December 15

"A missing person case is, first and foremost, a race against time. The first twenty-four hours are the most important. After that, leads dry up, witnesses leave or begin to forget what they saw, and the trail runs cold. The odds of finding the missing party alive begin to decrease exponentially with each passing hour."

I remember when I read that passage in the Academy for the first time. I remember the knot I got in my stomach, thinking about some hypothetical child being separated from its parents. I remember almost throwing up thinking about the parents, frantic and completely helpless.

I remembering praying I would never have to make the call that we found a body.

I remember because I'm saying the same prayer again.

I keep coming back to this passage. I've read it a thousand times over the last few days. I don't know why. It certainly isn't comforting.

During the first twenty-four hours of this investigation, I was wondering what to buy Gus for Christmas.

I was also hating Shawn. I can't even remember why now.

December 16

"Get your head in the game, O'Hara!"

I keep hearing him chide me.

"Get your head in the game, O'Hara!"

I'm trying!

But I keep wondering….was it my fault?

Someone from that library tried to run me down.

That means I must have blown my cover. Why else would they want me dead? (Unless I had a really big overdue fine I didn't know about)

Following this train of thought, when Shawn saved me from the car, he blew his cover, too. The driver knew we knew each other, knew we were working together.

There's no other explanation.

There's no other way to look at this.

If he dies…I got him killed.

Except, I didn't blow my cover. I couldn't have! I didn't mess up. I know I didn't! I was too careful.

Well, that and Shawn wouldn't let me mess up.

He was too careful, not me.

I almost messed up a few times. I almost slipped, almost said something that would give us away. But every time I even got close, Shawn would just look at me, and I would stop myself.

He didn't even have to say anything. I just knew what he was thinking, what he was telling me.

What are you supposed to do when the one person who keeps you from screwing up isn't there to make sure you don't screw up?

December 17

It's 2 AM, and I just had a brilliant thought!

Shawn's disappearance makes very little sense if I start with the assumption that my cover was blown. There aren't any leads.

But…what if I start with the assumption that it wasn't?

What if I start with the assumption that I had them all fooled.

Then, there is only one person in that library who knew who I was.

Hence, there is only one person who could possibly want me dead (barring unpaid fines. I checked, I don't have any).

The Library Boss-Guy.

He knew about me, but not Shawn.

That is, until Shawn saved me from his car.

The only question is: Why would the Library-Boss Guy report stolen books and then try to run down the person the police sent to find them?