gaped at his three brothers, obviously struggling for words.
Pushing past Raph, Leo assisted Donnie to their father's office, where there was a small cooler. After grabbing a hand towel, Leo grabbed some ice cubes and wrapped them up and pressed it to Donnie's swollen eye.
"Keep that on there for a while," he ordered, grabbing Donnie's hand and placing it to the makeshift compress and removing his own hand. "I have to have a word with Raph." Leo turned to leave, but before he could even take one step, he felt Donnie pulling him back.
"Leo, it's not his fault," Donnie said. Leo couldn't help but smirk and laugh.
"Have you seen your face," he exclaimed. "He had a knife to your throat Donnie; he could have killed you! How can you say that it's not his fault?"
"But he didn't kill me and it's not his fault." Donnie wiped at a slow steady trickle of blood that was coming from his mouth. "He didn't have any intention to hurt me. You should have seen his face; it's like he wasn't even there."
Leo's brow furrowed, his serious expression growing slightly confused. "What do you mean?"
"I'm no psychiatrist, but I think Raph might have PTSD."
"Why would you think that?" Leo demanded. Donnie opened his mouth and closed it as he struggled for words. He sighed heavily.
"You didn't see his eyes, Leo. It's like he wasn't even seeing what was going on," Donnie exclaimed, "It looked like he was stuck in a memory or something, like he was experiencing something entirely different."
Raph had retreated to the rooftop of the building. He needed air, he needed space. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest like a humming bird and he could hear the rush of blood in his ears. What the holy hell had happened back in there? What had he done?
Raph stared at his hands, clenching them into fists. How could have done that to his own brother? What the fuck was wrong with him? He groaned in frustration, fighting the urge to slap himself.
He heard the door creak open and glanced up to see Mikey making his way over to him.
"You okay, bro," he asked, his voice sincere. Raph exhaled heavily and leaned back against the wall so he could stare at Mikey.
"Define "okay"," Raph muttered.
"What happened," Mikey asked suddenly, "Why'd you freak out like that on Donnie?" Raph shook his head, at loss for words.
After a moment of silence, he sighed, "I honestly don't know Mikey. One minute everything was fine and the next minute…it was like…it was like I was back in the past. I didn't mean to hurt Donnie…"
"I know that, so does Donnie," Mikey stated. "I overheard him and Leo talking. Donnie said how you might have PTSD or something."
"He wouldn't be wrong," Raph muttered.
The door to the roof suddenly swung open and Leo came stomping up the stairs. Spotting Raph and Mikey, he marched over to them, his expression dark and angry.
"Go back downstairs Mikey," Leo ordered, "I need to talk to Raphael alone." Mikey slowly got to his feet and left the two alone, closing the door behind him. Once gone, Raph got to his feet, preparing for his elder brother's harassment.
"What happened back there," Leo demanded, his voice a low growl. Raph struggled for words. From what he remembered about Leo, he wouldn't be satisfied with I don't know.
"It won't happen again," he muttered.
"Damn right it won't," Leo growled. He took a step forward so that they stood nose to nose. "Give me the knife."
"No," Raph snapped, "It's mine.
"I don't trust you with it," Leo stated, his voice firm. "Give it to me."
"It won't happen again," Raph stated, more firmly this time; he didn't want to part with his knife, even though it was not originally his. It was a source of protection and he wanted it close at hand. He could sense the tension building between the two of them, and right now he wanted to avoid anymore unnecessary confrontation. Leo seemed to sense the building tension as well for he gave a firm nod and backed away, allowing Raphael to pass by him. Not long after, Leo announced that they were leaving and jumped into the truck, waiting impatiently. Once again when they were all wedged into the truck, they drove home in an uncomfortably thick silence that was nearly suffocating.
Donnie took off his glasses and rubbed his one good eye. It was hard to wear them when one of his eyes was still swollen shut. He glanced at the clock and groaned; it was nearly two-thirty in the morning. Once again, he had lost himself to his projects. He glanced over at his bed, which was still immaculately made. Pulling himself from his desk chair, Donnie flopped down onto the bed. He closed his eyes, not caring that he was still fully clothed; he need and wanted a good night's sleep; he couldn't remember the last time he had gone to bed at a decent hour and hadn't been up at the crack of dawn.
He had only just closed his eyes when he heard his stomach rumbled rather loudly, whining to be fed. Annoyed, Donnie brough himself to his feet and shambled out into the hallway and down the stairs. As he came down the stairs, he could see the blue glow of the television from the living room. He saw that Raph was awake and playing Bio Shock Infinite on the PS3, which was on mute. Upon hearing the stairs creak, Raph turned, briefly acknowledged Donnie before turning back to his game.
"What are you doing up so late?"Donnie asked as he reached the base of the staircase. Raph shrugged, placing the game controller on the coffee table as he put the game on pause.
"Couldn't sleep," he muttered, "What are you doing up?"
"I was working on a project of mine and I lost track of time. I was just going to get something to eat…You want anything?" Raph shook his head and silently trailed Donnie into the kitchen.
Donnie quietly went about making a sandwich, all the while watching Raph in his peripheral vision. He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, looking awkwardly around the room, anywhere but at Donnie.
"I'm sorry about today," he muttered suddenly, his eyes directed to floor.
"Don't worry about it," Donnie replied nonchalantly.
"I could have killed you Donnie! Doesn't that bother you?"
Donnie sat himself at the kitchen island and glanced up at Raph, who still stood in the doorway to the kitchen.
"Of course it bothers me," Donnie replied, "but you and I weren't the only ones there. If you hadn't stopped yourself, Mikey or Leo would have. I might have too, if you hadn't had my arms pinned."
"I know, but I still feel guilty about it. Something like that has never happened before."
"And what exactly did happen, Raph," Donnie asked, pressing for details. His brother ran a hand through his wild hair and wandered over to the kitchen table and dropped down into one of the chairs.
"I have no fucking clue, Don," he said. "Nothing like that has ever happened before. It was just one moment everything was fine and…I don't know…I think it was something that Mikey said…something that he said just pushed me back into the past. I couldn't stop it." Donnie took a bite of his sandwich and turned to face his brother, who had his head in his hands, obviously distressed. From what Raph had just said, Donnie wanted to confirm that his little brother did have PTSD- that's what seemed most likely, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions.
"Maybe we could help you," Donnie suggested. There was a moment of silence as before Raph sat up and shook his head. He got up from the kitchen table, intent on leaving the room.
"I don't think so," he muttered, "At least, not right now." He turned to leave but stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. He turned back to Donnie, who was still watching him intently.
"I appreciate the offer though, Don," he muttered, sounding suddenly tired, "I'll take you up on it soon enough."
His attackers lay on the ground, a dark pool of blood steadily growing around them. They were dead…and he had killed them; he didn't even remember stabbing them. He remembered biting the one that had been carrying him, but after that, everything was black. He sighed heavily, his breath visible in the cold autumn air.
It didn't matter now, he told himself. They were dead and they deserved to be dead. They were the ones that had kidnapped him and done unmentionable things to him. They deserved what they got. And Raph hoped they would wake up in hell.
A/N: So sorry for such a slow update. I just haven't had the time with school, that, and the fact that I am working on several other stories. Hopefully, I didn't confuse anybody and hopefully I didn't make too many errors; I was sort of rushing through editing because I really wanted to post it. And as always, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.
P.S.- I have gotten several comments about this being rather dark. I intended for it to be dark, but I prefer to view this story as a dark tunnel with a light at the end. I'm not going to give anything away, but Raph's brothers will know all about his past by the end of this.
