I am not your servant! *stabs my butler with a Morgul Blade* How dare you speak such treachery to your fabulous king?

Review, dear subjects- and thank you to the obedient guests who reviewed!


Pippin stomped up the stairs of Barad-Dur. "Really?" he screamed at his chief orc. "That was a most pitiful fight. You disgrace me! Those elves must be crushed, without hesitation, without delay!"

"But my Lord Pippin..." moaned the captain.

"No buts! No excuses!" roared Pippin. "You will prepare my armies for a counterattack at once!"

"Yes, my Lord." said the captain, bowing.

"And bring me some mushrooms." Pippin snapped.

"My Lord, there are no mushrooms." the captain murmured. "The elves destroyed them all."

"I WILL DESTROY EVERY PITIFUL ONE OF THEM!" bellowed Pippin, and decapitated the orc captain in his rage. How could he live without his mushrooms?

"My Lord Pippin." a voice said behind him.

Pippin spun around. "What?" he snarled.

A small orc emerged. "My Lord, you have mail." He handed Pippin Erestor's fifty-page paper, then left.

Pippin glanced at it, and raised an eyebrow. It was obviously elf-written, and not worth his time. He ordered an orc to cast it into Mt. Doom, never to be seen again. As the orc left, however, he heard a faint sound. Was it...? Yes, it was. The elves were celebrating, again. This would not be tolerated.

But Pippin's army had been demolished, and he did not even have any mushrooms to strengthen himself. What should he do? He had no allies, no one to turn to in his need. But wait. He did have an ally, one who would surely help him. Pippin rubbed his hands together in wicked anticipation. Yes, the elves were not important. Their resistance was absolutely futile.

Pippin strode over to a strange machine, and hit some buttons hurriedly. A few moments later, a hologram of his friend and ally, Emperor Palpatine, appeared.

"You wish to speak with me?" the Sith Lord asked with a sadistic grin.

"Yes, my fellow Dark Lord." Pippin said. "I ask you to honor our allegiance, and help me in this terrible crisis."

"What is your wish?" Palpatine inquired.

"You have a Death Star. Destroy the elf-stronghold of Rivendell." Pippin said without any regret in his voice.

"It would be my pleasure." Palpatine cackled. "There will be nothing left of it."

"Good," hissed Pippin, and cut off the hologram. The elves would never escape this attack.

Moments later, a laser beam from space shot down and Rivendell exploded in fire. Pippin grinned, and called in his remaining troops.

"Go capture any survivors." he laughed. "I will need workers on my new and improved mushroom farm."


Review, or else the Death Star will blow up your house!